BANG! YOU'RE DEAD!, or You're STILL Wrong, Mykel's Januaray 2025 Blog/Column

 

You’re STILL Wrong
Mykel's

January 2025 Blog/Column

BANG! YOU'RE DEAD!

Waaaa! That fuckin’baby. Every morning… 8 o’clock… sometimes before. Waaaaa! Right next door. And all mom can do is try to shush him… doesn’t work. WAAAAA! Wow, worse than usual. When I moved in here, Laticia, aka Mom had a husband/boyfriend who knows? Name: Jimmy. Black and white pair… him white… truck-driver lookin. Her black slim… sexy. I haven’t seen him in months… ever since the uterine ways of intimacy started taking hold… and Leticia’s shape began to change.

WAAAAAAA! This seems serious. I hope the kid isn’t sick or something. I know babies do that. Eeeeee! The waaaa has changed... more of a scream than a baby cry.

Not good.

I get up, dress and go out into the hall... stand in front of her door… press my ear against it. There’s a low murmur… man’s voice but my punkrock-wrecked hearing keeps me from understanding the words. Besides the baby screams and man’s mumbling, I hear what sounds like a woman’s gasping voice… as if she were thrown off a boat into cold water.

I try the doorknob, turning it bit by bit... not wanting to invade someone else’s personal space, but not wanting to stand by if someone’s in danger.

Fully turned, I push against the door. It opens squeaklessly. I tiptoe into their apartment.

I know the hall door opens into the kitchen. On the other side of the kitchen is the living room. In front of me, I see a silhouette. Big, standing straight up. I watch from the back. I can see his right arm move. Making some kind of motion in front of him. His left arm is invisible to me, as if he were holding it still ...across his chest. Looks like Billy from what I remember.

On the kitchen table is a roasted chicken. Next to it, a carving knife… no grease on it… looks unused for the day. Only one place is set. I guess Billy was a surprise.

Playing like those guys on TV, I reach quietly for the knife and hug the wall inside the kitchen. I hope that makes me invisible to the other room. It always works on TV.

From this angle, I can see a little more of what’s going on. Leticia is by the couch, her eyes fixed on Billy’s left hand. In that hand is the baby. Billy holds the naked kid (apparently a girl) by the ankles. He can hold both her ankles in one big hand. The other hand holds a knife… not a kitchen knife, but a kind of boy scout knife… one of those with lots of blades and maybe a corkscrew.

Leticia is crying. Shaking her head no. Billy raises the knife in his right hand. PICHUNG! He pokes the baby with the knife… in front of her left thigh. Leticia whimpers. PUTUU PUTUU a double poke, this one higher up, in the baby’s side. The kid screams. Leticia chokes back a scream of her own.

I bring my forefinger to my lips in a shushing motion and peak around the living room entrance. Our (mine and Leticia’s) eyes meet briefly. She nods almost imperceptibly. Like a ninja, sideways step by sideways step, I position myself in back of the guy… who is indeed Billy. He’s intent on the baby… whose blood drips… drop-by-drop... onto the coffee table. He doesn’t see me.

Judging where his kidneys should be I lean the full weight of my body in back of the knife as I plunge it in. Billy freezes –eyes wide– more in surprise than in pain. Leticia runs and grabs the baby, pulling it from Billy’s weakening grip. Billy slowly sinks to the floor.

FLASHBACK: The year: 1966. The place: Austin Texas. I’m in Austin looking for colleges I should apply to after I graduate Hicksville High. It’s my first time in Texas. I like it. Friendly cowboys, great barbecue, great Mexican food. We don’t have one Mexican restaurant in Hicksville-- not even a Taco Bell. I’m here to talk to the dean and get a feeling for student life. One thing that surprises me is how many guns people have. I’ve never touched a real gun, let alone shot one. But here I am, in the land of guns.

I’m thinking about this as I walk through the UT campus. Then I hear a POP! It’s not a PITCHEW... like bullets on TV, but just one pop… like a fire cracker. Then another… and another. A few feet ahead of me a student just collapses… a stream of blood pours from the side of his head against the sidewalk.

