POST
MRR COLUMNS
by
Mykel Board
Mykel's Post-MRR Column
No. 16
“Some
American schools have stopped giving spelling tests because many of
the children couldn't get all the words right and the resulting
failure damaged their confidence, i.e., made them feel bad.”
--The Xenophobe's guide to the Americans
Only
a few of us sit upstairs in the Korean deli... it's a kind of secret
place... a pub for those in the know. You can't wander in off the
street. You have to know it's here. I sit in the middle at the mostly
empty bar. Two men sit in the corner, debating the merits of this or
that basketball or football player I've never heard of. The huge TV
behind the bar shows a Toyota commercial. Ellie pours me a HITE beer.
WEHIGHYO! I toast, when she sets it in front of me. She smiles and
goes to sit at a table... break time.
I
sip the beer. The TV screen changes. It's THE ULTIMATE FIGHTING show.
But this one is girls. One colored girl, with a crewcut.... the other
a thin, dark-haired white girl, tattoos down both arms. The colored
girl wears a look of intensity... not hatred... a focus... more like
a chess player than a boxer. The black-haired one is wild...
screaming... out of control... wailing away.
Whoa!
The colored girl is on her back. The other is whacking her... fists
flying POW! POW! POW! Kidney chops. Neck chops. The girl on the
bottom fetals up, protecting her head. Then, between blows, she
pushes up, forcing both hands under the white girl's chin. I switch
the beer to my left hand. My right hand falls to my crotch. I'm
starting to firm up... I need adjustment. My right hand does the
adjusting.
On
the TV screen, both girls are back on their bare feet. Bouncing up
and down, jabbing. BLAM! to the face. BLAM! to the side. A kick to
the forehead... legs spread wide enough to (in my imagination) turn
her twat into the Lincoln tunnel. Kick... kick... kick... The white
girl's against the ropes. The black one head butts her... BLONG!
right in the stomach.
I
take another left-handed sip. My right hand unzips my jeans and slips
inside. I have a prostate-paining raging six inches of hardness.
Quickly, I check around to make sure no one is watching me. No one
is.
On
the TV, the girls have switched position. I missed something, but now
it's the colored girl against the ropes. The white girl is using her
knees knees. BAKOW! BAKAW! BAKAW! Right to the ribs. Left to the
ribs. Knees high and hard
My
fingers close inside my pants. Trying to keep my shoulders level...
using just wrist motion... I begin to rub up and down.
Back
on the screen, both girls are on the ground now. Rolling... first
one... then the other... knees pressed between each other's legs...
elbows slamming and defending. They stop rolling. The colored girl's
on top. The camera zooms in on her face. That same intense look. I
don't hate you. I just want to win. She bounces on the other
girl's stomach. Her fists slam into either side of the neck beneath
her. BATOOM! BATOOM! BATOOM! I come, physically.
FLASH
TO NEW YORK... JOE'S PUB NEXT TO THE PUBLIC THEATER: On stage is
Penny Arcade, long-time New York
performance artist. We met very briefly when I was in Thailand with
Lily Burana-- sometime last
century.
Shorter
than me, with bright pink hair, and a Mae West-ish figure, she's by
herself in the spotlight, reading from a script... rap and electronic
music plays in the background.
I
feel the pain of people who have been physically, emotionally,
psychologically and sexually violated... who have been demeaned and
made to feel like they are less.. less than others... less than
human. I have been one of those people for most of my life...
She
reads from a music stand, taking each sheet of paper in hand, then--
when finished-- letting it float to the floor.
I
have always refused to identify myself as a victim. I always saw
myself as a target. I could never afford self pity because self pity
is a hindrance when you are trying to survive. For a long time, I
believed that I became who I am IN SPITE OF the horrible things that
happened to me and that were done to me... But when I was about 47
years old I began to understand that I became who I am BECAUSE OF my
response to those horrible experiences. First and foremost those
experiences introduced me to my own grace, to my own dignity. Cruelty
taught me what it means to be kind, the lack of compassion I received
taught me empathy, the hurling vitriol, lewd innuendo and brutal
remarks led to my unswerving need to define myself by my own
standards and to develop my own values and to bear no one's judgment.
The threat and fear I lived under grew my courage.
She
sips from the plastic bottle of Poland Spring that rests on a stool
next to her.
Slowly
I learned that it is impossible to avoid pain, but that suffering is
a choice and that happiness is an innate quality I possess, that
happiness does not reside outside of me and I don’t need someone
else to give it to me. I know that joy is our natural inheritance as
human beings and resides plentifully within each of us.
