God Damn It! or Mykel's February 2024 Blog/Column

 

Monday, January 01, 2024

God Damn It! or Mykel's February 2024 Blog/Column

  

You’re STILL Wrong 
Mykel's 
February 2024 Blog/Column 
God Damn It!
by Mykel Board

We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls.      --Mother Teresa

God is emotional and impulsive and gets things wrong and even loses; just as He is neither omniscient nor omnipotent, neither a flawless robot nor an errorless computer--  so we too dear reader. We have been granted the right to do wrong. Rejoice!    – Ze’ev Maghen 

Aren't you one of those atheists who says God doesn't exist?"  "Who said that? I believe that God does, unfortunately, exist. It's just that he's a fascist."  – Umberto Eco

There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, 'Thy will be done,' and those to whom God says, 'All right, then, have it your way.'                                                            – C. S. Lewis

Who is it that makes you cry, cripples children lets them die, lets the bad guys win, puts acne on your skin, gives cancer to Aunt May, then she’ll giggle when you pray? It’s God! It’s God!                                                      –
                                                                 -- Artless, from the song GOD

This was the original first paragraph I’d planned for the blog:

By the time you read this, I’ll likely be dead. You’ll understand why by the time you get to the end… I think. In murder cases, they always ask for motive, means and opportunity. The rest of this blog will show the motive. The means, I haven’t decided yet. It could even be GOD, doing her natural causes bit… as if that had a meaning when ANYTHING that happens is a natural cause. More likely it’s something quiet… too much too soon. A mix of this and that… with an extra shot of that. Maybe I’ll ask Jim Testa to write the obituary. 

But all of a sudden, I had a change of heart. Instead of writing about me, I decided to choose a smaller and easier subject: GOD. I can escape from my bedbugs, my instant senility, my deafness and all the other effluvia ruining my life right now. So now I’ll leave my current life and join a continued discussion that’s spanned the life of everyone who’s ever lived in a college dorm. 

You’ll read later about a conversation I had with an atheist in Eastern Europe. Although it took place more than 40 years ago, I still remember it. In a way, the logic of the girl I spoke with is behind the logic of most current atheists.. though they wouldn’t admit it. 

More recently, a Jewdhist friend named Richard Goldberg told me. “Mykel, if you want to find God, imagine everything that exists in the universe. That’s God.”

But let’s go back to earlier times: 

Flash to Prague... commie times... the end of the 70s. I’m visiting the grave of Franz Kafka, one of my favorite writers. No, his tombstone is not crawling with cockroaches. He’s buried in the same grave as his father… spending eternity with someone he hated. There is a lot of Hebrew on the grave, but the tenants’ names are written using the Roman alphabet. 

 As I approach the tombstone, I see a woman… stout, with gray hair… tending to the grave… brushing away weeds… picking up garbage. When I come closer, the woman looks up at me.

“Shalom,” she says.

“Hi,” I say.

“Are you Israeli?” she asks.

I shake my head. “No, I’m not,” I tell her.

“But you are Jewish,” she says, her voice without any question intonation.

I nod… and smile.

“I have a daughter...” she says and invites me to dinner.

I don’t remember what we ate. I do remember that the daughter’s name was Helena. She was slightly zaftig, blond hair and she wore a mezuzah around her neck. After dinner mom says, “You children go into the living room and talk. I’ll have to clean the dishes.”

Together we go into the living room and sit on the couch. I look at her breasts.

“I see you’re looking at my mezuzah,” she says. “I wear it for my mother. She bought it for me and I promised to wear it. It tells people I’m a Jew… but I don’t believe in God.”

“Oh?” I ask. “Why not?”

“If God is up there in the sky… living on a cloud… he would just fall down.” She says, as if it were obvious.

BOING! I get it. It hits like an errant erection. If I believed rabbits were pink and delivered eggs at Easter… I wouldn’t believe in rabbits. The atheist commies (or maybe all atheists) believe God is an old man who lives in the clouds… then deny his existence. Of course!

If, like Richard Goldberg, you define God as everything that exists… then God must exist… otherwise nothing exists. The literal existence of Jesus Christ is open to debate… though I think most people will say he existed in some form or other. If you believe Jesus is/was God, then if Jesus existed, so did God. If you believe he had supernatural powers… turning water to wine or feeding a hundred on one loaf of matzoh… that’s open to debate.

What atheists do is define God like Helena defined God… an old man who sits in the clouds. Then they deny his existence… he’d just fall down. Supernatural powers? What are those? It used to be that flying flying humans would show supernatural powers until airplanes came along and made the powers as natural as a boarding pass. Yesterday’s supernatural is today’s mundane. We need some other way to judge.

For some, God is just a comforting thought… an appreciation that there’s something bigger than us… more in control… without physical shape or corporeal body. How can you NOT believe that?

People’s belief in God is a reflection of who they are… or who they want to be. I see God as a nine foot tall woman in a black leather bikini wielding a whip. She sees her job as making my life so bad that I kill myself… and she wins. I can prolong the game by refusing to give in. If SHE has to kill me, I win.

