You’re
STILL Wrong
or
Mykel's October
2018 Blog/Column
I’m
Sorry, You’re Forgiven
[I
write this blog 3½
hours into my Yom Kippur fast. As usual, I am doing no work during
the fast. For me… work is anything having to do with money…
Today, I allow myself only to write, clean my apartment, and prepare
for my month and a half in India.]
Barefoot,
dressed in itchy sack cloth, I enter The
Holy of Holies to pray
for my congregation. Around my waist is a rope… the other end
dragging outside. If I faint, or lose my balance, the congregation
can pull me to safety without having to enter this place themselves.
Only I-- head priest/rabbi-
am
allowed inside.
Only
me… and G-d. I bet they’re all thinking it’s a massive golden
room with dancing girls … and jugs of wine stamped from grapes…
barefoot by naked angels. Emeralds, rubies, adorning human skulls…
cups for the wine.
Sorry
to disappoint you. It’s just a bunch of rocks… just a place for
me and G-d to talk things over. For me to get straight with G-d… to
confess my sins… and the sins of the congregation. That time I ran
out on the poor drunk girl… just left her in the club to fend for
herself because I couldn’t stand her dragging on me. Then there was
taking advantage of my sister… not that way… but in a more
perverse way… exercising my penchance for stirring up shit… I
pushed her Israel buttons… more interested in being right than in
being compassionate. Then there was that guy on the subway… walking
car to car… showing off his disfigured legs… legs, he said,
scarred in a motorcycle accident… unable to take care of… blah
blah blah… I clicked my tongue and felt annoyed that he was keeping
me from my reading. Then there was me… sitting at a table with
others… having a discussion… but not discussing… only waiting…
not listening… not learning from the people around me… but only
waiting to bust in… have my say… preach what I already know. Then
there was that girl… the shiksa… on her hands and knees…
whimpering… “Yes, you can do it Mykel… but please… be gentle…
I have hemorrhoids.” I wasn’t gentle. The list goes on.
This
confession is easier than it would be if I were to make it in anyone
else’s presence. G-d shows no judgement… just a simple nod of the
head for each sin… and a patient wait for the next one. After my
sins come the sins of my congregation… much longer and more
perverse than mine. I feel faint... out of breath... wonder if I’m
going to collapse and need to pulled out by the rope. I continue…
there’s a sin for every letter of the alphabet. Oy vey! And then
I’ve got to come out and give a sermon. Why can’t I just have a
little Manischewitz and some matzoh balls and be done with it? Wrong
holiday.
 |
| Holy of Holies |
The
deal works like this: If I forgive everyone who did bad stuff to
me... and THEY forgive everyone.. then we can have a whole set of
slates... all wiped clean. But I gotta go back more than a year...
who knows who I missed in the past.
Those
guys who mugged me from a bicycle in Mexico city... You're forgiven.
That girl who fucked my friend on my bed when she was supposed to be
apartment sitting for me... You're forgiven. My friend who fucked
that girl on my bed when she was supposed to be apartment sitting for
me... You're forgiven. Those big guys in the East Village who stole
my black leather jacket.... You're forgiven. My parents who made me
cut the lawn in Hicksville, even though I had hay fever... You're
forgiven. The cops who tear gassed me at the Chicago Democratic
Convention in 1968... You're forgiven. The guy who punched me in the
face for not having a cigarette... sent me to the hospital for
stitches in my lip... You're forgiven. That guy... I forget his
name... the one that didn't tell me about his anal wart... You're
forgiven. That girl who threw a chair at ARTLESS, knocking over our
crippled drummer and nearly breaking my leg in the deal... You're
forgiven. The editrix who fired me from Maximum Rock'n'Roll for not
using an asterisk in a taboo word.... That's a tough one... but
you're forgiven. The list does not end there.
But
finally I’m done. G-d smiles, wishes me well, says “All is
forgiven” (At least that’s what I THINK she says… My Hebrew is
lousy.) And I head out to give my drasha (sermon).
I
adjust my tallis and clear my throat before starting. My right
testicle itches like hell, but in front of a congregation of
yarmulkes I fight the urge to scratch. I lose the fight.
