POST MRR COLUMN 25
Let's Talk About Race
by Mykel Board
"We
had grown up believing white to be the color of all the important
things , like ice cream, aspirin, ribbon, the moon, the stars.” –
Lloyd Jones
I'm
happier than a young feminist firing an old Jew. Let's Talk About
Race... the new fashionable topic... right up my alley... I talk
about it often, but it never gets the attention it deserves.
Race's
kissin' cousin IMMIGRATION is getting a lot of cyber ink lately,
especially thanks to Donny Trump. I'm gonna talk about that too.
The
SCENE: You have a medium-priced apartment in a low rent part of the
city. Yeah, it's far from downtown, but it'll do. There's a bodega
down the block... beer and chicharones. There's a bar on the corner
where they know you by name and pour out that pint of Yuengling when
you walk in the door. It's a place you can live.
A
truck pulls up to the next building... a moving van. You lean out
your window to check on the action. Behind the van is a big black
SUV. A Negress, hair done up in a bright-colored headscarf-- wearing
a matching dress-- slides heavily out of the passenger seat. She
opens the back door. Four screaming little black kids-- two of each
gender-- pile out onto the street. A very proper-looking colored
gentleman is the last to leave the car... from the driver's seat.
Wearing a black suit, with a stiff white shirt and tie, he puts his
hands on his hips and bends back to look at the building.
You
think, “Yes!! Safe!!”
When
colored people (or Mexicans) move into a neighborhood, what do people
think? "FUCK, it won't be long before I can't live here anymore?
It'll be too expensive. All the shops I know... my friends... NOBODY
will be able to stay. Rents will go up like penises at a strip club.
Food will go up. I'll be forced out."
I
don't think so. That's not gonna happen.
But
let some white bearded guy, with too skinny jeans and a topknot, move
in and... it's the end! Next come the organic bakery, the hipster hat
shop, and STARBUCKS! Let's get this clear. White
people make neighborhoods unlivable. There, I said it.
Little
known fact: except for Godfather's Pizza (and I'm not sure if that
qualifies), every fast-food chain in America has been started by and
presided over by a whiteguy. But walk into one of those restaurants
and see who is actually doing the work. It sure ain't white guys. The
ones MAKING, SELLING, CLEANING UP, are not white! White people don't
work. They sit there and OWN... that's it. White people wouldn't know
how to work if you paid them... and you do!
Take
my local bank... please! I walk in and a black guy greets me at the
desk. I walk past him... up to the Indian woman behind the safety
glass... ask her how much money I have left. Not a white guy in
sight! But my credit card late fees are NOT paying these guys... the
guys who are actually working. They're paying some white gym bunny to
sit on his ass and watch internet porn in between NASDAQ trades. THAT
IS NOT WORK.
Those
knee-jerk defenders of white people talk about crime. They talk about
black on white crime... black on black crime. They talk as if
reducing the number of pickpockets and dope smokers was REDUCING
CRIME.
White-guy
supreme, Rudy Giuliani, brags about REDUCING CRIME in New York during
his regime. He brags that the city has become safer because of his
war on Negroes.
Let's
get this straight: GUILIANI did NOT reduce crime in New York. He
reduced crime STATISTICS. While he was gathering up homeless people
and shipping them off to Camden or Newark, there were a bunch of
white guys at Citibank and Chase, committing crime after crime. They
were stealing from bank customers, defrauding homeowners, MAKING
people homeless. Eventually the feds stepped in and made the banks
pay billions in fines. Unlike the single-joint marijuana smoker under
Mayor G... none of the white people went to jail. Jail isn't for
white people.
Clearly
more people were hurt by the banking crimes of (mostly) white guys,
than by any Negro stealing a hubcap in the South Bronx. But for Mayor
G... That ain't a crime.
Want
to limit crime? Then make some laws. It's not Broken Windows
that are the problem, but Louvered French Windows. My proposal
for the first new law under President Sanders: Establish a MAXIMUM
PERSONAL WEALTH. If you have ten billion dollars, you don't need
ELEVEN billion dollars. Come on white guys... give it up.
The
rich are destroying America. They make prices go up, buy up real
estate, force people out of their homes. Wealth creates poverty. If
you have money, go away... leave... NOW! Move to Russia. I don't
care, but don't buy up The United States. Live in Beverly Hills if
you want, just don't move to my neighborhood.
As
long are there are rich people, crime will not end in America.
FLASH
TO IMMIGRATION:
What
about immigration? It's related to race because every immigrant to
the US belongs to some race or other. I say Donny Trump has the right
idea: A WALL. I wish! But we can't build a wall where it really
belongs... in the North Atlantic. We need a flotilla!
Yes!
I'm talking about EUROPEANS.
In
2010 there were almost 5 million European immigrants in the US...
enough to populate every hipster hair salon in New York... for a
year! These were only the official ones... the ones in the records.
Millions more came on tourist visas... and... er... forgot to leave.
And the legal ones? Many of them work in “higher-skilled
occupations.” (This from immigrationpolicy.org.)
You
know what that means? NON-WORK.
They diddle away at banks and IT companies, getting incredible
salaries for making ONES and ZEROS... pushing numbers from one
computer to another... doing NOTHING that will make your life-- or
the life of anyone you know-- better.
How
do so many Europeans enter the US? EASY! All they have to do is
register on-line, show a passport and POW! They're in. Do we stop the
ones ready to drop puppies? Anchor babies for French or Germans or
Brits? You bet we don't. They'll be Americans... little
European-Americans ready to make space to bring their parents and who
knows what other Daddy Warbucks over here.