Is my God real? Of course she’s real. God isn’t a human. She’s whatever we make her. She’s what’s useful to us and what explains the universe. Bedbugs, cancer, war, earthquakes, plagues… what more do we need to understand the pestilence of the universe? Atheists tell me that mosquitoes are proof that God does not exist. Bullshit. Mosquitoes are proof that God is either not omnipotent or that God is not good… or both. But they don’t disprove her existence.

When you say you don’t believe in God, you’d better tell me what that God is that you don’t believe in: the egg-delivering pink rabbit or the bunny you see hopping around the garden.

Note: On the unlikely chance that I am still alive and not stroked out from the stress-- or allowing God to win the contest, you can donate to my bedbug fund through my GoFundMe. Just a little will help… and show me I haven’t been abandoned by all but the evil goddess. (SHE thinks of me continually) Thanks in advance for whatever you can do.

See you in hell,

Mykel Board

ENDNOTES: [You can contact me on facebook or by email at mykelboard@gmail.com. Through the post office: send those... er... private DVDs..or music or zines... or anything else (legal only!) to: Mykel Board, POB 137, New York, NY 10012-0003. If you like my writing, you can be notified when anything new is available. Send me an email with SUBSCRIBE in the subject line. Back blogs and columns are at https://mykelsblog.blogspot.com]

→ Death and Taxes Dept: Well, no taxes in this one, but some death. My long term pal Roger Armstrong… who wrote the Japanese scene reports for MRR when I was the zine’s bad guy there… has bit the dust... a motorcycle crash. I visited Roger in Arizona where he lived with his son and Hiromi his Japanese wife. We kept in touch on facebook regularly and with a nengajou. (Look it up!) Roger’s wife answered this year’s nengajou with a “passed away last month” card. Who’s next?

→ Talk about Hol(e)y Dept: Uexpress reports South Korean model “Angel Box Girl”, is being prosecuted for obscene exposure. In Seoul and Gangnam, Angel walked through the streets wearing a large cardboard box with holes for her arms and legs -- plus two more in an unnamed place. She invited strangers to put their hands into those extra holes to grope around. She attracted large crowds that police were called to disperse. "It's freedom of expression," she said.
             “My kind of freedom” I’d say.

→ Irony Dept: I’ve become fascinated by the AI program Aria, that comes packaged with the Opera Internet Browser. It quickly answers questions without stupid weblinks that have nothing to do with those questions. So I asked Aria what country has the highest percentage of atheists. Here’s what she said:
The Czech Republic is often cited as the country with the highest percentage of atheists in the world. According to various surveys and studies, a significant portion of the Czech population identifies as atheist or non-religious. I wonder if they all think God is this old man who lives in the clouds and who would fall down if he really existed.

LINK TRADE DEPARTMENT:

I did a nice interview with The Aither zine. Interesting questions, complete, and questions I’ve never been asked before. You can read it here. It’s a good one.

I read that the search engines like lots of links... and it's also nice to support my friends and enemies in their blogs. So facebook me or email me if you have a blog, webpage or something else to connect to. I add you. You add me.

Here's a start:

My new pal Trey Mayhem sent me a great letter and some porno email pix. He’s got a blog that’s connected to his label Murder and Mayhem records. You can see the blog here.

My long-time friend Sid Yiddish appears on a YouTube DatingGame-like video. Guess who wins the bachelorette!

Here’s Richard Goldberg: goldberg.wordpress.com

Poetry and humor fans will like Justin Martin in The Latency

And my friend Mike R has a nice site with recipe hits from the past! (He cooked for me once... great stuff.) Check out Yesterday's Recipes.

And here's one by a member of ANTI-SEEN... a tour diary of sorts.

Andy Shelton has an interesting blog here.

Savage Hippie is a guy who has been YouTubing for a long time. Our opinions largely overlap... but he complains that I'm a Communist. I'm not! I'm a communist.

Chris Stecher publishes a zine called PRECIS. You can see the back issue links there... and he promises a new issue soon.

George Fertakis has a very nice graphics-heavy blog... with music and books featured prominently. If there’s no link here (I can’t find it temporarily), then Google… er… Duckduckgo him for information.

And my long-term pal Sid Yiddish contributes with his Mishegas Master Blog.

And connect to TRUST Zine, a long-running German punk zine… that STILL PRINTS!!! Yeah, they have a website too… of course! It’s here.

Here are a couple video links.

This from Jon Cox https://squelchchamber1.bandcamp.com/album/down-so-low

And this one from my very long-time friend Roger Armstrong, whose death you read about in this blog:.

Jim Testa moved his long running zine, Jersey Beat, to the blogosphere awhile back. You can read it here. Jim also recommended a kind of unique album… in a style you don’t see to much of these days… or any days. Neo-Hassidic Rock Opera. You can stream the album here.

