This Blog is About Sex or Mykel's Post MRR Column no 57

Mykel's

Post MRR Column 

no 57

or

This Blog Is About Sex

She was just seventeen. You know what I mean… --The Beatles

Thou shalt not kill. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s ass. --The Ten Commandments

Today I am a man. --Recited by every bar mitzvah boy at age 13

I lay face down on the mattress. Looking over my shoulder, I watch her slip her middle finger into her mouth. Now sloppily wet, she pressed it into my puckering anus…. a digit at a time… twisting it right and left as it goes deeper. Then comes the second finger… AAAAAAGH! I yell in ecstatic pain. She laughs through her nose as the second finger enters its full length.

With her other hand she reaches under me. Grabbing my tightening Vienna sausage. Rounded top… little flip in back… attached to a sometimes less sometimes more flexible cylinder. And it rubs… rubs inside clothes, rubs against others’ clothes… rubs against naked flesh.. rubs against the palms and fingers of its owner. Now it rubs against the palms and fingers of someone else. But wait… there’s more. There's hers.

It looks like an orchid…. a depression surrounded by hairy petals… sometimes brown, hers is baby pajama pink… with the usual fragrance that-- unless over-yeasted-- draws my nose closer… begging to be sniffed… enjoyed visually… nasally… orally... tactilely.

Yeah, this month I write about sex. It's spring and whose thoughts DON'T turn to getting laid. Let’s get this straight. Anyone walking around in short shorts… with legs exposed from hip to ankle… with camel toe or flesh slug outlined in denim…. anyone exposing themselves like that… begs to get laid. Maybe most people want to get laid, but those who dress like this advertise it. If the cutie with the legs complains about sexual harassment, it means BY THE WRONG PERSON. S/he WANTS sex… just not from YOU. How are you supposed to know?

Feminists-- the kind who say that short shorts are only to cool the legs-- complain about sex. Christians-- the kind who say that short shorts should be prohibited-- complain about sex... especially sex for pay or... we'll talk about the OTHER complaint later.

In our work-oriented society, you need a job. The average Joe-- and the government-- frowns on people who get money without having a job. Somehow it’s bad if the government hands you a check for just living in the society and not killing people. It’s good if you spend your time, body, and mind on worthless shit that just makes the world a bad place to live. Donny Trump wants to Make America Great Again by bringing back jobs-- like coal-mining-- that give the job holders lung cancer. People are proud of the scummiest jobs… like taking other people’s money and giving it to billionaires. It’s called banking.

Anything you do for money is good... EXCEPT sex. If sex is your profession, there is something wrong. You are acting immorally-- probably illegally. If you allow a banker to stick his hand in your pocket when you have no money-- that’s a noble profession. If you allow a horny guy to stick his penis in your vagina and then PAY you (usually much more than $37 dollars)… that’s an EVIL … EXPLOITATIVE profession.

It’s okay to be forced to work 12 hours a day, to trade your time-- and sometimes your health-- for a better work position. To require long hours and illegal overtime as a condition of advancement… but it’s NOT okay to require sex for the same.

Then there are the scandals… take Bill Clinton…. Please! The worst Democrat to occupy the oval office since Andrew Jackson. He signed legislation making gay marriage illegal. He destroyed welfare, throwing hundreds and thousands of mothers into the street. He allowed brokerage companies to take over the banks… leading to extreme consolidation and the prolonged financial crash. He negotiated NAFTA… a job losing, corporate enhancing law that threw American workers out of their jobs and on to the street-- already crowded with mothers. Then, he bombed Serbia. His reason, like the reasons of so many bomb-loving presidents before him… for their own good.

There was so much to hate Clinton for that even moderate Democrats should have been calling for his head. But what did it? What made him the first president since Andrew Johnson (1868) to be impeached? Yep S-E-X. He was screwing around. He committed adultery. (High up there… in the stone tablet top ten.) He got a blow job from an intern and spewed onto her blue dress. Oh, the horror!