“Fellow
Jews,” I begin. “I forgive you.”
 |
| Stephen Miller |
“If
there’s anything lacking in America in 2018 it is forgiveness. It
is the ability to say… okay, it’s over. You fucked up and that
was then and this is now.”
“In
this age of cellphone ubiquity every time you scratch your balls it’s
recorded and posted on Twitter. Every OK sign becomes a flash of
WHITE POWER! Even if the flasher isn’t white.
“Trump
adviser Stephen Miller flashed the sign in back of Kavanaugh. Yeah
right, take a look! He’s fixing his tie! Even Snopes
says it’s bullshit.
“I
say it's likely not true, but even if it is... He's forgiven.
“Another
sign was “flashed” by Zina Bash, a Jewish-Mexican American. Just
resting her arm on her hand. BANG! She’s “flashing racist signs.”
“People
are so quick to judge… so unable to forgive…
“Well, intentional or not... she's forgiven.
“Forgive…
When we think of for
we usually think of fore...
BEFORE. But here it means completely
not... like forego.
When we forgive,
we completely give up the idea of punishment… of retribution… or
guilt. We forget about past sins, mistakes, errors, malice. We put a
fresh coat of paint over the toilet wall of phone numbers and
graffitied vaginas.
 |
| Zina Bash flashing signals |
“Forgiveness
is built into the law. That’s why we have statutes
of limitation. People
change. Sins of youth… of passion of the moment… of immaturity…
they’re over… forgiven. We’re allowed to make mistakes and move
on.
“Yes,
fellow penitents, America… and maybe the world… has a huge
grudge-on. There is no MORE forgiveness… especially with mistakes
made about sex! My fellow circumsizees… is there anyone among us
who has not lusted… who has not poured that extra drink in hopes of
nookie payback? Is there any one of us who has not pressed too hard
or begged BUT PLEASE... hoping to G-d NO didn’t really mean NO?
“Yet
when an Alabaman runs for the Senate… one with a POLITICAL record
(as reported by Wikipedia)
as an advocate of far-right
politics. He attracted national media attention and controversy over
his views on race, homosexuality, transgender people, and Islam, his
belief that Christianity, as interpreted by him, should order public
policy,and his past ties to neo-Confederates and white nationalist
groups. Ray Moore
was a leading voice in the birther movement, which promoted the false
claim that former President Barack Obama was not born in the United
States.
“But
for what was he unforgiven? For encouraging his three pack to be
touched 30 YEARS EARLIER! No forgiveness there. He denies the
allegations. I say it doesn’t matter. There is a moral statute of
limitations. We have to FORGIVE. We have to allow people to move on
in their lives to paint those toilet walls. I… opposed Moore for
his CURRENT beliefs… for his political platform… But I supported
him in the name of forgiveness…. I emailed a letter to him showing
that support. I wrote about this before.
“Now
there’s Brett Kavanaugh, on tap to be a Supreme Court Justice. In
2009, the guy wrote:
"Congress might
consider a law exempting a President -- while in office -- from
criminal prosecution and investigation, including from questioning by
criminal prosecutors or defense counsel."
And he’s appointed by a president under investigation! Just awful.
“There
are a ton of things… opinions… judicial things... to oppose the
guy on… but what happens? HIGH SCHOOL! Decades earlier some one
claims he put his hand over her mouth. Rape? Naw! Physical injury…
fuggeddaboudit. He put his hand over her mouth and rubbed up against
her. 30+ years ago! What the fuck? My fellow Jews… are there any of
us who have not done something in High School that we regret… that
we’re sorry for? We were TEENAGERS! Stupidity and aggression is in
the nature of teendom. Forgive it!
“Kavanaugh,
who had my opposition for a host of legal, moral and judicial issues…
now has my support in the name of FORGIVENESS. I hope he gets the
job.
“When
we talk about HATE GROUPS… what better criteria for hate than lack
of forgiveness? If we find an offense-- real or imagined-- and we
hold a grudge... refuse to let it lie. Refuse to delete those
pictures on our iPhones… then we hate.
“So,
Ray Moore, Brett Kavanaugh, you have my support. Not to do so would
make me a part of a very large hate group. It’s Yom Kippur,
everyone is forgiven. I don’t hate anyone at all.
