You're
Wrong
An
Irregular Column
by
Mykel Board
"God did not create
man in his own image. Evidently it was the other way around.”
Christopher Hitchens
I'm madder than a
Republican with anal warts. I should be happy. Hatemail again...
after such a long dry period. I'm no longer preaching to choir... or
maybe I am, but they're sure as shit a choir in a different church.
One letter was
absolutely correct about my error in crediting my half-hero, Ron
Paul, with something he didn't write. One letter looked as if the
author googled my name with “pedophile” and used all the results
to incriminate me. Jezus fuckin' Christ.
Ok, I tried it. I
googled the combination of Millard Fillmore and pedophilia.
The results?
About 10,500
results (0.38 seconds)
Try it yourself...
from home... not the library. Though with the way Google is, YOUR
inquiry will probably match YOU with both Millard Fillmore and
pedophilia when someone else asks.
With Rick Santorum
complaining that Obama is not governing “by biblical principles.”
And this from Newt Gingrich:
I have two
grandchildren. I am convinced that if we do not decisively win the
struggle over the nature of America, by the time they're my age
they'll be in a secular atheist country, potentially one dominated by
radical Islamists.
It's clear that
Americans live on the dark side of the moon of idiocy. Of course,
those politicians may not be as stupid as their quotes, but THEY are
preaching to the choir.
I just finished
reading a book called GOD IS NOT GREAT, HOW RELIGION POISONS
EVERYTHING. It's by anti-abortion atheist Christopher Hitchens.
As a pro-abortion non-atheist, I expected to disagree with a lot of
what Hitchens had to say. I didn't expect, however, how useful his
book would be in providing examples for this column.
So, now Brothers
and Sisters. I want you to stop reading for a bit. Close your eyes.
Get down on your knees. Feel the power coursing through your veins.
It's the power of MYKEL. Imagine the touch of MYKEL on your forehead.
Feel the love of MYKEL. Listen to the song of MYKEL as he preaches to
the unpreached. MYKEL telling it to the congregation. MYKEL preaching
to you on HOW NOT TO THINK.
Take the quote at
the beginning of this column. What it means is: 1. God did not create
human beings. 2. Human beings created God.
Okay, then add the
idea God does not exist... and BINGO! LOGICAL
INCONSISTANCY. Our first way NOT to think.
If human beings
created God, then God MUST exist. It is not possible to create
something if that thing does not exist. That should be as plain as
the wart on your anus created by anal intercourse. An argument based
on the non-existence of something you say was CREATED is a
non-argument. It contradicts itself. Get it brothers and sisters?
Flash to a dark
empty stage... a single spotlight focuses on a wooden stool.... the
sound of footsteps... a man enters the spotlight. He wears a dark
suit, a black cape with bright red lining, and a top hat. He bows to
the audience, removes his top hat and sets it-- upside down-- on the
stool.
“Thank you ladies
and gentlemen,” says the man, “I know magicians are supposed to
pull rabbits out of top hats...” he gestures to the top hat with
his left hand.
While the audience
looks at the hat, his right hand quietly reaches under his cape‚
“but this hat is empty today.” He holds up the hat in his left
hand to show the audience it is empty. This action hides his right
hand that now grasps something.
“Instead,” he
continues, “I find myself in the uncomfortable position of having a
hare up my nose.”
He drops the hat
onto the stool and puts his right hand to his nose releasing a rubber
rabbit. He holds it high. The audience laughs. It's call magic. And
it's called misdirection.
Look
over there! And while you're looking, the author pulls a fast one. In
Hitchen's case, he writes: Faith-based
fanatics could not design anything as useful or beautiful as a
skyscraper or passenger aircraft. But, continuing their long history
of plagiarism, they could borrow and steal these things and use them
as a negation.
It's
clear Hitchen means that religion (especially Islam) cannot make
anything on its own, but can only destroy what was made in the
secular society. By implication (misdirection), the World Trade
Center Attacks were MUSLIM attacks. The reason was religion... a
fanatical Jihad.
Bullshit.
Logic says this
attack was NOT religiously motivated. If it were, why not Big Ben or
some synagogue in Des Moines for fuck's sake? The World Trade Center
is a symbol of American TRADE, business... not religion.
If
someone attacks your people, kills your leaders, invades your
country, you don't need religion to tell you to fight back. The US
has destroyed the middle-East for OIL. MILLIONS of people have been
killed, either directly by the US, or by US financed troops that
later find themselves killed by other
US
financed troops.
The pilots who flew into the Twin Towers could've
been Zoroastrian for all that mattered.
Hitchens, like the
American right, and the pro-Israel everybody else, made a political
attack into a religious attack. It's a trap, and if you fall into it,
you'll be a victim of MISDIRECTION.
I
don't remember it exactly, but in college I saw the play Cyrano
de Bergerac. I
remember that Cyrano was supposed to be some kind of intellectual who
had great ideas and a big nose. When people didn't like what he said,
but were unable to come up with an adequate objection, they made fun
of his nose. Maybe I got it wrong, but it doesn't matter. What's
important is the idea.
That's
called AD HOMINIM. It means “if you can't attack the idea, attack
the person.” I write a column complaining that people are more
concerned about a football coach accused
of
a non-lethal crime than they are about Apple making iPhones at
companies with such bad conditions people have committed documented
suicide...
REAL DEAD PEOPLE. Two letter-writers attacked me, personally, with
only the briefest mention of the IDEAS in the column, and nothing
refuting them.
And Hitchens?
