You're Still Wrong, Mykel's Nov 2020 Blog or Truth and Nothing But

 MYKEL'S NOV. 2020 BLOG

OR

Is That The Truth In Your
Pocket Or Are You
Happy To See Me

You’re STILL Wrong

or

Mykel's November 2020 Blog/Column

by Mykel Board 

[Back to once-a-month now. Though I only had 14 days to think about this one.]

As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of demand. --Josh Billings

Dearer to us the falsehood that exalts than hosts of baser truths. --Anne Landsman

Ashley and I are clothes shopping. Neither of us likes shopping for clothes on-line. We want to feel the material... try it on... look in the mirror... support the local shops. Me? I usually hate clothes shopping except at thrift stores. Ashley likes… er… higher end.

Flash to a hoity toity designer shop in Soho. Ashley tries on a blouse that looks somewhere between a Hawaiian shirt and a Whole Foods shopping bag. It’s too tight over her belly.

She looks at herself in the mirror.

“Waddaya think, Mykel?” She asks. “Do I look good in this?”

“You look like shit in it,” I say. “It makes you look fat and your tits look lumpy… like potatoes stuffed too tight.”

Tears form on those parts of her eyes closest to the nose-bridge. They dribble down symmetrically. She wipes them away and sniffs.

“Can’t you say something nice?” she asks. “I know you don’t like expensive stuff. But what do I look good in?”

“You look good in a black t-shirt torn at the shoulder, and molded to show some nipple,” I tell her.

“You asshole!” says Ashley. “Why do you go shopping with me if you’re only going to insult me?”

“Because I know YOU like to go shopping,” I answer, “and I figure if I do something you like, it’ll get me laid.”

None of that really happened. But, although not true, it reveals a deeper truth. TRUTH, you see... despite protestations, charges of “fake news,” “conspiracy theory...” is something that NOBODY wants.

We get along in our everyday life through lies. Lies are the grease that keeps friendships together. Lies are the sandpaper that smooths out friction between one government and the next. Lies are our entertainment. Parody is lies. Satire is lies. Borat is lies. Even awful love dramas… at their most basic… are lies.

Twitter marks tweets as “fact-checked… untrue” or something like that. Facebook marks a parody of Trump’s birtherism.. accusing Trump of being born an Arab… “fake news.” Of course it’s fake news, you idiots. IT’S A JOKE!

Maybe the chicken had a deeper motivation for crossing the street. Maybe it was existential insecurity. Maybe it was rooster sexual-harassment that forced the traffic-challenging change. Maybe getting to the other side had nothing to do with it.

Fact check please!

No!

Take post-modernism.

My understanding of post-modernism is that it comes from the theory that there is no truth… or rather... that the truth varies depending on your point of view. What’s true about traffic cops for Miles Davis (If you didn’t know, he was stopped while driving his Lamborghini. The reason? The cop said, “You don’t fit the car.”) is different than what’s true about traffic cops for Mykel Board. (The reason? The cop asked, “You get your license at K-Mart?”)

It’s Schrodinger’s Cat… dead and alive at the same time… for EVERYTHING.

Post-modernism used to be the philosophy among most academics. Now, these the same people complain about “fake news.” Hey buckaroos, it’s ALL fake news.

We’ve entered an age of POST-post-moderninsm. We’ve entered a time where there are only FACTS… and those who don’t understand the facts. Sometimes this is called SCIENCE. Sometimes it’s called The Truth^®

It seems like the world… or at least the United States… is filled with people who only accept their own views as THE TRUTH. Other people are idiots, hillbillies, socialists, capitalists, or whatever epithet fits. Worst though, are the questioners.

When I tell people I’m a “Trump agnostic,” I have to duck as the shit flung from the fan comes spinning at me like a tornado.

“How could you say that? The man is evil. You support his banning abortions and jailing little children at the border?”

“How can you say that? The man is the best thing since oral sex. You’re against his freeing of non-violent criminals, his lack of invasions of foreign countries, his fight for lower drug prices?”

Aaaaahrgh!!!

There is no room to question when opposite sides think they have a monopoly on the truth.

As I write this, I realize I have a problem. (People have been telling me that for years.) I admire whistle-blowers… the Daniel Ellsbergs, the Chelsea/Bradley Mannings, the Julian Assanges, The Edward Snowdens.

I admire their bravery... their willingness to reveal what others want to hide... their dedication to the freedom to KNOW. Sometimes their activities are called “revealing the truth.”

I won’t call it that. Instead, I’ll call it: alternate realities... different stories… other possibilities.

I read complaints about “information overload”… but instead of suppression, we need education on how to decide among the alternatives.

