You’re STILL Wrong
or
Mykel's March 2026 Blog/Column
THE YEAR OF THE WHORES
by Mykel Board
That's not an Amazon package, It's in purple plastic… thick and heavy… like a bunch of books. Return address: Yunomi… a vaguely Japanese name… but the postmark says. Florida.
I carry the package upstairs... toss it on the bed… get the box opener… and cut gently around the outside of the mystery.
What the fuck? It's a bunch of paper… loose sheets… hundreds of pages... some pristine with super-clear typing… some crumpled and barely straightened out for the mailing.
On
top of the pile is what looks like a cover letter… as if you were
sending a manuscript to a publisher with a note explaining that
you're selling all rights but any changes must be approved. The
letter starts: Dear Sirs…
I
toss it aside.
Now I dig randomly into the middle of the pile and pull out a newspaper clipping. The newspaper is dated 2019 and the story was a feature on the arrest of Jeffrey Epstein. Why send this to me? I don’t get it.
I pull out another sheet of paper. This one a kind of chart: columns and rows. The first column has names in it: Bill Clinton, Donald Trump, Noam Chomsky, Woody Allen, Prince Andrew Mountbatten, a bunch more I’ve never heard of… and then Mark Twain.
Is this a sex list? A group of Epstein's financial clients or his teenage nookie sideline?
And the timing is weird. It’s as if the mysterious sender knows I've been thinking about Epstein a lot lately. Anyone who's ever written him a letter, or shaken his hand, is now a suspect... a taboo person,… a child exploiter.
Last month (or some time ago that I can't remember), I wrote about how Romeo was 16 years old and Juliette was barely at bat mitzvah age. These were not children. A 16 year old is not a little girl. And when every bar mitzvah boy turns 13 years old, he says TODAY I AM A MAN.
In Angola, the legal age of consent is 12 years old. In The Philippines and Niger it's a year older. Having sex with people this age is not having child sex. But that's not the point here.
“So what is the fuckin’ point here?” you ask.
I answer. “The fuckin’ point here is that Mark Twain is on the list! Jeffrey Epstein had some sort of relationship with him. What does that mean?
Uh oh, look who's coming! It's LITERARY DEVICE and, as usual, she's going to say something contrary.
Okay, L.D. what's the story.
"The story is bullshit," she says. "Mark Twain is dead. You know that."
"So is Jeffrey Epstein!" I answer. "At least Mark Twain wasn't murdered. Epstein was.”
“He killed himself,” says L.D.
“You workin’ with Artificial Stupidity?” I ask. “How the hell could a bunch of rich famous people allow someone with dirt on rich famous people to live to testify in court? Look at what has happened with him dead! Could you imagine if he were alive to testify? Those rich famous people could… and they made sure they wouldn’t have to.”
L.D. shakes her head.
"Look," I say, "it's obvious Mark Twain was an Epstein client as much as Noam Chomsky was an Epstein Client. In two years, Chomsky will be 100. What's a 100 year old going to do with a 17 year old girl… or boy? If Epstein and Chomsky had a relationship, it was probably that Epstein did Chomsky’s taxes… in exchange for advice about dealing with the press."
Chomsky answered him that media scrutiny is a horrible and venomous attack by vultures… fueled by hysteria that has developed about abuse of women that has reached a point that even questioning a charge is a crime worse than murder.
But enough of that. I want to get back to Mark Twain. Because scrambling through the pages in this package, I see references to Tom Sawyer, Huck Finn, The Prince and the Pauper some other books I read in Junior High.
One page I find is written in pen… not printed out... as if it were Epstein's personal notes to remind him of something or other.
M.T. (He never uses his birth name: Samuel Clemens, complaining that "it sounds too black"... like Sammy Davis), use of the word "Nigger" in Huck Finn got him in a lot of trouble. The press was calling him RACIST and HATE-FILLED because of it. I had to explain that there's no escape from the press.
Chomsky told me so. If they find something, then anything you do, and anyone associated with you will be marked by those media maniacs with your curse. Anyone you've had even the most casual acquaintance with will be tainted by your presence.
But MT tells me he thinks it's important that writers remain true to their origins… true to their nature… using the language they'd use in their real lives.
"Listen," I tell him, "it's like golf… a game played since the 1760s. But these days, anybody you play golf with can taint you. Your job, your racial feelings, your language will rub off… like grass stains on a golfball. Good points? No! No one will know your good points. Good points can't make a scandal. They can't sell newspapers. Just pick a rumor, if it's bad enough it'll rub off on everyone you've had contact with.
Fascinating, but I'm learning even more. And here’s more handwriting:
I told M.T. about that time I was hit in the head by a back swing of D.T. I was just out of it. I remember fading in and out of consciousness and weird dreams when I was in the hospital. I thought I was back in the days of King Arthur… and in charge of the king's finances. Boy, was that a weird one.
