Sunday, August 16, 2020

You're Still Wrong, Mykels Aug. 2020 Blog Vol 2: WHAT OLD PEOPLE DO!

 


YOU'RE STILL WRONG.. 

MYKEL'S AUGUST 2020 BLOG

VOLUME 2
OR
WHAT OLD PEOPLE DO


by Mykel Board

In America, the land of the perpetually young, growing old is an embarrassment and dying is seen as a failure.Harold S. Kushner

Suffering and understanding are deeply connected; death and self-awareness are in league. Denis de Rougemont


Olivia de Havilland died? What a shame! She was 104 years old… had her whole life behind her. It’s just awful. Such a tragedy.

I know. It’s so sad. And what about that Regis Philbin? 84 years old and poof! Just gone! It’s terrifying. Quick! Close everything NOW!!!! Old people are dying!

And Granny! It was so horrible. She had diabetes, chronic lung infection, pneumonia… and she just died. Can you imagine a woman like that just up and dying?

Flash to small talk: At a wedding party… you meet a young man, full head of hair tight chin under his scruffy beard.

And what do you do?” you ask…

He answers.

“Oh, still in grad school,” you say, “What are your plans for the next decade or so?”

“Well, after I graduate,” comes the answer, “I think I’ll take a trip around the world. Then, look for a job in an emerging tech company. You never know when Google will be on a buying spree.”

Flash to small talk TWO, same party: an older man. The fringe of hair left is deeply gray... eyebags like a shopping trip to Safeway… wisps of gray beard missed in shaving.

Ah, grandfather of the bride?” you ask.

He shakes his head. “Of the groom.”

And what are your plans for the next decade or so?” you don’t ask.

“I plan to die,” he doesn’t say. “That’s what old people do. We die.”

Get it?

We have a panic. The government is asking… sometimes demanding… that everyone change their lives to protect the old and the sick. Society upends. There is more sudden poverty than at any time since the great depression. Why? So that old and sick people don’t die.

I’m pushing 80 years old. I’m a high risker. And I’m going to die! You know? That’s what old people do. That’s what EVERYBODY does. You don’t save lives… the best you can do is postpone death. Does this come as a shock to you?

Why should…

Hey Mykel!

Fuck! I’d know that font anywhere. It’s The Literary Device. Okay, I’ll bite. What the hell do you want?

Where are you going with this? As if I didn’t know. You think, since old people and sick people are going to die anyway, that asking everybody to sacrifice to save them is a worthless sacrifice.

Worse than worthless,” I answer. “Destructive! We’re harming the many to save those who won’t be saved anyway.”

Think, Mykel... since everyone is going to die anyway, why have lifeguards at beaches… or EMT? You’re not saving anyone, you’re just postponing death.

First,” I say, “what gives you the right to butt in here anyway. You’re just a literary device… you’re not even human. Second...”

BINGO! That’s exactly what gives me the right. I’m one who WON’T die. Literary devices live forever. That gives me some perspective.

Shut up!” I yell back. “Second, you have a good point. I should have said that given the way this epidemic goes: You don’t save lives. the best you can do is postpone death… a little. Is it worth it?”

Who are you to judge?

I’m Mykel fuckin’ Board. That’s who. I have the same right to give my opinion as anyone else. And I hate to see lives wrecked... people afraid to leave their houses... last chance meetings missed... plans destroyed... kids taught that other humans are dangerous and being too close to them will kill those kids… the idea of social followed immediately by the idea of distancing… We’re destroying ourselves to save people who would die soon anyway.

Young people get the virus… even kids. It’s not just a the sick and the old disease.

Neither is the flu, the common cold, or e-coli,” I answer, “But most people get over them. Corona is unpleasant for a while, sometimes needs heroic measures, but more than 90% of the people who get it, get over it. In the meantime, people’s lives are ruined –forever– by the fear of it. They won’t get over it. Future generations are ruined by lack of real schooling, lack of human contact, lack of a social life… except for DISTANCING. A $600 –or Trumpian $400– check is not going to fix that.”

