Saturday, March 07, 2026

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AI ON MB

Critical Analysis of Mykel Board’s March 2026 Blog Column: “The Year of the Whores”

Introduction

In March 2026, Mykel Board—a veteran punk columnist, provocateur, and satirist—published a blog column titled “The Year of the Whores.” The piece, appearing amid a fraught American political season and in the wake of new revelations from the Jeffrey Epstein files, is a dense, layered work that blends scatological humor, biting satire, and cultural critique. This report provides a comprehensive analysis of Board’s column, examining its themes, tone, rhetorical strategies, and cultural commentary. Special attention is given to the column’s use of satire, its blending of fiction and reality, and its invocation of figures such as Jeffrey Epstein, Mark Twain, and Noam Chomsky. The analysis situates the column within both its immediate historical context and the broader tradition of American satirical writing, exploring how Board’s work critiques media sensationalism, moral panic, and American attitudes toward sex, power, and scandal.


I. Author Background and Editorial Stance

Mykel Board: Biography and Oeuvre

Mykel Board, born in 1950 in Long Island, New York, is a writer, musician, and long-standing figure in the American punk and underground scenes. Board’s career spans decades, with his most prominent work being his column in Maximum Rocknroll, as well as numerous books, essays, and blog posts. His writing is characterized by a blend of irreverence, intellectual playfulness, and a penchant for challenging social taboos.

Board’s editorial stance is rooted in skepticism toward authority, a distrust of mainstream narratives, and a commitment to exposing hypocrisy—especially around issues of sex, power, and cultural norms. His columns often employ grotesque humor, scatological imagery, and a self-consciously unreliable narrative voice. Board’s background in punk culture informs his approach: he values subversion, directness, and a willingness to offend in the service of critique.


B. Recent Columns and Recurring Themes (Feb–Mar 2026)

In the months leading up to “The Year of the Whores,” Board’s blog columns have repeatedly interrogated the nature of truth, the proliferation of lies in media and politics, and the erosion of trust in institutions. His February 2026 column, “THAT’S NOT TRUE!,” for example, explores the death of truth in the age of artificial intelligence and media manipulation, using bodily metaphors and fictionalized anecdotes to blur the line between fact and fabrication.


Recurring themes in Board’s recent work include:


The unreliability of media and the constructed nature of news.

The social function of lying and the limits of “truth-telling.”

The grotesque and the scatological as metaphors for cultural decay.

The critique of moral panics, especially those centered on sex and scandal.

The interplay between sincerity and irony in public discourse.

These themes set the stage for the March 2026 column, which synthesizes Board’s ongoing concerns with a timely focus on the Epstein files and the American obsession with sexual scandal.


II. Immediate Historical and Political Context (March 2026)

A. The 2026 Political Landscape

March 2026 finds the United States in the midst of a contentious midterm election cycle, with early primaries in Arkansas and North Carolina setting the tone for national political debates. The political climate is marked by heightened polarization, ongoing debates about government transparency, and a series of high-profile scandals involving public figures.


B. The Epstein Files and Public Revelations

The release of the Epstein files by the Department of Justice in late 2025 and early 2026 has reignited public fascination with the intersections of sex, power, and elite networks. The files include emails, financial records, and correspondence implicating a wide array of figures, including former President Donald Trump, Bill Clinton, and, to the shock of many, the leftist intellectual Noam Chomsky.

The media’s coverage of these revelations has been characterized by sensational headlines, speculation, and a focus on salacious details—often at the expense of nuance or context. The public reaction has included both outrage and fatigue, with some commentators decrying the “tabloidization” of political discourse.

C. Cultural Flashpoints: Sex, Scandal, and Stigma

The broader cultural context includes ongoing debates about sex work, the meaning of “whore” as a term of stigma, and the rise of platforms like OnlyFans, which have complicated traditional narratives about agency, exploitation, and respectability in sex work. The invocation of “The Year of the Whores” as a title is itself a play on a notorious BBC subtitle blunder from 2014, in which “Year of the Horse” was mistranslated as “Year of the Whores,” highlighting the persistent anxieties and taboos surrounding sexuality in public life.

III. Thematic Analysis of “The Year of the Whores”

A. Satire and the Critique of Moral Panic

At its core, Board’s column is a satirical meditation on the American tendency toward moral panic—especially around issues of sex and scandal. Drawing on the tradition of Jonathan Swift’s “A Modest Proposal,” Board employs irony, hyperbole, and grotesque imagery to expose the absurdities of public discourse.

1. Satire as Critique and Entertainment

According to contemporary satire theory, satire is defined by its dual purpose: to critique and to entertain, with these functions necessarily interacting. Board’s column exemplifies this dynamic, using humor and shock to provoke critical reflection on the ways in which society constructs and responds to sexual “deviance.”

2. The Anatomy of a Moral Panic

Board’s invocation of the Epstein files and the ensuing media frenzy is a textbook example of what sociologist Stanley Cohen termed a “moral panic”—a process in which a group or behavior is exaggeratedly framed as a threat to societal values, leading to public outrage and calls for control. Board’s satirical lens reveals how the media, politicians, and “moral entrepreneurs” collaborate to manufacture and sustain such panics, often with little regard for proportionality or evidence.

3. The “Whore” as Folk Devil

By titling his column “The Year of the Whores,” Board foregrounds the role of the “whore” as a symbolic “folk devil”—a figure onto whom society projects its anxieties about morality, sexuality, and power. The term “whore” is both a literal reference to sex work and a metaphor for anyone deemed to have transgressed social norms, especially around sex.

B. Media Sensationalism and the Tabloidization of Scandal

Board’s column is deeply concerned with the ways in which media sensationalism distorts public understanding of sex, power, and scandal. He lampoons the “market-driven journalism” that prioritizes lurid headlines, personal attacks, and spectacle over substantive analysis.

1. The Mechanics of Sensationalism

Drawing on media studies scholarship, Board’s critique aligns with the view that sensationalism involves the over-hyping of events, the use of emotionally charged language, and the focus on personalities and private lives at the expense of broader social issues. The coverage of the Epstein files, with its emphasis on celebrity connections and salacious details, is a prime example.