I look through some more pages, but can't find any more references to Mark Twain. Nothing sexual anyway. And… wait… here's a pile of photographs. Let's see what's here… they look like they're from the 50s… a woman looking very much like Marilyn Monroe with a man looking very much like a very young Jeffrey Epstein… but no Mark Twain.
No more D.T. or B.C. or anybody else I recognize. Wait… what's this? Not a photo, but a letter… different handwriting from the Epstein notes.
A
comic outline of a guy with bushy hair, a big mustache… bushy
eyebrows. Just the outline… then… under the drawing:
To
J.E. from M.T…. I'm not sure if I'll ever send this, but if I do, I
hope you frame it and give it to that fellow jew, Al Jolson. Tell him
Marky Boy says hello.
I wonder how much the New York Times would pay for this! I know they like live people more than dead ones… but this could be icing on their cake when they expose the golf-outing between Mark T. and Jeffrey E.
Get
it?
2026… The
Year of the Whores. Perfect timing for what I want to talk about. The
US is supporting ethnic
homicide in Gaza. Russia has started bombing the Ukraine again and
now controls about 20% of that country.
Canada is about ready to switch from America's best friend to our biggest enemy. Denmark, my favorite country in the world, is warning Donny the Trump not to get any ideas about taking Greenland… Maybe both sides would be happier if he traded it for Puerto Rico.
But this is The Year of The Whores, so instead of war… and cruelty, we've got Jeffrey Epstein, dead for about half a decade… dominating the news. Not that he DID anything… that's neither “news” nor the manufactured horror story that passes for news in 2026. It's association. Who talked to who? Who gave advice? Who played golf?
Epstein was never convicted in a trial. A guilty plea to conspiracy… just like politicians and mobsters. Never convicted of anything involving "minors."
Whose names appear in his diaries, office memos, among the thousands of pages recovered from his secret island? Those names don't have to have DONE anything… They only need to show up. Guilty until proven innocent… and guilty of what?
Ah, but it's SEX. SEX is the greatest American taboo… a delight to talk about but an evil to engage in… unless, maybe, you're married to it.
Not only Americans… British Prince Albert... Virgin Records' Richard Branson. A visit to Epstein Island makes former Israeli Prime Minister, Ehud Barak, more tainted by Epstein than the current murderous Israeli prime minister, Benny Netanyahu. Benny doesn’t have sex with “children.” He just kills them.
And what's the scandal? SEX. And crazy enough... sex with children! Let's get this straight. The number one job for under-the-legal-working-age people is FARMING… Yes! Apple-picking... corn-cutting... trough-digging… And that business is also the number one cause of foreign-worker accidents, injuries, and death. But who cares about that?... except maybe a few ICE idiots. There's no sex in it.
Now
Chomsky… in his 90s… is being labeled a "child exploiter"
and thereby proving himself right on his advice to Epstein. Everyone
who has ever had a conversation, an email, a hospital visit by
Epstein is shaking in his/her boots at the prospect of being
“discovered.”
I haven’t heard one voice… one yell… one complaint… one call to STOP IT! Not one person is saying THIS IS BULLSHIT. Not one person (except for me) is admitting I WISH, when I was 16, someone had broken me in. I WISH I’d gotten paid hundreds of dollars to score a British prince.
And let’s give this context. Who you screw has no bearing on your ability to govern, your linguistic proficiency, or your diplomatic skills. People who profit off of sex are no dirtier (and may be more humane) than people who profit from kiddies picking corn in the blazing sun. People who’ve laid down for the boss are no more survivors than people who’ve lied about their politics or religion for the boss.
Jeffrey Epstein died for your sins. He died for Mark Twain’s right to say Nigger. He died for an exploiting press to make him a super villain… while the real villains got away.
See
you in hell,
Mykel Board
Note: This blog post was written before the murder to the Iranian president... more about that later or in facebook.
ENDNOTES: [You can contact me on facebook or by email at mykelboard@gmail.com. Through the post office: send those... er... private DVDs..or music or zines... or anything else (legal only!) to: Mykel Board, POB 137, New York, NY 10012-0003. If you like my writing, you can be notified when anything new is available. Send me an email with SUBSCRIBE TO THE BLOG in the subject line. Back blogs and columns are at https://mykelsblog.blogspot.com] For those interested in ziner, my sale collection is at: https://tinyurl.com/SeidboardZines
→ Kevin Westerhold was arrested on Jan. 27 at his home in Oviedo, Florida, Westerhold was sought after an incident on Jan. 22 at Windsor Hills Resort, near Disney World, in which "a male, partially clothed... engaged in a sexual performance with a vacuum cleaner." This according to the Osceola County Sheriff's Office. Witnesses provided a cellphone recording of the act, but the suspect had left by the time officers arrived.
→ My house needs to be farted dept: A German practice is making its way to the United States, NBC news has reported. "Luften," which translates to "airing out" but is also called "house burping," involves opening doors and windows even in the dead of winter to bring in fresh air. Air quality professional Tony Abate is a supporter of the process. He said outside air can decrease concentrations of mold, contaminants and carbon dioxide build-up. Optimal times to burp the house include first thing in the morning, after showering or cooking, and after having visitors. And it doesn't take long: "Ten minutes, no more than that is really necessary," said the expert.