So what do you propose? Overwhelm the US healthcare system? It’s the worst in the so-called developed world. You want to make it impossible to treat any other disease than the pile of COVIDS?

Ah,” I reply, “you’ve hit the problem. We’re fucked from the start by living in such a primitive country. Worst medical system… except for the rich. And that’s a problem… for once in my life... I don’t have an answer to.”

Bingo!

- end -

ENDNOTES: [You can contact me on facebook or by email at god@mykelboard.com. Through the post office: send those... er... private DVDs..or music or zines... or anything else (legal only!) to: Mykel Board, POB 137, New York, NY 10012-0003. If you like my writing, you can be notified when anything new is available. Send me an email with SUBSCRIBE in the subject line. Back blogs and columns are at https://mykelsblog.blogspot.com


Had enough yet? dept: There’s a great story (with an awful headline, cut from the picture below) that just reports and doesn’t take sides. It’s so rare to see any balance from anyone these days.


To mask or not to mask… no conclusions. That’s the way it should be.


Bird Flew dept: Meaww.com reports that a British man pleaded guilty to having sex with chickens and having his wife film the act. Rehan Baigalong with his wife, Heema Baig, appeared for a hearing before a judge and pleaded guilty to 11 charges including three of performing an act of penetration on chickens.

Funny, fucking a chicken is a criminal offense, but killing one is not. Values anyone?


Swine get it right dept: Meanwhile, the Ripley’s site shows us a flu animal that gets it. There are, evidently, dozens of cases where pigs, farmed for their flesh, EAT the farmers. They do a pretty good job. One family reports a farmer’s remains as “his dentures and a few small body parts-- that’s all.” The article does not say if there are records of pigs fucking humans (though it seems to me I’ve seen the 8mm films). I have no idea if it would be legal or not. But if people aren’t allowed to do it to chickens, you’d expect that pigs wouldn’t be allowed to do it to people. You never know, though. If you do it... send me a picture, will ya?


--See you in hell!



LINK TRADE DEPARTMENT:


I read that the search engines like lots of links... and it's also nice to support my friends and enemies in their blogs. So facebook me or email me if you have a blog, webpage or something else to connect to. I add you. You add me.


Here's a start:

Here’s Richard Goldberg: goldberg.wordpress.com

Poetry and humor fans will like Justin Martin in The Latency

And my friend Mike R has a nice site with recipe hits from the past! (He cooked for me once... great stuff.) Check out Yesterday's Recipes.

And here's one by a member of ANTI-SEEN... a tour diary of sorts.

Andy Shelton has an interesting blog here.

Savage Hippie is a guy who has been YouTubing for a long time. Our opinions largely overlap... but he complains that I'm a Communist. I'm not! I'm a communist.

Chris Stecher publishes a zine called PRECIS. You can see the back issue links there... and he promises a new issue soon.

George Fertakis has a very nice graphics-heavy blog... with music and books featured prominently. If there’s no link here (I can’t find it temporarily), then Google… er… Duckduckgo him for information.

And my long-term pal Sid Yiddish contributes with his Mishegas Master Blog.

Here are a couple video links.

This from Jon Cox
https://squelchchamber1.bandcamp.com/album/down-so-low

And this one from my very long-time friend Roger Armstrong.

Oh yeah, then there’s me. I have a blog of stuff I’ve written mostly from last century. You might enjoy it. Then again, you might not. It’s here.


Let me know if you have a blog… or a print zine… or a YouTube and want to be added to the list. You show me yours… you’ve already seen mine. god@mykelboard.com


Saturday, August 01, 2020

You're Still Wrong, Mykels Aug. 2020 Blog Vol 1: SPLOOGE!

YOU'RE STILL WRONG.. 

MYKEL'S AUGUST 2020 BLOG

VOLUME 1
OR
SPLOOGE!


by Mykel Board

My prayer for the women of the next millennium: have hard hearts; and learn how to kill. --Andrea Dworkin

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking. A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one-dollar item he wants. A woman will pay one dollar for a two-dollar item she doesn't want. --– Elayne Boosler


Did you ever notice that most people are more attractive when lying naked on their backs... knees close to their ears? That’s how Briana is right now. I only need to look down and see her there.. red hair half covering her face. Her eyes directly looking into mine as I thrust forward blessing the friction and the birth control pills that allow skin to skin.