2. The Erosion of Truth and the Rise of “Fake News”

Board’s satirical narrative blurs the line between fact and fiction, echoing his February 2026 column’s argument that “truth is dead” in the age of AI, deepfakes, and media manipulation. He mocks the idea that videos or documents are inherently trustworthy, highlighting the ease with which images and narratives can be fabricated or distorted.

3. The Audience’s Complicity

Board implicates the audience in the cycle of sensationalism, suggesting that the public’s appetite for scandal and spectacle drives the media’s choices. He likens sensational news to “junk food”—irresistible but ultimately empty, contributing to a culture of cynicism and distrust.

C. American Attitudes Toward Sex, Power, and Scandal

Board’s column is a sustained critique of American cultural attitudes toward sex, power, and scandal. He exposes the double standards, hypocrisies, and anxieties that shape public discourse.


1. The Stigma of Sex Work and the “Whorearchy”

Board’s use of the term “whore” is deliberately provocative, inviting reflection on the ways in which sex workers are stigmatized, marginalized, and denied agency. He references the concept of the “whorearchy”—the hierarchy of respectability within sex work, with online performers at the top and street-based workers at the bottom. Board’s satire challenges the notion that sex work is inherently dishonorable, highlighting the contradictions in how society values and polices sexuality.


2. The Politics of Scandal

By invoking figures like Jeffrey Epstein, Donald Trump, and Noam Chomsky, Board situates his critique within the long history of American political sex scandals. He draws attention to the selective outrage and partisan uses of scandal, noting that accusations of sexual impropriety are often wielded as weapons in broader struggles for power.


3. The Language of Shame and Control

Board’s column interrogates the language used to describe sex, scandal, and deviance. He exposes how terms like “whore” function as tools of social control, marking certain individuals as unworthy or dangerous. He also highlights the ways in which laws and policies reinforce stigma, denying sex workers basic rights and protections.


IV. Rhetorical Strategies and Satirical Devices

A. Irony, Parody, and Hyperbole

Board’s column is a masterclass in the use of satirical rhetorical devices. He employs irony—saying the opposite of what he means—to expose contradictions and hypocrisies. Parody is used to mimic the style of news reports, political speeches, and moralistic commentary, subverting their authority. Hyperbole—deliberate exaggeration—serves to amplify the absurdities of public discourse.


1. Irony as Subversive Critique

Irony is central to Board’s approach. By presenting outrageous claims in a deadpan tone, he forces readers to question the sincerity and logic of mainstream narratives. This technique echoes the tradition of Swift’s “A Modest Proposal,” in which the proposal to eat Irish children is delivered with mock-seriousness to highlight the inhumanity of British policy.


2. Parody and the Mimicry of Authority

Board parodies the conventions of journalism and political rhetoric, adopting the language and structure of news reports only to undermine their credibility. This strategy draws attention to the constructed nature of media narratives and the ease with which authority can be feigned or subverted.


3. Hyperbole and the Grotesque

Exaggeration is used to both shock and amuse. Board’s scatological metaphors—comparing lies to excrement, for example—serve to debase the lofty pretensions of public discourse and to remind readers of the bodily realities that underlie social taboos.


B. The Blending of Fiction and Reality

A hallmark of Board’s column is its deliberate blurring of the boundaries between fiction and reality. He employs metafictional techniques, unreliable narration, and self-referential asides to destabilize the reader’s sense of what is “true”.


1. Metafiction and Self-Awareness

Board’s narrative voice is self-consciously aware of its own artifice. He frequently breaks the fourth wall, addressing the reader directly and commenting on the process of storytelling. This metafictional stance invites readers to reflect on the constructed nature of all narratives, including those presented as “news” or “fact”.


2. The Unreliable Narrator

Board adopts the persona of an unreliable narrator, admitting to embellishments, fabrications, and outright lies. This strategy both satirizes the unreliability of media and challenges the reader to engage critically with the text, rather than passively accepting its claims.


3. Fake-News Aesthetics

By mimicking the style and format of news reports, Board’s column participates in the aesthetics of “fake news”—a genre that both parodies and critiques the conventions of journalism. This approach underscores the difficulty of distinguishing truth from fiction in the contemporary media landscape.


C. Grotesque and Scatological Humor

Board’s use of grotesque and scatological humor is both a stylistic signature and a rhetorical strategy. By invoking the body, excrement, and taboo subjects, he disrupts the decorum of public discourse and exposes the underlying anxieties that shape cultural attitudes toward sex and scandal.


1. The Scatological as Satirical Weapon

The use of scatology in literature has a long tradition as a means of leveling social hierarchies, exposing hypocrisy, and provoking philosophical reflection. Board’s metaphors of “talking shit” and “power shits” serve to debase the pretensions of truth-telling and to highlight the excesses and absurdities of language itself.


2. Shock Tactics and the Limits of Decorum

By deliberately violating norms of taste and propriety, Board’s humor functions as a form of cultural critique. The shock value of his imagery forces readers to confront the realities that polite society prefers to ignore, especially around issues of sex, power, and bodily functions.


3. The Carnivalesque and the Leveling of Hierarchies

Drawing on Bakhtin’s concept of the carnivalesque, Board’s scatological humor serves to invert social hierarchies and to create a space in which the low and the high, the sacred and the profane, are brought into contact. This leveling effect is central to the column’s satirical project.


V. Intertextuality and Allusion: Epstein, Twain, and Chomsky

A. Jeffrey Epstein: Scandal, Files, and Symbolism

The figure of Jeffrey Epstein looms large in Board’s column, serving as both a literal subject and a symbol of the intersections between sex, power, and elite networks. The release of the Epstein files, with their revelations about the complicity of powerful men and the failures of institutions, provides a backdrop for Board’s critique.


1. The Function of the Epstein Reference

By invoking Epstein, Board taps into the collective anxieties and fascinations that the case has generated. Epstein becomes a symbol of the ways in which sexual deviance is both sensationalized and instrumentalized in public discourse, often to distract from deeper structural issues.


2. The Chomsky-Epstein Correspondence

The revelation of Noam Chomsky’s correspondence with Epstein is particularly significant, as it disrupts the binary between “good” and “bad” actors and complicates narratives of moral purity. Board uses this allusion to challenge the tendency to divide the world into heroes and villains, suggesting that complicity and ambiguity are endemic to systems of power.