–>
Abolitionist
dept:
I’ve always had difficulty understanding how Normal People®
think. You can tell prison doesn’t work because people get out and
commit more crimes. The solution? Lock people up longer! Huh? That’s
like saying, voodoo doesn’t cure cancer, so the solution is to use
MORE voodoo.
Punishment (and any of its drag names like held accountable or gives closure) is REVENGE and maybe it’ll make you
feel better, but it won’t solve the problem. People should know by
now.
One
of my favorite charities is the anti-prison Vera
Institute.
They are abolitionists and have just published a series of letters by
crime victims (mostly people with family members murdered). These
folks are NOT seeking revenge, they’re providing compassion. You
can read those letters here.
See
you in hell, redux,
MB
LINKS:
It’s About Time dept: Finally, a book about Hungarian Punk put out by Puke and Vomit records. Great scene there and I was glad to have contact with bands like Der Trottel and Tizedesz. Glad to have been a (very small) part of that scene.
Albert
aka Alberto Melody is the reason I went to Kenya. We met on facebook
a couple years ago. He has a blog you should take a look at:
Albertomelody.blogspot.com.
Tell him Mykel sent ya. Oh yeah… He’s looking for friends his
own age.
So if you’re a 20-something and interested in Africa… or just
meeting new people. Contact him at: albertletowon42@gmail.com
Here
are some new contacts to make:
Teddy Lobato’s band can
be found at
https://www.facebook.com/THEBASSMANsPSYCHEDELICNOISE
Karl
De Winton sent me a
link to his bandcamp DJ stuff. https://share.google/5sTnXjgMkFbiWQvzA
NSFW…
but that depends on your job.
Dan
Hetrick asked me “How 'bout us punk rawk programmers?”
And
offers http://merk.chat
Free
chat for the people!
I’ve
talked about Bob Cutler before. But he has more to offer than
DYSTOPEKA
https://chrometuna.com
https://theklusterfux.com
Riot Division makes its musical offering at: https://www.facebook.com/riotdivision
Syndie
Lynn sent me thebandaidmixtape
with
no other info
Barstool Revolution Zine is on facebook at https://www.facebook.com/people/Barstool-Revolution-Zine/61557909822199/
Rina
Borei
shows
off her inflatable Octopus on
Instagram:
@oona.frost
Jim Testa, a long-time friend, journalist, editor, musician and wordsmith, has an interesting substack about music and more. You can find it here.
Sid Yiddish sent me this link to all his videos. It’s a great place to start, especially if you don’t know him.
I did a nice interview with The Aither zine. Interesting questions, complete, and questions I’ve never been asked before. You can read it here. It’s a good one.
Here’s Ricardo Wang with a “micro-label” in Seattle “specializing in 8-track tapes and CDs. WOW! Check out one of their label staples: The Dead Air Fresheners, best band name of the year.
Also
on bandcamp: My very long time faves in NYC, the BLACKOUT
SHOPPERS.
Featuring pals Seth and possibly the next vice-president of the
US
Sid Yiddish has posted a video of a show done for WZRD
in Chicago. Great live performances, and if you catch the video
around the 20+ minute point you might see a familiar face doing the
lyrics to his songs (some unrecorded) as poetry. You’ll find it
here.
And this sounds right up Sid’s alley. The Bilderberg Jazz Arkestra on Bandcamp!
Eric Grayson has an online music review zine, Sobriquet. Full pictures of the sleeves too! Something missing from too many zines. Sometimes you CAN judge a… er… book… by its cover.
Steen Thomsen is a Dane I’ve known ever since Lincoln was shot. I put his band THE ZERO POINT on the great WORLD CLASS PUNK Cassette for ROIR. It must be worth a mint now. I don’t have any left, I’m afraid. You can (and should) connect to the Zero Point on facebook. Tell ‘em Mykel’s blog sent you.
Sorry Dorothy, we are STILL in Kansas. And it’s as weird as OZ. Check out Bob Cutler’s DISTOPEKA.
You
already know Murder & Mayhem zine… those guys who did the Mykel
Board centerfold. (No genitals shown… and probably for the better.)
Their online version is here.
The
Clean Boys
from Denmark are also longtime friends of mine. In Denmark we
recorded as The
Bend-over Boys.
Only one 10-inch available… but at least now I can say I have a
10-incher!
Finally, for this month, Margaret O’Brien asked me to include the site: anti-war.com They seem to be folks after my own heart. I’m glad they didn’t call it “anti-defense.”
Oh yeah, then there’s me. I have a blog of stuff I’ve written mostly from last century. You might enjoy it. Then again, you might not. It’s here.
Let me know if you have a blog… or a print zine… or a YouTube and want to be added to the list. You show me yours… you’ve already seen mine. mykelboard@gmail.com