“My
the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in
your sight, oh G-d, my Rock and my Redeemer. Amen.”
-end-
ENDNOTES:
[You can contact me on facebook
or by email at god@mykelboard.com.
Through the post office: send those... er... private DVDs..or music
or zines... or anything else (legal only!) to: Mykel Board, POB 137,
New York, NY 10012-0003. If you like my writing, you can be notified
when anything new is available. Subscribe to the MYKEL'S READERS
Yahoo group readmboard-subscribe@yahoogroups.com]
-→Repeat repetition Dept: I know this column is very similar
to one I wrote recently about REVENGE. Like the news… sometimes I
repeat myself. Like the news… sometimes I repeat myself.
My life is not so novel at the moment… but that will soon change.
In a few days, I leave for 6 weeks of travel to INDIA.
Especially, I’ll be in Mumbai (the locals call it Bombay)
and Delhi… old and new. Any advice, contacts, warnings, band or
food recommendations would be much appreciated.
You can email me at the above address, or post to my India
facebook page. I hope to hear from you. I’ll also be posting
regular updates in my travel blog.
-→Speaking of the White Power sign: Ever since the guys at
4Chan – the Yippies of the right-- noticed that Donny Trump often
gestures with the OK sign, they’ve made it their business to
convince the world that the sign means “White Power.” I don’t
think there’s a group of bigger suckers than the totalitarians from
both sides. They see, Commies, Russians, Secret signs, dirty
immigrants, conspiracy this, conspiracy that, around every corner and
under every bed. So, in order to stoke the ovens of the GREAT
CONSPIRACY, here’s my contribution (guaranteed REAL PICTURE… NOT
PHOTOSHOPPED) to the conspiracy:
--> More on teens Dept: Two 13-year old boys were charged
with Sexual
Harassment
for slapping the asses of two 13 year old girls. Slapping the
asses!!! Jeezus! Who HASN'T slapped or been slapped... It's a high
school ritual, and watch any baseball or football game for more.
These guys could go to jail for 10 years!!! Just incredible! I don't
even think there's enough even to ask forgiveness for... except for
the girl's parents who are proceeding with the ridiculous charges.
→Huh? Dept. I happened to catch this on some website or
other. Seems to be an official tweet from the Lake Tahoe police
warning people not to leave “scented items” in their cars in bear
country. Ok, makes sense to me. Bears are hungry, they may do some
damage trying to get in. (Though I’m surprised they instagram the
results of their actions.) But what doesn’t make sense is BEAR
CANISTERS. My spellcheck keeps trying to correct it to BEER CANS.
Maybe it’s a special term that locals know but the rest of us are
ignorant about. Check it out yourself…. It’s BEAR CANISTERS.
-end-
LINK
TRADE DEPARTMENT:
I
read that search engines like lots of links... and it's also nice to
support my friends... and enemies... in their blogs. So facebook
me or email
me
if you have a blog, webpage or something else to connect to. I add
you. You add me.
Here's
a start:
-
David Goldberg's Busy Microbes Blog
-
And another Goldberg: goldberg.wordpress.com
-
I post a blog for Kyle Nonnemon, in prison for a ton of shit. He's a smart guy, with a passion for industrial metal and a general detestation of humankind. You can read his blog at: apothelema.blogspot.com
-
Poetry and humor fans will like Justin Martin in The Latency
-
And my friend Mike R has a nice site with recipe hits from the past! (He cooked for me once... great stuff.) Check out Yesterday's Recipes.
-
Savage Hippie is a guy who has been YouTubing for a long time. Our opinions largely overlap... but he complains that I'm a Communist. I'm not! I'm a communist.
-
Chris Stecher publishes a zine called PRECIS. You can see the back issue links there... and he promises a new issue soon.
-
And my long-term pal Sid Yiddish contributes with his Mishegas Master Blog.
CONTACT
REDUX: You
can contact me on facebook
or by email at god@mykelboard.com.
Through the post office: send those... er... private DVDs..or music
or zines... or anything else (legal only!) to: Mykel Board, POB 137,
New York, NY 10012-0003. If you like my writing, you can be notified
when anything new is available. Subscribe to the MYKEL'S READERS
Yahoo group readmboard-subscribe@yahoogroups.com.
