Saturday, August 04, 2018

You’re STILL Wrong Mykel's Aug 2018 Blog/Column "That's Not Funny!"



You’re STILL Wrong
 Aug 2018
or
That’s Not Funny

Q.
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. That’s not funny
--old joke

Q. How many….
A. You’re defending nazis and racists, how could you do that?
--new joke

If an online discussion (regardless of topic or scope) goes on long enough, sooner or later someone will compare someone or something to Adolf Hitler or his deeds. When a Hitler comparison is made, the thread is finished and whoever made the comparison loses whatever debate is in progress.
--old Godwin’s law

I’m sorry, I was being a nazi when I made my law. Of course, you can compare anything to a nazi and you’ll be right. Excuse my former fascistness. Yes, they're all nazis. Don't hurt me now, okay?
--Godwin’s law, revised by Godwin 2018


It’s funnier than a priest with a woody. Internet cartoons showing Trump and Putin kissing… the Russian bear fucking Donny T up the wazoo…


more homo imagery than gaytube.com… How about Trump holding hands with a shirtless Putin?


The hidden meaning behind it? Trump and Putin are bad guys doing the nasty… How disgusting, right?.... But funny, right?

So far, I haven’t seen any objection… They love it… even the homos! Ironic that these images-- all reflecting negatively on homotude… are embraced by the same people who champion “gay rights.” I guess everybody knows doing homo things is funny when people you don’t like do them.

Steven Colbert can talk on TV about Trump sucking Putin’s cock… like that’s a bad thing! Oy… maybe it’s the cheese smell... maybe it tastes like caviar... I don’t know… It doesn't make ME laugh. But I AM enjoying the irony, given that Steven Colbert is Mr. Liberal.

Unfortunately, there’s not much more to enjoy. The cliché is that truth is the first casualty of war. Actually, humor and irony are the first casualties of Internet wars.

Humor and irony used to be good. They were two of the key ingredients in making punkrock… well… punkrock.

Beat on the brat… beat on the brat… beat on the brat with a baseball bat...” --Ramones

Oh no! Advocating child abuse. Lock ‘em up. They couldn’t get away with that in 2018!

The sun beams down on a brand new day, no more welfare tax to pay
Unsightly slums gone up in flashing light
Jobless millions whisked away, at last we have more room to play
All systems go to kill the poor tonight
Gonna kill, kill, kill, kill, kill the poor
Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill the poor
Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill the poor tonight
-Dead Kennedys

Kill the poor? How awful! The poor need our help… our compassion… we should be killing the rich! What’s the matter with you? And Dead Kennedys??? How could you call yourself that? The Kennedys were DEMOCRATS!

Back to the Internet:

From my experience, average facebook users are between 40 and 60 years old... mostly with college degrees. The split is pretty even between men and women. Facebook is also where humor is most lost… and irony just about disappears. (Actually, irony is more present than ever... examples to come. It is the perception and appreciation of irony that has disappeared… rather than the irony itself.) Lately, censorship has incredibly increased on the platform with most of my friends spending time in facebook jail... for facebook crimes and misdemeanors.

The twitter® community has a bit wider age spread, though no less censorship than facebook. Similar irondectomies are performed there... though in shorter messages.

Is it that the middle-agers have lost their sense of humor or that the millenials never had it to start with? The answer is:

YES!

Someone complains on facebook that Mykel Board supports racists and white supremacists... and he’s a gay Jew! (I’m glad, at least, that the guy knew that racists and white supremacists were not the same.)

I reply, “I am a Jew, but I’m not gay.” “However,” I joke, “most of the guys I’ve had sex with are gay.”

Do I even get a laughing emoji in reply? You bet your Antifa I don’t. The answer comes. “Tell that to them when they come for you to take you to the camps, Mykel. To them, you’re just a gay Jew. They don’t get the fine distinctions on the way to the ovens.”

(The old) Godwin would be giggling in his grave... if he were dead.

Bad enough… but the guy who writes this used to write for Maximum Rock’n’Roll! I shit you not. I won’t give you his name because I don’t want to cause him any problems…. and I like him. But I can’t resist the irony in someone who’s known me for 30+ years missing the humor and talking about concentration camps instead.

