POST
MRR COLUMNS
Column 19 or
This Column Sucks
by
Mykel Board
We keep on being told that religion,
whatever its imperfections, at least instills morality. On every
side, there is conclusive evidence that the contrary is the case and
that faith causes people to be more mean, more selfish, and perhaps
above all, more stupid.” Christopher
Hitchens
"Nothing
exists between the penis and mathematics. Nothing at all! It's a
vacuum.” Louis-Ferdinand
Celine
The
world is right. G-d is punishing Boston for cheating at football.
Three blizzards in three weekends. Yeah! Obama asks the FCC to make
the internet a “public utility,” insuring that net neutrality at
least has a chance. Double Yeah! And my favorite video has made a
xvideos.com comeback. Yes! The three German just eighteens. Oh super
YEAH!
The
girl, just this side of pretty-- slightly zaftig, with a nice full
mouth and a twat you could die for-- sits astride the guy... his skin
smoother than the ice on a blizzard street. . His longitude...
pressed from behind... enters her longitude in nice easy strokes. Pan
upwards, we see her bouncing breasts... face completely devoid of
that fake ecstasy that teens show when the director shouts Look
like you're enjoying it! Pan further upward, the handsome face of
the young man, in profile... mouth tight around the penis of another
handsome young man who's standing on the couch next to the
intercoursers.
An
idea! I click the hold button... glance around the room... there it
is... the DIRT DEVIL. That hose!
Wobbling
with my pants around my knees, I walk over to the vacuum... take the
hose off its rack. A quick alcohol swish around the nozzle. Sitting
down, I push the nozzle between my legs. I'm limp enough to enter
easily. I turn on the vacuum. Once sucked inside, I stiffen like a
nipple in a blizzard.
I
click CONTINUE.
The
German girl deep kneebends over the sitting guy. The standing guy
moves ever so slightly as the humper sucks hard, in and out... the
way it should be.
Between
my legs, there is only one-way sucking. I pull on the hose to relieve
the tension. Pull... release... pull... release...
On
the screen, the girl grinds harder... twat muscles tensing... for
real. The seated guy's balls hang loose, showing he's got a while to
go. The standing guy: saliva dripping from shaft to gonads... those
gonads tighten. Sitting boy shifts, releasing the shaft, sucking
gonadally, first one... then the other... then both together. I hit
PAUSE.
I
shift the vacuum... let it suck my right one... pulling hard...
Pumping myself with the right hand, I hit CONTINUE with the left.
Standing boy and I spew together. Perfect timing. A drop or two of
semen rests at the edge of the vacuum hose. Then I feel the pain. I
shut off the vacuum and look down at my injury.
Bring
in the camera for a close up... lying there like the inside of a
bruised clam. The normally blue veins now viciously black... hairs
skimpy, sucked straight out... a balding porcupine. Pull back a bit,
get a wider view... the whole package lying there... a slug on a
couple miscolored egg yolks. Pull back some more, get the whole
body... waist up in my SUPERJEW t-shirt (a gift from Israel)... waist
down sitting in my gray chair, exhausted... Crank up the crane, get
the whole apartment, bookshelves, locked porno cabinet... records...
books... coffee cups... empty beer bottles... Back some more... the
whole building... the roof with the spinning vents... the elevator
hutch... helicopter shot: get the block... the unceasing noise of
Broadway... the squeals of NYU girls discovering the joy of squealing
on Bleecker Street... there's where CBGB used to be... pull back some
more... earth is a blue sphere and Broadway is more invisible than
the Great Wall of China... back and back... the solar system... the
galaxy... several galaxies... the universe... huh?
Suddenly
we're pulled away, sucked... a tiny pinhole... a planet... a dead
star... collapsing in on itself... a black hole pulling the universe
into it... not even light can escape the vacuum. Space itself is a
vacuum. This is the vacuum that sucks vacuums. Vacuums need to be
filled, even if it takes the universe to fill them.
