Throwing Away The Key or Mykel's January 2024 Blog/Column

  

You’re STILL Wrong

or

Mykel's January 2024 Blog/Column 

Throwing Away The Key    

by Mykel Board

Sexual harassment at work... is it a problem for the self-employed?

– Victoria Wood

The liberal idea of tolerance is more and more a kind of intolerance. What it means is 'Leave me alone; don't harass me; I'm intolerant towards your over-proximity.
- Slavoj Žizek

Being desired is not the same as being harassed, and we do not have to punish or shun the person who sees what is special about us.

- Sarah Schulman

I’m not a pervert. I’m Italian.

--(former) Gov. Andrew Cuomo

Imagine a skeleton key… a metaphysical key… It opens locks others can never open. It opens doors… you can walk right in. Others wait for hours in the cold rain. It’s a key you always carry… You can’t leave it at home… You can’t forget it… No one can steal it… It’s yours and yours alone.

Would you complain? Would you say that the doors you open are dishonestly opened? Would you say that the doors… the treasure chests… the secret passageways... opened by the key... are unfair? Would you kvetch that the locks require a key in the first place? Would you grumble that others are allowed entrance by working for days… weeks… months to be let in, when all you have to do is have a little key insertion and BINGO, the lock opens?

Listen up ladies! You have the key. It rests securely between your legs. Free for your use… at least until menopause… often beyond. Yet you complain. A prominent producer wants to trade a little nookie for a starring role. What do you do? Throw the guy in jail. Put him and his walker behind bars for offering you a shortcut to fame. What did he do? Forcible oral sex????? The guy’s a cripple and he “forcibly performed oral sex”??? All you had to do was press your knees together and stand up. But why bother? Others have to work for their part… audition… do screen tests… wait weeks for a “maybe.” You have the key.

Work for the governor? Your chance to grow in politics… get ahead just by being nice. That squeeze… that hug.. you got… Oh my God, he pressed against my breasts… I’ve seen harder breast-pressing between two disgustingly hetero jocks greeting each other in a bar. You couldn’t put the guy in jail, but you got him to resign.

Then there's 

Stormy Daniels, who did better. Trump pays over $100,000 in a “non-disclosure” deal. What a bonanza… greedy Stormy discloses anyway. Then she accuses the president of “defaming” her and tries to get even more money! Can you get greedier? I’ll take your money then sue you while disclosing what you paid me for NON-disclosure. Ah the profit in #MeToo#... if you’re early. But let me tell you, girls, in your #MeToo#itude, you’ve ruined it for others.

From Theda Bara to Mae West, to Jane Mansfield to Bo Derek to Drew Barrymore. How many others fucked their way to the top? Marilyn Monroe screwed the President of the Untied States… and his brother! How many others followed the same path? All of them? Is that wrong? Evil? They’re sex symbols for fuck’s sake. Sex Sex Sex Fuck Fuck Fuck. Are you saying that someone who represents sex is wrong for fucking? We called them “sex symbols” for a reason. What’s wrong with you... forcing women to throw away that chance?

Maybe it’s too late. Maybe you’ve already ruined it for everyone... taken away the skeleton key.. the free pass used for decades by beautiful seductive women who want to play the part of beautiful seductive women. Want to make it in the movies in 2024? Go for an interview, fill out a few forms, just like ugly people have to do. No more shortcuts. Your fellow females have seen to that.

But wait! It gets worse. Believe the women! Is the new call… Right up there with It’s not WHEN it happened, but THAT it happened… a complete rejection of the concept of forgiveness I’m not a fan of the new mottos. I’m old fashioned. I like innocent until proven guilty, and this one by Confucius: Those who cannot forgive others break the bridge over which they themselves must pass. but that thinking is sooooo last century.

Yes, you’re greedy scum. That’s clear. This is America and that’s the way things work here. But don’t call yourselves feminists… at least not in the sense of people who support women. You’ve ruined the most important benefit you’ve got. You’ve made it HARDER for women to get ahead… to make it big. A few of you will strike it rich with #MeToo#… more will be back in the mailroom with no way out. That’s what you call feminism.

I know it’s hard to believe, but I’ve never been a woman. [Aside: One of the few things in my life that I’m ashamed of is that I’ve never even worn a dress. Even those awful frat jocks wear a dress on occasion. On Halloween… or football celebrations… they are at least free enough to express their inner transgenderism. Once or twice, maybe… but they do it. Me? Never… and I’m ashamed.] 

I can imagine the harassment... sitting by yourself at a bar (though there are always the free drinks from strangers), walking down a dark street by yourself, unable to relax at that deserted place in the park, an unwanted pregnancy. Those are things that I rarely –or never-- experience. Womanhood DOES have its disadvantages. I’ll surely admit that.

But I’ve also never experienced a job offer traded for a blow-job. I’ve never been able to a get a better tip by showing more leg. I’ve never been able to shake my tuchus and get an extra $50 bill stuffed in with the Christmas bonus.