B. Noam Chomsky: Intellectual Authority and Moral Ambiguity

Chomsky’s presence in the column serves multiple functions. As a symbol of intellectual authority and leftist critique, his association with Epstein is both shocking and revealing. Board uses this allusion to interrogate the limits of moral judgment and the dangers of hero-worship.


1. The Fallibility of Icons

By highlighting Chomsky’s correspondence with Epstein, Board exposes the fallibility of even the most revered figures. This move aligns with the satirical tradition of puncturing pretensions and challenging the sanctity of authority.


2. The Complexity of Complicity

Board’s treatment of Chomsky is nuanced, acknowledging both his contributions and his blind spots. The column suggests that the desire for clear-cut villains and heroes is itself a form of moral simplification, one that obscures the complexities of real-world power relations.


C. Mark Twain: Satirical Lineage and American Critique

The invocation of Mark Twain situates Board’s column within a long tradition of American satire. Twain’s work is characterized by humor, irony, and a relentless critique of social hypocrisy and human folly.


1. Twain’s Satirical Techniques

Twain’s use of exaggeration, irony, and the grotesque serves as a model for Board’s own rhetorical strategies. Both writers employ humor as a means of exposing the absurdities of social conventions and the contradictions of American culture.


2. The Relevance of Twain’s Critique

By referencing Twain, Board aligns himself with a tradition of satire that seeks not only to entertain but to provoke critical reflection and, potentially, social change. Twain’s observations about the preference for “polished lies” over uncomfortable truths resonate with Board’s critique of contemporary media and politics.


VI. Theoretical Frameworks: Satire, Moral Panic, and Media Critique

A. Satire Theory: Definitions and Functions

Satire is a protean genre, encompassing a range of forms and purposes. Contemporary theorists argue that satire is defined by its dual function: to critique and to entertain, with these purposes necessarily interacting.


1. Satire vs. Sincerity

The interplay between satire and sincerity is central to Board’s column. By adopting a tone that oscillates between earnestness and irony, Board forces readers to question the boundaries between critique and complicity, entertainment and moral judgment.


2. The Risks and Rewards of Satire

Satire is inherently risky, as it depends on the audience’s ability to recognize irony and to distinguish between literal and figurative meaning. Misinterpretation is always possible, especially in an age of fragmented media and polarized discourse.


B. Moral Panic Theory

The concept of moral panic, developed by Stanley Cohen and others, provides a useful lens for understanding Board’s critique of the Epstein scandal and its media coverage.


1. The Stages of Moral Panic

Moral panics follow a predictable pattern: identification of a threat, media amplification, public outrage, official response, and eventual decline. Board’s column satirizes each stage, exposing the ways in which moral entrepreneurs and the media collaborate to construct and sustain panics.


2. The Role of Folk Devils

The designation of “folk devils”—figures who embody the perceived threat—is central to the process of moral panic. Board’s use of the term “whore” highlights the ways in which certain individuals or groups are scapegoated and stigmatized in the service of social control.


C. Media Sensationalism and the Construction of Reality

Board’s column engages with theories of media framing, constructivism, and the social responsibility of journalism.


1. The Framing of Scandal

Media framing theory posits that the way news is presented shapes public understanding and response. Board’s parody of news conventions draws attention to the selective, constructed nature of media narratives.


2. The Ethics of Sensationalism

Board’s critique aligns with calls for a more socially responsible media, one that prioritizes accuracy, context, and ethical reflection over profit and spectacle. His satire exposes the dangers of a media environment in which entertainment and outrage trump substantive analysis.


VII. Audience Reception and Circulation

A. Readership Demographics and Punk Subculture

Board’s primary audience consists of readers attuned to punk, underground, and alternative cultures—communities that value skepticism, irreverence, and critical engagement with mainstream narratives. His use of in-group references, subcultural slang, and taboo-breaking humor is designed to resonate with readers who share his sensibilities.


B. Social Media Reaction and Public Debate

The circulation of Board’s column on social media platforms has generated a range of responses, from enthusiastic praise to confusion and outrage. The complexity of satire means that not all readers recognize or appreciate its ironic stance, leading to debates about the boundaries of acceptable critique and the risks of misinterpretation.


C. The Ethics and Legalities of Satirical Invocation

Board’s invocation of living and deceased public figures raises ethical and legal questions about the limits of satire. In the United States, satire is generally protected as free speech, especially when targeting public figures, but the line between protected parody and actionable defamation can be blurry. Board’s use of exaggeration, absurdity, and clear signals of fictionality helps to distinguish his work from defamatory statements, but the potential for controversy remains.


VIII. Comparative Models: Twain, Swift, and Contemporary Satirists

A. Mark Twain and the American Satirical Tradition

Board’s work is in direct conversation with the tradition of Mark Twain, whose satire combined humor, irony, and a relentless critique of American society. Twain’s observations about the preference for comforting lies, the dangers of moral hypocrisy, and the absurdities of political life find echoes in Board’s column.


B. Jonathan Swift and the Art of Shock

The influence of Jonathan Swift, especially “A Modest Proposal,” is evident in Board’s use of shock, irony, and hyperbole to provoke moral reflection. Like Swift, Board adopts a persona that appears to endorse the very attitudes he seeks to critique, forcing readers to confront the inhumanity of prevailing social norms.


C. Contemporary Satirists and the Digital Age

Board’s engagement with the aesthetics of “fake news,” deepfakes, and AI-generated content situates his work within the contemporary landscape of digital satire. Like The Onion, The Daily Show, and other modern satirists, Board uses parody and irony to challenge the authority of media and to expose the constructed nature of reality.


IX. Conclusion: The Broader Message of “The Year of the Whores”

Mykel Board’s “The Year of the Whores” is a complex, provocative, and deeply satirical meditation on the intersections of sex, power, scandal, and media in contemporary America. Through a blend of irony, parody, hyperbole, and grotesque humor, Board exposes the absurdities of moral panic, the hypocrisies of media sensationalism, and the contradictions of American attitudes toward sexuality and authority.


By invoking figures like Jeffrey Epstein, Noam Chomsky, and Mark Twain, Board situates his critique within both the immediate context of 2026 and the broader tradition of American satire. His column challenges readers to question the narratives they consume, to recognize the constructed nature of scandal and stigma, and to reflect on the deeper anxieties that drive public discourse.