There is a scream. Off to the left, another walking body drops to the ground… motionless. I feel a scream choke in my own throat. I run… I don’t know where or how… but I run… I bang on a door… It’s a very college looking building, gray bricks arched doors, no ivy though.

The door is locked. I picture students huddling inside. Where are their guns? Why doesn’t someone go and kill this guy? Save lives!

Then I see the tower… little puffs of smoke: POP! POP! POP! That’s where the shooting is from,,, perfect view… and aim… of the whole university.

Now I hear sirens… faint in the background… then louder and louder. More and more. Cops… in body armor… pulling up around the university tower. I was right. THAT’S where he (she?) is!

Crouching behind a low wall, I look at that tower. Those smoke puffs... at first, from the top, then all up and down the structure. POW! POW! POWPOWPOW! Like a shootout on a TV cowboy movie. Then silence. 32 people murdered by the guy… in the land of guns. Only the cops would murder him. They do.

FLASH TO 1775… even before I was born. People in the American colonies were getting annoyed at the actions of their colonizers. In Boston, the Brits shot into a crowd of protesting Yanks. A bunch were killed. In Concord the Brits set up camp and the Yanks attacked. It was the shot heard round the world. The colonists murdered 3 soldiers and the American Revolution began. The rest is history. And I think you know who won.

FLASH TO 2026… It’s my first time driving since the COVID plague. It’s been 3 years since I’ve been behind the wheel of a car. It feels soooo comfortable. I’m in control… this tonnage (Hertz Rental) with its double loop logo… I’d never have guessed it was a T if Sid hadn’t told me. To me, it looks like a halo over the monster in Scream. 

But I’m rolling along. Going with the flow of traffic. Passing the girls and other bad drivers… moving over to the left lane, trying to make time. FUCK! There’s a lady driver, hogging the left lane, going the speed limit… maybe a few miles below. I can’t pass her because the next lane is moving too fast. If I pull over I’ll be hit.

She’s driving a Hyundai… pronounced Hon-day in America… sound of the original Korean name changed to make it more like “Honda” I’ve got REAL Japanese quality. She’s got a knock-off.

I flash my lights… no reaction. I honk. The driver’s side window rolls down. Out comes a nail-polished hand with a raised middle finger. That does it.

I speed up. Ride her bumper… Touch it with my bumper… back off… then touch it again... this time a little harder. I can see her looking back at me. She’s pretty. Probably a just-post teenager. I pucker my lips… blow her a kiss. Then bang my Toyota into her Hyundai. I can see a light dent in her bumper. She turns back to look at me… tries to turn the wheel to move right. No luck.

I pull my car to the right slightly and again slam into her car. This time: full force. I catch the back right corner of the Hyundai, lifting it off the ground. Quickly, I increase my speed. Her car flips… tumbles side over side onto the asphalt. All traffic pulls to the right. In my rear-view mirror, I see what looks like half a woman’s body half out of the window, laying on the blood-spattered grass.

FLASH TO December 4, 2024:

An attractive young man hangs around the NYC Hilton Hotel at 5:41AM. There are few other people on the street. So he’s easy to spot.

At 6:17 a.m., the young man goes to a Starbucks near the hotel. He pays cash for his frappuccino… always a suspicious sign. At 6:30 the young man walks toward the Hilton from Starbucks, while speaking on a cellphone. Ten minutes later, he arrives at the hotel-- not the Hilton, but one right across the street 

At 6:45 the CEO of United Healthcare walks out of his hotel and heads down the street. The young man follows him, takes a position behind him, aims and shoots him in the leg… next shot the back. The executive slumps to the sidewalk. 

NEWS REPORT: UnitedHealthcare CEO, Brian Thompson, is shot dead at 6:46 a.m. Police say the suspect ran into the alley between West 54th and 5th streets, then rode a bike up Sixth Avenue to Central Park.

In the days and weeks that follow the murder, the internet is ablaze with real pix and doctored photos of the young man, Luigi Mangione… now known affectionately as Super Mario. Networks are shocked at the response.

Joseph G... one of my long-term friends.. but someone I rarely see these days… posted that “the man (the UHC exec) was married with two children. Now those children have no father.”