Donny Trump calls for the death penalty for drug dealers. He champions a tax bill that will personally save him millions of dollars. He answers clearly fake “Syrian chemical attacks” with real people-killing missiles. He fills his cabinet with agency heads designed to destroy the agencies they head. You probably have more to hate him about than I do.

But what is most dangerous to his presidency? SEX! A violation of one of the big ten. THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY. As though everybody else hasn’t. And it was with a pornstar, for God’s sake. Who WOULDN’T fuck a pornstar if they had the chance? But it was the sex itself... and his attempt to pay for silence in this atmosphere. Who WOULDN’T pay a pornstar to stay quiet about her relationship? Especially someone whose every move is in the public eye.

Then there’s Roy Moore. Moore was kicked off the Alabama State Supreme Court in November 2003.

Why? 

He refused to obey federal and state court orders to remove a 5,280-pound stone monument of the Ten Commandments-- THE BIG TEN. Yeah, that same religious bunch of bogus rules. (I guess the prohibitions against false witness, theft and murder are okay. That’s 3 out of 10. The rest is shit.) 

In a speech at the Open Door Baptist Church, Moore said that the World Trade Center attacks happened because the United States (aka you) went against God’s word. “Because you have despised His word and trust in perverseness and oppression, and say thereon ... therefore this iniquity will be to you as a breach ready to fall, swell out in a high wall, whose breaking cometh suddenly at an instance,'" Moore said, quoting Isaiah... one of them bible guys.

In 2006, Moore wrote that Rep.-elect Keith Ellison, a Minnesota Democrat, and the first Muslim ever elected to Congress, shouldn't be allowed to take office. And it was Moore who said that certain communities in the United States are already operating under Sharia law... either a lie of stupidity or a lie of malice.

But what got the guy in trouble? You guessed it SEX! And not even real sex… less sex than Bill Clinton had with Monica Lewinsky. Sex with the clothes on sex. 30 YEARS AGO sex…. As a thirty year old he asked a highschool girl to touch him... THERE. Touch!!! Hand on underpants! That’s it! And that’s what cost him the election.

Google “Roy Moore” unconstitutional and you’ll get 96,800 hits. Try “Roy Moore” pedophilia and you get 253,000. Why??? Does it matter more to the future of America if its senators are touched by the constitution or are touched by a 14 year old? Does anything anyone did 30 years ago matter at all?

Then there’s Milo Yiannopoulos. He was a Breitbart boy, with sympathies to some of, but not all, alt-right ideas. [Full disclosure: #Me too, though I'm sympathetic to fewer of those ideas than Yiannopolis. He was a supporter of Donald Trump in his bid for the presidency. He opposes abortion and doesn't believe in climate change. Interestingly enough, he is an out homosexual-- if you believe in that sort of stuff. [Full disclosure: I don’t.] His most notorious tour in America was called (by him) The Dangerous Faggot Tour. The totalitarians from AntiFa have stopped him speaking in several universities around the country. 

 Simon and Shuster agreed to publish his book and he was invited to speak before a Republican conservative group. Both those invitations were rescinded. Why? You guessed it… SEX!

Someone found a video of Yiannopoulos interviewed. In that interview, he says that sexual relationships between 13-year-old (today I am a man) teens and older men and women can be "perfectly consensual" and positive experiences for the boys Following the release of the video, Yiannopoulos was forced out of his position at Breitbart, and he lost a contract to publish his autobiography. Score: “Yiannopoulos and global warming” 37,200 . “Yiannopoulos and pedophilia” 95,600.

Pedophilia? Child sex? What the hell is a child in the first place? Anti-sex feminists are up in arms (twats?) about Indian child brides. The U.S. has among the highest sexual age of consent laws in the world. The idiotic Judeo-Christian morality of the ten commandments… that original legal list of God’s preferences… is the same Judeo-Christian morality that lurks behind the bugaboo of child sex.

