You’re STILL Wrong
or
Mykel's
NOV 2026 Blog/Column
by Mykel Board
The captain has three bottles of beer in his pockets, and therefore
life is extremely good.
– Jon Kalman
Stefansson
If
something bad happens, you drink in an attempt to forget; if
something good happens, you drink in order to celebrate; and if
nothing happens you drink to make something happen.
–Charles
Bukowski
The problem with the
world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
– Humphrey Bogart
When I read about
the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
– Henny Youngman
Sometimes too much
to drink is barely enough.
– Mark Twain
SCENARIO ONE: Tenth grade biology class: It’s frog dissection day. The jars of floating frogs have been brought down from the shelves and one placed at each work station. The frogs are still wet from the liquid.
“Miss Reinheimer?” I say. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Yes Mickey,” replies the teacher. “What is it?”
“What
is this stuff that the frog was in, keeping it ready for our
knives?”
“It’s green tea,” she answers. “It
keeps them from falling apart.”
SCENARIO TWO: I sit in an alcove at CVS, waiting for the woman in white to come ask me to roll up my shirt sleeve so she can stick the flu-needle in my skin and save me from coughing for the rest of the winter. Ah, here she is.
“It is Mister Board, isn’t it?” she asks.
“That’s me,” I
answer, “I’m guessing you want me to roll up my sleeve.”
She
smiles and nods. Then she stands next to me with an open bottle of
Diet Coke. She presses a puff of cotton against the top of the
bottle, soaking it with the liquid. Then she rubs the liquid against
my arm and follows that with the plunge of a needle.
SCENARIO THREE: You’re depressed. Your best friend has just jumped to her death from the top of a 30- story building. Your mom finally succumbed to that bang on the head she got in a car crash with a huge Amazon delivery truck. Your abortion succeeded, but the baby’s body was accidentally brought past you. You can see it was horribly deformed… just one big eye. When you’re released from the hospital you head for the kitchen… looking for liquid solace. You find it in a huge bottle… of grape Gatorade.
Of course these things only happen in imagination. You know they can’t be true. The preservatives used for dissecting animals is formaldehyde… made from processed alcohol. Before you get a vaccine, or injection of any kind, the doctor rubs your arm with alcohol… to prevent infection. When one thing after another goes wrong in your life, it’s not Gatorade you turn to but a bottle of Southern Comfort.
Diet Coke, Green Tea and Gatorade are healthy. Booze is not. THAT’S WRONG.
The purpose of this month’s blog is to show that… again… everything you know is wrong and here’s another example.
Why do the Jews have special blessings over wine? Why not over vegetable juice? Jesus turned water into wine… Why not soy milk? Catholics think of the blood of Jesus as red wine.
In Shinto, sake is consumed as part of “purification rituals.” The sake is served to the gods as well as to the religious followers. People drink it to communicate with those gods. Also, the sharing of sake between participants in a Shinto ceremony is seen as a means of fostering friendship and strengthening the bonds within the community.
Wikipedia describes this for Taoism: In Taoist rituals and practices, alcohol also plays a role as an offering and a means of connecting with the divine. An alcoholic beverage is often used in religious ceremonies and as an offering to the ancestors. The use of alcohol in Taoist rituals can symbolize purification, blessings, and the establishment of a sacred space.
This is typical for the Japanese. Nomu, in Japanese, means “to drink.” They have invented the word nomunication where ideas are exchanged while drinking-- usually beer or sake. It’s common in Japanese business discussions… but I think it works everywhere.
The list goes on. And think about it… who would you rather be, a Taoist or a Mormon? And if a religion older than 2000 years says booze is the body or the blood of God, they must’ve got it from somewhere.
As for nomunication: Would you rather discuss capital finance… or capitalISM... over prune juice or over Michelob?
There is something about booze that is holier… healthier… more human... than any bottle of Gatorade or Ensure. It’s been that around since about 7000 BC, when the Chinese discovered it… much to their --and the world’s-- delight. The Old Testament mentions wine several times. Noah, of and the ark fame, got sloshed after the flood. He fell asleep naked and was covered up by his daughters. This is not a negative! It shows compassion on the part of the daughters and an understanding of the horrible ordeal that Noah suffered guiding that boat filled with two of every animal. Somebody had to feed the skunks!
And what about drinking age? Except for the Muslim countries where alcohol is prohibited, the US has the highest drinking age of any country in the world. In Russia and Austria the drinking age is 16. What else do we have age limits for?: voting, driving, sex… all useful or/and fun activities. Just having a drinking age shows how much we deeply respect drinking.
The internet says: It’s not uncommon for European nations to serve alcohol to a child as young as five years old. Many Jewish kids experience their first taste of drunkenness with the four cups of wine required on Passover.
This year the US government recommendations changed from 2 drinks a day… especially red wine… to ZERO because any amount of of alcohol causes cancer..
