You're Still Wrong, May 2020 Volume 2 or Mykel's Lockdown Time

YOU'RE STILL WRONG.. 

MYKEL'S MAY 2020 BLOG

VOLUME 2

OR

How I spent my lockdown time!

by Mykel Board

[NOTE: CLICK ON ALL PARTIAL IMAGES TO SEE THE WHOLE THING]

It was a great idea, but it failed. Those who follow me on that combat zone known as facebook are aware that I often get friend requests from mysterious young women… usually showing cleavage. They’re clearly spybots, Russian plants, FBI snoops, or Nigerian princesses who want me to hold their money.

Before deleting them, I screen capture... seizing the image and then posting it. Here’s “Favors” showing two of hers.

Out of the blue comes this note from a friend to tell me that –if I flip the image left to right, and do a Google Image Search-- I can find out the real dirt.

I get a note from the Zap magazine… a German REAL PRINT ZINE that I now write for. “Mykel, do that and write about it.”

 I try it on Favors and the results come back. SELFIE! This image is a selfie.

 How may ways can you say DUH!!! I try a couple other names and pictures... Bellaa… Chery… Loyce… Thelma… equally useless… responses. Fuck… failure.

 I go back to my usual way of spending 24 hours a day inside.

You know... there’s a limit on how much one can strangle the chicken… especially when you’re pushing eighty. Any guy older than 17 knows that you can jerk yourself off until the skin turns red and a friction wound opens that hurts worse than getting fistfucked. Any guy older than 60 knows that you can stroke, shake, lubricate, vibrate, a limpy… until finally it stands… slightly better than a drunken teen… only to droop the second the action lags.

 But you’re locked at home… what else is there to do?

 I could tinker… I have a webful of instructions… I have a hammer… several screwdrivers… a drawer full of smart chips dug out from old computers. I know... I’ll teach the internet a lesson it’ll never forget. I’ll ZOOM up its e-ass. I’ll SKYPE the skin from its bones. I’ll turn all those things I hate into things that self-destruct.

 Okay, there’s Amazon… How can I make Amazon hurt itself? I know… I just got my Economic Stimulus check from Donny Trump… I’ll use it! Use Amazon against Amazon.

Oh yeah! It’ll take me a week to build something useful from a kit. Maybe another few days to modify it. Fuck it! I’ll have much more than a week to do it. Besides, once I get the thing started, it can take over for itself.

FLASH AHEAD TWO WEEKS: It’s alive! It’s alive!! And I’ve avoided all that indoor lightning, elevator beds and neighbors in the front yard with torches. All I have to do is plug it in. POW!… He moves. No corpses in his brain… just old transisters and a few parts from the dumpsters outside the Google building on Ninth Avenue. A little trial, a lot of error and…. KERPOW! It’s amazing what a bit of quarantining will do.

He’s ready. R2D-Fruity! My robot… a few days teaching hacking skills and I’ll set him loose. His mission… since the internet is already a parody of itself… with no one believing anything that doesn’t agree with their politics… and the word “facts” changes to mean “what proves me right,” and the words “conspiracy theory” changes to mean “what proves me wrong.” How can I improve on the absurdity inherent in that?

Maybe R2D-Fruity can find a way. He’s just learning now. I’ve programmed him to act like a human. He can lie, cheat, blame others for his mistakes, pretend to like bands that his friends play in even though they really suck. He’s one of us!

I sit him at the computer and pour a nice glass of his favorite beer. Then, I let him hack… hack… hack… and see what he can come up with.

First, there’s getting into the various social networks. It’s a maze that he’s got to learn.

Before long he’s got it!! Whoops… he must’ve done something wrong. Moved a cursor too fast…. swept the screen instead of zeroing in on the square. Here comes the back-up test.

The smart guy that he is, R2D-Fruity knows that the little puzzle purposely makes it difficult to identify, so the responder will click around, then maybe unclick. The actual choice isn’t important… it’s the movement of the cursor in making those choices. BINGO! He’s got it! Now… establish that social media presence.

Next task: to fix it up… the perfect internet tool… The website that will draw enough suckers to make a list whose sale will finance the KGB, the Illuminati, and the Green New Deal. Just with a little website hijacking… and some html, xtml, css, and R2D-Fruity-invented 8M2.

Everyone knows what’s most needed on an internet discussion: links to websites that PROVE YOU RIGHT!

For every point of view... no matter how paranoid or otherwise crazy… there are experts^® who’ll back you up. Think Corona is a communist plot? Yeah, find it at https://www.darkmoon.me/2020/coronavirus-conspiracy-a-plot-to-enslave-mankind/.

