You’re
STILL Wrong
Mykel's
August 2024 Blog/Column
The Anecdote To Your Problems
If you have knowledge, let others light their candles in it.
-- Margaret Fuller
Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn
from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent
disinclination to do so.
-- Douglas Adams
Honey to heal a wound. Cherries for gout. Cod-liver oil— blech!—to
keep your eyes healthy. Your grandmother and her doctors probably
swore by these fixes, and now science is catching up with them.
-- Jen McCaffery and
Tina Donvito
Anecdotal fallacy is when someone uses a personal story or a
few individual cases to make a broad claim. Just because it happened
to one person doesn't mean it's a universal truth. The bigger picture
often involves research and data that can offer a more accurate view.
--Practicalpie.com
Practicalpie...You’re wrong!
-- Mykel Board
I’m more frustrated than a chimp with his fist stuck in a jellybean jar. My left testicle itches… not the whole thing… just one spot.. about an inch down from where the skin joins the leg. It’s a narrow piercing itch, like I’ve been stabbed by a knitting needle and instead of pain, the reaction is… ITCH. As intolerable as pain… as severe as pain… only not pain… itch. I’m at a table in the library… a great old building... used to be a church, I think. A winding staircase connects the floors. The table, nice wood, about 5 feet wide by 15 feet long. Seven other people sit at the table… about two feet between us. I feel like I have to grab myself… between the legs… and scratch, rub… or insert my hand under my belt and rake my nails over the offending part. I’m too shy to do any of that… Yeah, there’s the bathroom under an arch on the other side of the reading room. Must be all-gendered because a line of people… boys and girls… waits to get in. I can’t wait.
I move my left hand under the table… pretend I’m scratching my knee. Slowly, I raise the hand up scratching my thigh. I realize my upper arm, pressing against the table shakes the furniture. People look at me, squinting in anger. I stop scratching. Now I squeeze my thighs together, rubbing them… one against the other. No… no… this won’t work. I can’t take it. I stand… the itch gets vaguely lighter. I walk out of the library…. Run home… grab a bottle of rubbing alcohol from the rack on the bathroom door… drop trou… bathe the affected part in 90%… ow… ow… ow… aaaaah. Relief.
FLASH TO ABSTRACTION: Strangely, I find people who are non-religious… even atheist... talk about their advantages as being blessed. They talk about being grateful for their good hearing or their ability to write books. I don’t get it. If you are BLESSED with something… who (what) did the blessing? You can’t be blessed unless someone blesses you. On Passover, I bless the matzoh. I do the blessing. The matzoh is blessed. It is not part of the ritual for the matzo to bless me. I don’t know how it could.
Jordan licks the tip after giving me the best blowjob I’ve had in years. I’m GRATEFUL. I received the gift from Jordan. I’m grateful TO Jordan for the gift. You cannot be grateful for something unless you’re grateful TO someone.
FLASH TO REALITY: I am grateful to my friends who disagree with me. There are a lot of people in the world who disagree with me. Most I’ve never met. Some stopped being my friends because they don’t like my politics, my attitude, my brown skin tags. But I also have friends who I’m grateful to for continuing the discussion. For contradicting me, but remaining friends. For sitting and talking and disagreeing… for pointing me in a new direction… for teaching me how other people think… for putting up with my scratching under the table. My friends tell me about the way they look at the world. Sometimes they think things, maybe repeat what they’ve heard elsewhere, try to discuss with logic. Even when they get to the eye-rolling stage, they don’t give up on me... at least they don’t give up being my friend. I’m grateful to them for their friendship… for their willingness to explain… for their presence. I’m not blessed to have such friends. No one gave them to me. But I am grateful TO them.
“Okay Mykel,” says literary device, “can you put the pieces together? What does being blessed, being grateful, and having cool friends have to do with an itchy testicle? Can you connect the dots… er… scrota?”
Ah, literary device. I’m lucky
she’s there whenever I need her. I’m grateful to myself for
inventing her. The gist of this blog came from a lunchtime
conversation I had with Jim and Dawn. They are two of my friends who
often disagree with me, but despite
that disagreement, remain my friends. I’m grateful TO them for
that. We’re talking about the American healthcare industry. I say
that I’ve been to 71 countries, and among the ones called First
World, the US system is the
worst… even beating some Second and Third worlders. It’s the only
country you have to PAY for an ambulance to take you to the hospital.
And I’m talkin’ hundreds of dollars.
[NOTE: Since I posted this, a European friend has told me that they charge 71 euros in Belgium for an ambulance. That's still less than half of what they charge in New York, See how important anecdotes are?]
I tell them about my pal Marilyn, who when in England suddenly developed a stomach something or other. She was staying in a cheapish hotel, and crawled to the concierge to ask how much a doctor would cost and where she could find one.
“If you’re sick you go to the doctor… or a hospital. It doesn’t cost. You just go,” comes the answer. “Want me to call you an ambulance?”
“How m.. m… m…?” starts
Marilyn.