By now, you’ve probably heard the chorus… you may be part of it.
Hey buckaroos, EVERYTHING causes cancer. I found a listing on an internet “health site” that says:
Indoor Tanning lights, Outdoor sun tanning, Smoking including someone else's smoking, bacon, sausages, beef and lamb, any barbecued meats, Trans fat (fat-shaming? Trans-shaming?), flying in an airplane, painting your nails, tap water (and not only in Flint!), and Styrofoam: all cause cancer.
This is fear mongering… and bullshit. Health becomes a value that’s further and further a list of things NOT to do… and it is based on INDIVIDUAL actions, what YOU eat or don’t eat… smoke or don’t smoke… drink or don’t drink. What about your neighbors… society… your country?
The top ten countries in longevity are Monaco, San Marino, Hong Kong, Japan, South Korea, Saint Barthelemy, Andorra, French Polynesia, Switzerland and Australia. The US ranks number 62. Most of those top ten countries are small, obscure places that may share long insular histories. The only country in the top 10 comparable to the US is Australia – slightly larger than the US, with a history of being a British Colony and worldwide immigration. So how do they compare in alcohol consumption? The per capita consumption of alcohol in the U.S. is 9.8 liters a year. (For me that’d be a month.) Australia – number 10 in the longest-lived countries – 11.2 liters a month.
I know. I know. My drinking buddy Mark Twain also complained that there are three kinds of lies: lies, damn lies, and statistics.
So though my numbers don’t PROVE anything, they do show a trend. You can have a healthy group of people… who are miserable. When I go to the gym, I’m miserable. Wearing a non-offensive T-shirt and sweat pants (even a gym is not enough incentive to put me in shorts!), I sit on an uncomfortable seat… two black pads pushing my legs apart. My job is to bring my knees together as many times as possible… gradually increasing the weight. I have to fight after every 10 pushes. Then I switch machines to one where the pads are on the outside of my legs and I have to separate the legs instead of bringing them together.
To my surprise, I’m better at keeping my knees together than spreading my legs!! That’s does not coincide with my self-image. I’ve always considered myself as one who is quick to spread… but I guess as I get older…
That’s side-tracking. The point is that I’m miserable. Doing one painful thing after another… among other (mostly) guys also doing one painful thing after another. Why? For health! Health is causing the body pain, eating disgusting rabbit food, going to bed before the bars close, getting up before Dolly Parton had to be at work. Health is annoying, uncomfortable, I make an effort and have a heart attack anyway.
My nextdoor neighbor, Jack, who I hardly know, is up before me. Every morning and most evenings I hear a sound like someone repeatedly... and heavily... punching a pillow. I haven’t asked him what he’s doing because I fear it might be something… er… personal. But in my mind it’s some exercise… something “healthy.”
This is a pre-Boardian view of health. What I’m thinking about now is to expand health. Change it from ME to US. When I go to the doctor, I have to wait my turn, usually several minutes past the appointed time. But when I’m in the exam room, there are at least 4 other people there. There’s the Doc, and 3 students.
“We use this to keep a baseline on blood pressure… and don’t forget to account for the increase in pressure caused just by being at the doctor…”
The doctor is explaining my blood pressure to the students. He’s instructing them as he examines me. I think it’s great… more than a health check for me, it’s a kind of classroom. That’s a good kind of WE health. That is health that teaches others about health.
But there’s another kind of WE in health. I see on TV that some towns in New Jersey are suffering a “cancer cluster.” Evidently the towns developed on top of toxic dump sites that spewed poisons into the land and air. Those poisons caused a GROUP of cancers in those towns. That’s also the WE of health. Side Note: My proofreader tells me she grew up in a “leukemia cluster” in East Rutherford NJ.
Yes! Yes! I think. We need some WE health. Lately, I’ve been reading about BLUE ZONES. These are areas of the earth where the general population lives longer lives. Science seems to be getting better in answering WHY about these zones. Of course, they include individual stuff like diet, but they also include measurements like “frequent social interactions.” Here in the US (and probably other places) COVID has labeled person-to-person interactions as dangerous. I’ll tell you what’s dangerous: FACETIME and ZOOM are dangerous. COVID, like polio, is controllable with a vaccine. Isolation is not.
This is where alcohol comes in. Sure, some people drink alone, but I say the problem with that is not the drink part, but the alone part. Alcohol is a social drug. Its number one quality is to bring people together… not to separate them. The four-cups-of-wine seder is at least a family together. Often more than that. My sister and I were always bringing friends to the feast and mom would open a few extra boxes of matzoh for the company… along with another bottle of Manischewitz. Lately, I’ve been going to Chabad seders where dozens of Jews down their four cups in joyous unity.