Let's
make this clear. I have nothing against immigrants... if they qualify
as REAL IMMIGRANTS. What does it take to qualify? The answer is built
right into the statue of liberty, composed by Jewess, Emma Lazarus:
Give me your tired, your poor,
Give me your tired, your poor,
Your
huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The
wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send
these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me
That
doesn't mean investors, property owners, millionaires, bankers.
Huddled masses are not bearded IT execs. Wretched refuse
doesn't refer to insurance actuaries, or suits with a summer
villa in The Hamptons. Poor! Get it? Homeless! Understand?
Take your bankroll and spend it elsewhere. Please!
If
I were President Trump, I'd add a few more requirements to the ones
listed on Ms. Liberty. (Not many-- I think the lady got it mostly
right.)
Extra
Requirement One: Immigrants must have REAL JOB SKILLS: carpentry,
roadwork, restaurant bussing. Things involving people, tangible
things, services everybody can use. "Creating a lunch-break
scheduling app" is NOT a REAL JOB SKILL.
Extra
Requirement Two: Immigrants must speak Spanish. MOST of the Western
Hemisphere speaks Spanish. People spoke Spanish in America before
they spoke English. Europe is a hodgepodge of languages. Walk ten
miles and people speak something else. For the sake of a unified
hemisphere, EVERYONE should be able to speak Spanish. At least we can
make sure our NEW AMERICANS can do that.
Look,
I don't want to blame Europeans for the accident of their birth. They
can't help it. And if they want to visit the US, I have no problem
with that... though I'd insert a microchip under the skin to make
sure they don't overstay their welcome.
In
Montana, we could make a EUROTOWN. Move all those $700 a night
hotels, those ridiculous Fendi and Coach shops... those $300 a dinner
hoity-toidy restaurants hosted by celebrity chefs from the Food
Network... Put 'em there. Europeans-only hotels, where for $700 a
night, the white travelers could have a bed, a bathroom, and a
souvenir bar of Ivory Soap at their jacuzzi.
Meanwhile,
in real cities, we take back real estate for bodegas and taquerias.
Open a bikini bar or punkrock club. Have a thrift shop. Make the city
a place to live again.
Yeah,
buckaroos, let's talk about race and immigration. There's a lot that
needs to be said.
ENDNOTES:
[You can contact me by email at
god@mykelboard.com.
Through the post office: send those... er... private DVDs..or music
or zines... or anything else (legal only!) to: Mykel Board, POB 137,
New York, NY 10012-0003. If you like my writing, you can be notified
when anything new is available by subscribing to the MYKEL'S READERS
Yahoo group readmboard-subscribe@yahoogroups.com]
-->Kiss
this dept:
A study by anthropologists
at the University of Nevada and Indiana University surveyed 168
cultural groups and found that only 46% "kiss in a romantic or
erotic way." Among those kissless groups are many countries in
Black Africa, New Guinea and the Amazon. Some Pacific cultures have
fake kisses involving "passing mouths over each other without
making contact. What's with the lack of eating face?
"Some
of these people never go to the dentist," says William
Jankowiak, one of the study authors, "They never brush their
teeth."
-->Tarred
prayers dept: Mayor Tony Tarber of Jackson Mississippi has a
solution to the city's pothole problem. With repair estimates at $743
million, Mayor Tarber offers a cheaper solution.
"Yes,
I believe we can pray potholes away," he tweeted.
"Moses prayed, and a sea opened."
–>
What's in a label
dept: This from Utne
Reader:
There
are over 300 different eco-labels on packaging. Those that rank with
"virtually meaningless" include HYPOALLERGENIC;
the word is a creation of cosmetics advertisers in the 1950s.
FRAGRANCE
FREE merely indicates that a product doesn't have a
conspicuous scent, substances that cover up or neutralize odors can
still be present.
A
product labeled NON-TOXIC "won't
kill your kids if they ingest it, but still might contain chemicals
that can cause serious health problems.
More:
BIODEGRADABLE has no
enforcement nor clear definition. The manufacturer is free to decide
what exactly NO ADDITIVES
means.HORMONE FREE has
no legal standing and can be used on beef even if it contains
hormones such as testosterone. NATURAL,
CRUELTY FREE and FREE
RANGE, all have no legal meaning and can be applied at the
manufacturers' discretion.
The
label CORPORATE SCUM,
while usually not found on packaged goods, has, on the other hand, a
clearly defined and identifiable meaning.
-->Long
overdue dept: Sid
Yiddish reminded me that I should thank my friends at PORK
magazine in Portland for printing some of my columns. They're
quarterly, so they can only do one out of four... but THAT'S a big
help. Thanks guys. It takes balls.
-->Keeping
the Pressure on Dept: And on the side of the ball-less... take
Maximum Rock'n'Roll... please!
I
want to thank reader George Metesky for suggesting a continuing Bring
Back Mykel effort directed at Maximum
Rock'n'Roll for
censoring me. Send your comments to mrr@maximumrocknroll.com
(or post on their facebook
page) with the subject line: BRING BACK MYKEL! Let me know how
they answer.
-->Happy
5776 dept:
I had a nice Rosh Hashanah dinner with friends, including Mr. &
Mrs. George Tabb. George is
another veteran writer recently canned from MRR.
“Every columnist there now is a transsexual feminist,” he told me.
“Every columnist there now is a transsexual feminist,” he told me.
“What
about Lefty Hooligan?” I asked. “You know, the old guy-- a goy--
willing to sell his father to keep his column.”
“It's Leftisha Hooligan, now,” he answers. “Didn't you know?”
-->And:
I'm still on a massive clean-up/divest kick. I'm giving away DVDs,
cassettes, VHS videos, CDs, posters, and a few 7-inch singles. Just
pay separate shipping and handling. Details at: MykelsGiveaway
=end=