I breathe hard, pumping in ever-increasing rhythm. She has actual vocal cord voice with her breathing… an audible uh.. uh… uuuuuuh…. Uuuuuuuh… Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!

Me too! I can’t hold back any more. I feel the tightening between my legs… an explosion! One… two… three squeezes oh fuckin’ god! I pull out… squeeze four lands on her belly…. just two or so inches north of her navel. It’s an innie… the navel I’m talking about… not the splooge. Slowly, it spreads across her belly. I lower myself… until my head rests between her legs. I lick upwards, vaginally feltching myself… then further upwards, stopping at that beautiful navel… then north to my own gooey mess. Using my tongue, I slurp it into my mouth.

Ewwwww,” says Briana.

I look up… surprised.

But, I’m too tired to say anything. Load shot, it’s time to kiss and go to sleep. Briana gives me a peck on the cheek. I drape one arm over her chest, resting my hand on a breast, settling the nipple between my middle and ring finger.
I kiss her shoulder and close my eyes.

She pushes a wrist into my chest.

Talk to me!” she says.

Huh?” I answer.

“Talk to me! Say something,” she says.

How ‘bout them Yankees?” I ask.

She is not amused.

Since then, I’ve discovered Briana isn’t unique. Girls want to talk after screwing. Boys want to snuggle. Girls DON’T want to talk about The Yankees.
How much ink has been spilled on the differences between men and women? How many ones and zeros have been bytten trying to explain… or denying there’s any difference at all?

I found this from 1988:





My own experience says men and women are not the same. In my experience, two great differences show themselves right off the bat.

1. Women don’t like The Three Stooges.

2. For guys, taking a shit is the closest you can get to an orgasm. The feel/memory of a good shit will last from the morning it’s taken well into the afternoon. You think back… re-experience the anal memory. For gals –to quote one I asked– “It’s nothing special. It’s just something you gotta do.”

I have no political agenda in asking about these differences. I believe in gender equality, not gender sameness. For those who don’t get the difference. 2 eggs and 2 blow-up dolls EQUAL 4 things. But eggs and blow-up dolls are not THE SAME.

When I presented my theory on facebook, the objections came immediately. (What a surprise!) Females who like the Three Stooges… Males who don’t. Ladies who like shitting MORE than sex. Gentlemen who find it disgusting.

Okay, there are always exceptions, even science doesn’t speak with certainty these days… but only tendencies.

Some generalizations match my experience.
  • Señors like to collect. (stamp collectors, record collectors, car collectors)
  • Señoras like to create. (dress-makers, quilters)
  • The fair sex cries easily and at times (like at tear-jerker movies) seems to enjoy it.
  • The unfair sex cries at death, but rarely at anything else.
Other “differences” just feel WRONG to me… I’ve seen too many counterexamples:
  • Women are emotional.
  • Men are logical. (obviously someone who’s never seen The Sopranos)
  • Men are war-makers.
  • Women are peacemakers. (obviously someone who’s never heard of Margaret Thatcher)
All this is debatable, and will be debated until I’m reincarnated as a platypus.

Do we decide if these characteristics are social or biological? Or maybe, whether or not it is important to consider these characteristics at all. Ironies abound in the discussion. Nature vs nurture... a question that’ll never be answered… though I propose a determiner.

If a division is truly cross-cultural, that is if men do/are/believe/act in one culture as they do in an unrelated –especially un-contacted– culture, then the characteristic is biological. If different cultures have different gender characteristics, then those differences cultural. My friend in Kenya says men there only cry at death. Women cry from a sad story. Biology! When I arrived in Holland in 1972, my pal Rob was at the airport with a bouquet of flowers for me. Culture!

Wait! Stop! Back up! Maybe the difference between Chick and Dude doesn’t matter. It’s there, for investigation by sociologists, or psychologists… but maybe it doesn’t matter in our day-to-day lives. Maybe both sides should stop making it important. I’ve often heard women refer to each other with “come on, guys.” Few things give me a hard-on quicker than a fine lady commanding me, SUCK MY DICK!