Nature provides an age of consent. Why does a Bar Mitzvah boy (age 13) say, today I am a man? Why is the age of consent 12 years old in Holland? PUBERTY! Girls don’t menstruate. Women do. Boys don’t ejaculate, no matter how much they like playing with it. Men do. There is no line more naturally delineated than the line between child and adult. It’s as plain as the red streaks in her panties.

A child bride is seven years old… not seventeen. It is exploiting to make someone work 18 hours a day-- not to give them a shortcut to movie stardom by opening their legs. It is trafficking to bring a truckload of Central Americans to work 3 jobs just to be able to pay the mafia truck driver-- not to allow someone to make five times those wages with the scrape of a penis.

Americans are too dumb and too Judeo-Christian to ever change. That's why Moore was right to have those tables sculpted in the front yard of his court. They are a monument to supreme stupidity.

--end

==============

ENDNOTES: [You can contact me on facebook or by email at god@mykelboard.com. Through the post office: send those... er... private DVDs..or music or zines... or anything else (legal only!) to: Mykel Board, POB 137, New York, NY 10012-0003. If you like my writing, you can be notified when anything new is available. Subscribe to the MYKEL'S READERS Yahoo group readmboard-subscribe@yahoogroups.com]

→ Late Note Dept: Just as I was preparing this for blogification, a tsunami of gleeful facebook quotes let me know that thousands of women were delighting in the gleeful revenge exacted from Bill Cosby. His accusers sought payback for incidents more than 40 years old. They got a lot before. In the modern world, just an accusation is enough... when it comes to sex. Without a conviction, reruns of The Cosby Show and other shows featuring Cosby have also been pulled from syndication. Twenty-five colleges and universities have rescinded his honorary degrees. 

But the coup d'malace comes now. The beaten, humiliated and near-death 80-year old will spend the few short years he's got left... behind bars. Oh yeah... that's not revenge... it's justice. Yeah, right.

→Forgot to mention dept: George Bush Sr. the Vlad Putin of America... orchestrater of the original Iraqi war. The man who famously said Read my lips... no tax increase before increasing taxes. For what crime has he been condemned for, what did he apologize to the American people? Yep... when he was 90 years old... Bordering on senility 90! Confined to a wheelchair 90. He was accused of... you guessed it: sexual harassment. What kind? 

He didn't shake my hand. He touched me from behind from his wheelchair with his wife Barbara Bush by his side. He told me a dirty joke. And then, all the while being photographed, touched me again.

HE TOUCHED HER!!!! TOUCHED! A 90 year old! Oh the horror!

→Speaking of the Irish dept: Most folks guessed that my Deport the Irish column of last month was an April Fools prank. Some of my best bars are Irish! Still, the Irish are tempting targets because they come off so… so… well. Take this surveillance video released by the Irish Independent newspaper. It shows a burglar trying to break into a car at 1 a.m. in front of the Pheasant Bar in Drogheda, Ireland. The weapon of entry is a brick. The video star has plans of smashing a window to get into the car. Surprise! The brick rebounds and knocks the man out, bloodying him.

Gerry Brady, owner of the bar, found the burglar in the parking lot... dazed. He called for an ambulance with the accompanying police. Somehow, the would-be robber still managed to run away before police arrived. Only when Brady later watched video did he realize what the man had been trying to do. Duh!

→But wait there’s more dept: The Education Culture Shock blog reports the adventures of an American teacher in Ireland. She had the following discussion with her students:

"Why do Americans speak English?" the student asked.

I (the teacher) couldn't help but let a little laugh squeak out with that one. I was thinking a few other people in the room would join in on the laugh, but instead I was faced with 14 expectant students waiting for my answer and wondering what was so funny.

"Wait, ya'll really have no idea why Americans speak English?" I asked.

"Christopher Columbus!" a voice called out proudly.

→ Sex=Death dept: The New York Post reports that a Florida man accused of murdering his girlfriend claims she accidentally choked to death while giving him head. Richard Henry Patterson now wants permission from a judge to bolster his argument by showing his penis to a jury to support his claim that the woman choked to death while performing oral sex on him. As of this writing it’s unclear if the flesh demonstration request will be honored.