“Pay for an ambulance? That’s crazy.” says
the hotel lady. “That sounds like something from a Sci Fi movie.
You know: dystopia.”
“Anyway, I don’t need one.” answers Marilyn. “Could you just get me the address of a doctor? I’ll take a taxi.”
I don’t know the diagnosis. A rotten crumpet maybe. But she saw a doctor, got diagnosed, maybe a prescription… and it was over. She paid the cab fare… that’s all.
“That’s anecdotal,” says Dawn when I relate the story. “You can’t go by what a person says. You need the science… the statistics.”
“Okay,” I say. “How ‘bout my London pal Alestair?” He had the same kind of prostate cancer I had. Went for the radiation. 20 treatments… one every two weeks. He just finished up… 7 months after diagnosis.
“Still anecdotal,” says Jim.
“I’ll look it up. The cellphone comes out pop-doodle-pop.
“Google lists long wait times as one of the worst
things about the British system. See? You can’t go by
anecdotes.”
“You trust Google more than you trust my
friends?”
“It’s science,” answers Dawn. “An
anecdote is only what some people say happened to them. It could mean
anything.”
SPEAKING OF THE INTERNET: Wikipedia tells me: Lies, damned lies, and statistics" is a phrase describing the persuasive power of statistics to bolster weak arguments. It’s one of the best, and best-known critiques of applied statistics. It is also sometimes colloquially used to doubt statistics used to prove an opponent's point. The phrase was popularized in the United States by Mark Twain (among others), who attributed it to the British prime minister Benjamin Disraeli.
FLASH TO MY BALLS: I don’t need Google-verified statistics.
Rubbing alcohol works for me, so I use it. If you have the same
problem, try it. If it doesn’t work for you, try something
recommended by someone else. I posted a question on facebook asking
people what they used in a way NOT recommended by the manufacturer or
a white-coated salesman in doctor drag. Here are a few of the
answers:
I use Claritin over the Rx for my vertigo.
Antiperspirant on feet. If I use it in the armpits, my lymph nodes swell up, so I have to use antiperspirant-free deodorant.
Flonase for vertigo and mosquito bites
I’ve heard that mouthwash is effective against an itchy scalp.
I use yeast infection creme (Monestat) behind my ears
I use the heartburn med Tagamet (which is a histamine blocker) and sucks for heartburn as an antihistamine to treat hives and allergies.
Skin so Soft by Avon of all people repels deer ticks and mosquitoes
All this information is ANECDOTAL… yet I’d try any one of these tricks in a minute, over a scientifically proven (and advertised) cure. Anecdotes are REAL PEOPLE. They are not statistics. They are not victims of control groups, placebos, or tests the results of which will reverse themselves in 2 months. Anecdotes are my balls and Marilyn’s British stomach virus. Google statistics don’t mean a damn thing.
This is a religious-like worship of an absolute GOD of science with Google as its bible. It claims a truth as demanding as the belief that Jesus walked on water. It is a belief that rejects PEOPLE It rejects experience and replaces it with numbers.
I once got a mailing from some atheist group. It came with a sticker that said I BELIEVE IN GOOD… adding an O to the religious mantra. Well, I believe in GOODMAN… Frank Goodman who lives next door. And I believe in Abdula, Owasu, Tetsuya, Bob… and all the humans out there who have tried it out and passed it on. I believe in bodies more than test tubes... experience more than statistics… health reports more than dissection.
I WANT anecdotal evidence. If science tests 100 people and 76 of them get hair regrowth after drinking piss… I want to know what’s up with the other 24. Are they more like me? Do they have something special that keeps the baldness?
One of the most important people in my life is Sid Yiddish. I’ve voted for him for President in every election this millennium-- except when I voted for Obama. (What a mistake THAT was.) Sid will not eat food or take medicine if he doesn’t like the taste. He doesn’t eat fish, drink anything cola-flavored, hates mint and licorice. If he tells me something “is bad,” I know enough to ask, “Is it because of the taste or because it doesn’t work?” He is a real person and his opinions and recommendations can be narrowed down and explained. Those 24 people who had no success with piss drinking… Did they even try? What makes them different than the others? How could I ever know?
Get it? In my anti-science rampage, I’m running my jeep through the crowd of science supporters… flinging them… bloody... from the grill… left and right… ahead too so I can run them over. The story of their demise? ANECDOTAL of course. It’s not science until we have a test case… a crowd of Christians perhaps… crossing the street. Slammed into with a Tesla... the scientific method. Does the same thing happen both times? Is it reported in a respectable journal? Were the subjects strictly controlled? Does Google know about it?
Jen McCaffery and Tina Donvito (see quote at the beginning of this blog): You’re Right! Anecdotes are the Olympian runners. Science can only catch up.