Kyle Nonneman is in prison in Portland. At least he can’t be kidnapped by the secret police… I think. I post his blog for him, he can’t do it from the klink. Lots of stuff about noise metal… and some very weird politics that will either fascinate or repulse you… or both. It’s hard (and costs money) to send him email. So. If you remember how to write a letter… send him one at: Kyle Nonneman, #16534211, Snake River Correctional Institution, 777 Stanton Blvd Ontario OR 97914-8335

My long time pal, Jim Hayes rightfully complained about my leaving out his blog. He’s a great writer, so it was a tragic omission. Here it is.

Oh yeah, then there’s me. I have a blog of stuff I’ve written mostly from last century. You might enjoy it. Then again, you might not. It’s here.

Let me know if you have a blog… or a print zine… or a YouTube and want to be added to the list. You show me yours… you’ve already seen mine. mykelboard@gmail.com

Throwing Away The Key or Mykel's January 2024 Blog/Column

  

You’re STILL Wrong

or

Mykel's January 2024 Blog/Column 

Throwing Away The Key    

by Mykel Board

Sexual harassment at work... is it a problem for the self-employed?

– Victoria Wood

The liberal idea of tolerance is more and more a kind of intolerance. What it means is 'Leave me alone; don't harass me; I'm intolerant towards your over-proximity.
- Slavoj Žizek

Being desired is not the same as being harassed, and we do not have to punish or shun the person who sees what is special about us.

- Sarah Schulman

I’m not a pervert. I’m Italian.

--(former) Gov. Andrew Cuomo

Imagine a skeleton key… a metaphysical key… It opens locks others can never open. It opens doors… you can walk right in. Others wait for hours in the cold rain. It’s a key you always carry… You can’t leave it at home… You can’t forget it… No one can steal it… It’s yours and yours alone.

Would you complain? Would you say that the doors you open are dishonestly opened? Would you say that the doors… the treasure chests… the secret passageways... opened by the key... are unfair? Would you kvetch that the locks require a key in the first place? Would you grumble that others are allowed entrance by working for days… weeks… months to be let in, when all you have to do is have a little key insertion and BINGO, the lock opens?

Listen up ladies! You have the key. It rests securely between your legs. Free for your use… at least until menopause… often beyond. Yet you complain. A prominent producer wants to trade a little nookie for a starring role. What do you do? Throw the guy in jail. Put him and his walker behind bars for offering you a shortcut to fame. What did he do? Forcible oral sex????? The guy’s a cripple and he “forcibly performed oral sex”??? All you had to do was press your knees together and stand up. But why bother? Others have to work for their part… audition… do screen tests… wait weeks for a “maybe.” You have the key.

Work for the governor? Your chance to grow in politics… get ahead just by being nice. That squeeze… that hug.. you got… Oh my God, he pressed against my breasts… I’ve seen harder breast-pressing between two disgustingly hetero jocks greeting each other in a bar. You couldn’t put the guy in jail, but you got him to resign.

Then there's 

Stormy Daniels, who did better. Trump pays over $100,000 in a “non-disclosure” deal. What a bonanza… greedy Stormy discloses anyway. Then she accuses the president of “defaming” her and tries to get even more money! Can you get greedier? I’ll take your money then sue you while disclosing what you paid me for NON-disclosure. Ah the profit in #MeToo#... if you’re early. But let me tell you, girls, in your #MeToo#itude, you’ve ruined it for others.

From Theda Bara to Mae West, to Jane Mansfield to Bo Derek to Drew Barrymore. How many others fucked their way to the top? Marilyn Monroe screwed the President of the Untied States… and his brother! How many others followed the same path? All of them? Is that wrong? Evil? They’re sex symbols for fuck’s sake. Sex Sex Sex Fuck Fuck Fuck. Are you saying that someone who represents sex is wrong for fucking? We called them “sex symbols” for a reason. What’s wrong with you... forcing women to throw away that chance?

Maybe it’s too late. Maybe you’ve already ruined it for everyone... taken away the skeleton key.. the free pass used for decades by beautiful seductive women who want to play the part of beautiful seductive women. Want to make it in the movies in 2024? Go for an interview, fill out a few forms, just like ugly people have to do. No more shortcuts. Your fellow females have seen to that.

But wait! It gets worse. Believe the women! Is the new call… Right up there with It’s not WHEN it happened, but THAT it happened… a complete rejection of the concept of forgiveness I’m not a fan of the new mottos. I’m old fashioned. I like innocent until proven guilty, and this one by Confucius: Those who cannot forgive others break the bridge over which they themselves must pass. but that thinking is sooooo last century.

Yes, you’re greedy scum. That’s clear. This is America and that’s the way things work here. But don’t call yourselves feminists… at least not in the sense of people who support women. You’ve ruined the most important benefit you’ve got. You’ve made it HARDER for women to get ahead… to make it big. A few of you will strike it rich with #MeToo#… more will be back in the mailroom with no way out. That’s what you call feminism.