I say, “See? It’s just another way I’m SAFE! Try me!”

  

→ One small victory dept: In case you missed it, the Supreme Court, in an 8-0 decision said that the clause in the copyright law that prohibits “disparaging people or institutions” is unconstitutional. The case was brought by an Asian-American music group called The Slants, who were denied a trademark because of that clause. Their name, it was said, is racist.

Now let's hear it for the Washington Redskins!!

========================

LINK TRADE DEPARTMENT:

I read that the search engines like lots of links... and it's also nice to support my friends... and enemies... in their blogs. So facebook me or email me if you have a blog, webpage or something else to connect to. I add you. You add me.

Here's a start:

• David Goldberg's Busy Microbes Blog
  
• And another Goldberg: goldberg.wordpress.com
  
• Poetry and humor fans will like Justin Martin in The Latency
  
• Sometimes I contribute to an interesting multi-talented blog called OgFomK Arts see me there!
  
• And my friend Mike R has a nice site with recipe hits from the past! (He cooked for me once... great stuff.) Check out Yesterday's Recipes.
  
• And here's one by a member of ANTI-SEEN... a tour diary of sorts.
  
• Andy Shelton has an interesting blog here.
  
• Savage Hippie is a guy who has been YouTubing for a long time. Our opinions largely overlap... but he complains that I'm a Communist. I'm not! I'm a communist.
  
• Chris Stecher publishes a zine called PRECIS. You can see the back issue links there... and he promises a new issue soon.
  
• George Fertakis has a very nice graphics-heavy blog... with music and books featured prominently.
  
• And my long-term pal Sid Yiddish contributes with his Mishegas Master Blog.

Privilege and Stripping or Mykel Board's Post MRR Column no. 33

Mykel's

Post MRR Column no 33

America has Race Fever. It's not an actual race war, but a sort of racial Cold War. A grinding war of nerves. And it's impossible to escape. A race war would be anticlimactic at this point... Let's cool down just a tad. We don't need MORE sensitivity. If we got any more sensitive, we'd all break out in a rash. --Jim Goad (copped from another of my columns)

Privilege and Stripping

or

Stripping the Privilege

by Mykel Board

Part 1: Privilege

It's the circus... an arena for kids and adults to be amazed by some performances... amused by others.

A small car comes from the tent-wing and drives toward the center. Smaller than a smart car, it's somewhere between a kiddie pedal car and a remote controlled drone car. The door opens... out comes a man... tall... a red fringe of hair around a bald head... face and head painted white. Then comes another... bright colored clothes... big shoes. Then another... and another... all faces painted white. So many people from such a small space. How do they do it?

One of the men whacks the other on the ass. It's a slap stick... makes a loud sound and the kids laugh. A mother next to me talks about the slapper.

“What a clown!” she says, casually as scratching her ass.

I cringe.

I think of the make-up... the caricatures... faces painted white in a parody of European-Americans. Whiteface... people playing the fool... the victims of violence from a slapboard to a rug pulled out from underfoot.

Happy clowns, mean clowns, evil clowns, every cliché of the dumb, malicious, whiteguy book...there... accepted by the world.

In never ending parades of whitefolk clichés, clowns tell the world that European-Americans aren't like other people. They're either scary or funny-- evil or stupid-- but not like the rest.

Google “white guys” and you'll see Donald Trump in an open-mouthed harangue... or Clint Eastwood... with a gun.

Watch any TV program... cop show... major movie. Unless it's a Jackie Chan film, most of the dead guys will be white. White lives don't matter. They're as disposable as tissue paper: bleached white to show that you should throw it away.

Half of the murder victims in the US are European-Americans. We don't hear about that.

What do we hear?

Flash to a blond girl... long Prell hair, blue sweater tied loosely around her neck.. She looks directly in the camera. “Fresh is a walk through the woods on an early spring morning.” Cut to a more housewifey lady in a white gossamer gown. Her skin just this side of pink. “Fresh is a gentle breeze, that takes you by surprise.”