Those benefits of being a woman are being destroyed… by YOU… in the name of feminism you’re bringing equality instead of by raising up… by pushing down. Instead of by enjoying those few things that are biological perks of twat-endowment, you’re wringing cash out of them and then destroying them for use by anone else in the future. But wait.. it could (and will) be worse.

Some cultures, like the Italian and Jewish cultures, touch each other all the time. We hug greetings and partings. We make conversational points with a slap on the shoulder or the pinch of the knee. We’ll have an arm around each other’s neck.. gender ignored… just to show friendship.  

You’re killing that now. Both Andrew Como AND Joe Biden have been accused of inappropriate touching. Woody Allen and Steve Tyler too. I’m no fan of Joe Biden, but come on… he hugs kids? How many Hugs Not Drugs bumper stickers does it take to explain that hugging kids is A GOOD THING. In 2024, kids live enough in screen-induced isolation, from phone to computer to TV, Now they have to live where adults are afraid to TOUCH them. That means involuntary lifelong isolation… except maybe for sex. And then, touching WILL ONLY mean sex… not friendliness, affection, or mishpocha. And it’ll be YOUR FAULT. Plus, given the speed of technological development, I would be surprised if sex itself weren’t outlawed. Why go through that gross humiliation when you can be artificially and sterilely inseminated by a machine?

FLASH BACK: Groupies are a tradition in music. Musicians got laid. Ian Dury’s Sex and Drugs and Rock’n’Roll was a report card of what everyone knew. Yet in this millennium, singers from R. Kelley to Michael Jackson to punk rockers I’ve never heard of are accused of sexual misconduct. Look! This is Rock’n’Roll… the only sexual misconduct is NO SEX!

Sorry, forgive the digression. It’s all related but not the point.

So what exactly IS the point, Mykel?

Shit, is that you Literary Device? You come to harass me… tell me its just about consent or maybe age and consent.

Do I need to give consent when Granma Board gives me a big hug hello? Or maybe only women need to give consent. Antioch College (now gone) reached the height to stupidity in it’s required consent forms of last century… with dozens of questions that must be asked and answered in the affirmative before moving from homeplate to first base.

1. Can I hold your hand?
2. Can I kiss you?
3. Can I unbutton your shirt?
4. Can I touch your breasts?

Each act checkmarked and okayed before the next. This was the 1990s, before hugs were bad and the press and all reasonable people laughed at the Antioch requirements. Are they coming back?

If I were of a conspiracy mind (I AM of a conspiracy mind), I’d say #MeToo#, the general re-demonization of sex, the concept of forcible touching, the abandoning of forgiveness under not when, but that, the monetization of “successful” sex-related accusation… and the Internet. All of this IS part of a conspiracy… a conspiracy of isolation. Divide and conquer… or at least control. Stay home by yourself. Don’t touch me! There’s nothing you can do with another human that you can’t do individually from behind some screen or other. Artificial Intelligence becomes the ONLY intelligence. Virtual reality becomes the ONLY reality. Quick, where’s the hemlock?

If I were just plain cynical (I AM just plain cynical), I’d say the complainers are just being selfish… wanting cash and fame… and they’ll sacrifice anyone else to get it. These days they have it easier than Marilyn Monroe did in the 1950s. They don’t need the extra inconvenience of undressing and dressing again. Plus, even ugly people can play. Maybe I was wrong in when I started this blog. Maybe the special key women have to blast their way to the top has not disappeared, it has only changed. Instead of a blowjob for a movie part, all that’s needed is some legal papers… and a muff. If the twat-key user plays her cards right, she won’t need the National Enquirer. Publicity? Read the newspapers in 2024. The New York Times has BECOME the National Enquirer. Entire political parties give news coverage and publicity to talentless women that other talentless women could have only dreamed of in the olden days.

Selfish? Well, if Mae West spreads her legs to become a little chickadee, that won’t hurt Bo Derek’s chances to use her money-maker to become a 10. But if some shlubess is rubbed by Donny Trump in a dressing room… and she uses the media and the courts to earn her fat dollared hold accountable (the drag name for REVENGE), then the chance for the next gal will be lost because of the touch-fear induced consequences. The #MeToo#-ers, the Stormy Daniels, the Rose McGowans, plenty more... those in first get the bucks. The harassment game is just like the stock market. You gotta jump in early. Right now, the average settlement for a work-related harassment is $53,000. Celebrity cases bring ten times that. But the accusers know… and don’t care… that they’re killing the goose that laid the golden egg. They get their money, and people… especially Americans… will stop touching one another ever again. It may be illegal for me to wish a special suffering on those accusers. That’s the ONLY reason I won’t do it.