I know it’s hard to believe, but I’ve never been a woman. [Aside: One of the few things in my life that I’m ashamed of is that I’ve never even worn a dress. Even those awful frat jocks wear a dress on occasion. On Halloween… or football celebrations… they are at least free enough to express their inner transgenderism. Once or twice, maybe… but they do it. Me? Never… and I’m ashamed.] 

I can imagine the harassment... sitting by yourself at a bar (though there are always the free drinks from strangers), walking down a dark street by yourself, unable to relax at that deserted place in the park, an unwanted pregnancy. Those are things that I rarely –or never-- experience. Womanhood DOES have its disadvantages. I’ll surely admit that.

But I’ve also never experienced a job offer traded for a blow-job. I’ve never been able to a get a better tip by showing more leg. I’ve never been able to shake my tuchus and get an extra $50 bill stuffed in with the Christmas bonus.

Those benefits of being a woman are being destroyed… by YOU… in the name of feminism you’re bringing equality instead of by raising up… by pushing down. Instead of by enjoying those few things that are biological perks of twat-endowment, you’re wringing cash out of them and then destroying them for use by anone else in the future. But wait.. it could (and will) be worse.

Some cultures, like the Italian and Jewish cultures, touch each other all the time. We hug greetings and partings. We make conversational points with a slap on the shoulder or the pinch of the knee. We’ll have an arm around each other’s neck.. gender ignored… just to show friendship.  

You’re killing that now. Both Andrew Como AND Joe Biden have been accused of inappropriate touching. Woody Allen and Steve Tyler too. I’m no fan of Joe Biden, but come on… he hugs kids? How many Hugs Not Drugs bumper stickers does it take to explain that hugging kids is A GOOD THING. In 2024, kids live enough in screen-induced isolation, from phone to computer to TV, Now they have to live where adults are afraid to TOUCH them. That means involuntary lifelong isolation… except maybe for sex. And then, touching WILL ONLY mean sex… not friendliness, affection, or mishpocha. And it’ll be YOUR FAULT. Plus, given the speed of technological development, I would be surprised if sex itself weren’t outlawed. Why go through that gross humiliation when you can be artificially and sterilely inseminated by a machine?

FLASH BACK: Groupies are a tradition in music. Musicians got laid. Ian Dury’s Sex and Drugs and Rock’n’Roll was a report card of what everyone knew. Yet in this millennium, singers from R. Kelley to Michael Jackson to punk rockers I’ve never heard of are accused of sexual misconduct. Look! This is Rock’n’Roll… the only sexual misconduct is NO SEX!

Sorry, forgive the digression. It’s all related but not the point.

So what exactly IS the point, Mykel?

Shit, is that you Literary Device? You come to harass me… tell me its just about consent or maybe age and consent.

Do I need to give consent when Granma Board gives me a big hug hello? Or maybe only women need to give consent. Antioch College (now gone) reached the height to stupidity in it’s required consent forms of last century… with dozens of questions that must be asked and answered in the affirmative before moving from homeplate to first base.

1. Can I hold your hand?
2. Can I kiss you?
3. Can I unbutton your shirt?
4. Can I touch your breasts?

Each act checkmarked and okayed before the next. This was the 1990s, before hugs were bad and the press and all reasonable people laughed at the Antioch requirements. Are they coming back?

If I were of a conspiracy mind (I AM of a conspiracy mind), I’d say #MeToo#, the general re-demonization of sex, the concept of forcible touching, the abandoning of forgiveness under not when, but that, the monetization of “successful” sex-related accusation… and the Internet. All of this IS part of a conspiracy… a conspiracy of isolation. Divide and conquer… or at least control. Stay home by yourself. Don’t touch me! There’s nothing you can do with another human that you can’t do individually from behind some screen or other. Artificial Intelligence becomes the ONLY intelligence. Virtual reality becomes the ONLY reality. Quick, where’s the hemlock?

If I were just plain cynical (I AM just plain cynical), I’d say the complainers are just being selfish… wanting cash and fame… and they’ll sacrifice anyone else to get it. These days they have it easier than Marilyn Monroe did in the 1950s. They don’t need the extra inconvenience of undressing and dressing again. Plus, even ugly people can play. Maybe I was wrong in when I started this blog. Maybe the special key women have to blast their way to the top has not disappeared, it has only changed. Instead of a blowjob for a movie part, all that’s needed is some legal papers… and a muff. If the twat-key user plays her cards right, she won’t need the National Enquirer. Publicity? Read the newspapers in 2024. The New York Times has BECOME the National Enquirer. Entire political parties give news coverage and publicity to talentless women that other talentless women could have only dreamed of in the olden days.

