Monday, July 02, 2018

You’re STILL Wrong Mykel's July 2018 Blog/Column "An Honorable Profession"

You’re STILL Wrong
July 2018 Blog/Column
An Honorable Profession

There's no requirement that jobs be meaningful. If there were, half the country would be out of work. --Max Barry

Dexter is a colored guy... about 6’ tall… missing his four top center teeth. He usually wears one of those horizontally striped polo shirts that make people look fat. At least they make short people look fat. Dexter is as skinny as my paycheck, and no kind of shirt is gonna hide that.

Today, however, he wears a white t-shirt with the word MERKEL in thick dark type across the front. I don’t know whether that’s a department store or the chancellor of Germany.

As usual, Dexter stands on the corner of Lexington Avenue and 41st Street… in front of the Korean deli. I pass him on the way to the subway from school.

Yo Mykel, how’s it goin’?”” he says when he sees me… holding out his fist for me to bump with my own.

Busy, poor, the usual,” I tell him. “But what the fuck is Merkel?”

He frowns.

“On your t-shirt,” I remind him.

“Oh that! Who the fuck knows? I got the shirt in one of those bins you see on the street… mostly in Brooklyn?”

You mean you figured out how to raid those things?” I ask. “They’re supposed to be for charity.”

And I’m not charity?” he replies.

“Got me there,” I laugh, pulling out my wallet and handing him my usual buck.

Not Dexter... Dexter is camera shy

He bumps fists with me again.

“I can always count on you, Mykel.” he says.

Actually, he probably says Michael not Mykel. He’s never seen my name written, and since both sound the same….

I gotta run,” I tell him. “I gotta get to the subway… someone’s waiting for me at a bar down in The Village.”

He smiles and shakes his head like an indulgent parent.

It’s always a bar, Mykel (Michael),” he says. “You take care of yourself.”

“You too,” I tell him looking over my shoulder as I’m halfway down the block.

Before I get to 42nd street, I hear it…. behind me.

Leave me alone and get a job!

What the fuck?

I turn around. There’s this guy… mid-thirties, I’d say... maybe a little taller than me, standing in front of Dexter. He’s wearing a dark gray suit, white shirt, tie… loosened at the neck. Surprisingly enough, he’s not carrying a briefcase, but a backpack. Nope, not Jansport… it’s something that looks expensive... a hoity toity backpack. In a circle woven onto the back it says: Fjällräven Kånken.

I walk back to Dexter's corner to talk to the business guy… actually yell at him. “What are you talking about? You know this guy? You think it’s any easier living on the street than it is cheating retirees out of their life’s savings?”

Who the fuck are you?” asks the suit.

I’m a friend of Dexter’s,” I tell him. “And what’s your job?”

“I’m a real estate agent,” he says, waving his arms at the skyscrapers around us. “I’ve done THIS with my life. What has your pal Dexter done with his? Or you, for that matter.”

I don’t hit him. He’s bigger than I am.

Dexter has done no harm. He's made no money off people who need a place to live... or work. He hasn’t destroyed homes to make the street safe for real estate companies. He hasn’t cost one cent in environmental damage. He’s cheated no one. Never made a dirty penny. You can’t say that?”

“I WORK for a living!” he shouts at me, then points to Dexter. “HE can’t say that!”

You work?” I shout back, “You think that makes you noble? You hurt people. You charge them for things they need…. or maybe you just waste space that people could be living in... making offices where workers shift ones and zeros from one computer to another. You waste heat, electricity... physical places… all kinds of shit. Dexter wastes nothing!”

Your friend is SCUM!” he says, “a waste of a human being.”

He stomps off before I can think of a clever answer… Whoa! I’m writing this, I can make myself say anything I want! I am my own God!

Your friend is SCUM!” he says... “a waste of a human being.”

“Scum is what’s left over when the usefulness is gone,” I tell him. “You’re the scum. Your usefulness is gone the second you check into the office. Dexter is a hero.”

There, that’s better.

I LOVE street people. It’s a tough job… being outside in all kinds of weather... having to put up with assholes who think that standing on the street and asking for money is not A JOB. And… maybe worse… watching the hundreds of pairs of averted eyes… pretending they don’t see this big man standing in front of them with a partially toothless smile… asking simply Can you help me out?

Is there another job that does so little (no?) damage to the world? Is there another job that makes customers feel so good about themselves when they hand over their cash? Where else do you spend a buck, two bucks, a quarter and buy nothing that was made by slaves, nothing that wastes anything? Nothing that does anything bad… nothing that puts anyone in danger.