FLASH
TO THE EARLY YEARS OF THIS CENTURY: The World Trade Center has been
attacked. Great Christian moralist GW Bush, vowing to finish God's
work started by his father, attacks Saddam Hussein in revenge. The
fact that Hussein had nothing to do with the WTC destruction does not
stop the invasion.
GWB
finds his biggest supporters among atheists like Christopher
Hitchens, who becomes a cheerleader for the war in the name of
anti-Muslimism. Fanaticism is not limited to religion. Take out God
and something else will suck in the fanatic... like anti-God.
Atheists' lack of belief leaves a vacuum big enough to drive a war
through.
Send
in the tanks... the troops... the missiles remotely controlled to
hit-- and destroy-- bomb shelters. Send in the press...
disinformation... Saddam throws babies out the windows... out of
incubators... get rid of the guy... topple the only man who kept Iraq
together.... the guy who brought women out of their burqas... the guy
who tamed all sides... who controlled... who put the air in Iraq...
who kept the pieces together. Hang him high! Yeah!
And
then there's the vacuum. The unity, the cohesive force that kept the
country together... gone... collapsed in on itself like a black hole.
Like Yugoslavia without Tito, Iraq splinters into a dozen fighting
factions. Add to this the general feeling in the Muslim world that
the US is anti-Muslim (killing Qaddafi, fighting Hussein, neutral on
the Palestine genocide... why would they think that?) and the vacuum
gets filled. Can you say ISIS or ISIL or... a bunch of burning
beheading nuts... who suck in every misfit Muslim, every abused Arab,
every subjected Sunni?
I
wrote about conspiracies last month. And the timing of ISIS does seem
too perfect... too made-to-drum-up-war support. Okay, it may be
Mossad or the CIA or the International Soldiers of ZOG... but I don't
think so. Was ISIS created by the US and Israel? I don't think so.
ISIS/L is a creation of the VACUUM... of the Black Hole left after
the power holders disappear.
FLASH
TO FACEBOOK: And you know what he said about me? Let me tell you,
that little prick. And that's the truth... my god is it tiny... I
don't know how that girlfriend of his gives him head? It'd be like
giving head to a pimple....
And
it's another facebook saga, where the most personal aspects of
people's lives are out there for the world or at least for QUOTE
friends UNQUOTE to see. The idea of privacy, of we don't talk
about these things, is gone... sucked away by the need to tell
all even if it's about people who thought they were speaking in
confidence. There is no confidence. Whooosh, privacy gone. And
there's a vacuum.
It's
not all bad, you have Bradley Manning and Edward Snowden revealing
the evils of a government no longer able to keep those evils hidden.
But it is MOSTLY bad. Stray comments are broadcast to anyone. A
private phonecall... a personal conversation... costs L.A. Clippers
owner his team. People can't say or do anything in private... there
is no private. It's vanished, leaving a vacuum. And into that vacuum?
The
Duck Dynasty, Rush Limbaugh, some poor British actor who uses the
word COLORED. It's all in public and if it OFFENDS it must be
punished. Think the wrong thing too loudly and you'll be
punished. Lose your job, your sports team, or be forced to your knees
in apology.
FLASH
TO AMERICAN POLITICS: Until recently, politics was economic class.
Rich people wanted a corporatocracy, where money rules and the poor
are slaves. They got it. Capitalism is better than slavery. With
slavery, the masters have to provide room and board. In capitalism,
the slaves have to buy their own room and board. Bang, the war is
over. Any attempts to resurrect it (can you say OCCUPY?) are met with
the horror... But that's class war! I only wish it were true.
Though
The Nation and Mother Jones are reluctant to say it...
The War Is Over...
and THEY won. Despite a few holdover pockets, the rich beat the poor
and the rest of us. All that political energy... all that focus on
throwing over the ownership class... gone, sucked out like Muammar
Qaddafi.