Selfish? Well, if Mae West spreads her legs to become a little chickadee, that won’t hurt Bo Derek’s chances to use her money-maker to become a 10. But if some shlubess is rubbed by Donny Trump in a dressing room… and she uses the media and the courts to earn her fat dollared hold accountable (the drag name for REVENGE), then the chance for the next gal will be lost because of the touch-fear induced consequences. The #MeToo#-ers, the Stormy Daniels, the Rose McGowans, plenty more... those in first get the bucks. The harassment game is just like the stock market. You gotta jump in early. Right now, the average settlement for a work-related harassment is $53,000. Celebrity cases bring ten times that. But the accusers know… and don’t care… that they’re killing the goose that laid the golden egg. They get their money, and people… especially Americans… will stop touching one another ever again. It may be illegal for me to wish a special suffering on those accusers. That’s the ONLY reason I won’t do it.

Prairie Home Companion author and personality Garrison Keiler, puts his arm on a woman’s back to console her after hearing sad news. She accuses him of SEXUAL HARASSMENT. He’s fired from his job… where he’d worked for over 40 years. The nicest, kindest gesture. The touching of compassion gets thrown into court and the kindness is apologized for and punished. It’s just crazy.

See you in hell,

MB

ENDNOTES: [You can contact me on facebook or by email at mykelboard@gmail.com. Through the post office: send those... er... private DVDs..or music or zines... or anything else (legal only!) to: Mykel Board, POB 137, New York, NY 10012-0003. If you like my writing, you can be notified when anything new is available. Send me an email with SUBSCRIBE in the subject line. Back blogs and columns are at https://mykelsblog.blogspot.com]

→ Note 1: Some of the ideas and their expression were inspired by a great book called The Invisible Generation by Jason Rodgers. You can find it on the Autonomedia webpage.

→ Note 2: To be fair, there is some controversy as to what went on with Garrison Keiler. You can Google it (DuckDuck Go) if you like. But you really don’t have to. I’m sure your mind, such as it is, is already made up.

→ Godwin’s Revenge Dept: It thrills me that the Israeli army has discovered the final solution to the hostage problem: KILL THEM ALL. It seems to me that was tried before and didn’t work. But those Hamas folks think they can intimidate with a couple hundred kidnapped women, children and (mostly) men? Hah, Mr Gaza! Just try intimidating with a bunch of corpses! We’ll fix that for you! Send in the corpse makers. As of this writing, there’s about 100 hostages left. Already starting on solving the problem, the Israeli army just shot three of them who were waving a white flag. Some evidence points to 8 more Israeli bullet-riddled hostage corpses. 97 more to go, I guess. Not to mention the 20,000+ goyish bodies scattered to the Gaza winds by Israeli forces…. Hey! I told you not to mention that!

→ I’m moving there dept: MSN reports that the chief of staff at Paraguay's Agriculture Ministry, Arnaldo Chamorro, was replaced after admitting he'd been conned into talks and signing a memorandum of understanding with representatives of a non-existent country. Chamorro told reporters that purported officials from the "United States of Kailasa" had told him the country was a South American island. I wonder if he’ll sue for harassment.

LINK TRADE DEPARTMENT:

I did a nice interview with The Aither zine. Interesting questions, complete, and questions I’ve never been asked before. You can read it here. It’s a good one.

I read that the search engines like lots of links... and it's also nice to support my friends and enemies in their blogs. So facebook me or email me if you have a blog, webpage or something else to connect to. I add you. You add me.

Here's a start:

Video of the week: My long-time friend Sid Yiddish appears on a YouTube DatingGame-like video. Guess who wins the bachlorette!

Here’s Richard Goldberg: goldberg.wordpress.com

Poetry and humor fans will like Justin Martin in The Latency

And my friend Mike R has a nice site with recipe hits from the past! (He cooked for me once... great stuff.) Check out Yesterday's Recipes.

And here's one by a member of ANTI-SEEN... a tour diary of sorts.

Andy Shelton has an interesting blog here.

Savage Hippie is a guy who has been YouTubing for a long time. Our opinions largely overlap... but he complains that I'm a Communist. I'm not! I'm a communist.

Chris Stecher publishes a zine called PRECIS. You can see the back issue links there... and he promises a new issue soon.

George Fertakis has a very nice graphics-heavy blog... with music and books featured prominently. If there’s no link here (I can’t find it temporarily), then Google… er… Duckduckgo him for information.

And my long-term pal Sid Yiddish contributes with his Mishegas Master Blog.

And connect to TRUST Zine, a long-running German punk zine… that STILL PRINTS!!! Yeah, they have a website too… of course! It’s here.

Here are a couple video links.

This from Jon Cox https://squelchchamber1.bandcamp.com/album/down-so-low

And this one from my very long-time friend Roger Armstrong.

Jim Testa moved his long running zine, Jersey Beat, to the blogosphere awhile back. You can read it here. Jim also recommended a kind of unique album… in a style you don’t see to much of these days… or any days. Neo-Hassidic Rock Opera. You can stream the album here.