The happiest times of the week for me are Drink Club on Thursdays at the Peculier Pub, Drink Club Lite on Sundays, at the Bleecker Street Bar, and Drink Club Secret on Tuesdays, at… I can’t tell you where.
The US ranks 23rd in the World Happiness list (Finland is first, then Iceland, then Denmark. Most unhappy is Afghanistan… a booze-prohibited country.) These happy countries rank at least 30 positions higher than the US in booze consumption.
I understand that some people are physically addicted. I know that too much booze can cause car crashes, and damage the liver. Too much of anything can be unhealthy or bad in another way. Too much sugar can cause diabetes. Too much sex can give you chafing. Too much money can turn you into Elon Musk. But it’s the TOO part of TOO MUCH that’s the problem, not the adverb. Take water, that healthiest liquid. Too much water can drown you. Does that mean water is a bad thing?
Unlike the drugs like vaccines that PREVENT things from happening… or like antibiotics… that stop things already done, alcohol ENCOURAGES things… good things. Laughter, song, dance, they’re all encouraged by alcohol. Enemies smooch… or something sexier… with alcohol. A night of strangers together at Drink Club (https://drinkclubnyc.org) will forge deeper relationships than sitting together at a dozen Noam Chomsky lectures.
Alcohol is a health food. It’s one of the few that not only helps the consumer, but helps groups of consumers. It’s why people have more fun when drinking alcohol, than when drinking water. Alcohol dissolves differences… turns hate into love… changes annoyance into entertainment. When I’m drinking with strangers, the strangers become friends. When I’m drinking with friends, the friends become better friends. It’s no accident that Donald Trump is a non-booze drinker. Alcohol is a drink of being WE! Donny The Trump is too much of a ME guy to go for the booze.
See
you in hell,
Mykel Board
ENDNOTES: [You can contact me on facebook or by email at mykelboard@gmail.com. Through the post office: send those... er... private DVDs..or music or zines... or anything else (legal only!) to: Mykel Board, POB 137, New York, NY 10012-0003. If you like my writing, you can be notified when anything new is available. Send me an email with SUBSCRIBE TO THE BLOG in the subject line. Back blogs and columns are at https://mykelsblog.blogspot.com]
→ LAST MINUTE ADDITION: I just found that Sardinia in Italy has double the alcohol consumption of Italy in general… beer consumption around 60 liters per person per year. It is also the healthiest place in Italy… and home to the top longevity place in Europe.
–> I BET BEER WAS INVOLVED DEPT: The NY Post reports that a New York resident saw footage from his Ring camera. It showed an Amazon delivery driver pissing in the hall outside his apartment, peeing all over the floor and furniture. "He walked straight back there as if he'd done it a hundred times, like second nature," the resident reported. "I had shoes in the hallway, a chair in the hallway, a table in the hallway and he was peeing and splashing everywhere." The victim complained to Amazon, who offered him a $50 coupon as consolation. The resident declined the offer.
→ THIS ONE TOO: Anxious to heed nature's call, a man in Rosenberg, Texas, crashed his car into a Krogers... on purpose, KVUE TV reported that the unidentified man, who police later learned was upset that the store was locked, drove his car through the pharmacy doors in order to use the restroom. No injuries were reported.
-→PROBABLY
NOT THIS ONE: This from
a Canadian source: A British Columbia city council candidate whose
humorous campaign signs went viral appears to have won his election,
despite branding himself as “unqualified.”
Brady
Rogers gained attention online for his Kelowna City Council campaign
signs, which bore slogans such as "I barely want to do this,"
"Just trying to pay my rent," "Fine. I'll do it,"
and "How hard can it be?"
Even
Rogers' campaign website opens with the message: "Do I enjoy
politics? No. Do I know what I'm doing? No. But am I qualified? Also
no."
Preliminary
results from the local municipal election show Rogers receiving
12,635 votes, coming in fourth among the 37 candidates. If those
election results are certified. Rogers' seat on the 9-member
city council will be
guaranteed.
LINKS:
Subscribe to the blog at: https://mykelboard188732.substack.com
Read or/and subscribe to Jim at https://jimtestanj.substack.com
I just heard from Luciano Pires who explains he’s: a musician, illustrator and writer and I run a YouTube channel called Electric Acid, dedicated to strange, obscure and forgotten music. The channel explores everything from underground noise, industrial and experimental music to bizarre one-off records, marginal scenes, forgotten artists and musicians who somehow slipped through the cracks of music history.
I’m especially interested in the stories behind the music — the records that sound like they shouldn’t exist, the artists who operated completely outside the mainstream, and the strange connections between different underground scenes.
You can find Electric Acid at: https://www.youtube.com/@Electricacid
I’m happy to present the art of Sarah Thobe… who paints personalities as part of her portraits. Check her out at https://sarathobe.com/.