FLASH
TO FEMINISM: So the girls are getting what they want. Instead of the
luxury of staying home all day, taking care of the kids during the
few hours they're not in school, watching soap operas... They get
JOBS. They get to wake up at 6AM commute to do something they hate
doing work for someone they hate working for... spending their time
MAKING MONEY instead of caring for loved-ones. Oh yeah, progress...
equaity.
Women
used to shop and cook during the day... choosing food, preparing
meals, and then BANG. No time. Minutes, hours, days sucked out of the
lives. No time to be healthy, loving... that time is used by WORK!!
Pow! We've got a vacuum... and what fills it? MacDonalds... and Cup
O'Noodles... and Swanson's Hungry Man! Pop Tarts and Snickers... and
colored nannies. Mmmmm... just suck it up.
Political
correctness represents something far more profound than its critics
appreciate. The victory of PC is built upon the demise and decay of
traditional forms of authority and traditional forms of morality. It
is parasitical on what we might call the crisis of conservative
thought. In fact, I would argue that the power of PC is directly
proportionate to the weakness of the old, taken-for-granted forms of
morality. --Brendan
O'Neil
FLASH
TO AN OBSCURE WEBSITE: It's a great column...
no I mean HIS, column. He takes conservatives to task for the
stupidity of Trigger Warnings and The Feminist War Against
Transsexuals®
It's rare to see the self-critical-- or even self-aware--
conservative. They're usually too busy blaming everything from nose
hairs to flatulence on The
Liberals.
But
this guy's column talks about the loss of shared values...
conservative values: God, country, family, cleanliness. Those are
values I'm glad to see dead... but their death leaves a vacuum. A
moral vacuum. A what's right and wrong vacuum. The idea of SIN is
sucked out of our culture. Filling that vacuum is the idea of
OFFENDING. It is now impossible to SIN, but oh so easy to OFFEND.
There's
a stirring at the vacuum cleaner. A rustling... at the nozzle.
There.. breast-stroking through the pubic hairs is my muse... the
amanojaku
to my amanojaku personality...born from dust bunnies and semen...
naked except for a lotus leaf skirt... fat as a Buddha. Its two
lower canine teeth stick up outside its jaw... over its upper lip.
Crawling out of the hose... just spurted forth from the Dirt Devil
like Aphrodite from the brow of Zeus. It approaches me.
BUT,
dear reader, I've gone over my self-imposed word limit. You'll have
to wait until next month to see what happens.
ENDNOTES:
[You can contact me by email at god@mykelboard.com.
Through the post office: send those... er... private DVDs..or music
or zines... or anything else (legal only!) to: Mykel Board, POB 137,
New York, NY 10012-0003. If you like my writing, you can be notified
when anything new is available by subscribing to the MYKEL'S READERS
Yahoo group readmboard-subscribe@yahoogroups.com]
-->Nice
rich man dept: What suckers
Americans are! Billionaires steal their wealth from them (and the
rest of the world). When they give a little back, people love them
for it. Take Michael Bloomberg... please. Or Bill Gates.
Oh
yeah... the Bill Gates Foundation,
that lovely charity... is investing in prisons! That's right the GEO
organization, that keeps people in isolation, maintains inhumane
conditions, and operates slave labor, gets money from Gates. Details
(and a petition) are here.
-->See,
we DO indict cops dept: A New
York grand jury has indicted a cop in an accidental shooting in a
blacked out building. The rookie cop, obviously scared, shot wildly
into the dark and hit someone. Just this guy opening the door. There
was no malice on the cop's end, just fear. It was an accident.
But
in this atmosphere, where the truly guilty cops get off, the public
is demanding COP BLOOD. So it looks like they're going to get it
where it's least deserved. And... oh yeah... the indicted cop isn't
white.
->Keeping
the Pressure on Dept:
I want to thank reader George Metesky for suggesting a continuing
Bring Back Mykel
effort directed at Maximum
Rock'n'Roll for their
(firing me as a) contribution to the world of censorship. Send your
comments-- to mrr@maximumrocknroll.com
with the subject line: BRING BACK MYKEL! Let me know how they answer.
-end