Kyle Nonneman is in prison in Portland. At least he can’t be kidnapped by the secret police… I think. I post his blog for him, he can’t do it from the klink. Lots of stuff about noise metal… and some very weird politics that will either fascinate or repulse you… or both. It’s hard (and costs money) to send him email. So. If you remember how to write a letter… send him one at: Kyle Nonneman, #16534211, Snake River Correctional Institution, 777 Stanton Blvd Ontario OR 97914-8335

My long time pal, Jim Hayes rightfully complained about my leaving out his blog. He’s a great writer, so it was a tragic omission. Here it is.

Oh yeah, then there’s me. I have a blog of stuff I’ve written mostly from last century. You might enjoy it. Then again, you might not. It’s here.

Let me know if you have a blog… or a print zine… or a YouTube and want to be added to the list. You show me yours… you’ve already seen mine. god@mykelboard.com

Mykel Off His Meds or Mykel's December 2023 Blog/Column

 

You’re STILL Wrong

or

Mykel's December 2023 Blog/Column 

Off My Meds    

by Mykel Board

INTRO: I used to think it was evil... the end of humans who can feel joy, pain, itch and scratch… know what it’s like to piss in their pants. Evil! Without feelings, without awareness… Now, I’m in love. I’m talking about Artificial Intelligence. I’m talking about the ability to just ask a question about some obscurity and get an answer in plain English… not a link to something with MAYBE a partial answer and a lot of advertising.

I can ask, What is a common first name that can be used for men and women?

And my AI program will answer: A common first name that can be used for both men and women is "Alex". It is a unisex name that can be short for both "Alexander" and "Alexandra".

It’s not my favorite answer (I like LESLIE), but it works. It’s fast and without bullshit. I’m going to use Leslie in this blog, now that I’ve introduced you to THEM.

PART ONE: I want to tear my skin off. I want to dig my fingernails into my wrist, my neck, my leg… grab the skin, rip up... off… down to the muscle. Just rip away the itch, the bites, the creeping knowledge… like Freddy Kruger victims… that if I go to sleep, I will suffer horrors.

Doctor’s on vacation. The nurse-practitioner says it’s spider bites, not bed bugs… prescribes ointment, Zyrtec. Nothing works… I spray the bed with poison: DEET, OFF, Bed-bug killer. Nothing works. The fumes give me a chronic cough and make my eyes itch.

If I tell the landlord, there’ll be worse horrors. Send in the bug sniffing dogs. Pack up everything in the apartment. Throw away books. Leave for 2 days while the exterminators go through my piggy bank to see what they can get away with. And worse, I’ll be blamed for it. Allowing my homeless pal to sleep on the couch… my nephew… visitors from Japan. I pay $870 rent… you don’t think they’re looking for a way to kick me out?

I guess I could call an exterminator myself… not tell the landlord. Leslie says: Individuals can expect to pay between $300 and $5,000 for bed bug extermination, with an average cost of $1,750. Sure, what’s an extra couple thousand bucks on my $400-a-month teacher’s pay?

Ok, I’ll itch. My homeless pal… my guests… my nephew… Sid Yiddish... will suffer the scabs. The only alternative is to tear off my skin.

PART TWO: Me in 1933: Did you know that the government is infecting Negroes with syphilis so they can see what happens to ordinary people?

Literary Device 1933: Mykel, you’re such a paranoid pawn. So American paranoid. You know in 20 years all the conspiracies will be communist? In 90 years, all the conspiracies will be alt right. You’re just the beginning. Anything you don’t like will be a conspiracy. To quote you, You’re Wrong!

FLASH TO NOW: the syphilis experiments WERE a conspiracy. A real thing. An evil conspiracy, conducted by the US government (Public Health Service) from 1932 to 1972. Leslie tells me The experiments were carried out on a group of African American men in Tuskegee, Alabama, who were purposely infected with syphilis. The goal of the study was to observe the natural progression of the disease when left untreated. The participants were not informed of their diagnosis and were denied proper treatment, even after penicillin became widely available as a cure for syphilis. Don’t you see you fuckin’ Literary Device? Conspiracies are real!

“But Mykel,” is the Device comeback, “because something is true, doesn’t mean EVERYTHING is true. In the 50s it was communism. In this century it’s TERRORISTS. Sure there may be conspiracies, but not everything is a conspiracy.”

For once, old Literary Device is right… well, partially right anyway. Right now, it’s true that anyone who finds a group of people they don’t like call that group’s actions A CONSPIRACY. Try to steal the last election? It’s a conspiracy of Trump supporters or Biden supporters… take your pick. Black Lives Matter? A conspiracy of Anti-Fa. COVID? A conspiracy of vaccine manufacturers.

A friend of mine told me that the 5G network antennas can cause cancer or some brain dysfunction. “It’s a conspiracy,” I reply. “I’ve heard.”

“No conspiracy,” she says. “Was it a conspiracy to say smoking causes cancer? It just happens… side effect –not conspiracy.”