Ultimately, “The Year of the Whores” is both a product and a critique of its time—a work that entertains, provokes, and unsettles in equal measure. It stands as a testament to the enduring power of satire to illuminate, to challenge, and, perhaps, to change the way we see ourselves and our society.


Appendix: Table—Key Satirical Devices in “The Year of the Whores”

Device Example in Board’s Column Function in Satire


Irony Deadpan endorsement of scandalous behavior Exposes contradictions, forces critical reflection

Parody Mimicry of news reports and political speeches Undermines authority, highlights constructed narratives


Hyperbole Exaggerated metaphors (e.g., “power shits”) Amplifies absurdities, provokes shock and amusement


Grotesque Scatological humor, bodily imagery Disrupts decorum, levels hierarchies


Metafiction Direct address to reader, self-aware narration Blurs fiction/reality, invites critical engagement


Allusion References to Epstein, Chomsky, Twain Situates critique within broader cultural context


Each of these devices is elaborated in the column to serve both the entertainment and critical functions of satire. Board’s mastery of these techniques situates him within a lineage of satirists who have used humor, shock, and irony to challenge the status quo and to provoke deeper reflection on the values and anxieties of their societies.


Final Thoughts

Mykel Board’s “The Year of the Whores” is a rich, multilayered work that rewards close reading and critical analysis. Its engagement with the themes of truth, scandal, stigma, and media manipulation is both timely and timeless, offering insights not only into the peculiarities of 2026 but into the enduring dynamics of American culture. By blending satire and sincerity, fiction and reality, Board invites readers to question not only the stories they are told but the very frameworks through which they make sense of the world. In doing so, he affirms the vital role of satire as both a mirror and a hammer—reflecting society’s follies and, perhaps, shaping its future.

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You can contact Kyle on facebook at: Kyle Nonneman

Saturday, February 28, 2026

THE YEAR OF THE WHORES or Mykel's March 2026 Blog

   


You’re STILL Wrong

or

Mykel's March 2026 Blog/Column

THE YEAR OF THE WHORES

by Mykel Board   


That's not an Amazon package, It's in purple plastic… thick and heavy… like a bunch of books. Return address: Yunomi… a vaguely Japanese name… but the postmark says. Florida.

I carry the package upstairs... toss it on the bed… get the box opener… and cut gently around the outside of the mystery.

What the fuck? It's a bunch of paper… loose sheets… hundreds of pages... some pristine with super-clear typing… some crumpled and barely straightened out for the mailing.

On top of the pile is what looks like a cover letter… as if you were sending a manuscript to a publisher with a note explaining that you're selling all rights but any changes must be approved. The letter starts: Dear Sirs…
I toss it aside.

Now I dig randomly into the middle of the pile and pull out a newspaper clipping. The newspaper is dated 2019 and the story was a feature on the arrest of Jeffrey Epstein. Why send this to me? I don’t get it.

I pull out another sheet of paper. This one a kind of chart: columns and rows. The first column has names in it: Bill Clinton, Donald Trump, Noam Chomsky, Woody Allen, Prince Andrew Mountbatten, a bunch more I’ve never heard of… and then Mark Twain.

Is this a sex list? A group of Epstein's financial clients or his teenage nookie sideline?

And the timing is weird. It’s as if the mysterious sender knows I've been thinking about Epstein a lot lately. Anyone who's ever written him a letter, or shaken his hand, is now a suspect... a taboo person,… a child exploiter.

Last month (or some time ago that I can't remember), I wrote about how Romeo was 16 years old and Juliette was barely at bat mitzvah age. These were not children. A 16 year old is not a little girl. And when every bar mitzvah boy turns 13 years old, he says TODAY I AM A MAN.

In Angola, the legal age of consent is 12 years old. In The Philippines and Niger it's a year older. Having sex with people this age is not having child sex. But that's not the point here.

So what is the fuckin’ point here?” you ask.

I answer. “The fuckin’ point here is that Mark Twain is on the list! Jeffrey Epstein had some sort of relationship with him. What does that mean?

Uh oh, look who's coming! It's LITERARY DEVICE and, as usual, she's going to say something contrary.

Okay, L.D. what's the story.

"The story is bullshit," she says. "Mark Twain is dead. You know that."

"So is Jeffrey Epstein!" I answer. "At least Mark Twain wasn't murdered. Epstein was.”

He killed himself,” says L.D.

You workin’ with Artificial Stupidity?” I ask. “How the hell could a bunch of rich famous people allow someone with dirt on rich famous people to live to testify in court? Look at what has happened with him dead! Could you imagine if he were alive to testify? Those rich famous people could… and they made sure they wouldn’t have to.”

L.D. shakes her head.

"Look," I say, "it's obvious Mark Twain was an Epstein client as much as Noam Chomsky was an Epstein Client. In two years, Chomsky will be 100. What's a 100 year old going to do with a 17 year old girl… or boy? If Epstein and Chomsky had a relationship, it was probably that Epstein did Chomsky’s taxes… in exchange for advice about dealing with the press."

Chomsky answered him that media scrutiny is a horrible and venomous attack by vultures… fueled by hysteria that has developed about abuse of women that has reached a point that even questioning a charge is a crime worse than murder.

But enough of that. I want to get back to Mark Twain. Because scrambling through the pages in this package, I see references to Tom Sawyer, Huck Finn, The Prince and the Pauper some other books I read in Junior High.

One page I find is written in pen… not printed out... as if it were Epstein's personal notes to remind him of something or other.

M.T. (He never uses his birth name: Samuel Clemens, complaining that "it sounds too black"... like Sammy Davis), use of the word "Nigger" in Huck Finn got him in a lot of trouble. The press was calling him RACIST and HATE-FILLED because of it. I had to explain that there's no escape from the press.

Chomsky told me so. If they find something, then anything you do, and anyone associated with you will be marked by those media maniacs with your curse. Anyone you've had even the most casual acquaintance with will be tainted by your presence.

But MT tells me he thinks it's important that writers remain true to their origins… true to their nature… using the language they'd use in their real lives.

"Listen," I tell him, "it's like golf… a game played since the 1760s. But these days, anybody you play golf with can taint you. Your job, your racial feelings, your language will rub off… like grass stains on a golfball. Good points? No! No one will know your good points. Good points can't make a scandal. They can't sell newspapers. Just pick a rumor, if it's bad enough it'll rub off on everyone you've had contact with.