In the dialog that followed, one person wrote Murder is always wrong... and another one: Here’s the exact quote: I had never heard of Brian Thompson before today, and it’s entirely possible that he made some bad decisions. It is not possible that he deserved to be murdered, because nobody deserves to be murdered

Sentiments like this inspired this blog post. While my murder of the left-lane hogger was clearly wrong. Was my murder of Billy to save his baby also wrong? Did Charles Whitman deserve to be murdered by police to save so many students at UT? Were the American rebels’ murder of British soldiers... after they had killed Crispus Attucks and others in the colonies... also wrong? How many revolutions were started with a murder… or a few murders? How many with revenge for a murder… or protection from further murders? 

How many heroes are also murderers... .yet even idols:

See you in hell
(or Nairobi… the latter being much more congenial than the former),
Mykel Board

ENDNOTES: [You can contact me on facebook or by email at mykelboard@gmail.com. Through the post office: send those... er... private DVDs..or music or zines... or anything else (legal only!) to: Mykel Board, POB 137, New York, NY 10012-0003. If you like my writing, you can be notified when anything new is available. Send me an email with SUBSCRIBE in the subject line. Back blogs and columns are at https://mykelsblog.blogspot.com]

--> It won't end dept: As I was preparing to post this I got word of the truck attack in New Orleans. I am close to that city and several people there. I care about their safety. I don't want to talk about my political feelings about the attack, just to wish the best possible to the people of New Orleans.

→ Thanks dept: That great picture of Mangione was stolen from Bruce LaBruce via Instgram. If you don’t know his movies, zines, and other stuff… you should.

→ A Shitty Story Dept: My pal Sid Yiddish forwarded me this story about two guys who were batshit crazy about growing weed. I’m tellin’ ya. Danger lurks in every corner these days. Be careful of going too organic.

-→Another Point of View: One I almost agree with is Michael Moore’s response to Mangione. You can read it here and make up your own mind.

–> Full-disclosure Dept: My health insurance company is United Healthcare. And the rates went up this year. In an all-too typical exchange, an eye infection prompted my Primary Care Physician to recommend going to the hospital emergency dept. I told him I couldn’t afford emergency care and went to see the company my eye-doctor belongs to. My regular guy wasn’t there, but another doctor took care of me for a “co-pay” of “only” $45. Next year it’ll be $50. The emergency room would have cost me hundreds.

See you in hell redux,
MB

LINK TRADE DEPARTMENT:

I did a nice interview with The Aither zine. Interesting questions, complete, and questions I’ve never been asked before. You can read it here. It’s a good one.

I read that the search engines like lots of links... and it's also nice to support my friends and enemies in their blogs. So facebook me or email me if you have a blog, webpage or something else to connect to. I add you. You add me.

Here's a start:

Here’s Ricardo Wang with a “micro-label” in Seattle “specializing in 8-track tapes and CDs. WOW! Check out one of their label staples: The Dead Air Fresheners.

Also on bandcamp: My very long time faves in NYC, the BLACKOUT SHOPPERS. Featuring pals Seth and possibly the next vice-president of the US

Sid Yiddish posted a great video of a show he did on WZRD radio in Chicago. Guess who was a guest on that show!

And this sounds right up Sid’s alley. The Bilderberg Jazz Arkestra on Bandcamp!

Eric Grayson has an online music review zine, Sobriquet. Full pictures of the sleeves too! Something missing from too many zines. Sometimes you CAN judge a… er… book… by its cover.

Steen Thomsen is a Dane I’ve known ever since Lincoln was shot. I put his band THE ZERO POINT on the great WORLD CLASS PUNK Cassette for ROIR. It must be worth a mint now. I don’t have any left, I’m afraid. You can (and should) connect to the Zero Point on facebook. Tell ‘em Mykel’s blog sent you.

Sorry Dorothy, we are STILL in Kansas. And it’s as weird as OZ. Check out Bob Cutler’s DISTOPEKA.

And for a quiet smile and a much needed break for you and the dog, try G.C. Adams’ YouTube entry.