The whistleblowers have shown that: One of the best ways to judge the “truth” (or ONE truth) of something is by how quickly people want to cover it up.

I have over 3000 “friends” on facebook. That’s true. What’s also true is that my “friends” are not necessarily my friends. Most of them I don’t know. Some that I know --and like– I have “unfriended” or have unfriended me, because of the poisonous nature of facebook communication. Those people are not poison. Facebook itself is poison.

In its quest to suppress “fake news,” it suppresses humor. In its quest to suppress “hate speech,” it suppresses speech. (I was in facebook jail for “hate speech” because I wrote that Americans were “barbaric” for not using bidets.)

I get bounced from Amazon for selling a copy of the King James Bible, autographed by the author. Twitter gives me bad marks for saying Joe Biden’s tax returns include a deduction for a charitable contribution to Pedophiles without Borders.

Humor is lost in the quest for the truth… No it isn’t.

It’s likely you’ll be reading this after the presidential elections. The election is America’s biggest joke of the millennium. A president who frees hundreds of non-violent criminals running against the author of 3-strikes and you’re out (jailed for life) law. Guess which one is the liberal?

Right now, polling place lines are long. The only difference my vote would make is a photo of the ballot with Sid Yiddish and Charles Bukkake written in for President and VP. Lies, fake news and half-truths burst from both sides. And I have as much interest in Hunter Biden’s Ukraine connection as I do in Hillary Clinton’s emails. It’s a joke no one is laughing at.

I still have an interest in THE TRUTH, though. Not what the truth is, but if there is such a thing as truth at all. And… if there is… is it useful or irrelevant? Clearly, it hurts people’s feelings… and it’s an excuse for name-calling. Clearly science doesn’t have it... neither does politics or religion.

I think I’m going to be newly old fashioned and go back to post-modernism. Truth is what you make it… and how you look at it. And with that, I’m going to lie down and jerk off my 11-inch dick.

- end -

ENDNOTES: [You can contact me on facebook or by email at god@mykelboard.com. Through the post office: send those... er... private DVDs..or music or zines... or anything else (legal only!) to: Mykel Board, POB 137, New York, NY 10012-0003. If you like my writing, you can be notified when anything new is available. Send me an email with SUBSCRIBE in the subject line. Back blogs and columns are at https://mykelsblog.blogspot.com

→ It takes balls dept: The Washington Post reports that a hospital in Oklahoma admitted a severely bleeding patient. The 28-year-old victim said that two men had surgically removed his testicles in their remote cabin in the Oklahoma woods. One of those men said he was a “cannibal” who kept body parts in the refrigerator.

The next day, sheriff’s deputies found what appeared to be testicles in a bag in the freezer. The two men face felony charges of conspiracy to commit and performing unlicensed surgery.

The “victim” told investigators that he volunteered for the surgery after meeting the “doctor” on a website that advertised castrations. He consented to the operation.

And I thought the whole thing was about consent. Consent don’t mean shit these days. Ain’t it the truth?

→ Here’s the sweet poll dept: Trump will win the election. At least, that’s the lead he has in the Lochel’s Bakery’s viral cookie poll. The bakery, just outside of Philadelphia, lets shoppers buy either Trump or Biden decorated cookies, and the staff keeps track of each one they sell.

Six weeks ago, the bakery launched its poll. The results have been unexpected.

Cookies Sold:

Trump - 3,754

Biden - 1,602

I say it may not be the political taste, but may have something to do with the fact that the Biden Cookies are completely stale.

→ Major campaign manager Dept: TV preacher Pat Robertson says that Donald Trump will win the election. How does he know? He got a direct message from God, saying that the election results are determined from above… WAAAY above.
Maybe it’s true. After all, his source is the same guy upstairs who brought us COVID-19… and more hurricanes than ever before… not to mention floods, and earthquakes. It MUST BE TRUE!

See you in hell,
MB

LINK TRADE DEPARTMENT:

I read that the search engines like lots of links... and it's also nice to support my friends and enemies in their blogs. So facebook me or email me if you have a blog, webpage or something else to connect to. I add you. You add me.

Here's a start:

Here’s Richard Goldberg: goldberg.wordpress.com

Poetry and humor fans will like Justin Martin in The Latency

And my friend Mike R has a nice site with recipe hits from the past! (He cooked for me once... great stuff.) Check out Yesterday's Recipes.

And here's one by a member of ANTI-SEEN... a tour diary of sorts.

Andy Shelton has an interesting blog here.

Savage Hippie is a guy who has been YouTubing for a long time. Our opinions largely overlap... but he complains that I'm a Communist. I'm not! I'm a communist.