I
come... mentally.
Yes!
Yes! Yes! There are women in the world like these. Ultimate fighters,
performance artists, fearless women who have gone through a fuck of a
lot more than any Bill Cosby bedmate.
[Bill
Cosby Aside: It's amazing that women will complain about being abused
because they're in the weaker position... but will think
nothing of abusing a 70 year old man who looks like shit... because
of unsubstantiated rumors of events that took place more than 15
years ago. Come on... it's a new millennium. Release grudges. It's
over! Leave the poor guy alone.]
FLASH
TO NEW YORK CITY HALLOWEEN 2014: Dear Tenants, if you would like
to receive Halloween trick-or-treaters today, please take one of
these pumpkin invites and hang it outside your door. That way the
children and their parents know that you welcome visits.
What????
The little princesses from Frozen are going to places that
WELCOME VISITS? This is TRICK or Treat... get it? There's danger and
excitement and something special for you if you don't come up with
the treats. That's the whole idea of Halloween. It's a threat! It
isn't an invite for the kids. It's not Christmas from the neighbors.
This is very wrong.
FLASH
TO YOUTUBE: A video
of a white girl walking in a colored neighborhood? A
passing guy says, “How
are you doing today?”
By coincidence, it's the same thing Chris, the homeless guy on the
corner, has been saying to me every day for the past 4 years. Then we
hear a “What's up
beautiful? Have a good day.”
Something, I unfortunately rarely hear. Then, “Hey
beautiful,” and,
from someone else “How
are you this morning?”
The video is less than two minutes long. At the end it complains
about 100+
instances of verbal street harassment.
What the fuck?
“How
are you this morning?”
is street harassment????? Are we so uncivil, that a greeting is
HARASSMENT??? Are we so fragile we break from the completely
harmless? Unbelievable.
FLASH
TO BLEECKER STREET: I-- and most any other writer with two ounces of
understanding-- have written about trigger warnings: the
idiocy now making the college circuit. Like WARNING stickers on
records, they warn students that a course or book content might make
them uncomfortable. Today's college women want the same kind of
protection their parents gave them as children. The kind of DON'T
TOUCH IT-- IT'S DIRTY protection that created the boatload of
allergies (peanuts, gluten, shellfish, dustmites) adults now suffer
from. No natural immunity, because their parents CARED. Today's women
want the same kind of mental protection, with the same kind of
results... equally predictable.
A
casual internet search will lead to statements like this-- from a
Rutgers University student:
reaching a compromise between protecting students and defending their civil liberties is imperative to fulfilling the educational potential of our university's undergraduates. This could be done through the use of trigger warnings, so that the plot of a story is not spoiled, but that students can immediately learn whether courses will discuss traumatic content.
reaching a compromise between protecting students and defending their civil liberties is imperative to fulfilling the educational potential of our university's undergraduates. This could be done through the use of trigger warnings, so that the plot of a story is not spoiled, but that students can immediately learn whether courses will discuss traumatic content.
What
would Penny Arcade say... or those ultimate fighting girls? Traumatic
content? Life is (or should be) traumatic content! One of the main
purposes of college should be to EXPOSE people to traumatic content.
To challenge them... to confront them with things they've never seen
before... thoughts they've never thought before... the unsettling,
the disturbing.
American
universities are turning into employment mills. Technical skills...
learn what you need to get a good job. Work and earn money. No! No!
No! That's NOT what it is (or should be) about.
The
examination of suicidal tendencies in Mrs. Dalloway may trigger
painful memories for students suffering from self-harm,"
wrote that same Rutgers student.
Yo!
That's not a bad thing!
Art,
like the university, is SUPPOSED to be confrontational, disturbing,
provocative. If it's only pretty, it's not art. It's Hallmark. Real
art belongs right where everyone can see it. In Times Square.... in
Red Square... at Hollywood and Vine... in Wellesley College.
This
is from the petition to remove the statue The Sleepwalker
from the campus:
This highly lifelike sculpture has, within just a few hours of its outdoor installation, become a source of apprehension, fear, and triggering thoughts regarding sexual assault for many members of our campus community. While it may appear humorous, or thought-provoking to some, it has already become a source of undue stress for many Wellesley College students, the majority of whom live, study, and work in this space.
This highly lifelike sculpture has, within just a few hours of its outdoor installation, become a source of apprehension, fear, and triggering thoughts regarding sexual assault for many members of our campus community. While it may appear humorous, or thought-provoking to some, it has already become a source of undue stress for many Wellesley College students, the majority of whom live, study, and work in this space.
