Saturday, August 01, 2020

You're Still Wrong, Mykels Aug. 2020 Blog Vol 1: SPLOOGE!

YOU'RE STILL WRONG.. 

MYKEL'S AUGUST 2020 BLOG

VOLUME 1
OR
SPLOOGE!


by Mykel Board

My prayer for the women of the next millennium: have hard hearts; and learn how to kill. --Andrea Dworkin

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking. A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one-dollar item he wants. A woman will pay one dollar for a two-dollar item she doesn't want. --– Elayne Boosler


Did you ever notice that most people are more attractive when lying naked on their backs... knees close to their ears? That’s how Briana is right now. I only need to look down and see her there.. red hair half covering her face. Her eyes directly looking into mine as I thrust forward blessing the friction and the birth control pills that allow skin to skin.

I breathe hard, pumping in ever-increasing rhythm. She has actual vocal cord voice with her breathing… an audible uh.. uh… uuuuuuh…. Uuuuuuuh… Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!

Me too! I can’t hold back any more. I feel the tightening between my legs… an explosion! One… two… three squeezes oh fuckin’ god! I pull out… squeeze four lands on her belly…. just two or so inches north of her navel. It’s an innie… the navel I’m talking about… not the splooge. Slowly, it spreads across her belly. I lower myself… until my head rests between her legs. I lick upwards, vaginally feltching myself… then further upwards, stopping at that beautiful navel… then north to my own gooey mess. Using my tongue, I slurp it into my mouth.

Ewwwww,” says Briana.

I look up… surprised.

But, I’m too tired to say anything. Load shot, it’s time to kiss and go to sleep. Briana gives me a peck on the cheek. I drape one arm over her chest, resting my hand on a breast, settling the nipple between my middle and ring finger.
I kiss her shoulder and close my eyes.

She pushes a wrist into my chest.

Talk to me!” she says.

Huh?” I answer.

“Talk to me! Say something,” she says.

How ‘bout them Yankees?” I ask.

She is not amused.

Since then, I’ve discovered Briana isn’t unique. Girls want to talk after screwing. Boys want to snuggle. Girls DON’T want to talk about The Yankees.
How much ink has been spilled on the differences between men and women? How many ones and zeros have been bytten trying to explain… or denying there’s any difference at all?

I found this from 1988:





My own experience says men and women are not the same. In my experience, two great differences show themselves right off the bat.

1. Women don’t like The Three Stooges.

2. For guys, taking a shit is the closest you can get to an orgasm. The feel/memory of a good shit will last from the morning it’s taken well into the afternoon. You think back… re-experience the anal memory. For gals –to quote one I asked– “It’s nothing special. It’s just something you gotta do.”

I have no political agenda in asking about these differences. I believe in gender equality, not gender sameness. For those who don’t get the difference. 2 eggs and 2 blow-up dolls EQUAL 4 things. But eggs and blow-up dolls are not THE SAME.

When I presented my theory on facebook, the objections came immediately. (What a surprise!) Females who like the Three Stooges… Males who don’t. Ladies who like shitting MORE than sex. Gentlemen who find it disgusting.

Okay, there are always exceptions, even science doesn’t speak with certainty these days… but only tendencies.

Some generalizations match my experience.
  • Señors like to collect. (stamp collectors, record collectors, car collectors)
  • Señoras like to create. (dress-makers, quilters)
  • The fair sex cries easily and at times (like at tear-jerker movies) seems to enjoy it.
  • The unfair sex cries at death, but rarely at anything else.
Other “differences” just feel WRONG to me… I’ve seen too many counterexamples:
  • Women are emotional.
  • Men are logical. (obviously someone who’s never seen The Sopranos)
  • Men are war-makers.
  • Women are peacemakers. (obviously someone who’s never heard of Margaret Thatcher)
All this is debatable, and will be debated until I’m reincarnated as a platypus.

Do we decide if these characteristics are social or biological? Or maybe, whether or not it is important to consider these characteristics at all. Ironies abound in the discussion. Nature vs nurture... a question that’ll never be answered… though I propose a determiner.

If a division is truly cross-cultural, that is if men do/are/believe/act in one culture as they do in an unrelated –especially un-contacted– culture, then the characteristic is biological. If different cultures have different gender characteristics, then those differences cultural. My friend in Kenya says men there only cry at death. Women cry from a sad story. Biology! When I arrived in Holland in 1972, my pal Rob was at the airport with a bouquet of flowers for me. Culture!