Chris Stecher publishes a zine called PRECIS. You can see the back issue links there... and he promises a new issue soon.

George Fertakis has a very nice graphics-heavy blog... with music and books featured prominently. If there’s no link here (I can’t find it temporarily), then Google… er… Duckduckgo him for information.

And my long-term pal Sid Yiddish contributes with his Mishegas Master Blog.

And connect to TRUST Zine, a long-running German punk zine… that STILL PRINTS!!! Yeah, they have a website too… of course! It’s here.

Here are a couple video links.

This from Jon Cox https://squelchchamber1.bandcamp.com/album/down-so-low

And this one from my very long-time friend Roger Armstrong.

Jim Testa moved his long running zine, Jersey Beat, to the blogosphere awhile back. You can read it here. Jim also recommended a kind of unique album… in a style you don’t see to much of these days… or any days. Neo-Hassidic Rock Opera. You can stream the album here.

Kyle Nonneman is in prison in Portland. At least he can’t be kidnapped by the secret police… I think. I post his blog for him, he can’t do it from the klink. Lots of stuff about noise metal… and some very weird politics that will either fascinate or repulse you… or both.

Oh yeah, then there’s me. I have a blog of stuff I’ve written mostly from last century. You might enjoy it. Then again, you might not. It’s here.

I have a very occasional blog about how rich people are just like us… same needs, same desires, you know. You can read it here.

Let me know if you have a blog… or a print zine… or a YouTube and want to be added to the list. You show me yours… you’ve already seen mine. god@mykelboard.com

You're Still Wrong.. Mykel's January 2020 Blog.... FAKE NEWS

You’re STILL Wrong

or
Mykel's

January 2020 Blog/Column

Fake News

by Mykel Board

You furnish the pictures and I'll furnish the war

--William Randolph Hearst

What doesn’t kill you, destroys you mentally.
--The back of a jacket of someone walking down Lexington Ave.

in front of me.

I want to stop him… ask him what his story is… Is that a fashion statement or did you design it yourself? Are you making excuses? Do you want to warn us? Are you a military veteran?

Up to now, the only main clause I knew to complement the subordinate what doesn’t kill you… is makes you stronger. The bullshititude of that is so obvious that it needs no explanation… but I’ll give it to you anyway.

Take diabetes. It debilitates… gradually blinds you, cripples you from the pain on the soles of your feet, maybe an amputation… both legs at the knees. It doesn’t kill you, but it sure as fuck doesn’t make you stronger. Or work… most people survive their worthless jobs: grocery store bagger, stock manipulator, burger flipper, the list of worthless work is a thousand times longer than the one of useful work. Usually it doesn’t kill, but it steals your valuable time… makes you angry, bored, eternally tired… In no way does it make you stronger.

But this guy’s jacket… whoever his is… and he just turned the fuckin’ corner when I wasn’t looking… gone… now I’ll never know… I wonder if he knew the greater idea of his jacket. Since you’re alive, nothing you’ve ever done has killed you. So that means EVERYTHING you’ve ever done destroys you mentally. But wait, there’s more. It’s YOU --not I-- the collective you.. meaning EVERYONE… so EVERYTHING ANYBODY has done contributes to their own mental destruction. Wow… Heavy thoughts.

FLASH AHEAD TO 1AM: my apartment. XNXX. Despite the near-bleeding chafe sore on the underside of my penis, I prepare myself to jerk off to COLLEGE DORM FORCED BISEX. Two youngish white students sit on a bed, barefoot, otherwise fully clothed. Between them is a laptop computer. The woman: maybe twenty years old… touches of blue in her light brown hair… a bit of make up… a sheer blouse over a shoulderless tank top. The guy: about the same age, scruffy blond, hairless face, thin body… too good-looking to be hetero.

They look at the laptop screen. The woman points to something and they both laugh. The camera shoots from a low angle a bit off to the right. We see a window behind the couple. They are not looking at it. While the pair laughs, a form appears in window. It takes human shape as it steps closer… a big guy, wearing sweatpants and a RUTGERS t-shirt. Surprisingly easily, he raises the window from the outside and steps into the room.

WHACK!

He hits the twink with the back of his hand… knocks him flat on the bed. He rolls him onto his stomach. The girl is out of the camera frame. I can’t tell if she’s screaming or just sitting there. (NOTE: I always watch porn with the sound off. I’m concerned about the neighbors.)

The big guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out a roll of duct tape. Pulling the twink’s hands behind his back. He holds the wrists together with one hand, while the other hand tapes them. Then the ankles... the mouth… a duct tape gag. Now it’s HER turn.