Oh
my God! Undue stress! How horrible a thing for a college! You can't
concentrate on The Psychology of Selling: How to Sell More,
Easier, and Faster Than You Ever Thought Possible. How're
you ever going to pass that Marketing Class?
FLASH
TO CHICAGO: The University of Chicago commissions a
mural, a piece of of neo-graffiti madness. Fascinating. Just the
thing to spice up the South Side. It's a wild mixture of horror,
comedy, science-fiction and cartooning. Exactly what and where art
should be. And what happens?
“The
residents of this community consider the mural offensive... and it
portrays us with negative images.”
Can
you imagine? A negative image of the Chicago South Side? Ptui! The
college paints it over-- blanking out the whole thing... But wait!
There's more!
How
about A Violence Against Women act in congress? I thought you
girls were talking equality. What's wrong with a Violence Against
Humans act? Whoops, I'm a sexist... AND there's more.
But
you'll be spared... at least for now. I wouldn't want to make you
feel uncomfortable.
ENDNOTES:
[You can contact me by email at god@mykelboard.com.
Through the post office: send those... er... private DVDs..or music
or zines... or anything else (legal only!) to: Mykel Board, POB 137,
New York, NY 10012-0003. If you like my writing, you can be notified
when anything new is available by subscribing to the MYKEL'S READERS
Yahoo group readmboard-subscribe@yahoogroups.com]
-->What
should rational politicians do? Dept. - Polls show overwhelming
support for quarantining returning nurses from West Africa.
Meanwhile, the overwhelming scientific consensus is that they pose no
danger to anyone. How can governors Cuomo and Christie justifying
such confinement? Monitor them? Maybe. Imprison them in solitary
confinement? Huh?
It's
caving in to the crowd on a disease that's, according to comedian
Howie Mandel, "killed fewer people here than there are Jews in
the NFL."
-->Scary
News dept: Something called the "Safe Schools Improvement
Act has over 200 sponsors in Congress and the Senate: The bill "will
establish a clear, effective national policy to prevent bullying."
Can you say MORE censorship? How 'bout NO MORE Penny Arcades?
-->And
scarier news: Homosexual-related questions will now be included
on the standard CDC student survey, instead of being in the OPTIONAL
section. Students will now be forced to CHOOSE, and those private
things... nope... government statistics! And weirder,most gay groups
SUPPORT this child privacy invasion. GLSEN (the "Gay Lesbian &
Straight Education Network") includes these privacy-invasive
questions as a "victory" in its latest fund-raising
brochure.
-->Animals
vs culture dept: The high court of Bombay, India has banned the
capture of cobras. The classic snake-in-the-basket Indian is going
the way of the classic Spaniard with a cape and bull. And in India,
the snakes live... they're returned to the wild after ceremonies.
"Capturing
live snakes and later releasing them back into the wild could cause
them harm," said the court.
Maybe
they should just put a trigger warning on the basket.
-->Post
on Facebook, lose your job dept: Mike Yates, chief of police in
Jonesboro Arkansas was forced to resign his post after Facebookers
complained that he called a local reporter "pro-dope," "a
leftwing liberal," and "smelly."
Now
why were we attacked on 9/11? Oh yeah, I remember, they're jealous of
our freedom.
-->Scarlet
Yellow Letter dept: Miranda Larkin wore a short
black skirt to school in Clay County FL. Her teachers sent her to the
nurse's office(?) for violating the school dress code. According to
The Washington Post "she was forced to wear a neon yellow
T-shirt with DRESS CODE VIOLATION emblazoned across the chest."
-->Don't
Insult 'em dept: NCAC reports that an American high school
exchange student in China wrote "Democracy
is for cool kids" when invited by his Chinese friends to
write comments and contact information. The Chinese were offended.
When the student returned to America, his own school punished him by
not allowing him to attend the school prom.
-->Keeping
the Pressure on Dept:
I want to thank reader George Metesky for suggesting a Bring
Back Mykel
effort directed at Maximum
Rock'n'Roll for
their contribution to the world of censorship.
Send your comments-- to mrr@maximumrocknroll.com
with the subject line: BRING BACK MYKEL! Let me know how they answer.
-->And:
I'm on a massive clean-up/divest kick. I'm giving away DVDs,
cassettes, VHS videos, CDs and a few 7-inch singles. Just pay
separate shipping and handling. Details at: MykelsGiveaway
-end
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