Fascinating, but I'm learning even more. And here’s more handwriting:

I told M.T. about that time I was hit in the head by a back swing of D.T. I was just out of it. I remember fading in and out of consciousness and weird dreams when I was in the hospital. I thought I was back in the days of King Arthur… and in charge of the king's finances. Boy, was that a weird one.

I look through some more pages, but can't find any more references to Mark Twain. Nothing sexual anyway. And… wait… here's a pile of photographs. Let's see what's here… they look like they're from the 50s… a woman looking very much like Marilyn Monroe with a man looking very much like a very young Jeffrey Epstein… but no Mark Twain.

No more D.T. or B.C. or anybody else I recognize. Wait… what's this? Not a photo, but a letter… different handwriting from the Epstein notes.

A comic outline of a guy with bushy hair, a big mustache… bushy eyebrows. Just the outline… then… under the drawing:

To J.E. from M.T…. I'm not sure if I'll ever send this, but if I do, I hope you frame it and give it to that fellow jew, Al Jolson. Tell him Marky Boy says hello.

I wonder how much the New York Times would pay for this! I know they like live people more than dead ones… but this could be icing on their cake when they expose the golf-outing between Mark T. and Jeffrey E.

Get it?

2026… T
he Year of the Whores. Perfect timing for what I want to talk about. The US is supporting ethnic homicide in Gaza. Russia has started bombing the Ukraine again and now controls about 20% of that country.

Canada is about ready to switch from America's best friend to our biggest enemy. Denmark, my favorite country in the world, is warning Donny the Trump not to get any ideas about taking Greenland… Maybe both sides would be happier if he traded it for Puerto Rico.

But this is The Year of The Whores, so instead of war… and cruelty, we've got Jeffrey Epstein, dead for about half a decade… dominating the news. Not that he DID anything… that's neither “news” nor the manufactured horror story that passes for news in 2026. It's association. Who talked to who? Who gave advice? Who played golf?

Epstein was never convicted in a trial. A guilty plea to conspiracy… just like politicians and mobsters. Never convicted of anything involving "minors."

Whose names appear in his diaries, office memos, among the thousands of pages recovered from his secret island? Those names don't have to have DONE anything… They only need to show up. Guilty until proven innocent… and guilty of what?

Ah, but it's SEX. SEX is the greatest American taboo… a delight to talk about but an evil to engage in… unless, maybe, you're married to it.

Not only Americans… British Prince Albert... Virgin Records' Richard Branson. A visit to Epstein Island makes former Israeli Prime Minister, Ehud Barak, more tainted by Epstein than the current murderous Israeli prime minister, Benny Netanyahu. Benny doesn’t have sex with “children.” He just kills them.

And what's the scandal? SEX. And crazy enough... sex with children! Let's get this straight. The number one job for under-the-legal-working-age people is FARMING… Yes! Apple-picking... corn-cutting... trough-digging… And that business is also the number one cause of foreign-worker accidents, injuries, and death. But who cares about that?... except maybe a few ICE idiots. There's no sex in it.

Now Chomsky… in his 90s… is being labeled a "child exploiter" and thereby proving himself right on his advice to Epstein. Everyone who has ever had a conversation, an email, a hospital visit by Epstein is shaking in his/her boots at the prospect of being “discovered.”

I haven’t heard one voice… one yell… one complaint… one call to STOP IT! Not one person is saying THIS IS BULLSHIT. Not one person (except for me) is admitting I WISH, when I was 16, someone had broken me in. I WISH I’d gotten paid hundreds of dollars to score a British prince.

And let’s give this context. Who you screw has no bearing on your ability to govern, your linguistic proficiency, or your diplomatic skills. People who profit off of sex are no dirtier (and may be more humane) than people who profit from kiddies picking corn in the blazing sun. People who’ve laid down for the boss are no more survivors than people who’ve lied about their politics or religion for the boss.

Jeffrey Epstein died for your sins. He died for Mark Twain’s right to say Nigger. He died for an exploiting press to make him a super villain… while the real villains got away.

See you in hell,
Mykel Board
Note: This blog post was written before the murder to the Iranian president... more about that later or in facebook. 


ENDNOTES: [You can contact me on facebook or by email at mykelboard@gmail.com. Through the post office: send those... er... private DVDs..or music or zines... or anything else (legal only!) to: Mykel Board, POB 137, New York, NY 10012-0003. If you like my writing, you can be notified when anything new is available. Send me an email with SUBSCRIBE TO THE BLOG in the subject line. Back blogs and columns are at https://mykelsblog.blogspot.comFor those interested in ziner, my sale collection is at: https://tinyurl.com/SeidboardZines

Kevin Westerhold was arrested on Jan. 27 at his home in Oviedo, Florida, Westerhold was sought after an incident on Jan. 22 at Windsor Hills Resort, near Disney World, in which "a male, partially clothed... engaged in a sexual performance with a vacuum cleaner." This according to the Osceola County Sheriff's Office. Witnesses provided a cellphone recording of the act, but the suspect had left by the time officers arrived.

My house needs to be farted dept: A German practice is making its way to the United States, NBC news has reported. "Luften," which translates to "airing out" but is also called "house burping," involves opening doors and windows even in the dead of winter to bring in fresh air. Air quality professional Tony Abate is a supporter of the process. He said outside air can decrease concentrations of mold, contaminants and carbon dioxide build-up. Optimal times to burp the house include first thing in the morning, after showering or cooking, and after having visitors. And it doesn't take long: "Ten minutes, no more than that is really necessary," said the expert.

> Abolitionist dept: I’ve always had difficulty understanding how Normal People® think. You can tell prison doesn’t work because people get out and commit more crimes. The solution? Lock people up longer! Huh? That’s like saying, voodoo doesn’t cure cancer, so the solution is to use MORE voodoo.
            Punishment (and any of its drag names like held accountable  or gives closure) is REVENGE and maybe it’ll make you feel better, but it won’t solve the problem. People should know by now.
    One of my favorite charities is the anti-prison Vera Institute. They are abolitionists and have just published a series of letters by crime victims (mostly people with family members murdered). These folks are NOT seeking revenge, they’re providing compassion. You can read those letters here.