She’s back in the frame again… off the bed… running toward the door. The big guy tackles, smashing her body against the closed door… pressing his body against hers… rubbing up and down against her back as he holds her head… cheek flattened against the door.

I unzip my pants and reach in.

The big guy slides down and grabs the woman by the ankles… pulls… her body slowly scrapes down the back of the door… He drags her onto the bed…. next to her duck-taped mate. The camera moves to follow… then cut to a close-up of her struggling, mouth open, silent-- to me with the sound off-- scream… quickly hushed by duct tape wrapped once… twice... around her face... mouth... the back of her head.

This can’t be real, right? There was a camera in the room before the guy broke in. It’s an act… a performance… but they’re so good… so convincing.

The big guy treats the woman like he treated her boyfriend, taping her wrists behind her back and taping her ankles together. She is face-down on the bed. He lies on top of her clothed body and reaches around to undo her wide black belt. He slides the belt off and puts it next to her… then reaching around again, he unbuttons her pants and pulls them down… hard… as far as her taped ankles… She wears slightly baggy women’s panties. Nothing Victoria’s Secret about them. Grabbing the cloth in each hand, the Rutgers man tears it from her body like the villain in a horror move might tear open a closed elevator door to get at the shaking occupants. Her ass is soft… a quivering layer of untoned muscle… slight dimples in the cheeks.

Whack! Whack! Whack!

Those cheeks jiggle with each whack of the belt against her naked flesh. Pressing against her back with one hand, the Rutgers boy uses the other to open his own belt… push down his sweat pants. He wears rather unattractive boxers.. gray, with a band that says HANES. Those too the invader pulls down in a single stroke. We get a glimpse of the goods… half hard… soon to be pressed between the untoned cheeks underneath.

I am not half hard… I’m all the way.

Close-up as he pumps himself to full mast. Camera pulls back. We watch him spit… thick white hocker… between the buttocks of the young woman. Close-up: He presses his face between those cheeks… his mouth action is invisible to the camera, but we can guess he’s using his tongue to prepare the tunnel for the traffic to come.

The camera pulls back again. We see the young guy, bug-eyed, watching what’s happening next to him, twisting this way and that… helpless to help his girlfriend. The camera pulled back. This is a movie. These are actors. They are just very convincing actors… It’s not real… It can’t be real.

I pump myself to full mast again and watch as the big guy raises himself and plunges into the woman. She lifts her shoulders… shakes her head… right and left… Close up of her face… her eyes showing terror… a movie scream queen… but more convincing… No, there’s a camera. It can’t be real.

The Rutgers guy pulls out… bending his back and knees showing he’s still hard. He shifts his body… grabbing the young man on the bed… The duct-taped guy twists away. The big guy grabs him by the shoulder, turns him on his back… slaps him hard… one cheek… then the next.

Slap! Slap! Slap!

Then, the big guy tears the pretty boy’s shirt… same cross chest motion… rrrrrrip. Buttons fly like mini-bullets. Then the black t-shirt underneath… rrrrrrip! Reaching down, the big guy --somehow he suddenly seems Russian to me… close-cropped hair… light… big square face-- takes each of the other guy’s nipples in his fingers… and twists. The guy on the bed struggles to scream under the duct tape… He raises his head and smashes it against the bed beneath him, as if fighting the pain in his chest. The camera moves in for a close-up… showing a thin stream of drool leaking from behind the tape down the side of the pretty boy’s face.

The guy on the bed ignores the camera… acts like it’s not there… further proof it’s all staged… but his taped face of pain and terror is convincing. I stroke myself faster.

The big guy reaches down and opens the young man’s belt…. tugging on the buckle to whip it through the loops. Then in one big yank, he pulls down the Levis and whatever was underneath. The taped guy’s good parts lay limp between his legs. The Russian reaches to grab the whole kit and caboodle in his right hand. When he gets a good grip, he squeezes.

The tendons on the back of his hand bulge against the skin as he squeezes harder. The taped guy on the bed, twists against the squeezing hand. It looks like he’s going to lose it all... have it ripped from his body… How can he stand that kind of pain? It’s faked, right? It’s a show.

The Russian releases the equipment, and grabs a shoulder to flip the guy onto his stomach. Playing his victim’s ass like bongos, he smashes his hands against those tight white buttcheeks, turning them bright red. The camera pulls back. We see the big Russian kneeling between the guy’s legs. His Russian hard-on as big and solid as a little league baseball bat. This time without saliva lubricant, he plunges in.

The eyes of the young man on the bed bulge harder, like they’re going to leave their sockets. The Russian pumps away. He grabs a handful of the young man’s hair and pulls up… bending the guy’s body into a Nike swoosh.