I feel like shit for jumping on the bandwagon. SOME conspiracies are real. The Alabama experiment WAS a conspiracy. There have been secret plots to kill Castro… REAL conspiracy. I can’t be sure, but I’d guess most conspiracies AREN’T. They’re just similar people benefiting from the same action.

I’ve written before about how recycling encourages consumption. “You bought 40 individual bottles of water? Don’t you think that’s wasteful?”

“Wasteful? No! I recycle those bottles.”

Leslie says that only 9% of plastic is actually recycled. The rest goes into landfill… or bird-choking in the Atlantic/Pacific. I can tell you that ZERO percent of plastic NOT bought in the first place ends up around a seagull’s neck.

I’ve written about the recycling hoax before. But wait! There’s more!

EVERYTHING you do is used against you. I just got these two question on a recent survey. What are they trying to sell. A wind-powered router maybe?

Awww come on! But wait! There’s EVEN more!

FLASH TO THE PSYCH WARD: “Good morning Mr. Santos. It’s time for your medication. How’re you feeling today?”

“I dunno… I feel on the edge… not quite ready to make stuff up, but too tired to... you know… get out of bed.”

“Aww poor baby!” says the nurse. “Don’t worry Georgie. Allison is here. Take your lithie, bubeleh, and you can get right back to those big bad halls of congress.”

Yeah, I’m talking lithium. When I was running around breaking windows and sleeping 12 hours a day, lithium is what was in the bathroom bottle that I never used. Anyone who was off their meds was off their lithium.

Today, lithium is in everything. Teslas, that computer or cellphone you’re using to read this right now, e-bikes, where it explodes and has burned to death over 100 people in New York alone. There’s no end to lithium. It’s what powers the tree huggers.

Sure, use electric vehicles and rechargeable lithium-ion batteries. You’re helping the earth. Where do you think lithium comes from? A touch from God to say thank you for saving the environment? Think again! (As if you thought in the first place.)

Leslie tells me that lithium comes from the same place OIL comes from. It’s dug up and spurted out. Lithium, like oil, is earth’s ejaculation… but without the balls to replenish it. “Brine extraction,” says Leslie, “is the most common method for obtaining lithium. It involves pumping brine from underground reservoirs known as salars or salt flats. The brine is then pumped into large evaporation ponds, where it is exposed to the sun and wind. Over time, the water evaporates, leaving behind concentrated lithium salts. The concentrated lithium salts are further processed using (deadly) chemicals.

Oh yeah, there is one other way to get lithium. NOT the same as oil, but the same as coal. Yeah, you plastic saver, lithium is MINED. The ore is dug up in mines, crushed and then undergoes a series of nasty chemical processes to separate the lithium from other minerals. One common method is called "concentrate roasting," where the ore is heated to high temperatures to convert lithium minerals into a more soluble form. The soluble lithium compounds are then leached out using other nasty chemicals. Don’t believe me? Ask Leslie!

And then what? After the lithium is made into batteries, those batteries have to be charged. Using electricity from where? Does your Tesla plug into its charger and use the power you supply by spinning the stationary bike parked next to the machine? How many humans’ skin melted away from cars alone? Leslie seems reticent to make a guess:

My knowledge only extends up to January 2022. As of that time, there have been instances of lithium-ion battery fires in electric vehicles, but the exact number can vary, and new incidents may have occurred since then. It's important to note that while lithium-ion batteries are generally considered safe, incidents can happen due to various factors such as manufacturing defects, damage to the battery, or external factors like accidents.

I can see the wealthier of you puffing out your chests. “Hah! I use solar power to power my electric charger. Take that Mykel Board contrarian.”

Yo! Mister environmentalist. What do you think is the main source of power in solar energy batteries? It’s LITHIUM! The same welled and mined chemical that’s dug up to put in your car battery.

Get it? It’s all a trick… a con… Your $200,000 Tesla, your solar roof, your recycling does nothing but encourage consumption. Your e-bike, your e-car, your solar-powered house. It’s marketing… the “e-” is no more “environmental” than the “X-” in X-ray is Twitter.

Lithium mining may not yet surpass the damage that coal mining and oil-drilling is now causing… but it will. And the Radical Chic, shown off by Tesla parading Steven King or Bill Gates is just so much free advertising for Elon Musk.

Environmentalism is a way for rich people to become richer. It’s a way to encourage people to consume more—guilt free. Spend more money! It’s good for the earth, they tell you. No, it’s not a conspiracy, unless capitalism is a conspiracy. Come to think of it…

See you in hell

Mykel Board

ENDNOTES: [You can contact me on facebook or by email at mykelboard@gmail.com. Through the post office: send those... er... private DVDs..or music or zines... or anything else (legal only!) to: Mykel Board, POB 137, New York, NY 10012-0003. If you like my writing, you can be notified when anything new is available. Send me an email with SUBSCRIBE in the subject line. Back blogs and columns are at https://mykelsblog.blogspot.com]

→ The Arab News reports that Islamic pilgrimages to Mecca now “resemble a trip to Disneyland.” The area has been overcome with “selfie fever”… the pilgrims bragging more than praying. Worse, “Mecca is often experienced more as a tour package centered around shopping malls rather than religious structures.” Capitalism can eat anything and spit it out any way you want it. Allah will not protect you.