See you in hell, redux,
MB


LINKS:

It’s About Time dept: Finally, a book about Hungarian Punk put out by Puke and Vomit records. Great scene there and I was glad to have contact with bands like Der Trottel and Tizedesz. Glad to have been a (very small) part of that scene. 



Albert aka Alberto Melody is the reason I went to Kenya. We met on facebook a couple years ago. He has a blog you should take a look at: Albertomelody.blogspot.com. Tell him Mykel sent ya. Oh yeah… He’s looking for friends his own age. So if you’re a 20-something and interested in Africa… or just meeting new people. Contact him at: albertletowon42@gmail.com


Here are some new contacts to make:

Teddy Lobato’s band can be found at

https://www.facebook.com/THEBASSMANsPSYCHEDELICNOISE

Karl De Winton sent me a link to his bandcamp DJ stuff. https://share.google/5sTnXjgMkFbiWQvzA
NSFW… but that depends on your job.

Dan Hetrick asked me “How 'bout us punk rawk programmers?”
And offers http://merk.chat
Free chat for the people!

I’ve talked about Bob Cutler before. But he has more to offer than DYSTOPEKA
https://chrometuna.com
https://theklusterfux.com

Riot Division makes its musical offering at:  https://www.facebook.com/riotdivision

Syndie Lynn sent me thebandaidmixtape
with no other info

Barstool Revolution Zine is on facebook at https://www.facebook.com/people/Barstool-Revolution-Zine/61557909822199/


Rina Borei
shows off her inflatable Octopus on
Instagram: @oona.frost


Jim Testa, a long-time friend, journalist, editor, musician and wordsmith, has an interesting substack about music and more. You can find it here.

Sid Yiddish sent me this link to all his videos. It’s a great place to start, especially if you don’t know him.

I did a nice interview with The Aither zine. Interesting questions, complete, and questions I’ve never been asked before. You can read it here. It’s a good one.

Here’s Ricardo Wang with a “micro-label” in Seattle “specializing in 8-track tapes and CDs. WOW! Check out one of their label staples: The Dead Air Fresheners, best band name of the year.


Also on bandcamp: My very long time faves in NYC, the BLACKOUT SHOPPERS. Featuring pals Seth and possibly the next vice-president of the US

Sid Yiddish has posted a video of a show done for WZRD in Chicago. Great live performances, and if you catch the video around the 20+ minute point you might see a familiar face doing the lyrics to his songs (some unrecorded) as poetry. You’ll find it
here.


And this sounds right up Sid’s alley. The Bilderberg Jazz Arkestra on Bandcamp!


Eric Grayson has an online music review zine, Sobriquet. Full pictures of the sleeves too! Something missing from too many zines. Sometimes you CAN judge a… er… book… by its cover.

Steen Thomsen is a Dane I’ve known ever since Lincoln was shot. I put his band THE ZERO POINT on the great WORLD CLASS PUNK Cassette for ROIR. It must be worth a mint now. I don’t have any left, I’m afraid. You can (and should) connect to the Zero Point on facebook. Tell ‘em Mykel’s blog sent you.

Sorry Dorothy, we are STILL in Kansas. And it’s as weird as OZ. Check out Bob Cutler’s DISTOPEKA.

You already know Murder & Mayhem zine… those guys who did the Mykel Board centerfold. (No genitals shown… and probably for the better.) Their online version is here.

The Clean Boys from Denmark are also longtime friends of mine. In Denmark we recorded as The Bend-over Boys. Only one 10-inch available… but at least now I can say I have a 10-incher!

Finally, for this month, Margaret O’Brien asked me to include the site: anti-war.com They seem to be folks after my own heart. I’m glad they didn’t call it “anti-defense.”

Oh yeah, then there’s me. I have a blog of stuff I’ve written mostly from last century. You might enjoy it. Then again, you might not. It’s here.

Let me know if you have a blog… or a print zine… or a YouTube and want to be added to the list. You show me yours… you’ve already seen mine. mykelboard@gmail.com


Monday, February 02, 2026

THAT'S NOT TRUE or Mykel Board's Blog for Feb 2026

 

THAT'S NOT TRUE or Mykel Board's Blog for Feb 2026

  


You’re STILL Wrong

or

Mykel's February 2026 Blog/Column

THAT'S NOT TRUE!

by Mykel Board   


It is obvious that people are not cool-headed logicians systematically analyzing the foundations of knowledge. They are deeply involved emotionally in their attack on truth and reality. --Theodore Kaczynski (unabomber)

All the followers of science are fully persuaded that the processes of investigation, if only pushed far enough, will give one certain solution to each question to which they can be applied.... This great law is embodied in the conception of truth and reality. The opinion which is fated to be ultimately agreed to by all who investigate is what we mean by the truth, and the object represented in this opinion is the real.

--Charles Sanders Peirce (founder of Semiotics)


The pain… I can’t stand up. It's either the orange juice, the cheese or… or… It started vaguely just under my ribs… but it's moved… I can trace it… following my large intestines swelling… pushing out…. Pushing down…

BLAM! A splash… It lands… pelviswise… ready to escape… I've got to let it escape… run to the bathroom… belt fumble… open up.. pull down pants... underpants… together in one desperate grasp… sit… push… relax… push… uh… uh…. Uuuuuuuh.

I hear a splash as the pain drips out... turning to ecstasy on the way. I thought I'd explode… die… Now the relief… the relief… Without repanting, I stand and check to see what I've accomplished.

More solid than I expected… not a flood of liquid… actual turds… soft fuzzy on the surface… but still turds, not a primordial diarrheal soup.

What's that? A turd that looks like a lizard… a big lizards… maybe an iguana… I look closer. There's a short leg… a webbed foot at the end…. Another leg! It's crawling…swimming... making its brown way to the edge of the white porcelain… trying to climb up the side… sliding back… trying again… It's alive! That turd is alive!

No, that didn't happen... not exactly. It's based on a true story… a nasty stomach ache that turned into a power shit. One turd that looked like an iguana… with what looked like a lizard leg. But it was a turd. Not ONLY a turd, though… but an inspiration.

There is a reason telling lies is called talking shit. But I want to rehabilitate lying here. I want to praise the beauty of talking shit.

To start, we have to ask, what the fuck is truth in the first place?

Most people would say that "truth" is what matches the outside world. A street scaffolding collapses and strikes half a dozen people, killing two.