Ride ‘em cowboy!!

Another facial close-up. Just the eyes of the guy being fucked. Tears dribble down from those eyes to the duct tape below… every once in awhile the irises disappear and the eyes turn red-lined white. The tears don’t stop.

I’m rubbing myself raw… even rawer… the chafing skin is just this side of bleeding… Oh yeah, it hurts so good.

Here it comes… The Russian pulls out, shifts to kneel right over the young guy’s face. He pumps himself… If only I can wait until he’s ready… Hold it! Hold it! BLAM! Right in those teary eyes. Yes! Yes! A perfect match… He spews. I only dribble.

“Mykel, what the fuck? Why are you telling us this shit?”

“Goddamn, it’s you again… Literary Device… Jesus fuckin’ Christ… At least this time you let me cum first.”

“But what’s the point here? To show us how sick you are… how fucked up the internet is… how we can convince ourselves things are fake if they satisfy our own personal pleasure?”

“Bingo!” I say.

“You’re saying we’re in an age of fake news and we can’t trust what we see even if we enjoy it?”

“In an era of fake news? No, we’ve ALWAYS been in an era of fake news. Ever since William Randolph Hearst promised Teddy Roosevelt a war using staged photos and fake attacks. Fake news is what we live with. Truth --if it exists-- is an accident.”

You believe what you want to believe… and trust those sources that confirm those beliefs. Who knows? And there’s no way to check. I may have been jerking off to an actual rape, but in order to keep my hard-on, I needed to convince myself it was staged.

So you go through life… You divide the world into good and evil and when events don’t match your image… you say they’re fake. But the reality is that the world is complicated, and people (including the President of the United States) are neither good nor evil, but complex beings with complex motives reported in ways that confirm or offend our points of view. It’s ALL fake news. And you wouldn’t have it any other way.

- end -

ENDNOTES: [You can contact me on facebook or by email at mykelboard@gmail.com. Through the post office: send those... er... private DVDs..or music or zines... or anything else (legal only!) to: Mykel Board, POB 137, New York, NY 10012-0003. ]

→ Student Narc Dept: WNBC Boston reports that a substitute teacher was fired after the instructor was caught smoking marijuana in a Massachusetts classroom. The teacher was fired after lighting up and discussing the herb with his students. Marijuana is decriminalized in Massachusetts, and apparently it was one of the students who narced on the teacher.

→ Speaking of Fake News Dept: Another teacher was fired… this one for telling the truth. Metro New York reported that a Brooklyn sub teacher was fired and refused future work in the state. Why? He told his class that “Santa isn’t real.” So now, teachers are REQUIRED to spread fake news… even if they know it’s fake.

→The Nose Doesn’t Know Dept: Press and government scare mongering has gotten us so skittish that we can evacuate a bus from a deodorant attack. The Huffington Post explains: Thirty students were evacuated from a Florida school bus this week in what the driver reported as a possible “hazardous materials” incident. They were treated on the scene for mild respiratory irritation after smelling a “strong odor.” All were transported to a nearby high school to be picked up by their families.

The odor turned out to be Axe Body Spray, which a student had apparently sprayed liberally on the bus, said Division Chief Mike Williamson. When no one confessed to using the spray, Williamson personally interviewed every student to sniff out the culprit. He said it was the first Axe Body Spray evacuation of his 33-year career.

LINK TRADE DEPARTMENT:

I read that the search engines like lots of links... and it's also nice to support my friends --and enemies-- in their blogs. So facebook me or email me if you have a blog, webpage or something else to connect to. I add you. You add me.

Here's a start:

• David Goldberg's Busy Microbes Blog
• And another Goldberg: goldberg.wordpress.com
• Poetry and humor fans will like Justin Martin in The Latency
• And my friend Mike R has a nice site with recipe hits from the past! (He cooked for me once... great stuff.) Check out Yesterday's Recipes.
• And here's one by a member of ANTI-SEEN... a tour diary of sorts.
• Andy Shelton has an interesting blog here.
• Savage Hippie is a guy who has been YouTubing for a long time. Our opinions largely overlap... but he complains that I'm a Communist. I'm not! I'm a communist.
• Chris Stecher publishes a zine called PRECIS. You can see the back issue links there... and he promises a new issue soon.
• George Fertakis has a very nice graphics-heavy blog... with music and books featured prominently. If there’s no link here (I can’t find it temporarily), then Google… er… Duckduckgo him for information.
• And my long-term pal Sid Yiddish contributes with his Mishegas Master Blog.

Let me know if you have a blog… or a PRINT zine and want to be added to the list. You show me yours… you’ve already seen mine. god@mykelboard.com