But wait, there’s more. The irony doesn’t end there.

Donny Trump says he doesn’t trust the CIA to tell him the truth about Russia. Millennials and baby boomers answer by calling Trump a traitor. Some of these are people who-- during the Vietnam War-- were shouting Ho Ho Ho Chi Minh, the NLF is gonna win. And now they’re shouting traitor?

In the 60s and 70s, they rightly hated the murderous lying CIA, FBI and War Department. But now they’re complaining that Trump doesn’t trust those SAME sources of fake information. That’s stand-up comedy material! Too bad they’ll never get the joke. But the irony doesn’t end there.

In a very perceptive facebook post, the poster writes:

The demonization of Putin and the unquestioning acceptance of what is said about him in the Western media resemble a kind of mass hysteria. Under closer inspection he will be seen to have brought Chechnya back from the Islamist abyss (where else has this been accomplished?), restored integrity to public services in Russia (with a concomitant rise in life expectancy after the Yeltsin horror years), taught the Georgian psychopath Saakashvili a lesson when he attacked his northern neighbor (yet without shattering the Georgian state in the process as he could have), and helped the government of Syria stave off a jihadist uprising designed to eliminate its multi-confessional nature and reduce it to chaos. And all the while he has had to lead the resistance to the NATO encirclement of Russia that began in the Clinton years and then gathered steam under successive American presidencies, culminating in Obama's coup d'etat in Kiev. It's no wonder that Putin is popular with his people, despite the hardships they have had to endure because of the American sanctions (which the Eurodrones have dutifully followed).

Okay, you can agree or disagree with that, but where’s the humor… or the irony? Well, the writer of that passage is Thomas Yohannon… yep, the brother of Tim Yohannon (RIP) original editor of (you guessed it) Maximum Rock’n’Roll. Here he is, fighting the regressive mainstream left, with some of the same players from 30+ years ago-- but now THOSE PLAYERS are on the same side as the CIA!

But wait, there’s more…

In a discussion of Trump and the Russians vs the CIA, someone asks Where’s Lee Harvey Oswald when we need him?


It wasn’t Oswald,” I joke. “It was the CIA.”

I’m sure you’ve guessed there was no laughing emoji in response. “Conspiracy theory, Mykel. Completely bogus stuff, planted to discredit the CIA.”

Discredit the CIA?????? Hahahahahahahahaha

The sad part is that the only laughter I hear these days is little kids teasing one another or adults laughing without irony… at “jokes” that aren't funny but, they politically agree with. Trump sucks Putin’s cock. Hahaha, “Trump and Putin… it’s a bromance made in hell.” Hahahaha. “Q. How many Trumps does it take to change a lightbulb? A. Vlad Putin” Hahahahahahahaha.

Jezus fuckin’ Christ! Kill me now!

No. Don’t! Really. I was only kidding. Honestly, it was a joke. Please don’t kill me.

-end-

ENDNOTES: [You can contact me on facebook or by email at god@mykelboard.com. Through the post office: send those... er... private DVDs..or music or zines... or anything else (legal only!) to: Mykel Board, POB 137, New York, NY 10012-0003. If you like my writing, you can be notified when anything new is available. Subscribe to the MYKEL'S READERS Yahoo group readmboard-subscribe@yahoogroups.com]

Moron Russia Dept: Among the current (2017) Darwin Award winners are a Russian couple. In a tale of Russian intelligence--or lack of it—a millennial pair kicked the bucket while screwing in the back seat of their SUV. With the car located near a beautiful lake, the couple moved to the back seat to… er… make themselves more comfortable. "Located" rather than "parked" because the vehicle transmission was in neutral. The rocking motions of the passengers caused the small SUV to roll into the lake and below the waterline. The 22-year-old man and woman drowned.
For those unfamiliar with the Darwin Awards… they are given annually to people who help clean the gene pool by accidentally killing themselves doing something really stupid.