We
now know Pope Pius XII composed the following letter to Berlin: To
the Illustrious Herr Adolf Hitler, Fuhrer and Chancellor of the
German Reich!... We wish to assure you that We remain devoted to the
spiritual welfare of the German people... May the prosperity of the
German people and their progress in every domain come, with God's
help, to fruition!
What's
it mean? CATHOLOCISM IS BAD. Why? Because one pope writes a nice
letter to Hitler. That is ad hominin... a kind of misdirection and
it's a way you should NOT think.
NOW
try this one from Hitchens: Pythagoras
refuted astrology by the simple means of pointing out that identical
twins do not share that the same future.
While I don't
believe in astrology, I know even identical twins are not born at
exactly the same time and would therefore have different “charts.”
I also know that no astrologer believes your life is determined
100%... down to the smallest anal wart... by the stars. There are
still other influences-- or free will. It's SCIENCE that's trying to
do away with free will (the gay gene, the alcoholic gene, the
obnoxious personality gene)-- not religion.
Hitchen sites an
expert and POOF, it's true... NOT!
Type “Experts
Agree” into Google and among the 10,300,000 results you'll find
these things they agree on:
Experts
Agree With Ron Paul’s Controversial Foreign Policy
Experts
agree biodiesel must be part of a sustainable society
Romney
Vs Paul: Experts Agree GOP Contest Now A Two Horse Race
Experts
agree: Pack's Aaron is simply amazing
Winter
forecasts vary, but experts agree it'll be wet and stormy
Experts
Agree This Is The Most Effective Diet In The World
Experts
agree - Sugar is a health destroyer
Experts
Agree: Cindy Crawford’s 10-Year-Old Daughter Is Genetic Perfection
Experts
Agree anti-gay texts of major faiths taken out of context
Get
it? If you want to convince people without actually having facts,
just make it up and put it in AN EXPERT's mouth. Better, a bunch of
experts... all agreeing (with you).
You can be vaguer.
Try EVERYBODY KNOWS... or IT'S COMMON KNOWLEDGE THAT...
There's
even a linguistic trick called the
agentless passive
that does the same thing.
[Aside] A brief
intro to Grammar 101:
Active:
Natalie
Portman thinks Mykel's penis tastes like licorice.
Passive:
Mykel's
penis is thought by Natalie Portman to taste like licorice.
In
the active sentence
Natalie
Portman is
the subject. In the passive
sentence, the subject is Mykel's
penis.
The agent, however, (the one who does the tasting) in both sentences
is Natalie Portman.
I
can use a passive with no agent. Mykel's
penis is thought to taste like licorice. That
way, I don't have to say who actually did the tasting... the reader
has to guess. [End of aside]
From
Hitchens: As a materialist, I
think it has been demonstrated that an embryo is a separate body and
entity, and not merely a growth on or in the female body.... the
words "unborn child" describe a material reality.
Who
demonstrated it? Who gets to call a sliver of barely more than a
snotball an unborn
child?
The agentless passive answers those question... but it shouldn't. And
it's a way you should NOT think.
Ok, Brothers and
Sisters, that's enough for today's sermon. I'm not sure if next
month's column will be written from New York or Gibraltar. Probably
the latter. The one after that: AFRICA. Yes MUSLIM AFRICA. You wanna
make somethin' of it?
ENDNOTES:
[email subscribers (god@mykelboard.com)
or blog viewers (mykelsblog.blogspot.com/)
will get live links and a chance to post comments on the column]
-->Right again
dept: After the WTC attacks, Ron Paul spoke about how the US
itself, caused the attacks. Not in some stupid conspiracy-theory way,
but because of how the US is viewed by other countries in the world.
Read the text of his speech at: tinyurl.com/RonPaulon9-11.
-->King
Bloomberg dept: NY Mayor Bloomberg said in a speech at MIT that
"I have my own army in the NYPD, which is the seventh biggest
army in the world." A private army for the mayor. Occupy that!
-->Pay to Play
dept: Supervisors of Riverside County California voted for a bill
that would force jail inmates to repay the country for the costs of
jailing them. Supervisor Jeff Stone, who introduced the measure,
called the jails "prison hotels."
-->Sid Yiddish
sent me this note from the IRS:
You
can treat your child as meeting the residency test even if the child
has been kidnapped, but both of the following statements must be
true. The child is presumed by law enforcement authorities to have
been kidnapped by someone who is not a member of your family or the
child's family.
In
the year the kidnapping occurred, the child must have lived with you
for more than half of the part of the year before the date of the
kidnapping.
Now
that's what I call compassion!
-->Website
magazine reports that email spam in November 2011 was the lowest
in three years. Only 70 percent. I guess most folks are like me and
only read our Facebook mail, deleting everything else. So spam killed
email and now it's killing itself.
-->Arizona
does it again dept: Sorry Sid, but that is one fucked up state.
This time, five Arizona Republican state senators have introduced
a law that prohibits teachers from talking about anything that
would not get past the FCC.
The law not
only cripples the ability to teach about sexuality and other
non-Victorian topics, but it also puts teachers in jeopardy for
teaching The Canterbury Tales, The Catcher in the Rye,
Ulysses, and probably every work by an obscure English writer
named William Shakespeare.
But the bill goes
further. Because the language in the bill doesn’t distinguish
between public speech or conduct and just plain old every day speech
or conduct, the law could require schools to fire teachers who use
profanity and have sex in their private lives away from school.
With the
Republicans continued attacks on teachers and schools, and the
guaranteed lowering of educational levels... they guarantee a society
of ignoramuses! Exactly the people who will be voting Republican!
--end--
you can find Mykel's African adventures at: www.mykelsdiary.blogspot.com