Prairie Home Companion author and personality Garrison Keiler, puts his arm on a woman’s back to console her after hearing sad news. She accuses him of SEXUAL HARASSMENT. He’s fired from his job… where he’d worked for over 40 years. The nicest, kindest gesture. The touching of compassion gets thrown into court and the kindness is apologized for and punished. It’s just crazy.

See you in hell,

MB

ENDNOTES: [You can contact me on facebook or by email at mykelboard@gmail.com. Through the post office: send those... er... private DVDs..or music or zines... or anything else (legal only!) to: Mykel Board, POB 137, New York, NY 10012-0003. If you like my writing, you can be notified when anything new is available. Send me an email with SUBSCRIBE in the subject line. Back blogs and columns are at https://mykelsblog.blogspot.com]

→ Note 1: Some of the ideas and their expression were inspired by a great book called The Invisible Generation by Jason Rodgers. You can find it on the Autonomedia webpage.

→ Note 2: To be fair, there is some controversy as to what went on with Garrison Keiler. You can Google it (DuckDuck Go) if you like. But you really don’t have to. I’m sure your mind, such as it is, is already made up.

→ Godwin’s Revenge Dept: It thrills me that the Israeli army has discovered the final solution to the hostage problem: KILL THEM ALL. It seems to me that was tried before and didn’t work. But those Hamas folks think they can intimidate with a couple hundred kidnapped women, children and (mostly) men? Hah, Mr Gaza! Just try intimidating with a bunch of corpses! We’ll fix that for you! Send in the corpse makers. As of this writing, there’s about 100 hostages left. Already starting on solving the problem, the Israeli army just shot three of them who were waving a white flag. Some evidence points to 8 more Israeli bullet-riddled hostage corpses. 97 more to go, I guess. Not to mention the 20,000+ goyish bodies scattered to the Gaza winds by Israeli forces…. Hey! I told you not to mention that!

→ I’m moving there dept: MSN reports that the chief of staff at Paraguay's Agriculture Ministry, Arnaldo Chamorro, was replaced after admitting he'd been conned into talks and signing a memorandum of understanding with representatives of a non-existent country. Chamorro told reporters that purported officials from the "United States of Kailasa" had told him the country was a South American island. I wonder if he’ll sue for harassment.

LINK TRADE DEPARTMENT:

I did a nice interview with The Aither zine. Interesting questions, complete, and questions I’ve never been asked before. You can read it here. It’s a good one.

I read that the search engines like lots of links... and it's also nice to support my friends and enemies in their blogs. So facebook me or email me if you have a blog, webpage or something else to connect to. I add you. You add me.

Here's a start:

Video of the week: My long-time friend Sid Yiddish appears on a YouTube DatingGame-like video. Guess who wins the bachlorette!

Here’s Richard Goldberg: goldberg.wordpress.com

Poetry and humor fans will like Justin Martin in The Latency

And my friend Mike R has a nice site with recipe hits from the past! (He cooked for me once... great stuff.) Check out Yesterday's Recipes.

And here's one by a member of ANTI-SEEN... a tour diary of sorts.

Andy Shelton has an interesting blog here.

Savage Hippie is a guy who has been YouTubing for a long time. Our opinions largely overlap... but he complains that I'm a Communist. I'm not! I'm a communist.

Chris Stecher publishes a zine called PRECIS. You can see the back issue links there... and he promises a new issue soon.

George Fertakis has a very nice graphics-heavy blog... with music and books featured prominently. If there’s no link here (I can’t find it temporarily), then Google… er… Duckduckgo him for information.

And my long-term pal Sid Yiddish contributes with his Mishegas Master Blog.

And connect to TRUST Zine, a long-running German punk zine… that STILL PRINTS!!! Yeah, they have a website too… of course! It’s here.

Here are a couple video links.

This from Jon Cox https://squelchchamber1.bandcamp.com/album/down-so-low

And this one from my very long-time friend Roger Armstrong.

Jim Testa moved his long running zine, Jersey Beat, to the blogosphere awhile back. You can read it here. Jim also recommended a kind of unique album… in a style you don’t see to much of these days… or any days. Neo-Hassidic Rock Opera. You can stream the album here.

Kyle Nonneman is in prison in Portland. At least he can’t be kidnapped by the secret police… I think. I post his blog for him, he can’t do it from the klink. Lots of stuff about noise metal… and some very weird politics that will either fascinate or repulse you… or both. It’s hard (and costs money) to send him email. So. If you remember how to write a letter… send him one at: Kyle Nonneman, #16534211, Snake River Correctional Institution, 777 Stanton Blvd Ontario OR 97914-8335

My long time pal, Jim Hayes rightfully complained about my leaving out his blog. He’s a great writer, so it was a tragic omission. Here it is.

Oh yeah, then there’s me. I have a blog of stuff I’ve written mostly from last century. You might enjoy it. Then again, you might not. It’s here.

Let me know if you have a blog… or a print zine… or a YouTube and want to be added to the list. You show me yours… you’ve already seen mine. god@mykelboard.com