Besides street beggars, what else is there? Well, there are whores. Another noble job. Another person who… like a beggar… works only to give pleasure. No resources squandered-- except maybe a few inches of latex. Sex whores sometimes work for pimps or madams… that’s a problem… and a reflection of the capitalist slave system. But when they work for themselves… choose their own streets… their own working hours… their own customers… they join beggars in becoming models for how we should all live.

The first principle of Google-- and doctors-- is First do no harm. Both Google and doctors routinely violate that principle under pressure from THE MARKET PLACE and insurance companies. The market has created an incentive to do harm. Google cannot earn money unless it watches you and sells your every on-line action to the highest bidder. Doctor can’t earn money if they PREVENT disease. It’s only by finding disease, or making you sick, that they earn their BMWs.

Whores may unintentionally spread disease, but that’s not part of the job. The ONLY purpose of a whore is to give pleasure. Not the artificial pleasure of OWNING THINGS... not the destructive pleasure of bossing a slave to do something later sold for “added value...” but REAL direct pleasure.

You’ve got beggars who give pleasure in making their customers feel good about themselves. You’ve got whores who give pleasure in making their customers feel good. The world has two noble professions... beggars and whores. That makes the rest of us ignoble, don't you think?


ENDNOTES: [You can contact me on facebook or by email at Through the post office: send those... er... private DVDs..or music or zines... or anything else (legal only!) to: Mykel Board, POB 137, New York, NY 10012-0003. If you like my writing, you can be notified when anything new is available. Subscribe to the MYKEL'S READERS Yahoo group]

Gavin McInnis

Restaurant attack dept: There’s been a spate of Trump supporters thrown out of restaurants: They tossed Fox's Gavin McInnis for wearing a MAGA hat. Aaron Schlossberg was thrown out of a deli-- and his job-- for complaining about Spanish Speakers. A DC chicken place threw Sarah Huckabee Sanders out for… well… for being Sarah Huckabee Sanders.
Some are justifying the expulsions and saying they don't compare to expulsions based on race or sexuality because the latter can't help who they are.
I say, that's a worse reason. It means, if you COULD help it, you would... and who in their right minds would CHOOSE to be black or gay, right? Jeezus fuckin' Christ!

Red dot not feather dept: I’ll be going to India in October and staying there for 6 weeks. Anyone with tips or connections, please let me know by email or facebook. If you’ve got a couch... or a dancing cobra... that’s even better.
I just read a true story about a rat that got into an Indian ATM machine and ate $20,000 worth of rupees. I wonder what happened when someone made a cash withdrawal…. confetti? It'll be an adventure... you'll read about it.

Good behavior dept: There is a jail in Austria where prisoners get rewarded for good behavior with the right to “conjugal visits” with loved ones in a private space. There’s even been a report of a prison doctor prescribing Viagra to help out a prisoner.
But the good citizens of Austria certainly won’t tolerate a speck of compassion. Though no country is as vengeance-loving as America, there are those everywhere who glory in PUNISHMENT and REVENGE. Fuck good behavior.
So the locals are lobbying the new Austrian right-wing government to prohibit the visits. They probably will succeed. What’s most interesting to me, is that in the US, it would be the LEFT-WING citizens who would be outraged at the compassion... unless, of course, the perpetrators weren't white.


I read that the search engines like lots of links... and it's also nice to support my friends... and enemies... in their blogs. So facebook me or email me if you have a blog, webpage or something else to connect to. I add you. You add me.

Here's a start:
  • David Goldberg's Busy Microbes Blog
  • And another Goldberg:
  • I post a blog for Kyle Nonnemon, in prison for a ton of shit. He's a smart guy, with a passion for industrial metal and a general detestation of humankind. You can read his blog at:
  • Poetry and humor fans will like Justin Martin in The Latency
  • Sometimes I contribute to an interesting multi-talented blog called OgFomK Arts. See me there!
  • And my friend Mike R has a nice site with recipe hits from the past! (He cooked for me once... great stuff.) Check out Yesterday's Recipes.
  • And here's one by a member of ANTISEEN... a tour diary of sorts.
  • Andy Shelton has an interesting blog here.
  • Savage Hippie is a guy who has been YouTubing for a long time. Our opinions largely overlap... but he complains that I'm a capital C Communist. I'm not! I'm a lower case c communist.
  • Chris Stecher publishes a zine called PRECIS. You can see the back issue links there... and he promises a new issue soon.
  • George Fertakis has a very nice graphics-heavy blog... with music and books featured prominently.
  • And my long-term pal Sid Yiddish contributes with his Mishegas Master Blog.

See you in hell, Mykel Board

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