POST-MRR COLUMNS
by
Mykel Board
aka: WHITE MEN? PUL-- EEZE!
"People
who get upset over the mildest racial slur aren't nearly so bothered
by obscenities such as "war stimulates the economy" or "the
poor you shall always have with you." But this kind of thinking
has killed more people, black and white, than racism ever has.”
--Jim Goad
[Last
column I wrote about my trip to Detroit. That episode was about my
adventures with Unitarian Men's Liberationists. Now let's flash to
the Allied Media Conference... the main reason I'm here.]
I'm
madder than a feminist at a free-speech rally. It's my chance and
THEY blew it.
Detroit,
city of possibilities, dreams... a blank slate. I'm here for the
Allied Media
Conference: a collection of alternative
types from all over America. In my mind that means lesbos, homos,
punks, colored folks... the full spectrum... snow to fudge syrup...
everything in-between. Genders up the wazoo.... the full spectrum...
Rihanna to Arnold Schwartzenegger... everything in between. It'll be
a mammoth mingle... a coming together... freaks of all kinds in one
big jumble... up each other's wazoo. Oh boy!
Hosted
at Detroit's Wayne State University, they'll use the classrooms to
teach-- and celebrate-- the possibilities of Freak Media in a boring
world.
There'll
be real mutants and marginals... Not the LTGs
on the NYUed streets of The Village, but hardcore girls who wear
their lesbitude on their chest. And the drag kings who make such
pretty boys that I could cum in my Depends. (Someday, I want to make
an LP called Boy
With A Cunt. Whoops,
I already did.)
And
there'll be all those sissy boys, prancing around... begging for
sexual favors from a literary superstar, fired from MRR for being too
punk.
It'll
be one fantastic educational, sensual, groping, orgy. And, I'll learn
something from it too! Yeah!
Check
out some of the workshops on tap.
FAT
ACTIVISM FOR UNRULY PEOPLE. Catalog
description: I'm not looking for fat activism that
produces well-behaved citizens while reinforcing existing
inequalities: what I want is wild, weird, funny and free.
or
REIMAGINING
DESIRE. Catalog description: This workshop will create a
safe(r) shame-free space to explore the ways we can help shift and
explore our own desires.
or
maybe my favorite
CREATIVE
DIGESTION FOR PEOPLE OF COLOR. Catalog description: In this
caucus we will reclaim the dirtiest parts of ourselves. Come prepared
to make art, share stories, and get messy.
This
is gonna be fun.
I
arrive at the check-in, greeted by a huge Negress “manning” the
information booth. Smiley, funny, in great humor. I LOVE fat people.
Especially the ones who are comfortable in their bodies. And there
are... er... a ton of 'em here. Sexy fat colored girls, fat dykes who
look like the cops in Tom of Finland drawings, bulky boys with
double-D tits. Hubba Hubba!
Then
I wake up. This crew is not punk. There's a bit of colored hair, but
it's collegiate colored hair, not punk colored hair. In fact, the
entire conference has the odor of college about it. Academic freaks
rather than street freaks. FTG? Uh oh!
It's
time for the first workshop. The REIMAGINING DESIRE one. Shame-free!
Yeah, bring it on. I'm so there.
I
check the catalog entry to confirm the time. Rereading the
description, I see that it says, Open to all self-identifying
people of color.
What?
White people are not allowed??? If you're white but don't “act
white” or think of yourself as white, it's okay? What the fuck?
That is racist. No two ways about it. Entrance by race is racist.
That's as clear as the freckles on my back.
Okay,
I need a quick second choice. I decide on SELFIES
& SURVEILLANCE: Where do our Pics Go?
It's about photos on the internet. Not spectacular, but better than
Software
for Accessible Game Design.
The
presenter is an academic-looking white woman with curly hair and
glasses. The glasses do not have a chain that goes around the back,
but they should. She introduces herself.
“My
name is Karen Schwartz,” she says. “I'm an academic.”
Is
this an AA meeting?
She
continues, “When you fill out the cards I'll hand you... if you
don't mind... could you include some demographics? Age, gender,
affiliation. Academics like that sort of thing. You don't have to put
your name on it.”
“But
first,” she concludes, “let's go around the room and ask each
person to introduce themselves. Tell us your organization, and your
preferred pronoun.”
Preferred
pronoun? I have a preferred sexual position (top). A preferred beer
(U Fleku). A preferred degree of doneness in beef (rare). But a
preferred pronoun?
“My
name is Cassie,” says the first girl, sitting in front, all the way
to the left. “I work with Feminists
Against The Patriarchy.
My preferred pronoun is SHE.”
“Nice
to meet you, Cassie,” says the leader.
“My
name is Madison,” says the next girl, a beautiful colored girl with
beach-weaved hair. “I work with Detroit
Women of Color Preserving Neighborhoods. My
preferred pronoun is SHE.”
“Nice
to meet you, Madison,” says the leader.
Then
comes a cute school-boyish something. Blond hair, cut like a 1950s
farmer boy... smooth face, no Adam's apple, but jeans and a boy's
haircut. Speaking in a medium tenor voice, “My name is Dan. I work
with Trans-people Trans-forming America. My preferred pronoun
is HE.”
“Nice
to meet you, Dan,” says the leader.
Then
it's my turn. “I'm Mykel,” I say, “I work with anyone who'll
have me. My preferred pronoun is ME.”
“Nice
to meet you, Mykel,” says nobody.