See you in hell,
Mykel Board
ENDNOTES: [You can contact me on facebook or by email at mykelboard@gmail.com. Through the post office: send those... er... private DVDs..or music or zines... or anything else (legal only!) to: Mykel Board, POB 137, New York, NY 10012-0003. If you like my writing, you can be notified when anything new is available. Send me an email with SUBSCRIBE in the subject line. Back blogs and columns are at https://mykelsblog.blogspot.com]
→ MISSED IT BY THAT MUCH Dept.: Right after the Donny Trump ear attack, my pal Ed. opined, “It’s a fake! It sounded like a pop gun” He was met with a pooh pooh chorus. But I just read about how Teddy Roosevelt’s “attempted assassination” guaranteed him the presidency for a second term. And the more I think about it, the more it seems logical. What are the odds of such a close call? Some innocent shlub takes a bullet “to show the attack was real.” Who compared the deadly bullet with the one in the ear? No one! Isn’t it convenient that the shooter was killed before he could be questioned? Holy Lee Harvey Oswald batman! Next blog: CONSPIRACY?
→ COVID-24 DEPT: And speaking of conspiracies. Isn’t it a bit odd that the weak candidate, Joe Biden, should come down with Covid just in the middle of his campaign? After the bigwigs call on him to cut his losses and run, POW! Isolate in Delaware. In national policy, the guy wasn’t so bad. If he weren’t such a war-lover, I’d almost vote for him. Looks like the Dems are gonna lose everything this year. (I almost wrote “this ear”). LATE NEWS: Joe pulls out of the race. Turns it over to Kamala. Frankly, I think Sid has a better chance this year than he’s ever had before. He’s got my vote… again.
→ TOLD YOU SO DEPT: BBC News reports that one of the recent winners of the Nobel Prize for medicine discovered a breakthrough drug after poring over 2,000 ancient herbal recipes. Dr Tu Youyou's discovery, the anti-malarial artemisinin, derived from wormwood, is credited with saving millions of lives. From opium in poppies, to quinine derived from the cinchona tree, to digoxin from foxgloves, there are many gems unearthed from the past that have true testable medical benefits. All this was pre-science… just anecdotal… hundreds of years of anecdotes. Science is just catching up.
→COULD SEE THAT COMING DEPT: USA Today reports that Dustin Ebey, 35, a math teacher from north Texas, has changed his legal name to Literally Anybody Else and is running a write-in campaign for president of the United States. ABC13-TV reported that Else has revealed his running mate, Neal David Sutz, a New Yorker who is currently living in Switzerland. Else said Americans deserve better than the divisive, partisan electoral system we currently have. "This name gives everybody something to point to, to channel, that belonging to one movement, to one message that could hopefully have a meaningful impact," Else said.
See you in hell redux,
MB
LINK TRADE DEPARTMENT:
I did a nice interview with The Aither zine. Interesting questions, complete, and questions I’ve never been asked before. You can read it here. It’s a good one.
I read that the search engines like lots of links... and it's also nice to support my friends and enemies in their blogs. So facebook me or email me if you have a blog, webpage or something else to connect to. I add you. You add me.
Here's a start:
Mike Diana often censored great Boiled Angel comic artist invites you to check out his material. Take a look at it at: http://mikedianacomix.com/boiled-angel
Here’s Ricardo Wang with a “micro-label” in Seattle “specializing in 8-track tapes and CDs. WOW! Check out one of their label staples: The Dead Air Fresheners.
Also
on bandcamp: My very long time faves in NYC, the BLACKOUT
SHOPPERS.
Featuring pals Seth and possibly the next vice-president of the
US
Here’s
an update on the current URL for Sid Yiddish’s Dating Game (type)
entry.
And this sounds right up Sid’s alley. The Bilderberg Jazz Arkestra on Bandcamp!
Eric Grayson has an online music review zine, Sobriquet. Full pictures of the sleeves too! Something missing from too many zines. Sometimes you CAN judge a… er… book… by its cover.
Steen Thomsen is a Dane I’ve known ever since Lincoln was shot. I put his band THE ZERO POINT on the great WORLD CLASS PUNK Cassette for ROIR. It must be worth a mint now. I don’t have any left, I’m afraid. You can (and should) connect to the Zero Point on facebook. Tell ‘em Mykel’s blog sent you.
Sorry Dorothy, we are STILL in Kansas. And it’s as weird as OZ. Check out Bob Cutler’s DISTOPEKA.
And for a quiet smile and a much needed break for you and the dog, try G.C. Adams’ YouTube entry.
You
already know Murder & Mayhem zine… those guys who did the Mykel
Board centerfold. (No genitals shown… and probably for the better.)
Their online version is here.
The
Clean Boys
from Denmark are also longtime friends of mine. In Denmark we
recorded as The
Bend-over Boys.
Only one 10-inch available… but at least now I can say I have a
10-incher!
Finally, for this month, Margaret O’Brian asked me to include the site: anti-war.com They seem to be folks after my own heart.
Oh yeah, then there’s me. I have a blog of stuff I’ve written mostly from last century. You might enjoy it. Then again, you might not. It’s here.
Let me know if you have a blog… or a print zine… or a YouTube and want to be added to the list. You show me yours… you’ve already seen mine. god@mykelboard.com
