Sunday, January 01, 2017

Hate, a Crime? or Mykel Board's Post MRR Column no. 41

Post MRR Column no 41
Hate is a Crime?

You fucked him? Him? With a chest hairier than my head? Him with a belly? Him with that pimple on his nose... that puss-oozing pimple. You fucked HIM???

At each question mark I lift the knife out of the body now on its knees in front of me. Then, I plunge it into a different spot. The deep red splashes my arm, my chest, my face. I can't tell if the wetness dripping under my eyes is from blood or tears. I keep pressing. IN... OUT... IN... OUT... the knife fucking skin like my penis used to fuck flesh.

I LOVE you! I yell to the still-whimpering naked body. The screams now faded into barely sobs. Again and again the force of love guides my stabbing hand. The body stills.

I press my face into the now silent face on the couch in front of me. I LOVE YOU! I yell, as the knife cuts through the neck flesh choking the last sob... slicing around... deep and around...sticking hard on the vertebrae.

I LOVE YOU, I yell as I use the blade like a crowbar, separating... cutting... like removing a stubborn fishhead from my future dinner. Cradling that now-severed head in my arms, I kiss the lips... lapping the still warm blood... that puddles in a lipstick parody around the mouth.

Under the severed neck hangs the bloody tube that once connected that most perfect mouth to the stomach below. It now flaps and inflates and deflates like the end of a balloon farting out air.

I unzip... pull out my five inches of throbbing love... insert it into the blood-lubricated esophageal opening. Yes! Yes! This is love. I love you. You'll be with me forever, I tell that head. We can love each other and never have to be apart...


At the trial, they... of course... find me innocent. Temporary insanity... a crime of passion. Blinded by love. A quick visit to the looney bin, and I'm out on the street... rehabilitated.

Affection, Amusement, Anger, Annoyance, Anxiety, Agitation, Boredom, Calmness, Caring, Contempt, Contentment, Delight, Despair, Disappointment, Disgust, Doubt, Elation, Embarrassment, Empathy, Envy, Excitement, Fear, Friendliness, Frustration, Guilt, Happiness, Helplessness, Hope, Humility, Hurt, Interest, Irritation, Joy, Love, Pleasure, Pride, Relaxation, Relief, Sadness, Satisfaction, Serenity, Shame, Shock, Stress, Surprise, Tension, Trust, Worry

During Yom Kippur, we ask forgiveness from The Holy One® for the past year's sins. We have a prayer that lists all the different emotions in which we sin. It's an alphabet of sinful feelings... a Hebrew alphabet... from Aleph through Tav. And those are only the BAD emotions.

There are dozens of human emotions. Maybe scores... maybe a gross. You've felt most of them, I bet. That's the nature of humanity. It isn't a crime, is it?

You bet your iron cross it's a crime. If it's the WRONG emotion you're feeling there, buckaroo. It's criminal. LOVE crimes we can forgive... HATE crimes are evil. Here's the law in New York:
When a person is convicted of a hate crime pursuant to this article and the specified offense is a misdemeanor or a class C, D or E felony, the hate crime shall be deemed to be one category higher than the specified offense the defendant committed, or one category higher than the offense level applicable to the defendant’s conviction for an attempt or conspiracy to commit a specified offense, whichever is
That means, if you draw a swastika... six lines on a wall... graffiti... protest art since Roman times... You can go to jail for a year! Minor nothing! If you do it in hate, it becomes major something. You pay for what's in your mind... not for your action. As if being thrown in jail with cripplers and murderers is a cure for hate.

Where are the BOREDOM crimes? The INDIFFERENCE crimes? I type this in a bus between Boston and New York. The asshole in the seat in front of me is reclining right into my lap. I'm like a circus clown in a clowncar... crunched into an ever tinier space by this shithead who didn't even look behind him before he hit the release lever. INDIFFERENCE CRIME! OFF WITH HIS HEAD!

And it's not just me: More people are injured, crippled or killed from not-caring than from hating.

Earthquake in Haiti? Let 'em die. My best friend is suicidal? I don't give a fuck. Drones in Syria are making refugees who can't go anywhere? Who cares?


And where are the PRIDE crimes? Wad you say 'bout my Nikes? Take that you fuck!

How 'bout the IRRITATION crimes?