 

And what exactly is so fresh? Their twats! They're pushing SUMMER'S EVE, “feminine deodorant” now available in “doctor recommended vinegar and water.”

After five minutes of Walking Dead or some other show I'll never see, comes commercial two:

Cut to an elevator. A young guy-- whiter than Justin Bieber-- shares an elevator with an older crewcut European-American... the latter very boss looking.

“Sam,” says the boss, “glad you got the memo.”

Sam looks at his phone. Sees MEETING CHANGED TO 8AM... in red... on the screen. He puts his briefcase on the elevator ledge, opens it, pulls out the Gillette Deodorant, runs it under his shirt... no sweat!

What do these commercials tell the world? WHITE PEOPLE STINK.

Google PRUDE and you have to scroll down mighty far before you see the first person who isn't white. Clowns, prudes, nerds... these are the images that the world has of white people. These are the images in the brains of people who look at you as you shop for cereal or scratch your balls on the street. Those are the glasses coloring the vision of everyone you meet... or don't meet because they're afraid of you... or you disgust them... because of your race.

What's written in history books? What do we see? WHITE Vikings slicing through the bodies of their helpless victims. Invading flotillas of WHITE people, conquering the peaceful Redman in America. European-American pilots dropping atomic bombs on helpless Asians.

Check out mass murderers for entry after entry of white people. Charles Manson, Timothy McVeigh, The Columbine Killers. Their white faces are splashed across every paper in America. Think: Who are the killers? Answer: WHITE PEOPLE.

When the world thinks of BLACK, they think NELSON MANDELA, MUHAMMAD ALI, or HILLARY CLINTON. Who do you think has an easier time entering the Knicks' lockerroom, Jesse Jackson or Noam Chomsky? It's BLACK-PRIVILEGE.

The prude-clown-murderer... that's what the world thinks of EUROPEAN-AMERICANS. Selective history, stereotypes, non-stop bombardment with disparaging images... this has got to stop! I have a plan.

Put it in a museum. A single place... a monument to European-American stereotypes and cliches. The Betty Boops, the Bozo the Clowns, the John Wayne Gacys, the Elmer Gantrys. The statues of naked whiteboys with granite preserved genitalia. White boys as nutty professors and white boys nailed to a cross. WHITE HINDRANCE. Most European-Americans don't even know they've got it.

When people ask why European-Americans need their own safe spaces... point to that museum.

When they ask why white people can't associate with everyone else... or act in a human way... point to that museum. When people call that white kid THE CLASS CLOWN or say HE GOT AWAY WITH MURDER, it's time to call them out... to bring 'em to that museum.

Part 2 Stripping:

BOOM chaka BOOM chaka BOOM BOOM. The speakers blast at the usual levels. An inch and a half from my nose is a coffee colored ass. I can see every pimple... every spot of rippled flesh... every raised bump, looking like an unpeeled orange at nose level. Here in Miami, it's all the way. No pasties, no bikini bottoms, you got it all... the whole kit... the whole caboodle. I reach forward to put a bill on that little shelf where the beautiful brown buttocks wiggling in front of me attaches itself to her body.

I pucker my lips and place a smackeroo on the right cheek. Her face turns to me. She smiles. I put another dollar up there as I kiss the other cheek. She turns around, showing me her shaved taco... looking tight as a Florida parking space.

I look up at her. Her perfectly styled hair, curled to flow just past her shoulders. I look at her face... her smile. I look into her eyes... I see it... a negative it... something missing. Her smile is there, but something about those eyes. Like I'm a vampire looking into a mirror. No refection....blank... like the light behind those eyes dimmed... flickered... went out.

Something is dead in there. Something that her life... this display... this parody of love... has hurt. Every night... how many different lips on those ass cheeks. How many rides on how many laps? How much has what should be so close, become so mundane... so ordinary? Going beyond sadness... this enters the realm of something closer to death... to murder.

I feel my body begin to drip with sweat. I look around the room at the sad old men... the just post teens... the jocks out for a night of beer... at whose expense? This girl... looking at me...smiling... dead smiling.