Future Darwin Award Winner? dept: In Teesside, England, 22-year-old Jordan Easton of Thornaby was at the home of a friend, hanging out in the kitchen. He boasted that his vest was "stab-proof." To prove it, he "took hold a knife to demonstrate," testified Karin Welsh, Teesside assistant coroner, "and sadly realized it wasn't the case."
Easton was rushed to the hospital, but did not survive the ordeal. Police found no evidence Easton “intended to harm himself” and only died after "a boisterous act." The official cause of death was recorded as a "misadventure."

More sad irony dept: During the Vietnam war, Daniel Ellsberg was treated as a hero by those of us who opposed the war. What did he do? He stole the Pentagon Papers, which proved a US Army/CIA conspiracy to cover up US actions in Southeast Asia.
Now, we have Julian Assange… a new Daniel Ellsberg. His Wikileaks have exposed the rigged Democratic primary, how the CIA and Apple colluded, and how the US Army targeted civilians during the Iraqi war. He, too, is a hero.
By the time you read this, he’ll be in jail, extradited from an Ecuador embass His incarceration will likely be cheered by the same people who called Ellsberg a hero. I guess Assange is a traitor. (Oh, the irony!)


===========================================
LINK TRADE DEPARTMENT:

I read that the search engines like lots of links... and it's also nice to support my friends... and enemies... in their blogs. So facebook me or email me if you have a blog, webpage or something else to connect to. I add you. You add me.

Here's a start:


  • David Goldberg's Busy Microbes Blog
  • And another Goldberg: goldberg.wordpress.com
  • I post a blog for Kyle Nonnemon, in prison for a ton of shit. He's a smart guy, with a passion for industrial metal and a general detestation of humankind. You can read his blog at: apothelema.blogspot.com
  • Poetry and humor fans will like Justin Martin in The Latency
  • Sometimes I contribute to an interesting multi-talented blog called OgFomK Arts see me there!
  • And my friend Mike R has a nice site with recipe hits from the past! (He cooked for me once... great stuff.) Check out Yesterday's Recipes.
  • And here's one by a member of ANTI-SEEN... a tour diary of sorts.
  • Andy Shelton has an interesting blog here.
  • Savage Hippie is a guy who has been YouTubing for a long time. Our opinions largely overlap... but he complains that I'm a Communist. I'm not! I'm a communist.
  • Chris Stecher publishes a zine called PRECIS. You can see the back issue links there... and he promises a new issue soon.
  • George Fertakis has a very nice graphics-heavy blog... with music and books featured prominently.
  • And my long-term pal Sid Yiddish contributes with his Mishegas Master Blog.


CONTACT REDUX: You can contact me on facebook or by email at god@mykelboard.com. Through the post office: send those... er... private DVDs..or music or zines... or anything else (legal only!) to: Mykel Board, POB 137, New York, NY 10012-0003. If you like my writing, you can be notified when anything new is available. Subscribe to the MYKEL'S READERS Yahoo group readmboard-subscribe@yahoogroups.com.





Monday, July 02, 2018

You’re STILL Wrong Mykel's July 2018 Blog/Column "An Honorable Profession"


You’re STILL Wrong
or
Mykel's
July 2018 Blog/Column
An Honorable Profession


There's no requirement that jobs be meaningful. If there were, half the country would be out of work. --Max Barry

Dexter is a colored guy... about 6’ tall… missing his four top center teeth. He usually wears one of those horizontally striped polo shirts that make people look fat. At least they make short people look fat. Dexter is as skinny as my paycheck, and no kind of shirt is gonna hide that.

Today, however, he wears a white t-shirt with the word MERKEL in thick dark type across the front. I don’t know whether that’s a department store or the chancellor of Germany.

As usual, Dexter stands on the corner of Lexington Avenue and 41st Street… in front of the Korean deli. I pass him on the way to the subway from school.

Yo Mykel, how’s it goin’?”” he says when he sees me… holding out his fist for me to bump with my own.

Busy, poor, the usual,” I tell him. “But what the fuck is Merkel?”

He frowns.

“On your t-shirt,” I remind him.

“Oh that! Who the fuck knows? I got the shirt in one of those bins you see on the street… mostly in Brooklyn?”