Then
the next person, a hugely fat woman... dressed like one of the
Village People... begins to speak. “My name is Nicole,” she
says... and the introductions continue.
After
the introductions, the academic hands out her cards and asks us to
write down-- next to our demographics-- who we take pictures of and
why... what we look for in a picture... what we're careful of.
“I
like taking pictures of people who are proud of their difference,”
I write on the card. “I want to concentrate on their
self-confidence rather than on their freakdom.”
I
steal a glance at the tall trannie with black hair sitting in the
back of the room. She wears pointy glasses and a very prim
office-lady dress. She doesn't notice me.
The
academic in the front of the room discusses the dangers of posting
pictures online, who can use those pictures, how they can be taken
and put anywhere and how we have no control over them.
I
think about evil Mayor Giuliani suing to have his picture removed
from an ad for New York
Magazine. The tagline was
“Possibly
the only good thing in New York Rudy hasn’t taken credit for.”
He was the fuckin' mayor. His face was all over the place... in every
newspaper. How could he complain about it in an ad? Anyway, his suit
created more publicity for the magazine than the ad campaign alone
ever could.
“How
can we keep our images among ourselves?” asks the academic. “How
can we prevent others from taking them and using them to their
advantage?”
I
raise my hand. You do that when there's an academic at the head of
the room. She nods to me.
“Why
bother?” I ask. “If you don't fear how people use an image, you
can't be harmed by it. Bill Gates' mug shot is all over the internet.
Nothing is private. Why should we worry?”
“Don't
you see,” says the academic woman, “this is about power.”
“Bill
Gates doesn't have power?” I ask.
The
tall trannie in the corner stands. “Why is it always WHITE MEN who
are so free with other people's images? Why is it always WHITE MEN
who don't get it?” she says.
She
says white men the same way New Yorkers say white bread...
the curled lip, metaphorical hand on metaphorical hip.
Then
the class breaks into small discussion groups-- they call 'em
breakout groups-- to talk about nothing. Instead of learning from a
teacher, we have to geek off each other and talk about ourselves.
Usually, I'm the last person to refrain from talking about himself...
but I'm here to learn, to discuss among EVERYBODY.
This
small group shit is a waste of time, but they do it in this
workshop... and in every other one. I never learn if it's some kind
of feminist/identity plot... or just a new fad in pedagogy. In any
case, it's annoying and a time waster.
The
other two people in my group are women-- one white, one Oriental.
They discuss ways that their images have been misused. I don't have
much to say.
After
the small groups, the academic talks some more. Some people exchange
email addresses and facebook names. No one asks for mine. The seminar
is over.
Okay,
what's next?
I
can't go to the Arab Women in
Sports one. The notes say that it's only for people “who
self-identify as Muslim.” That leaves me out.
Okay
here's Femmes After the
Apocalypse. Sounds cool, sissy boys after World War Three
maybe. Who knows who I could pick up?... uh.. nope. Not that one
either. The fine print: We respectfully ask that white allies do
not attend. I guess I could go and say I'm NOT an ally but an
adversary... but there's a fuck of a lot more of THEM than of ME.
Well,
here's one. Hooeey, talk about up one's alley. It's Bromance:
Sex in the Bois Room. It's about... it doesn't matter. It's a
closed and confidential space QPOC only. In case you don't get it
by now: Queer People of Color.
Racist
and heterophobic... what the fuck?
What
am I gonna do? Ah here's one... Erotica/Porn
as a Tool for Social Justice. I read the description...the
fine print... twice. White people are allowed. Even white men! I'm
there!
But
more on that one next month.
ENDNOTES:
[You can contact me by email at god@mykelboard.com.
Through the post office: send those... er... private DVDs..or music
or zines... or anything else (legal only!) to: Mykel Board, POB 137,
New York, NY 10012-0003.
If
you like my writing, you can be notified when anything new is
available by subscribing to the MYKEL'S READERS Yahoo group
readmboard-subscribe@yahoogroups.com]
-->Middle
East Department: Let me get this straight. The US and Israel
should invade Iran because they might make nuclear weapons and bring
them into the Middle East. Hamas fires rockets at an Israeli Nuclear
Weapons facility, which means Israel already has nuclear weapons, and
has brought them into the Middle East. Does that mean the Iran and
the US should attack Israel?
-->Wanna
bet they won't fade from the NSA dept: A new
email service allows you to send emails that fade away seconds
after the recipient opens them. You just add fade.li to the end of an
email address (e.g. god@mykelboard.com.fade.li)
and the reader's version of the email will disappear.
Too
bad they don't make an app where the reader herself fades away after
opening the message. You computer geeks! Work on that!
-->Hometown
Embarrassment Dept: The Long Island town of Old Westbury (right
next to my hometown of Hicksville), may
ban a statue by Damien Hirst called Virgin Mother. It's a
visible-woman type sculpture, showing how a baby rests in its mom's
womb. The reason for the ban? The statue shows the woman's nipples.
-->Keeping
the Pressure on Dept:
I want to thank reader George Metesky for suggesting a Bring
Back Mykel
effort directed at Maximum Rock'n'Roll. Send your comments-- to
mrr@maximumrocknroll.com
with the subject line: BRING BACK MYKEL. Let me know how they answer.
-->And:
I'm on a massive clean-up/divest kick. I'm giving away DVDs,
cassettes, VHS videos, and a few CDs. Just pay separate shipping and
handling. Details at: MykelsGiveaway
-end-