What a load of bullshit! From the red I to the red g in smiling. What I wrote above is what feminists and Christians want to hear. And it's a lie.

I love strippers. I know strippers. I know the NYU students who would rather strip than waitress tables for a bunch of hipsters. I know the Thai strippers who would rather shoot an egg out of their twat than serve one au benedict to some farang tourist lady with no chin.

Human trafficking? You want human trafficking? Check the nail salons. That's where you'll find it. Check the maids, the au pairs, the people catering to the rich. More strippers like their jobs than do Walmart associates.... MANY more.

The only reason liberals and Christians get on their high horses about strippers (or prostitutes, for that matter), is SEX. Get it? Sex is bad! MEN are bad. These girls service men with sex... no one would do that willingly, right? It MUST be human trafficking.

Yeah, right.

No matter who has control, the PRUDES win. Liberal or conservative, the prudes, yeah the WHITE prudes, win.

ENDNOTES: [You can contact me by email at god@mykelboard.com. Through the post office: send those... er... private DVDs..or music or zines... or anything else (legal only!) to: Mykel Board, POB 137, New York, NY 10012-0003. If you like my writing, you can be notified when anything new is available by subscribing to the MYKEL'S READERS Yahoo group readmboard-subscribe@yahoogroups.com]

→Thanks dept: I want to thank my pal Tony “Anonymous Boy” Arena for telling me about the Jim Crow Museum that inspired the White Cliché Museum I wrote about in this blog. Tony also told me that Betty Boop was originally black! Hollywood whitened her up to make her more acceptable to the general population. It doesn't change anything in what I wrote, but it is an interesting bit of history.

-->Deep in the Heart Dept pt 1: California Republican Shannon Grove said that the first rain after a Texas drought was God thanking the legislature for the passage of a strict anti-abortion bill. Grove talks about the night of the passage:

“It rained that night,” she said. “God's hand is in the affairs of man.”

-->Deep in the Heart Dept pt 2: Texas police forced 7 and 8 year old sisters to shut down their lemonade stand because they didn't have a permit. They reportedly were raising money to buy a Father's Day gift, but the police said they needed to apply for a permit “because of bacteria that can grow in lemonade.”

--> Deep in the Heart Dept pt 3: Rick Allgeyer was the Director of research in the Texas Health and Human Services Commission. He co-authored an article for the New England Journal of Medicine on how state cuts to Planned Parenthood have reduced the ability of women to get health care.

        He was fired when the article appeared.

-->Nice new suit dept: Chicago cop Robert Rialmo murdered a 19 year old colored guy who had no weapon. He also killed a neighbor "by accident." Now the cop is... get this... suing the estate of the kid he killed for 10 million dollars. Why? He suffered "extreme emotional trauma" because of the deaths and he blames the kid for "forcing him to shoot."

--->Where exactly are you putting that pen dept: The BIC company has announced a new line of pens called "For Her." They come in pastel colors and are thinner than normal bic pens. They're also about 70% more expensive. Predictably, reaction has been cynical.

-->Going to your head dept: Massachusetts' law prohibits wearing hats or head covering in driver's license pictures unless, "they're worn for religious purposes."

So Lindsay Miller shows up wearing a pasta strainer on her head and demands a picture. Why? She's a PASTAFARIAN. After a threat of a court case, the Massachusetts DMV relented and she got her picture.

The actual name of the sect is "Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster."

Wait for MY picture with a nylon stocking over my head. "Robin Hood Church of Bank Robbery."

Got any other ideas?

--> Keeping the Pressure on Dept: I want to thank reader George Metesky for suggesting a continuing Bring Back Mykel effort directed at Maximum Rock'n'Roll for censoring me.

As their revolving editrixes move on to commercial ventures, each blames her predecessors for my demise... as if they had no control over the business... and couldn't simply invite me back.

Send your comments to mrr@maximumrocknroll.com (or post on their facebook page) with the subject line: BRING BACK MYKEL! Let me know how they answer.

-end-