Think Trump is a pawn of Russia? Here’s your proof:
https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2017/11/29/1719700/-Proof-that-Trump-is-Putin-s-Pawn

Think Africans invented punk rock? Hah, here’s proof they invented EVERYTHING:
https://www.reddit.com/r/unpopularopinion/comments/a7frai/black_people_invented_rock_and_roll_metal_and/

There’s no end to stuff that proves you right. The problem is that it’s all over the place. Who’s got time to Google when there’s an important thread dangling that needs your attention. How can they possibly THINK that? Bang! You need something. Why not have just one place to go to find it all? Just tell it what you want to prove and POW! There it is, URL and all...proving you right.

So, the current job of R2D-Fruity is to hijack a website, rewrite the code, and set the whole plan in motion. The signup will require an email address, and city. This information is for statistical purposes only. It will not be used for advertising or linked with other personal information. Yeah, right. If you believe that, I’ve got a dead Epstein who killed himself in a city jail for you.

Here it is. The home page for ItoldYouSo.com

Once we get the email and city, we then begin to learn about each person. Clicks on conspiracy theories? Right or left tinfoil-hat looney. Wants to prove that the Brits invented punkrock? Out of touch nationalist. Wants to convince you that meat causes cancer? Vegan Reich! Want to convince you that children have sex feelings? Ahhhh, Kiddie-Diddler. You get the idea. Before long we’ll have enough information on each person to be able to control what that person sees. When people sign in we’ll show them exactly those things they’ll agree with. We’ll present the experts^® they want, telling them exactly what they want to hear… right from the get-go! We’ll target advertising that not only promotes the ideas of these people… but SELLS them. We’ll make a fortune. Waddaya think?

Huh?

That’s what facebook is ALREADY doing?

Shit! You’re right.

OK R2D-Fruity. Back to the drawing board. How ‘bout an app where people can post pictures of themselves doing boring stuff on the sidewalk? Like taking selfies with their friends… or pictures of their pets. That could be a money-maker, don’t you think?

- end -

ENDNOTES: [You can contact me on facebook or by email at god@mykelboard.com. Through the post office: send those... er... private DVDs..or music or zines... or anything else (legal only!) to: Mykel Board, POB 137, New York, NY 10012-0003. If you want to be notified when a new blog is published, send me an email with the subject line SUBSCRIBE BLOG. Back blogs and columns are at https://mykelsblog.blogspot.com.

→ If mommy is a Commie then you gotta turn her in Dept: When the Chad Mitchell Trio wrote those words in the 1960s… they were making fun of the John Birch Society and the McCarthy era, where everyone was encouraged to be a private spy... not for themselves, but for the anti-communist safety of everyone.
These days, in New York City, the mayor has established a citizen’s enforcement squad ironically dubbed: Ambassadors. It’s their job to turn in violators of social distancing and mask wearing laws. Besides that, all upright citizens are encouraged to report violations to the cops… and each precinct will maintain one COVID RULE VIOLATION cop car to take care of complaints. Why? For the safety of everyone, of course.

→ Don’t Forget The Cork Dept: Thanks to my friend, and probable receiver of my presidential vote in 2020, Sid Yiddish, who found a great MSN story on more Corona research.

The result: it can be spread through farts! A mask is not enough to protect others! You need to do more! Wear a cork!

LINK TRADE DEPARTMENT:

I read that the search engines like lots of links... and it's also nice to support my friends... and enemies... in their blogs. So facebook me or email me if you have a blog, webpage or something else to connect to. I add you. You add me.

• From my friend and fellow poet, Richard Goldberg: goldberg.wordpress.com
• I post a blog for Kyle Nonnemon, in prison for a ton of shit. He's a smart guy, with a passion for industrial metal and a general detestation of humankind. You can read his blog at: apothelema.blogspot.com
• Poetry and humor fans will like Justin Martin in The Latency
• And my friend Mike R has a nice site with recipe hits from the past! (He cooked for me once... great stuff.) Check out .Yesterday's Recipes
• And here's one by a member of ANTI-SEEN... a tour diary of sorts.
• Andy Shelton has an interesting blog here
• Savage Hippie is a guy who has been YouTubing for a long time. Our opinions largely overlap... but he complains that I'm a Communist. I'm not! I'm a communist.
• Chris Stecher publishes a zine called PRECIS. You can see the back issue links there... and he promises a new issue soon.
• George Fertakis has a very nice graphics-heavy blog... with music and books featured prominently.
• And my long-term pal Sid Yiddish contributes with his Mishegas Master Blog.
  
  --See you in hell! MB