YOU'RE STILL WRONG..
MYKEL'S JULY 2020 BLOG
VOLUME 2
OR
The Trip
by Mykel Board
History
will be kind to me, for I intend to write it.
--Winston Churchill
History's lessons are subtle lessons, inviting us to remember and forget selectively, and therefore are much better than psychiatry's where you're forced to remember everything. --Richard Ford
--Winston Churchill
History's lessons are subtle lessons, inviting us to remember and forget selectively, and therefore are much better than psychiatry's where you're forced to remember everything. --Richard Ford
I
sit in the almost empty waiting room of Mandela Airlines at Marcus
Garvey airport… the smaller of New York City’s two major
airports. I’m on my way to Sitting Bull, the capital of Ohio. Why
go from New York to Sitting Bull?
I’m
glad you asked me. I’ll be spending the rest of this blog
explaining. It has to do with a sex partner, a pubic hair and a lot
of legal problems.
I’ve
arrived for my flight three hours early, as is my wont. I hate to do
things last minute. I like to just chill at the airport reading,
writing, talking with strangers. Today, of course, half the
concessions are closed, and despite my rather ordinary mask, no one
wants to talk with me. I fantasize it’s because they know who I am.
FLASH
AHEAD: the plane is airborne. The masked flight attendant walks the
aisles handing out soy nuts and small bottles of Poland Spring.
“Excuse
me uniformed person of interest,” I say to the one handing out the
goodies, “would it be possible for me to order a cocktail?”
“Certainly
passenger C12,” comes the answer. “What would you like?”
“Could I have a Russian of Color?” I ask. The perfect combination… vodka and coffee… oh yeah!
The drink arrives a few minutes before landing, so I have to gulp it down… sipping is soooo much better.
“Could I have a Russian of Color?” I ask. The perfect combination… vodka and coffee… oh yeah!
The drink arrives a few minutes before landing, so I have to gulp it down… sipping is soooo much better.
After
deplaning, having my temperature taken, my internal passport checked
(I’m coming from New York… a safe state.) I’m allowed to enter
the main terminal.
My gender-fluid lawyer, Harvey Epstein, is waiting for me inside. I wave and walk up to the professional. We bump elbows.
My gender-fluid lawyer, Harvey Epstein, is waiting for me inside. I wave and walk up to the professional. We bump elbows.
“Harvey,”
I say, “it’s good to see ya. Been a long time.”
“Yeah, Mykel,” says Harvey, “tell me about it.”
“Yeah, Mykel,” says Harvey, “tell me about it.”
“How
‘bout over a drink?” I suggest.
Harvey
smiles and walks me out to his car, a large Cadillac SUV.
We
end up in my kind of bar… a couple dozen taps, wood tables with
names, hearts, and bodily organs scratched into them… a grizzled
bartender with an Irish accent… and waitpersons who look like
they’ve been cut out of porn magazines.
We
order a couple of bottles of Modelo de Color and sit at one of the
tables.
After
clinking our glasses, and taking the first sip, Harvey folds his
arms, leans on them, and says in the tone of voice that--- in the
movies-- means CONSPIRACY.
“You
really sexually intercoursed yourself up with this one, Mykel,”
says Harvey. “It sounds super nasty.”
“You don’t know how nasty,” I answer.
“You don’t know how nasty,” I answer.
“Let
me get this right,” comes the answer, “your.. er… partner for
the night left an unintentional gift in your bed. Is that right?”
“Let
me give you the background,” I say. “I was visiting a friend at
Crispus Attucks U….”
“That
school in Obama, Kentucky?” asks Harvey.
I
nod and continue. “They were having a seminar on punk rock
and a friend invited me to be a part of a panel called “How Punk
Rock Nearly Ended All War and Disease.”
Harvey
gets it. “So you were supposed to be the contrarian, right? The guy
who says NOTHING almost ended all war and disease, right?”
“You
got it,” I say.
“I
even prepared,” I tell him, “Did my reading, took notes, made a
Powerpoint presentation… Showed how there are still wars all the
time, and they didn’t end with the assassination of Donald Trump or
the overthrow of Putin. The wars, the conquests continued. Remember
when there were more countries than Israel in the Middle East? How
‘bout Covid-22? Why do you think we’re wearing masks 24 hours a
day?”
The lawyer’s eyebrows raise. “That’s a pretty radical position, Mykel. Though there have been… er… outbreaks... even in North and South Kaepernick. But it’s kind of a stretch to call them wars and disease… even for you.”
The lawyer’s eyebrows raise. “That’s a pretty radical position, Mykel. Though there have been… er… outbreaks... even in North and South Kaepernick. But it’s kind of a stretch to call them wars and disease… even for you.”
“I
don’t think like other people,” I tell my listener.
His eyes look heavenward. “You gotta tell ME that? But Anti-Talk had other ideas, right?”
His eyes look heavenward. “You gotta tell ME that? But Anti-Talk had other ideas, right?”
I
nod.
“Yeah,” I say. “They did their homework too. Found out I was a member of The Siblinghood of the Knights of Voltaire…”
What I could see of his face turns into a big question mark.
“Yeah,” I say. “They did their homework too. Found out I was a member of The Siblinghood of the Knights of Voltaire…”
What I could see of his face turns into a big question mark.
“Voltaire,”
I say, “that French person who never said, I may disagree with
what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.”
“So Anti-Ta threatens to stop the conference if you’re allowed to appear,” guesses the attorney.
I nod.
“So Anti-Ta threatens to stop the conference if you’re allowed to appear,” guesses the attorney.
I nod.
“So
the school cancels your appearance, and gives you no compensation,”
Harvey figures out and continues, “So you were canceled and
depressed. So you picked up this… er… low cost person of the
night… and the two of you go off to your hotel.”