And it was great to hear from my very long-time friend, Fred Lonberg-Holm. Celloman extraordinaire. You can hear him at https://fredlonberg-holm.bandcamp.com/album/the-return-of
Anthony Allen Begnal asked me to mention his Hardcore Conversation You Tube channel, and I’m happy to do so here.
Longtime scene/zinester Robb Roemershauser has restarted the Above Ground Zine Library. The Zine library doesn’t yet have an address at the location but, feel free to donate zines that you no longer want to the Aboveground Zine Library 2100 Sawmill Road Apt. 22-202, New Orleans, LA 70123. The Zine library will be located in the upper 9th ward on a busy street.
My pal Matt Sheahan says: “You can link to my website - www.matthewsheahan.com or my Substack - https://politenewyorker.substack.com/ .” Matt is a great musician and very funny guy.
My Kenyan pal, Albert Melody shares a facebook adventure in one of those great Kenyan national parks. Guess who he shared the adventure with!!! You can read about it here. Albert also has a blog at: Albertomelody.blogspot.com
Teddy Labato has a “lo-fi noise” link to his band Check it out.
It’s
About Time dept: Finally,
a book about Hungarian Punk put out by Puke
and Vomit records.
Great scene there and I was glad to have contact with bands
like Der Trottel and Tizedesz. Glad to have been a (very small) part
of that scene.
Zine fans can find my list of old
zines that I want to get rid of (aka sell) here.
Which reminds me, it’s time to donate some stuff to the Above
ground Library
Here
are some other contacts to make:
Teddy Lobato’s band can
be found at
https://www.facebook.com/THEBASSMANsPSYCHEDELICNOISE
Karl
De Winton sent me a link to his bandcamp DJ stuff.
https://share.google/5sTnXjgMkFbiWQvzA NSFW…
but then again,
that depends on your job.
Dan Hetrick asked me “How 'bout us punk rawk programmers?” And offers http://merk.chat Free chat for the people!
I’ve talked about Bob Cutler before. But he has more to offer than DYSTOPEKA https://chrometuna.com/https://theklusterfux.com
Riot
Division makes its musical offering at:
https://www.facebook.com/riotdivision
Barstool Revolution Zine is on facebook at https://www.facebook.com/people/Barstool-Revolution-Zine/61557909822199/
Rina Borei shows off her inflatable Octopus on Instagram at: @oona.frost
Jim Testa, friend, journalist, editor, musician and wordsmith, (he appears in this post) has an interesting substack about music and more. You can find it here.
Sid Yiddish sent me this link to all his videos. It’s a great place to start, especially if you don’t know him.
I did a nice interview with The Aither zine. Interesting questions, complete, and questions I’ve never been asked before. You can read it .here It’s a good one.
Here’s Ricardo Wang with a “micro-label” in Seattle “specializing in 8-track tapes and CDs. WOW! Check out one of their label staples: The Dead Air Fresheners, best band name of the year.
Also on bandcamp: My very long time faves in NYC, the BLACKOUT SHOPPERS. Featuring pals Seth and possibly the next vice-president of the US
Sid Yiddish has posted a video of a show done for WZRD in Chicago. Great live performances, and if you catch the video around the 20+ minute point you might see a familiar face doing the lyrics to his songs (some unrecorded) as poetry. You’ll find it here.
And this sounds right up Sid’s alley. The Bilderberg Jazz Arkestra on Bandcamp!
Eric Grayson has an online music review zine, Sobriquet. Full pictures of the sleeves too! Something missing from too many zines. Sometimes you CAN judge a… er… book… by its cover.
Steen Thomsen is a Dane I’ve known ever since Lincoln was shot. I put his band THE ZERO POINT on the great WORLD CLASS PUNK Cassette for ROIR. It must be worth a mint now. I don’t have any left, I’m afraid. You can (and should connect to the Zero Point) connect to the Zero Point on facebook. Tell ‘em Mykel’s blog sent you.
Sorry Dorothy, we are STILL in Kansas. And it’s as weird as OZ. Check out Bob Cutler’s DISTOPEKA.
You already know Murder & Mayhem zine… those guys who did the Mykel Board centerfold. (No genitals shown… and probably for the better.) Their online version is here.
The Clean Boys from Denmark are also longtime friends of mine. In Denmark we recorded as The Bend-over Boys. Only one 10-inch available… but at least now I can say I have a 10-incher!
Finally, for this month, Margaret O’Brien asked me to include the site: anti-war.com They seem to be folks after my own heart. I’m glad they didn’t call it “anti-defense.”
Oh yeah, then there’s me. I have a blog of stuff I’ve written mostly from last century. You might enjoy it. Then again, you might not. It’s here.
Let me know if you have a blog… or a print zine… or a YouTube and want to be added to the list. You show me yours… you’ve already seen mine. mykelboard@gmail.com
