[NOTE: There may be a little Spanish in this column. I will not translate it. Americans who can't speak Spanish should be deported to where they originally came from.]
An American, a German, and a Mexican are in a sinking boat. Each of them has to throw things out to make the boat lighter.
The German throws out 4 cases of beer and says, "We have a lot of bear in Germany so we don't need these!"
The Mexican throws out 5 cases of burritos and says, "We have a lot of burritos in Mexico so we don't need these!"
The American grabs the Mexican and throws him out.
“Why'd you do that?” asks the German.
The American replies, "We have a lot of Mexicans in America so we don't need him!."
“Who's that?” I ask Gilberto.
“That's (I forget her name, but I'll call her) Carmelita,” he says. “Alan's mother. She'll be traveling with us.”
As it turns out, the 7-person van will traveling with:
1. Alan, the drummer, 50-something.
Hmmm, singer, singer's mother and father (no longer together), singer's father's new teenage girlfriend, singer's maybe pregnant girlfriend, heartsick bass player, and a few bit players.
Does this sound like the makings of a tour diary? A Mexican soap opera? Ho ho! You have no idea... but you won't find out either... At least not until next month.
ENDNOTES: [email subscribers (email@example.com) or website viewers (www.mykelboard.com) will get live links and a chance to post comments on the column]
-->Thanks Norb dept: I want to thank the Rev. Norb for writing (in Razor Cake) about how the only reason punks wear hats indoors is that they're going bald. It's one of those things everyone knows, but no one says.
-->Next-door to Arizona, they believe in equality dept: The first legal male sex worker in Nevada says he want to be called a gigolo, not a prostitute.
He told the press, "this is the first time in the economy of the United States that a male has stood up and said, I want to do this for a living, and be protected under law to do it. It's just the same as when Rosa Parks decide to sit at the front instead of at the back of the bus."
-->The Menifee California school district has banned the Miriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary because it contains definitions for "oral sex."
-->The Center for Responsive Politics reports that 44 percent of members of Congress are millionaires. Of those, seven top $100 million.
-->They should play in Arizona dept: Don Lewis is the commissioner of an all-white basketball league called THE ALL-AMERICAN BASKETBALL ALLIANCE. Why all white?
Says Lewis, "Would you want to go to the game and worry about a player flipping you off or attacking you in the stands or grabbing their crotch?"
-->Who's the bad guy? department: On one hand, Apple, notorious for cutting off Google from its iPhone... also cut off hundreds of other apps. Many of them were sex related and were cut ONLY because they were sex related. That gets Apple a big BOO!!
On the other hand, Apple said that developers cannot use geo-location to target advertisements to users. That gets them a big YEAH!
Then there's Google. They take anything. Got an app? Google says: GO AHEAD! Yeah!
Not so fast. Right now, Google is working with advertisers to help them use its Android system to target people based on their location. Spam by GPS. BOO!!
The moral? With megacorps there are no YEAHS. Only more or less boo for your buck.
-->Coming next to an Arizona near you dept: The Republican candidate for the Third District Congressional Primary in Iowa wants to do something about illegal aliens. He wants to implant microchip tracking devices under their skin. Then, we can all keep tabs on them with our Google Android phones!
The Iowa Independent has the details:
"I think we should catch 'em, we should document 'em, make sure we know where they are and where they are going," he said. "I actually support microchipping them. I can microchip my dog so I can find it. Why can't I microchip an illegal?”
-->Makes you wonder about YAHOO dept: In its reports on the Times Square smoking-car incident, Yahoo wrote:
-->What a surprise dept: Life Extension Magazine reports that medical journals with the MOST pharmaceutical ads published significantly FEWER major articles about dietary supplements than journals not supported mainly by the drug industry.
Those drug-pushing journals were also twice as likely to conclude that "dietary supplements are ineffective."
-->The right way and the wrong way dept: Frankly, I don't give a shit about your underpants. But if New York State Senate President, Malcolm Smith wants to buy stop-the-sag billboards, it's his dime. The senator has, in fact, paid for posters and billboards to ask colored people to pull up their pants.
“It's a matter of pride,” he says.
I say-- depends on what you're proud of.
On the other hand, Trenton NJ, Atlanta GA, and several cities in Louisiana have legally banned the style, fining people whose trousers drop too low. That is the wrong way. Whose pants are they anyway?
It's as wrong as the French banning head scarves. Laws dictating fashion? Jeezus, where will it end? Laws banning ethnicities? Oh, I forgot. Arizona.
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