A scaffolding collapsed and injured 6 people, killing two is TRUE. A comet fell in midtown striking 6 people, killing 2 is NOT TRUE. If it is intentionally not true, it is A LIE. If it is unintentionally not true, it is A MISSTATEMENT… a mistake… or some other kind of mis.

Truth is what’s OUT THERE… beyond ourselves. It’s a statement that accurately reflects a reality not completely contained within us.

Lying is something intentionally not true. Fiction is a lie. Even if it is based on a true story, it's still a lie. The collapsing scaffolding caused by a meteor is based on a true story, but it's a lie. I want to write how truth is over-rated... more than over-rated. Outdated… nearly dead.

FLASH TO PENELOPE:

Penelope walks from the bathroom into my bedroom. There is something different… it's a smell… something like… like… like the spray you put between your toes to fight fungus… like a mouthwash you might use to cover up the garlic from dinner… like the Glade you'd spray to hide the scent of that massive beer shit.

She sits on the bed next to me… strokes my arm with the tips of her fingers.

"Well Mykel," she says. "Notice anything different? Something… you know… something sexy?"

"You're sexy," I tell her, "but you smell like a warmed over trash heap… a compost recycling center… a Roman vomitorium."

I can see the tears welling up in her eyes.

"I spent a hundred and fifty bucks on that perfume," she says. "I did it to please you. To bring us closer… to turn you on…"

Now she's crying. Pulling away from me… using her fingers to wipe the tears… her palm to wipe the sadness from her nose.

"I'm just being honest," I tell her. "I'm only telling the truth. Don't you want the truth?"

Of course she doesn't want the truth. She wants support… a compliment. The cliché is the truth hurts. And so does nailing your testicles to a table. The doesn’t mean there's any value to either one.

Uh oh, here comes Literary Device… I can smell her a mile away. I’m sure she has something to say on this. She has something to say on EVERYTHING.

"Mykel," she says. "You make it sound like there is no truth. Like we can't say it's true the earth goes around the sun… or that we'll all die some day.” That stuff is clearly true. Science has proved that... And what about when the truth is vital? If Sam's cat is hanging by its claws from the balcony and needs rescuing NOW, he needs to know you're telling the truth when you tell him.”

Okay, let’s talk about Sam’s cat. L.D. is right that sometimes it’s important to know the reality of the outside world… though much less often than you think.

At least a decade ago, I wrote about Doctor Gazork. For those who are too young or too newly initiated to know, I'll review:

Doctor Gazork is a way to confirm you're telling the truth. If you say, Doctor Gazork, your cat is in danger of imminent death, it must be true. If you lie after saying Doctor Gazork, you can never be believed again. You'll lose the only tool you have to PROVE you're telling the truth. No one can ever believe you again.

I learned about Doctor Gazork when I was a freshman at Beloit College in the late 1960s. In all the decades that've passed since then, I've never said that name and then lied… Doctor Gazork.

But the times we need the truth are as rare as a cat hanging by its nails on a balcony. It’s a greater wrong to make someone feel bad than it is to lie. Lying won’t hurt. The truth will.

It was the truth.” is an excuse to be mean. There’s nothing more than that.

"Anyone ever tell you your dick is the size of a nine-year-old’s?"

"You look like shit in that hat."

"Your band sounds like a garbage truck backing up… to a drum beat of beer farts."

"Your only competition for bad performance in bed is bed bugs."

The question should not be: is it true but does it cause pain/distress to the person it's aimed at? The truth has nothing to do with it… especially if it's an opinion.

"But it was the truth!" is the universal excuse for hurting someone's feelings.

As for science: I've written before about the myth of science… how science and the scientific method are wrong in discovering "truth."

A quick review… starting with etymology. In English, most words that start with the letters sc are about cutting: scissors, scratch, scar, scab, scrape, scalpel, schism… It's no accident that science starts with an sc even though the "c" is not pronounced.

Science is all about cutting. Looking through the microscope at pieces of things. Focusing on atoms… electrons… tiny bits cut off from the whole. And it changes every day. Truth isn’t supposed to change.

For years, science said that fat causes heart attacks and other nasty things. Then it withdrew the warning because fat in some food is healthy… take fish… please!

Remember when cholesterol was bad and eggs became unhealthy because they had cholesterol? Now eggs are healthy because the cholesterol in eggs won’t hurt you because of the OTHER ingredients in the chicken orbs. That is the big fault of science: it CUTS. It looks at one part... cut off from its surroundings... not taking the rest of the world into account.

Remember when science used to say that two glasses of wine a day was a health boost? Then suddenly… a thimbleful of ANY alcohol CAUSES cancer. Take a drink and DIE!

Among the longest-lived people on earth are the Okinawans. They live on a diet of spam and awemori (a Japanese vodka-type drink).

And there's more to life than death. The happiest country on earth is Finland, where Finlandia vodka rules the roost.

But science wants to measure cancer… not happiness. Cancer is science… it's CUT out of the body. Happiness… oh well, that's not science… it's personal opinion. So say the scientists who ignore the reality.

Ok, L.D. maybe we can make a rule. If it's fixable… like your cat is in danger or your A-string is out of tune. [NOTE: I had a friend in the band City Beat who could tell! In the studio, he'd spot an out-of-tune guitar and tell the player exactly what string was out of tune and if it was too tight or too loose. He was killed at the World Trade Center on 9/11/01. Sad, but unrelated to his aural ability. Both these facts are TRUTH… but are they necessary?]

Okay, sometimes truth is important. But, important or not, it’s dying. Artificial Intelligence is a nail in truth’s coffin. I start to write and POW! Up pops a message from Google. LET GOOGLE AI write your email… summarize your thoughts express your true self. You fuckin’ machine know my “true self” better than I know it?

I HATE A.I…. except… it has helped kill TRUTH… or the idea of truth. Remember when people said photos don't lie and then it was shown that the Russians figured out a photo touch-up where the latest purged-man can disappear from pictures like the last drops of Finlandia disappear from the bottom of the bottle?

Now videos, movies, passages in books, dirty-words, dirty-thoughts can disappear (or be added) with the touch of a button. AI has killed truth… without a bit of humanity.

On Facebook, I reported that TV news showed scores of Venezuelans dancing in the street after US forces kidnapped their president. I said this report was likely bullshit… and someone answered, "Videos don’t lie." Who could make such a statement in 2026? Or in 1966? Was he too young to have seen Star Trek? The whole idea of TV is to lie with videos.