You mean you figured out how to raid those things?” I ask. “They’re supposed to be for charity.”

And I’m not charity?” he replies.

“Got me there,” I laugh, pulling out my wallet and handing him my usual buck.


Not Dexter... Dexter is camera shy

He bumps fists with me again.

“I can always count on you, Mykel.” he says.

Actually, he probably says Michael not Mykel. He’s never seen my name written, and since both sound the same….

I gotta run,” I tell him. “I gotta get to the subway… someone’s waiting for me at a bar down in The Village.”

He smiles and shakes his head like an indulgent parent.

It’s always a bar, Mykel (Michael),” he says. “You take care of yourself.”

“You too,” I tell him looking over my shoulder as I’m halfway down the block.

Before I get to 42nd street, I hear it…. behind me.

Leave me alone and get a job!

What the fuck?

I turn around. There’s this guy… mid-thirties, I’d say... maybe a little taller than me, standing in front of Dexter. He’s wearing a dark gray suit, white shirt, tie… loosened at the neck. Surprisingly enough, he’s not carrying a briefcase, but a backpack. Nope, not Jansport… it’s something that looks expensive... a hoity toity backpack. In a circle woven onto the back it says: Fjällräven Kånken.

I walk back to Dexter's corner to talk to the business guy… actually yell at him. “What are you talking about? You know this guy? You think it’s any easier living on the street than it is cheating retirees out of their life’s savings?”

Who the fuck are you?” asks the suit.

I’m a friend of Dexter’s,” I tell him. “And what’s your job?”

“I’m a real estate agent,” he says, waving his arms at the skyscrapers around us. “I’ve done THIS with my life. What has your pal Dexter done with his? Or you, for that matter.”

I don’t hit him. He’s bigger than I am.

Dexter has done no harm. He's made no money off people who need a place to live... or work. He hasn’t destroyed homes to make the street safe for real estate companies. He hasn’t cost one cent in environmental damage. He’s cheated no one. Never made a dirty penny. You can’t say that?”

“I WORK for a living!” he shouts at me, then points to Dexter. “HE can’t say that!”

You work?” I shout back, “You think that makes you noble? You hurt people. You charge them for things they need…. or maybe you just waste space that people could be living in... making offices where workers shift ones and zeros from one computer to another. You waste heat, electricity... physical places… all kinds of shit. Dexter wastes nothing!”

Your friend is SCUM!” he says, “a waste of a human being.”

He stomps off before I can think of a clever answer… Whoa! I’m writing this, I can make myself say anything I want! I am my own God!

Your friend is SCUM!” he says... “a waste of a human being.”

“Scum is what’s left over when the usefulness is gone,” I tell him. “You’re the scum. Your usefulness is gone the second you check into the office. Dexter is a hero.”

There, that’s better.

I LOVE street people. It’s a tough job… being outside in all kinds of weather... having to put up with assholes who think that standing on the street and asking for money is not A JOB. And… maybe worse… watching the hundreds of pairs of averted eyes… pretending they don’t see this big man standing in front of them with a partially toothless smile… asking simply Can you help me out?

Is there another job that does so little (no?) damage to the world? Is there another job that makes customers feel so good about themselves when they hand over their cash? Where else do you spend a buck, two bucks, a quarter and buy nothing that was made by slaves, nothing that wastes anything? Nothing that does anything bad… nothing that puts anyone in danger.

Besides street beggars, what else is there? Well, there are whores. Another noble job. Another person who… like a beggar… works only to give pleasure. No resources squandered-- except maybe a few inches of latex. Sex whores sometimes work for pimps or madams… that’s a problem… and a reflection of the capitalist slave system. But when they work for themselves… choose their own streets… their own working hours… their own customers… they join beggars in becoming models for how we should all live.

The first principle of Google-- and doctors-- is First do no harm. Both Google and doctors routinely violate that principle under pressure from THE MARKET PLACE and insurance companies. The market has created an incentive to do harm. Google cannot earn money unless it watches you and sells your every on-line action to the highest bidder. Doctor can’t earn money if they PREVENT disease. It’s only by finding disease, or making you sick, that they earn their BMWs.