You already know Murder & Mayhem zine… those guys who did the Mykel Board centerfold. (No genitals shown… and probably for the better.) Their online version is here.

The Clean Boys from Denmark are also longtime friends of mine. In Denmark we recorded as The Bend-over Boys. Only one 10-inch available… but at least now I can say I have a 10-incher!

Finally, Margaret O’Brian asked me to include the site: anti-war.com They seem to be folks after my own heart.

Oh yeah, then there’s me. I have a blog of stuff I’ve written mostly from last century. You might enjoy it. Then again, you might not. It’s here.

Let me know if you have a blog… or a print zine… or a YouTube and want to be added to the list. You show me yours… you’ve already seen mine. god@mykelboard.com

Cliches... or Mykel's March 2021 Blog

 

Clichés

 (Mykel Board's March 2021 Blog)

 YOU'RE STILL WRONG.. 

MYKEL'S MARCH 2021 BLOG

OR

Clichés

by Mykel Board

You’re STILL Wrong

or
Mykel's

March 2021 Blog/Column

Clichés

by Mykel Board

We just have to have the courage to turn against our habitual lifestyle and engage in unconventional living. --Christopher McCandliss


I write this in front of my cheap HP hooked up to an ancient monitor and an even more ancient keyboard. I’ll squeeze out 500 words before I allow myself dinner and TV.

In the old days, before numbered impeachments and numbered COVIDs, I watched very little television. Now with scam subscriptions to Netflix, and Amazon Prime… plus the miracle of ROKU… I can’t get away from it.

It’s been years since I sat with a TV dinner in front of a TV. Now, it’s every night I don’t have Drink Club… or a meal with one of two non-cootiephobic friends… one a super-cook… the other a walker who loves to eat out.

King Cuomo... happily (for me) in trouble for forcing corona-sick people into nursing homes and then lying about how many died there… has just opened the bars and restaurants to 25%... with name, temperature and contact address requirements. I’m Dirk Diggler. I live in Times Square. I can’t fake my temperature. The bars fake it for me.

One thing about watching TV again… Whoa… the commercials. SUVs, car insurance comedy skits, supplemental medicare plans, a few pizza and fast food chains, and lots of razor and vaginal blood-stopping ads.

Not at all like I remember them... not filled with white guys playing doctors… or lawyers… or anything. Are there any white guys at all? Maybe it’s a mix and I’m just seeing it different… fresh eyes.

Google tells me 60% of Americans are white. Let’s say half those are men. So 30% of the commercials should have white guys in them. I watch a dozen commercials… keep track of the honkies… there are 4. 4/12 = 1/3 = 33%. That’s about right! So the problem is me! Just the change in the way I see TV makes me fall all over myself with racial correctness and pity poor whitey.

But wait, there’s more!

One commercial catches my attention above all others. There is a black woman, hefty... in the sexy way black women are hefty... standing against a plain gray background… hands folded at her crotch. She looks directly into the camera and says,

“I never say CAN’T. That’s a word I never use. Anything you want to do, you can do. You’ve got to believe in yourself and….”

Huh? That’s the same crap my father told me when I was a boy. It’s the American ideal. The Nike Just do it. That’s still here? With all this disease and killer cops… They’re still peddling this You can do anything you really want to do shit???

NO YOU CAN’T!

I fantasize kidnapping that lady… forcing her at knifepoint up the stairs to the roof. Pushing her to the edge.

“You can do anything you want? I bet you want to flap your arms and fly as you head down past those windows below. I bet you REALLY want to be able to pigeon down and and rest lightly. You can do it, right? You can do anything you want to do, right?”

Then I push her over the edge.

I’m 5-foot 3-inches tall… pushing 80 years old. No matter how much I REALLY WANT to play center for The Wolves… I CAN’T DO IT. You can do anything you want is a cliché older than I am… more American than a revolution... and it’s WRONG.

There’s another cliche I want to pull the rug from under. QAnon and its pals get banned from facebook, twitter, and amazon. The censorship is so strong that even censorship-free sites are censored by their carriers.

“Mykel,” says liberal Lucy, “that isn’t censorship. That’s done by private companies. The first amendment only applies to the government. These are corporations.”