Wait! Stop! Back up! Maybe the difference between Chick and Dude doesn’t matter. It’s there, for investigation by sociologists, or psychologists… but maybe it doesn’t matter in our day-to-day lives. Maybe both sides should stop making it important. I’ve often heard women refer to each other with “come on, guys.” Few things give me a hard-on quicker than a fine lady commanding me, SUCK MY DICK!

I donno. Maybe we should just look at people as equal, but not THE SAME… every individual different from every other individual. Then we figure out who wants to talk and who wants to slurp sloooge… and after that, we just do it.

- end -

ENDNOTES: [You can contact me on facebook or by email at god@mykelboard.com. Through the post office: send those... er... private DVDs..or music or zines... or anything else (legal only!) to: Mykel Board, POB 137, New York, NY 10012-0003. If you like my writing, you can be notified when anything new is available. Send me an email with SUBSCRIBE in the subject line. Back blogs and columns are at https://mykelsblog.blogspot.com

Balls Dept: I often complain about how fear has been ruling our lives since corona began. Even if you're not consumed by it, your actions, your friends, your life IS consumed by it. I hate it... more than the disease itself I hate the fear.
BUT, now could be a time for bravery... the opposite of fear... and I don't have that final step's worth. I'm talking about the bravery required to volunteer for the vaccine tests. Evidently "10s of thousands" already have. Being injected with something new and untested... YOU'RE the test. Maybe the cure is worse than the disease. Maybe it will kill you... make you grow an extra head... give you cancer... make your ovaries fall out from your vagina... Who knows? I admire bravery, and I dislike cowardliness. I super admire those brave enough to volunteer for this test. I'm too much of a coward to do it.

Stairway to Heaven Dept: Texas GOP State Rep. Jonathan Stickland was was a laughing Twitter-stock after suggesting that aliens would have to accept Jesus Christ as their savior if they wanted to visit heaven.
“I
f aliens are real, salvation through Jesus Christ is the only way they enter Heaven.
The leftish Huffington Post reports about this used the headline: Texas Politician Alienates Twitter Users By Suggesting E.T.s Need Religion…
ALIENATESget it?

Tit for tat dept: I had a friend who would only buy stolen bicycles. It was his theory that bike-stealing is a kind of recycling. Someone steals a bike. They sell it to you. You use it for a while and someone steals it. That thief, in turn, either uses it or sells it to someone else. No waste, no hundreds of dollars for a new bike that will only get stolen… It’s perfect ecology.
       Now, The Mirror reports that sometimes the circle closes… This thief actually left a note:













--See you in hell… with the aliens!


LINK TRADE DEPARTMENT:

I read that the search engines like lots of links... and it's also nice to support my friends and enemies in their blogs. So facebook me or email me if you have a blog, webpage or something else to connect to. I add you. You add me.


Here's a start:


Here’s Richard Goldberg: goldberg.wordpress.com

Poetry and humor fans will like Justin Martin in The Latency

And my friend Mike R has a nice site with recipe hits from the past! (He cooked for me once... great stuff.) Check out Yesterday's Recipes.

And here's one by a member of ANTI-SEEN... a tour diary of sorts.

Andy Shelton has an interesting blog here.

Savage Hippie is a guy who has been YouTubing for a long time. Our opinions largely overlap... but he complains that I'm a Communist. I'm not! I'm a communist.

Chris Stecher publishes a zine called PRECIS. You can see the back issue links there... and he promises a new issue soon.

George Fertakis has a very nice graphics-heavy blog... with music and books featured prominently. If there’s no link here (I can’t find it temporarily), then Google… er… Duckduckgo him for information.

And my long-term pal Sid Yiddish contributes with his Mishegas Master Blog.

NEW: Here are a couple video links.

This from Jon Cox
https://squelchchamber1.bandcamp.com/album/down-so-low

And this one from my very long-time friend Roger Armstrong.

Oh yeah, then there’s me. I have a blog of stuff I’ve written mostly from last century. You might enjoy it. Then again, you might not. It’s here.

Let me know if you have a blog… or a print zine… or a YouTube and want to be added to the list. You show me yours… you’ve already seen mine. god@mykelboard.com

--Mykel

Friday, July 17, 2020

You're Still Wrong: Mykel's July 2020 Blog Vol. 2 THE TRIP

YOU'RE STILL WRONG.. 

MYKEL'S JULY 2020 BLOG

VOLUME 2
OR
The Trip


by Mykel Board


History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it.
--Winston Churchill

History's lessons are subtle lessons, inviting us to remember and forget selectively, and therefore are much better than psychiatry's where you're forced to remember everything. --Richard Ford


I sit in the almost empty waiting room of Mandela Airlines at Marcus Garvey airport… the smaller of New York City’s two major airports. I’m on my way to Sitting Bull, the capital of Ohio. Why go from New York to Sitting Bull?