Whores may unintentionally spread disease, but that’s not part of the job. The ONLY purpose of a whore is to give pleasure. Not the artificial pleasure of OWNING THINGS... not the destructive pleasure of bossing a slave to do something later sold for “added value...” but REAL direct pleasure.

You’ve got beggars who give pleasure in making their customers feel good about themselves. You’ve got whores who give pleasure in making their customers feel good. The world has two noble professions... beggars and whores. That makes the rest of us ignoble, don't you think?

-end-

ENDNOTES: [You can contact me on facebook or by email at god@mykelboard.com. Through the post office: send those... er... private DVDs..or music or zines... or anything else (legal only!) to: Mykel Board, POB 137, New York, NY 10012-0003. If you like my writing, you can be notified when anything new is available. Subscribe to the MYKEL'S READERS Yahoo group readmboard-subscribe@yahoogroups.com]



Gavin McInnis

Restaurant attack dept: There’s been a spate of Trump supporters thrown out of restaurants: They tossed Fox's Gavin McInnis for wearing a MAGA hat. Aaron Schlossberg was thrown out of a deli-- and his job-- for complaining about Spanish Speakers. A DC chicken place threw Sarah Huckabee Sanders out for… well… for being Sarah Huckabee Sanders.
Some are justifying the expulsions and saying they don't compare to expulsions based on race or sexuality because the latter can't help who they are.
I say, that's a worse reason. It means, if you COULD help it, you would... and who in their right minds would CHOOSE to be black or gay, right? Jeezus fuckin' Christ!

Red dot not feather dept: I’ll be going to India in October and staying there for 6 weeks. Anyone with tips or connections, please let me know by email or facebook. If you’ve got a couch... or a dancing cobra... that’s even better.
I just read a true story about a rat that got into an Indian ATM machine and ate $20,000 worth of rupees. I wonder what happened when someone made a cash withdrawal…. confetti? It'll be an adventure... you'll read about it.

Good behavior dept: There is a jail in Austria where prisoners get rewarded for good behavior with the right to “conjugal visits” with loved ones in a private space. There’s even been a report of a prison doctor prescribing Viagra to help out a prisoner.
But the good citizens of Austria certainly won’t tolerate a speck of compassion. Though no country is as vengeance-loving as America, there are those everywhere who glory in PUNISHMENT and REVENGE. Fuck good behavior.
So the locals are lobbying the new Austrian right-wing government to prohibit the visits. They probably will succeed. What’s most interesting to me, is that in the US, it would be the LEFT-WING citizens who would be outraged at the compassion... unless, of course, the perpetrators weren't white.


LINK TRADE DEPARTMENT:

I read that the search engines like lots of links... and it's also nice to support my friends... and enemies... in their blogs. So facebook me or email me if you have a blog, webpage or something else to connect to. I add you. You add me.

Here's a start:
  • David Goldberg's Busy Microbes Blog
  • And another Goldberg: goldberg.wordpress.com
  • I post a blog for Kyle Nonnemon, in prison for a ton of shit. He's a smart guy, with a passion for industrial metal and a general detestation of humankind. You can read his blog at: apothelema.blogspot.com
  • Poetry and humor fans will like Justin Martin in The Latency
  • Sometimes I contribute to an interesting multi-talented blog called OgFomK Arts. See me there!
  • And my friend Mike R has a nice site with recipe hits from the past! (He cooked for me once... great stuff.) Check out Yesterday's Recipes.
  • And here's one by a member of ANTISEEN... a tour diary of sorts.
  • Andy Shelton has an interesting blog here.
  • Savage Hippie is a guy who has been YouTubing for a long time. Our opinions largely overlap... but he complains that I'm a capital C Communist. I'm not! I'm a lower case c communist.
  • Chris Stecher publishes a zine called PRECIS. You can see the back issue links there... and he promises a new issue soon.
  • George Fertakis has a very nice graphics-heavy blog... with music and books featured prominently.
  • And my long-term pal Sid Yiddish contributes with his Mishegas Master Blog.

See you in hell, Mykel Board