→ The Japan Times has a fun story about Tosatsu, a Japanese shoe company. It seems they were making special shoes that included an upskirt camera in them. The wearer could use a toe to turn the camera on and off as the occasion calls for. Local cops got wind of the invention and were soon sifting through the company’s books to find, one-by-one, purchasers of the shoes. The charge: Aiding Voyeurism I wonder if binocular companies will be next.

→ On a more serious note: Bernie Sanders continues to show his sharp outlook and what SHOULD be called “political correctness” because it’s about politics, and it’s correct:

The horrific war in the mid-east continues. Here is a statement I released yesterday with my thoughts about a constructive path forward.

Gaza is a humanitarian disaster. No more aid to Israel without strong conditions.

Hamas is a corrupt terrorist organization which began this war by slaughtering 1,200 innocent Israeli men, women and children and taking over 200 hostages. Hamas has made clear, before and after October 7, that its goal is to destroy Israel. Under those circumstances, Israel absolutely has the right to defend itself.

While Israel has the right to go after Hamas, Netanyahu’s right-wing extremist government does not have the right to wage almost total warfare against the Palestinian people. That is morally unacceptable and in violation of international law. Displacing 1.6 million people from their homes, cutting off food, water, medical supplies, and fuel, and killing some 12,000 Palestinians - nearly half of whom are children - is in violation of every code of human decency. It must stop.

The U.S. provides $3.8 billion a year in aid to Israel and the Biden administration wants $14 billion more. The Netanyahu government, or hopefully a new Israeli government, must understand that not one penny will be coming to Israel from the U.S. unless there is a fundamental change in their military and political positions. Among other conditions that must be imposed upon any aid to Israel are:

* an end to the indiscriminate bombing which has taken thousands of civilian lives and a significant pause in military operations so that massive humanitarian assistance can come into the region;

* the right of displaced Gazans to return to their homes;

* no long-term Israeli re-occupation or blockade of Gaza;

* an end to settler violence in the West Bank and a freeze on settlement expansion;

* a commitment to broad peace talks for a two-state solution in the wake of the war.

Thank you for reading

In solidarity, Bernie Sanders

→ Bonus:

LINK TRADE DEPARTMENT:

I did a nice interview with The Aither zine. Interesting questions, complete, and questions I’ve never been asked before. You can read it here. It’s a good one.

I read that the search engines like lots of links... and it's also nice to support my friends and enemies in their blogs. So facebook me or email me if you have a blog, webpage or something else to connect to. I add you. You add me.

Here's a start:

Video of the week: My long-time friend Sid Yiddish appears on a YouTube DatingGame-like video. Guess who wins the bachlorette!

Here’s Richard Goldberg: goldberg.wordpress.com

Poetry and humor fans will like Justin Martin in The Latency

And my friend Mike R has a nice site with recipe hits from the past! (He cooked for me once... great stuff.) Check out Yesterday's Recipes.

And here's one by a member of ANTI-SEEN... a tour diary of sorts.

Andy Shelton has an interesting blog here.

Savage Hippie is a guy who has been YouTubing for a long time. Our opinions largely overlap... but he complains that I'm a Communist. I'm not! I'm a communist.

Chris Stecher publishes a zine called PRECIS. You can see the back issue links there... and he promises a new issue soon.

George Fertakis has a very nice graphics-heavy blog... with music and books featured prominently. If there’s no link here (I can’t find it temporarily), then Google… er… Duckduckgo him for information.

And my long-term pal Sid Yiddish contributes with his Mishegas Master Blog.

And connect to TRUST Zine, a long-running German punk zine… that STILL PRINTS!!! Yeah, they have a website too… of course! It’s here.

Here are a couple video links.

This from Jon Cox https://squelchchamber1.bandcamp.com/album/down-so-low

And this one from my very long-time friend Roger Armstrong.

Jim Testa moved his long running zine, Jersey Beat, to the blogosphere awhile back. You can read it here. Jim also recommended a kind of unique album… in a style you don’t see to much of these days… or any days. Neo-Hassidic Rock Opera. You can stream the album here.

Kyle Nonneman is in prison in Portland. At least he can’t be kidnapped by the secret police… I think. I post his blog for him, he can’t do it from the klink. Lots of stuff about noise metal… and some very weird politics that will either fascinate or repulse you… or both.

My long time pal, Jim Hayes rightfully complained about my leaving out his blog. He’s a great writer, so it was a tragic omission. Here it is.

Oh yeah, then there’s me. I have a blog of stuff I’ve written mostly from last century. You might enjoy it. Then again, you might not. It’s here.

Let me know if you have a blog… or a print zine… or a YouTube and want to be added to the list. You show me yours… you’ve already seen mine. god@mykelboard.com