“Yo Lucy!,” I reply, looking at her breasts, “there’s a difference between censorship, free speech and the first amendment. Corporations can and do censor… same as the government. AntiFa can and does censor… same as the government… one is covered by the constitution and the other by the principle of free speech.”

“Yo Mykel,” says Lucy, not looking at anywhere in particular. “Free speech does not mean free from consequences.”

Flash to Pyongyang, North Korea: Kim Jun Un, is explaining what a free country North Korea is. People are free to work, play government-approved games, and say whatever they want to say.

The Pyongyang Daily News is doing “man on the street” interviews to let the citizens know how their neighbors think. Citizen after citizen explains how s/he’d never want to live anywhere else…. How the great leader has built a great nation. One man, Park Sum Nut, says, “Yes, the People’s Republic is great… It’s amazing that one little guy with a bad haircut can create such a strong power.”

An hour after publication... police arrest Park Sum Nut... bring him to Kim Square in the center of Pyongyang. A crowd builds… people know something is up. Park… face bruised and bloodied… is pushed ahead of a phalanx of cops. When they reach an old metal gate, two of the lead cops shove the young man against it… chain his wrists… his ankles. They rip off his pants… underpants. One cop grabs him between the legs squeezing… pulling down on the hanging organs. Another cop has what looks like a sheet full of ground beef. They smear the contents on Park’s exposed equipment. A smell of meat on meat rises in the square square. 

Kim Jung Un appears on a balcony, just to the right... on the edge of the square.

“Now!” he says, “release the dogs.”

The next day you read a quote from the Korean leader. “We have free speech here in North Korea, but free speech does not mean free from consequences.”

YES, IT DOES!

If speech has consequences, it’s not free. If you can go to jail for yelling “Fire” in a crowded theater… what happens when there REALLY IS a fire? You’re afraid to tell anyone about it.

I walk up Broadway toward K-Mart. My clothes and plumbing are falling apart during the plague.. I need to shop for repairs. I wear my Julian-gifted plague mask. Other pedestrians super-size their social distance from me.

Look! There’s a 30-something woman… blond hair… sun-glasses in February… and a mask? No, TWO MASKS! I can see from the double ear-straps… one of those blue paper ones... close to her face… then a large black one on top of it. You know this is just the first (second? third?) step. Next comes three masks… Social distancing of 6 miles… bars open for one customer every 30 minutes… time to drink up, pay and leave... restroom closed because you don’t know who touched what in the meantime.

When I get home, I post the adventure on facebook. Why am I surprised by friends who tell me they’ve been wearing two masks for weeks? Some wear a mask at home… even though they live alone. Several my age tell me how they’ve been up all night trying to get a vaccine... clicking the make an appointment button every 10 minutes... for hours. No success. They try again the next night.

One woman leaves her mail in the sun for a day before she opens it… figuring the sun will bake the cooties off the envelopes.

“You can’t be too careful, Mykel,” she tells me.

FLASH TO THE WORLD AS IT COULD BE

I walk up Broadway to K-Mart. This is right after the new helmet laws. Pedestrians risk a $50 fine if they don’t wear helmets while walking. Falling snow… construction debris… you never know what can fall from above. Wear your helmet!

Helmets protect YOU!

is the slogan… you see it on all the TV stations, along with the usual imploring:

Stay safe! Don’t ever touch anyone for any reason!

At the corner of Third Street and Broadway I have to wait. The crossing gate has snapped shut just as I reach it. CLANK! Christmas music plays through the speakers while cars pass and pedestrians cross the other way. After two minutes of I saw Mommy looking at Santa Claus (safe socially distant) the gate opens and I cross to the other side.

You can’t be too careful?

YES, YOU CAN!

See you in hell,

Mykel Board

ENDNOTES: [You can contact me on facebook or by email at mykelboard@gmail.com. Through the post office: send those... er... private DVDs..or music or zines... or anything else (legal only!) to: Mykel Board, POB 137, New York, NY 10012-0003. If you like my writing, you can be notified when anything new is available. Send me an email with SUBSCRIBE in the subject line. Back blogs and columns are at https://mykelsblog.blogspot.com]

–>More leisure in COVID dept: The Guardian reports that a Hamburg university is offering “idleness grants” to applicants who are committed to doing nothing.