I’m glad you asked me. I’ll be spending the rest of this blog explaining. It has to do with a sex partner, a pubic hair and a lot of legal problems.

I’ve arrived for my flight three hours early, as is my wont. I hate to do things last minute. I like to just chill at the airport reading, writing, talking with strangers. Today, of course, half the concessions are closed, and despite my rather ordinary mask, no one wants to talk with me. I fantasize it’s because they know who I am.

FLASH AHEAD: the plane is airborne. The masked flight attendant walks the aisles handing out soy nuts and small bottles of Poland Spring.

Excuse me uniformed person of interest,” I say to the one handing out the goodies, “would it be possible for me to order a cocktail?”

Certainly passenger C12,” comes the answer. “What would you like?”

“Could I have a Russian of Color?” I ask. The perfect combination… vodka and coffee… oh yeah!

The drink arrives a few minutes before landing, so I have to gulp it down… sipping is soooo much better.

After deplaning, having my temperature taken, my internal passport checked (I’m coming from New York… a safe state.) I’m allowed to enter the main terminal.

My gender-fluid lawyer, Harvey Epstein, is waiting for me inside. I wave and walk up to the professional. We bump elbows.

Harvey,” I say, “it’s good to see ya. Been a long time.”

“Yeah, Mykel,” says Harvey, “tell me about it.”

How ‘bout over a drink?” I suggest.

Harvey smiles and walks me out to his car, a large Cadillac SUV.

We end up in my kind of bar… a couple dozen taps, wood tables with names, hearts, and bodily organs scratched into them… a grizzled bartender with an Irish accent… and waitpersons who look like they’ve been cut out of porn magazines.

We order a couple of bottles of Modelo de Color and sit at one of the tables.
After clinking our glasses, and taking the first sip, Harvey folds his arms, leans on them, and says in the tone of voice that--- in the movies-- means CONSPIRACY.

You really sexually intercoursed yourself up with this one, Mykel,” says Harvey. “It sounds super nasty.”

“You don’t know how nasty,” I answer.

Let me get this right,” comes the answer, “your.. er… partner for the night left an unintentional gift in your bed. Is that right?”

Let me give you the background,” I say. “I was visiting a friend at Crispus Attucks U….”

That school in Obama, Kentucky?” asks Harvey.

I nod and continue. “They were having a seminar on punk rock and a friend invited me to be a part of a panel called “How Punk Rock Nearly Ended All War and Disease.”

Harvey gets it. “So you were supposed to be the contrarian, right? The guy who says NOTHING almost ended all war and disease, right?”
You got it,” I say.
I even prepared,” I tell him, “Did my reading, took notes, made a Powerpoint presentation… Showed how there are still wars all the time, and they didn’t end with the assassination of Donald Trump or the overthrow of Putin. The wars, the conquests continued. Remember when there were more countries than Israel in the Middle East? How ‘bout Covid-22? Why do you think we’re wearing masks 24 hours a day?”

The lawyer’s eyebrows raise. “That’s a pretty radical position, Mykel. Though there have been… er… outbreaks... even in North and South Kaepernick. But it’s kind of a stretch to call them wars and disease… even for you.”
I don’t think like other people,” I tell my listener.

His eyes look heavenward. “You gotta tell ME that? But Anti-Talk had other ideas, right?”

I nod.

“Yeah,” I say. “They did their homework too. Found out I was a member of The Siblinghood of the Knights of Voltaire…”

What I could see of his face turns into a big question mark.

Voltaire,” I say, “that French person who never said, I may disagree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.

“So Anti-Ta threatens to stop the conference if you’re allowed to appear,” guesses the attorney.

I nod.

So the school cancels your appearance, and gives you no compensation,” Harvey figures out and continues, “So you were canceled and depressed. So you picked up this… er… low cost person of the night… and the two of you go off to your hotel.”

I nod.

And then, the housekeeper finds… er… a curly dark hair in the sheets and turns it in to the Anti-Ta leadership.”

You’re smart,” I say, “you shudda been a lawyer.”

I get a laugh in return. The lawyer continues, “So now they’re after you… and you want me to get a restraining order, right?”

I nod.

They’re still threatening you, right?”

I nod again.

I know that’s whitemail and illegal and all that,” I say, “but I don’t know what to do about it.”

Well,” says Harvey, “in the famous Supreme Court decision MeToo vs MeNeither, Chief Justice, Ginsburg, in her ouija board- sent decision, famously wrote, A horse is a horse, of course, of course. And no one can talk to a horse, of course, which has been interpreted time and again in your favor in cases like this. I think we can win this case, but it may go all the way to the Supreme Court in Chappelle before it reaches a decision.”
It’s important,” I say. “Every day people are trying to change the books, change the heroes, change what people believe.”

