An Irregular Column
by Mykel Board
"God did not create man in his own image. Evidently it was the other way around.” Christopher Hitchens
I'm madder than a Republican with anal warts. I should be happy. Hatemail again... after such a long dry period. I'm no longer preaching to choir... or maybe I am, but they're sure as shit a choir in a different church.
One letter was absolutely correct about my error in crediting my half-hero, Ron Paul, with something he didn't write. One letter looked as if the author googled my name with “pedophile” and used all the results to incriminate me. Jezus fuckin' Christ.
Ok, I tried it. I googled the combination of Millard Fillmore and pedophilia. The results?
About 10,500 results (0.38 seconds)
Try it yourself... from home... not the library. Though with the way Google is, YOUR inquiry will probably match YOU with both Millard Fillmore and pedophilia when someone else asks.
With Rick Santorum complaining that Obama is not governing “by biblical principles.” And this from Newt Gingrich:
I have two grandchildren. I am convinced that if we do not decisively win the struggle over the nature of America, by the time they're my age they'll be in a secular atheist country, potentially one dominated by radical Islamists.
It's clear that Americans live on the dark side of the moon of idiocy. Of course, those politicians may not be as stupid as their quotes, but THEY are preaching to the choir.
I just finished reading a book called GOD IS NOT GREAT, HOW RELIGION POISONS EVERYTHING. It's by anti-abortion atheist Christopher Hitchens. As a pro-abortion non-atheist, I expected to disagree with a lot of what Hitchens had to say. I didn't expect, however, how useful his book would be in providing examples for this column.
So, now Brothers and Sisters. I want you to stop reading for a bit. Close your eyes. Get down on your knees. Feel the power coursing through your veins. It's the power of MYKEL. Imagine the touch of MYKEL on your forehead. Feel the love of MYKEL. Listen to the song of MYKEL as he preaches to the unpreached. MYKEL telling it to the congregation. MYKEL preaching to you on HOW NOT TO THINK.
Take the quote at the beginning of this column. What it means is: 1. God did not create human beings. 2. Human beings created God.
Okay, then add the idea God does not exist... and BINGO! LOGICAL INCONSISTANCY. Our first way NOT to think.
If human beings created God, then God MUST exist. It is not possible to create something if that thing does not exist. That should be as plain as the wart on your anus created by anal intercourse. An argument based on the non-existence of something you say was CREATED is a non-argument. It contradicts itself. Get it brothers and sisters?
Flash to a dark empty stage... a single spotlight focuses on a wooden stool.... the sound of footsteps... a man enters the spotlight. He wears a dark suit, a black cape with bright red lining, and a top hat. He bows to the audience, removes his top hat and sets it-- upside down-- on the stool.
“Thank you ladies and gentlemen,” says the man, “I know magicians are supposed to pull rabbits out of top hats...” he gestures to the top hat with his left hand.
While the audience looks at the hat, his right hand quietly reaches under his cape‚ “but this hat is empty today.” He holds up the hat in his left hand to show the audience it is empty. This action hides his right hand that now grasps something.
“Instead,” he continues, “I find myself in the uncomfortable position of having a hare up my nose.”
He drops the hat onto the stool and puts his right hand to his nose releasing a rubber rabbit. He holds it high. The audience laughs. It's call magic. And it's called misdirection.
Look over there! And while you're looking, the author pulls a fast one. In Hitchen's case, he writes: Faith-based fanatics could not design anything as useful or beautiful as a skyscraper or passenger aircraft. But, continuing their long history of plagiarism, they could borrow and steal these things and use them as a negation.
It's clear Hitchen means that religion (especially Islam) cannot make anything on its own, but can only destroy what was made in the secular society. By implication (misdirection), the World Trade Center Attacks were MUSLIM attacks. The reason was religion... a fanatical Jihad.
Logic says this attack was NOT religiously motivated. If it were, why not Big Ben or some synagogue in Des Moines for fuck's sake? The World Trade Center is a symbol of American TRADE, business... not religion.
If someone attacks your people, kills your leaders, invades your country, you don't need religion to tell you to fight back. The US has destroyed the middle-East for OIL. MILLIONS of people have been killed, either directly by the US, or by US financed troops that later find themselves killed by other US financed troops.
The pilots who flew into the Twin Towers could've been Zoroastrian for all that mattered.
Hitchens, like the American right, and the pro-Israel everybody else, made a political attack into a religious attack. It's a trap, and if you fall into it, you'll be a victim of MISDIRECTION.
I don't remember it exactly, but in college I saw the play Cyrano de Bergerac. I remember that Cyrano was supposed to be some kind of intellectual who had great ideas and a big nose. When people didn't like what he said, but were unable to come up with an adequate objection, they made fun of his nose. Maybe I got it wrong, but it doesn't matter. What's important is the idea.
That's called AD HOMINIM. It means “if you can't attack the idea, attack the person.” I write a column complaining that people are more concerned about a football coach accused of a non-lethal crime than they are about Apple making iPhones at companies with such bad conditions people have committed documented suicide... REAL DEAD PEOPLE. Two letter-writers attacked me, personally, with only the briefest mention of the IDEAS in the column, and nothing refuting them.