The University of Fine Arts in Hamburg advertises three €1,600 scholarships to applicants from across Germany. The applicants have to convince a jury that their chosen area of “active inactivity” is particularly impressive or relevant.

The application form consists of only four questions: What do you not want to do? For how long do you not want to do it? Why is it important not to do this thing in particular? Why are you the right person not to do it?

–> Too late for Donny dept: The craft site Sticker Mule is offering to change your tweets into framed art. All you have to do is upload the URL of your tweet and the company will reproduce it… large… and give it a wooden frame. The cost? A mere $35… plus $10 shipping.

–> You CAN be too cautious redux dept: According to a Sept 2020 Washington Post story (strangely under-reported ), more than 134,200 people died from Alzheimer’s and other forms of dementia since March. That is 13,200 more U.S. deaths caused by dementia, compared with previous years.
A Washington Post analysis of weekly death data from the CDC found about 13,200 excess deaths due to Alzheimer’s and dementia.
Says the Post: Overlooked amid America’s war against the coronavirus is this reality: People with dementia are dying not just from the virus but from the very strategy of isolation that’s supposed to protect them. In recent months, doctors have reported increased falls, pulmonary infections, depression and sudden frailty in patients who had been stable for years.

–> Thanks dept: I want to thank my sister, Gayl, for putting me on her Amazon Prime account, and my Guyanese pal, Gavin, for giving me Netflix, and my facebook friend, whose name I can’t find, who sent me the Roku remote and receiver. Ain’t charity wonderful?

See you in hell… again,

MB

LINK TRADE DEPARTMENT:

I read that the search engines like lots of links... and it's also nice to support my friends and enemies in their blogs. So facebook me or email me if you have a blog, webpage or something else to connect to. I add you. You add me.

Here's a start:

Here’s Richard Goldberg: goldberg.wordpress.com

Poetry and humor fans will like Justin Martin in The Latency

And my friend Mike R has a nice site with recipe hits from the past! (He cooked for me once... great stuff.) Check out Yesterday's Recipes.

Rock-writer and historian extraordinaire, Jim Testa, has continued his great zine online. Jersey Beat is still going!

And here's one by a member of ANTI-SEEN... a tour diary of sorts.

Andy Shelton has an interesting blog here.

Savage Hippie is a guy who has been YouTubing for a long time. Our opinions largely overlap... but he complains that I'm a Communist. I'm not! I'm a communist.

Chris Stecher publishes a zine called PRECIS. You can see the back issue links there... and he promises a new issue soon.

George Fertakis has a very nice graphics-heavy blog... with music and books featured prominently. If there’s no link here (I can’t find it temporarily), then Google… er… Duckduckgo him for information.

And my long-term pal Sid Yiddish contributes with his Mishegas Master Blog.

And connect to TRUST Zine, a long-running German punk zine… that STILL PRINTS!!! Yeah, they have a website too… of course! It’s here.

Here are a couple video links.

This from Jon Cox https://squelchchamber1.bandcamp.com/album/down-so-low

And this one from my very long-time friend Roger Armstrong.

Jim Testa moved his long running zine, Jersey Beat, to the blogosphere awhile back. You can read it here. Jim also recommended a kind of unique album… in a style you don’t see to much of these days… or any days. Neo-Hassidic Rock Opera. You can stream the album here.

Kyle Nonneman is in prison in Portland. At least he can’t be kidnapped by the secret police… I think. I post his blog for him, he can’t do it from the klink. Lots of stuff about noise metal… and some very weird politics that will either fascinate or repulse you… or both.

Oh yeah, then there’s me. I have a blog of stuff I’ve written mostly from last century. You might enjoy it. Then again, you might not. It’s here.

I have a very occasional blog about how rich people are just like us… same needs, same desires, you know. You can read it here.

Let me know if you have a blog… or a print zine… or a YouTube and want to be added to the list. You show me yours… you’ve already seen mine. god@mykelboard.com