You know, Mykel,” says Harvey. “You can change the trappings. You can change the language, but you can’t change the reality of history.”

Tell me about it,” I answer.


ENDNOTES: [You can contact me on facebook or by email at god@mykelboard.com. Through the post office: send those... er... private DVDs..or music or zines... or anything else (legal only!) to: Mykel Board, POB 137, New York, NY 10012-0003. If you like my writing, you can be notified when anything new is available. Send me an email with SUBSCRIBE in the subject line. Back blogs and columns are at https://mykelsblog.blogspot.com

No credit for the bass player dept: KTAL reports that a man in Louisiana was caught on video swimming in the indoor aquarium at Bass Pro Shop in Bossier City Louisiana.
According to the Bossier City P.D., Kevin Wise of Slidell has been charged with criminal damage to property.
His reason for jumping into the tank? Hitting 2000 likes on TikTok.
I support the guy. It certainly makes as much sense as tearing down Columbus statues for 2000 dislikes on Twitter.

Click here to prove you ARE a robot dept: Reuters reports that the Japanese baseball team the Fukuoka SoftBank Hawks been using dancing robots to replace Corona-restricted fans.
Before their most recent game against the Rakuten Eagles, over 20 robots danced to the team’s fight song on a podium in the otherwise empty stands.
Two different robots, including SoftBank’s humanoid robot ‘Pepper’ and others on four legs like a dog, stamped and shimmied in a choreographed dance that is usually performed by the Hawks’ fans before games in Fukuoka stadium.
Some of the robots wore Hawks caps and waved flags supporting the team. The Hawks won 4-3.

Ya just can’t win dept: In the 1960s and 70s we were demonstrating against the war in Vietnam… BRING THE TROOPS HOME! We yelled. Johnson wouldn’t listen. Next president, Nixon, after some horribly stupid bombing, finally ended the war, bringing the troops home.
Now, Donny Trump is bringing the troops back from Afghanistan. And the Democrats are cheering. Nixon without the bombing!
Yeah, right.
The same people who complained that Americans shouldn’t be the Cops of The World are now saying… KEEP THE TROOPS IN… MAKE WAR NOT LOVE!
I guess you can social distance in war.


NY Post, best-written paper in NY dept: The New York Post whose strong point is not accuracy, hits again with its real strong point: writing skill.
Headline of the month from July 8: Oregon Man Driving Stolen Car Crashes Into Woman Driving Another Stolen Car
Pretty good, but not as good as the one about the reports of the Donald Trump dossier where Donny asks a woman to piss on his face.
That headline? YELLOW JOURNALISM
With writing like that, who cares if it’s true or not?


LINK TRADE DEPARTMENT:

I read that the search engines like lots of links... and it's also nice to support my friends and enemies in their blogs. So facebook me or email me if you have a blog, webpage or something else to connect to. I add you. You add me.


Here's a start:


And another Goldberg: goldberg.wordpress.com

Poetry and humor fans will like Justin Martin in The Latency

And my friend Mike R has a nice site with recipe hits from the past! (He cooked for me once... great stuff.) Check out Yesterday's Recipes.

And here's one by a member of ANTI-SEEN... a tour diary of sorts.

Andy Shelton has an interesting blog here.

Savage Hippie is a guy who has been YouTubing for a long time. Our opinions largely overlap... but he complains that I'm a Communist. I'm not! I'm a communist.

Chris Stecher publishes a zine called PRECIS. You can see the back issue links there... and he promises a new issue soon.

George Fertakis has a very nice graphics-heavy blog... with music and books featured prominently. If there’s no link here (I can’t find it temporarily), then Google… er… Duckduckgo him for information.

And my long-term pal Sid Yiddish contributes with his Mishegas Master Blog.

NEW: Here are a couple video links.

This from Jon Cox
https://squelchchamber1.bandcamp.com/album/down-so-low

And this one from my very long-time friend Roger Armstrong.

Oh yeah, then there’s me. I have a blog of stuff I’ve written mostly from last century. You might enjoy it. Then again, you might not. It’s here.

Let me know if you have a blog… or a print zine… or a YouTube and want to be added to the list. You show me yours… you’ve already seen mine. god@mykelboard.com

See you in hell,

Mykel

You're Still Wrong, Mykels Aug. 2020 Blog Vol 1: SPLOOGE!

YOU'RE STILL WRONG..  MYKEL'S AUGUST 2020 BLOG VOLUME 1 OR SPLOOGE! by Mykel Board My prayer for the women...