I donno. Maybe we should just look at people as equal, but not THE SAME… every individual different from every other individual. Then we figure out who wants to talk and who wants to slurp sloooge… and after that, we just do it.

- end -

ENDNOTES: [You can contact me on facebook or by email at god@mykelboard.com. Through the post office: send those... er... private DVDs..or music or zines... or anything else (legal only!) to: Mykel Board, POB 137, New York, NY 10012-0003. If you like my writing, you can be notified when anything new is available. Send me an email with SUBSCRIBE in the subject line. Back blogs and columns are at https://mykelsblog.blogspot.com

Balls Dept: I often complain about how fear has been ruling our lives since corona began. Even if you're not consumed by it, your actions, your friends, your life IS consumed by it. I hate it... more than the disease itself I hate the fear.
BUT, now could be a time for bravery... the opposite of fear... and I don't have that final step's worth. I'm talking about the bravery required to volunteer for the vaccine tests. Evidently "10s of thousands" already have. Being injected with something new and untested... YOU'RE the test. Maybe the cure is worse than the disease. Maybe it will kill you... make you grow an extra head... give you cancer... make your ovaries fall out from your vagina... Who knows? I admire bravery, and I dislike cowardliness. I super admire those brave enough to volunteer for this test. I'm too much of a coward to do it.

Stairway to Heaven Dept: Texas GOP State Rep. Jonathan Stickland was was a laughing Twitter-stock after suggesting that aliens would have to accept Jesus Christ as their savior if they wanted to visit heaven.
“I
f aliens are real, salvation through Jesus Christ is the only way they enter Heaven.
The leftish Huffington Post reports about this used the headline: Texas Politician Alienates Twitter Users By Suggesting E.T.s Need Religion…
ALIENATESget it?

Tit for tat dept: I had a friend who would only buy stolen bicycles. It was his theory that bike-stealing is a kind of recycling. Someone steals a bike. They sell it to you. You use it for a while and someone steals it. That thief, in turn, either uses it or sells it to someone else. No waste, no hundreds of dollars for a new bike that will only get stolen… It’s perfect ecology.
       Now, The Mirror reports that sometimes the circle closes… This thief actually left a note:













--See you in hell… with the aliens!


LINK TRADE DEPARTMENT:

I read that the search engines like lots of links... and it's also nice to support my friends and enemies in their blogs. So facebook me or email me if you have a blog, webpage or something else to connect to. I add you. You add me.


Here's a start:


Here’s Richard Goldberg: goldberg.wordpress.com

Poetry and humor fans will like Justin Martin in The Latency

And my friend Mike R has a nice site with recipe hits from the past! (He cooked for me once... great stuff.) Check out Yesterday's Recipes.

And here's one by a member of ANTI-SEEN... a tour diary of sorts.

Andy Shelton has an interesting blog here.

Savage Hippie is a guy who has been YouTubing for a long time. Our opinions largely overlap... but he complains that I'm a Communist. I'm not! I'm a communist.

Chris Stecher publishes a zine called PRECIS. You can see the back issue links there... and he promises a new issue soon.

George Fertakis has a very nice graphics-heavy blog... with music and books featured prominently. If there’s no link here (I can’t find it temporarily), then Google… er… Duckduckgo him for information.

And my long-term pal Sid Yiddish contributes with his Mishegas Master Blog.

NEW: Here are a couple video links.

This from Jon Cox
https://squelchchamber1.bandcamp.com/album/down-so-low

And this one from my very long-time friend Roger Armstrong.

Oh yeah, then there’s me. I have a blog of stuff I’ve written mostly from last century. You might enjoy it. Then again, you might not. It’s here.

Let me know if you have a blog… or a print zine… or a YouTube and want to be added to the list. You show me yours… you’ve already seen mine. god@mykelboard.com

--Mykel

MYKEL'S APRIL 2021 BLOG or Side Effects

  You’re STILL Wrong or Mykel's April 2021 Blog/Column Side Effects by Mykel Board With some things we are try...