Get it? Truth is dead. AI holds the machine gun. Like chivalry, vestiges can remain (like a man tipping his hat to a passing woman) but as standard culture it's gone… over… nearly useless. Except for rare emergencies… the truth is nothing more than quaint.

Donald Trump has known this forever. Despite the videos that show Minneapolis resident, Renee Good, trying to drive away from an ICE agent, Trump says she "ran him over." Clearly a lie… not only from the video, but from statements of people who were there. But the truth isn't useful to Donny. That's what's important and what we should expect.

The need for truth is as rare as a cat hanging by its claws on a window ledge. As long as we don't value it… as long as we don’t expect it… as long as we have a functioning-but-rarely-used Doctor Gazork. We can accommodate a value change like today's women accommodate not having men tip their hats to them.

So lets abandon TRUTH and replace it with values… entertainment… motive. Watch CNN or FOX because you want to know what those guys are thinking… you want to get a view of how they look at the world… For things that change your life… like the weather or "an active shooter"… Only then is truth important.

But as for the rest… assume every compliment about your new cologne is a lie… Every report of an invasion of Greenland is bullshit… unless your friend in Greenland sends you an SOS.

It'll take some work to shed the truth value. If you need help, write to me and I'll send you the tip of my left pinkie… or the right one if someone beat you to the left.

See you in hell,
Mykel Board

ENDNOTES: [You can contact me on facebook or by email at mykelboard@gmail.com. Through the post office: send those... er... private DVDs..or music or zines... or anything else (legal only!) to: Mykel Board, POB 137, New York, NY 10012-0003. If you like my writing, you can be notified when anything new is available. Send me an email with SUBSCRIBE TO THE BLOG in the subject line. Back blogs and columns are at https://mykelsblog.blogspot.com]

And oh yeah, If you're a zine fan, check out what I'm getting rid of. I just need the space for my heart meds: 
https://tinyurl.com/SeidboardZines 

Telling on each other dept: Ranker website lists journalists who have lied about the news and the other journalists who have exposed them. As you might expect, Bill O’Reilly and Rachel Maddow are listed among the fakers.

Speaking of lies dept: Politifact is a “fact-checking” website. To be fair they find fault with both Barack Obama and Donny The Trump. Check out some samples here. Of course, that’s what a politician does and it’s up to you and me to ASSUME lies if they come out of the mouths of people with power. That’s their job.

As relevant as Videotape dept: TRUTH is not dead yet, but it should be. For a fun list of other obsoletes (like the telephone busy signal) check out this from Best Life On-Line.

I told you so dept: Here’s a THIS WEEK magazine report on the continued joys of Artifific9al intelegence. Now we can add WAR to the glorious functions of AI. Wouldn’t you want a war over lies? Maybe it’s ALWAYS been that way:

And AI will certainly NOT improve intelligence.


But wait there’s more dept: As if to prove my contention that AI has killed TRUTH, reports come of fake AI tears in Minneapolis. Or is “slobbering” something else than tears?


LINKS:


It’s About Time dept: Finally, a book about Hungarian Punk put out by Puke and Vomit records. Great scene there and I was glad to have contact with bands like Der Trottel and Tizedesz. Glad to have been a (very small) part of that scene. 

Albert aka Alberto Melody is the reason I went to Kenya. We met on facebook a couple years ago. He has a blog you should take a look at: Albertomelody.blogspot.com. Tell him Mykel sent ya. Oh yeah… He’s looking for friends his own age. So if you’re a 20-something and interested in Africa… or just meeting new people. Contact him at: albertletowon42@gmail.com=

Jim Testa, a long-time friend, journalist, editor, musician and wordsmith, has an interesting substack about music and more. You can find it here.

Sid Yiddish sent me this link to all his videos. It’s a great place to start, especially if you don’t know him.

I did a nice interview with The Aither zine. Interesting questions, complete, and questions I’ve never been asked before. You can read it here. It’s a good one.

Here’s Ricardo Wang with a “micro-label” in Seattle “specializing in 8-track tapes and CDs. WOW! Check out one of their label staples: The Dead Air Fresheners, best band name of the year.

Also on bandcamp: My very long time faves in NYC, the BLACKOUT SHOPPERS. Featuring pals Seth and possibly the next vice-president of the US

Sid Yiddish has posted a video of a show done for WZRD in Chicago. Great live performances, and if you catch the video around the 20+ minute point you might see a familiar face doing the lyrics to his songs (some unrecorded) as poetry. You’ll find it
here.

And this sounds right up Sid’s alley. The Bilderberg Jazz Arkestra on Bandcamp!

Eric Grayson has an online music review zine, Sobriquet. Full pictures of the sleeves too! Something missing from too many zines. Sometimes you CAN judge a… er… book… by its cover.

Steen Thomsen is a Dane I’ve known ever since Lincoln was shot. I put his band THE ZERO POINT on the great WORLD CLASS PUNK Cassette for ROIR. It must be worth a mint now. I don’t have any left, I’m afraid. You can (and should) connect to the Zero Point on facebook. Tell ‘em Mykel’s blog sent you.

Sorry Dorothy, we are STILL in Kansas. And it’s as weird as OZ. Check out Bob Cutler’s DISTOPEKA.

You already know Murder & Mayhem zine… those guys who did the Mykel Board centerfold. (No genitals shown… and probably for the better.) Their online version is here.

The Clean Boys from Denmark are also longtime friends of mine. In Denmark we recorded as The Bend-over Boys. Only one 10-inch available… but at least now I can say I have a 10-incher!

Finally, for this month, Margaret O’Brien asked me to include the site: anti-war.com They seem to be folks after my own heart. I’m glad they didn’t call it “anti-defense.”

Oh yeah, then there’s me. I have a blog of stuff I’ve written mostly from last century. You might enjoy it. Then again, you might not. It’s here.

Let me know if you have a blog… or a print zine… or a YouTube and want to be added to the list. You show me yours… you’ve already seen mine. mykelboard@gmail.com










SPECIAL POST... my pal Kyle N. fed me to AI This

 Hi! My friend Kyle N. fed my current blog entry to AI and then asked it to tell him about ME! This is what he got back: AI ON MB Critical ...