We now know Pope Pius XII composed the following letter to Berlin: To the Illustrious Herr Adolf Hitler, Fuhrer and Chancellor of the German Reich!... We wish to assure you that We remain devoted to the spiritual welfare of the German people... May the prosperity of the German people and their progress in every domain come, with God's help, to fruition!
What's it mean? CATHOLOCISM IS BAD. Why? Because one pope writes a nice letter to Hitler. That is ad hominin... a kind of misdirection and it's a way you should NOT think.
NOW try this one from Hitchens: Pythagoras refuted astrology by the simple means of pointing out that identical twins do not share that the same future.
While I don't believe in astrology, I know even identical twins are not born at exactly the same time and would therefore have different “charts.” I also know that no astrologer believes your life is determined 100%... down to the smallest anal wart... by the stars. There are still other influences-- or free will. It's SCIENCE that's trying to do away with free will (the gay gene, the alcoholic gene, the obnoxious personality gene)-- not religion.
Hitchen sites an expert and POOF, it's true... NOT!
Type “Experts Agree” into Google and among the 10,300,000 results you'll find these things they agree on:
Experts Agree With Ron Paul’s Controversial Foreign Policy
Experts agree biodiesel must be part of a sustainable society
Romney Vs Paul: Experts Agree GOP Contest Now A Two Horse Race
Experts agree: Pack's Aaron is simply amazing
Winter forecasts vary, but experts agree it'll be wet and stormy
Experts Agree This Is The Most Effective Diet In The World
Experts agree - Sugar is a health destroyer
Experts Agree: Cindy Crawford’s 10-Year-Old Daughter Is Genetic Perfection
Experts Agree anti-gay texts of major faiths taken out of context
Get it? If you want to convince people without actually having facts, just make it up and put it in AN EXPERT's mouth. Better, a bunch of experts... all agreeing (with you).
You can be vaguer. Try EVERYBODY KNOWS... or IT'S COMMON KNOWLEDGE THAT...
There's even a linguistic trick called the agentless passive that does the same thing.
[Aside] A brief intro to Grammar 101:
Active: Natalie Portman thinks Mykel's penis tastes like licorice.
Passive: Mykel's penis is thought by Natalie Portman to taste like licorice.
In the active sentence Natalie Portman is the subject. In the passive sentence, the subject is Mykel's penis. The agent, however, (the one who does the tasting) in both sentences is Natalie Portman.
I can use a passive with no agent. Mykel's penis is thought to taste like licorice. That way, I don't have to say who actually did the tasting... the reader has to guess. [End of aside]
From Hitchens: As a materialist, I think it has been demonstrated that an embryo is a separate body and entity, and not merely a growth on or in the female body.... the words "unborn child" describe a material reality.
Who demonstrated it? Who gets to call a sliver of barely more than a snotball an unborn child? The agentless passive answers those question... but it shouldn't. And it's a way you should NOT think.
Ok, Brothers and Sisters, that's enough for today's sermon. I'm not sure if next month's column will be written from New York or Gibraltar. Probably the latter. The one after that: AFRICA. Yes MUSLIM AFRICA. You wanna make somethin' of it?
ENDNOTES: [email subscribers (firstname.lastname@example.org) or blog viewers (mykelsblog.blogspot.com/) will get live links and a chance to post comments on the column]
-->Right again dept: After the WTC attacks, Ron Paul spoke about how the US itself, caused the attacks. Not in some stupid conspiracy-theory way, but because of how the US is viewed by other countries in the world. Read the text of his speech at: tinyurl.com/RonPaulon9-11.
-->King Bloomberg dept: NY Mayor Bloomberg said in a speech at MIT that "I have my own army in the NYPD, which is the seventh biggest army in the world." A private army for the mayor. Occupy that!
-->Pay to Play dept: Supervisors of Riverside County California voted for a bill that would force jail inmates to repay the country for the costs of jailing them. Supervisor Jeff Stone, who introduced the measure, called the jails "prison hotels."
-->Sid Yiddish sent me this note from the IRS:
You can treat your child as meeting the residency test even if the child has been kidnapped, but both of the following statements must be true. The child is presumed by law enforcement authorities to have been kidnapped by someone who is not a member of your family or the child's family.
In the year the kidnapping occurred, the child must have lived with you for more than half of the part of the year before the date of the kidnapping.
Now that's what I call compassion!
-->Website magazine reports that email spam in November 2011 was the lowest in three years. Only 70 percent. I guess most folks are like me and only read our Facebook mail, deleting everything else. So spam killed email and now it's killing itself.
-->Arizona does it again dept: Sorry Sid, but that is one fucked up state. This time, five Arizona Republican state senators have introduced a law that prohibits teachers from talking about anything that would not get past the FCC.
The law not only cripples the ability to teach about sexuality and other non-Victorian topics, but it also puts teachers in jeopardy for teaching The Canterbury Tales, The Catcher in the Rye, Ulysses, and probably every work by an obscure English writer named William Shakespeare.
But the bill goes further. Because the language in the bill doesn’t distinguish between public speech or conduct and just plain old every day speech or conduct, the law could require schools to fire teachers who use profanity and have sex in their private lives away from school.
With the Republicans continued attacks on teachers and schools, and the guaranteed lowering of educational levels... they guarantee a society of ignoramuses! Exactly the people who will be voting Republican!
you can find Mykel's African adventures at: www.mykelsdiary.blogspot.com