I
nod.
“And
then, the housekeeper finds… er… a curly dark hair in the sheets
and turns it in to the Anti-Ta leadership.”
“You’re
smart,” I say, “you shudda been a lawyer.”
I
get a laugh in return. The lawyer continues, “So now they’re
after you… and you want me to get a restraining order, right?”
I
nod.
“They’re
still threatening you, right?”
I
nod again.
“I
know that’s whitemail and illegal and all that,” I say, “but I
don’t know what to do about it.”
“Well,”
says Harvey, “in the famous Supreme Court decision MeToo vs
MeNeither, Chief Justice, Ginsburg, in her ouija board- sent
decision, famously wrote, A horse is a horse, of course, of
course. And no one can talk to a horse, of course, which has been
interpreted time and again in your favor in cases like this. I think
we can win this case, but it may go all the way to the Supreme Court
in Chappelle before it reaches a decision.”
“It’s
important,” I say. “Every day people are trying to change the
books, change the heroes, change what people believe.”
“You
know, Mykel,” says Harvey. “You can change the trappings. You can
change the language, but you can’t change the reality of history.”
“Tell
me about it,” I answer.
ENDNOTES:
[You can contact me on facebook
or by email at god@mykelboard.com.
Through the post office: send those... er... private DVDs..or music
or zines... or anything else (legal only!) to: Mykel Board, POB 137,
New York, NY 10012-0003. If you like my writing, you can be notified
when anything new is available. Send
me an email
with SUBSCRIBE in the subject line.
Back blogs and columns are at https://mykelsblog.blogspot.com
→
No
credit for the bass player dept:
KTAL reports
that a man in
Louisiana
was caught on video
swimming in the indoor aquarium at Bass Pro Shop in Bossier City
Louisiana.
According
to the Bossier City P.D., Kevin Wise of Slidell has been charged
with criminal damage to property.
His
reason for jumping into the tank? Hitting 2000 likes on TikTok.
I support the guy. It certainly makes as much sense as tearing down Columbus statues for 2000 dislikes on Twitter.
I support the guy. It certainly makes as much sense as tearing down Columbus statues for 2000 dislikes on Twitter.
→
Click
here to prove you ARE a robot dept: Reuters
reports
that
the Japanese baseball team the
Fukuoka
SoftBank Hawks
been using dancing robots to replace Corona-restricted fans.
Before
their most recent game against the Rakuten Eagles, over 20
robots danced to the team’s fight song on a podium in the otherwise
empty stands.
Two
different robots, including SoftBank’s humanoid robot ‘Pepper’
and others on four legs like a dog, stamped and shimmied in a
choreographed dance that is usually performed by the Hawks’ fans
before games in Fukuoka stadium.
Some
of the robots wore Hawks caps and waved flags supporting the team.
The Hawks won 4-3.
→ Ya
just can’t win dept: In the 1960s and 70s we were demonstrating
against the war in Vietnam… BRING THE TROOPS HOME! We yelled.
Johnson wouldn’t listen. Next president, Nixon, after some horribly
stupid bombing, finally ended the war, bringing the troops home.
Now, Donny Trump is bringing the troops back from Afghanistan. And the Democrats are cheering. Nixon without the bombing!
Yeah, right.
The same people who complained that Americans shouldn’t be the Cops of The World are now saying… KEEP THE TROOPS IN… MAKE WAR NOT LOVE!
Now, Donny Trump is bringing the troops back from Afghanistan. And the Democrats are cheering. Nixon without the bombing!
Yeah, right.
The same people who complained that Americans shouldn’t be the Cops of The World are now saying… KEEP THE TROOPS IN… MAKE WAR NOT LOVE!
I
guess you can social distance in war.
→
NY
Post, best-written paper in NY dept:
The New York Post whose strong point is not accuracy, hits
again with its real strong point: writing skill.
Headline
of the month from July 8: Oregon
Man Driving Stolen Car Crashes Into Woman Driving Another Stolen Car
Pretty
good, but not as good as the one about the reports of the Donald
Trump dossier where Donny asks a woman to piss on his face.
That
headline? YELLOW
JOURNALISM
With
writing like that,
who cares if it’s true or not?
LINK
TRADE DEPARTMENT:
I
read that the search engines like lots of links... and it's also nice
to support my friends and enemies in their blogs. So facebook
me or email
me
if you have a blog, webpage or something else to connect to. I add
you. You add me.
Here's
a start:
And
another Goldberg: goldberg.wordpress.com
Poetry
and humor fans will like Justin Martin in The
Latency
And
my friend Mike R has a nice site with recipe hits from the past! (He
cooked for me once... great stuff.) Check out Yesterday's
Recipes.
Savage
Hippie is a guy who has been YouTubing
for a long time. Our opinions largely overlap... but he complains
that I'm a Communist. I'm not! I'm a communist.
Chris
Stecher publishes a zine called PRECIS.
You can see the back issue links there... and he promises a new issue
soon.
George
Fertakis has a very nice graphics-heavy blog... with music and books
featured prominently. If there’s no link here (I can’t find it
temporarily), then Google… er… Duckduckgo him for information.
NEW:
Here are a couple video links.
This from Jon Cox https://squelchchamber1.bandcamp.com/album/down-so-low
This from Jon Cox https://squelchchamber1.bandcamp.com/album/down-so-low
And
this
one from my very long-time friend Roger
Armstrong.
Oh
yeah, then there’s me. I have a blog of stuff I’ve written mostly
from last century. You might enjoy it. Then again, you might not.
It’s here.
Let
me know if you have a blog… or a print
zine…
or
a YouTube and
want to be added to the list. You show me yours… you’ve already
seen mine. god@mykelboard.com
–
See
you in hell,
Mykel
Mykel