Listen you shithead. I don't give a fuck if you just have to text your boyfriend to tell him you saw this cute little cabinet that would look soooo good under the bathroom sink. You're in my way. You're walking too slow. I push you off the sidewalk... into the street... you get hit by a Citibike going the wrong way. It's an IRRITATION crime! Off with MY head!

The worst crimes of emotion are LOVE crimes. Of all the crimes in the world... LOVE crimes are the most vicious, most destructive of crimes.

My severed-head opening paragraphs recreate a love crime. Motel floors are littered in love crimes. But the problem is bigger than that. In some countries (India), it's the duty of a man to kill his wife's lover. A duty? It should be a LOVE crime!

And as bad as love crimes is LOVE SPEECH. The little goo-goos and kuchi-kuchis that inevitably lead to violence. Free speech is one thing. But there are limits. LOVE SPEECH is that limit. Besides engendering disgust-- a completely justified emotion-- love speech is otherwise destructive.

Every puckered lip sound... every partner-hair-fix... every did I ever tell you how much... is a spike driven deep into the intestines of those around the speakers. Public displays of love make the lonely guy in the next seat... lonelier. They make widows and orphans tear. They make the short... the crippled... the aged... feel their afflictions more deeply.

LOVE SPEECH is not simple sticks and stones. LOVE SPEECH is hurtful. It drives people to suicide. How many souls throw themselves off bridges because of a careless I Love You overheard on a trip back from the cemetery? How much tension, how much jealousy, how many early deaths come from careless LOVE SPEECH? Too many to count, I bet.

Religious Christians tell us GOD LOVES US: Yeah right. Typhoons, volcanoes, earthquakes, tsunamis, drought, yeah, that's LOVE all right. For the religious, that's what love is. But even if it's not...

The criminality of love is bigger than a husband killing a paramour.

Patriotism is GIANT love. Probably the most disgusting example of love. How many people have been murdered for that one? We officially honor murderers for killing because THEY LOVE THEIR COUNTRY. (Whichever country that happens to be.) Their job is murder. They carry tools of murder. They train in techniques of murder. Why? They LOVE their country. Salute that flag now.

People commit the most heinous crimes... for love of country... or religion...or race... or “the people.” Love is the excuse for the worst atrocities in human history. Excuse? No, the REASON. And that reason should be a crime.

So stop with the HATE crimes, already. Prison can't break some one out of hate. Let's go to where the real evil is. Let's get on to the LOVE crimes. Prison can certainly break someone from that affliction.


ENDNOTES: [You can contact me by email at Through the post office: send those... er... private DVDs..or music or zines... or anything else (legal only!) to: Mykel Board, POB 137, New York, NY 10012-0003. If you like my writing, you can be notified when anything new is available by subscribing to the MYKEL'S READERS Yahoo group]

-->Laws I Like Dept: According to the human rights group LandMark, Tanzania is one of only five countries to grant autonomy and access to resources to all its people. Why? Because they don't allow private land ownership outside urban areas. Sounds like Mongolia (used to be?) What a great idea! Of course, I'd extend that to the cities too. How can you OWN land? You didn't make it. It was there before you were, and will be there after. It belongs to everybody!

-->Creative Dentistry Dept: A Taiwanese artist/dentist, Kuang-Yi Ku was annoyed that his dentistry textbooks did not address the mouth's value as a sex organ. He created a special dental retainer including “bumps, cones, ribs and ripples” that promises to be more pleasing to a partner than your everyday teeth and saliva.
It's not clear whether the retainer hides your teeth as well as providing the extra hills and valleys. If it doesn't, you could still feel an incisor or two... definitely a LOVE CRIME.

-->Say it and BANG! it changes dept: Before I even have this posted, I see that the locals seem to realize the idiocy of “hate crimes.” So what's the new term? Bias Crime. As if bias were an even more evil emotion than HATE.

-->Just when you thought they couldn't get any sleazier Dept: Time-Warner has changed its name to Spectrum, but that hasn't changed their dishonesty quotient.
Remember how they used to advertise? PHONE, INTERNET, CABLE 89.90 a month* with the asterisk explanation hidden in tiny print *plus fees, taxes, service charges, postage, installation and equipment?
Now, it's SPECTRUM and they advertise PHONE, INTERNET, CABLE for $29.90 a month.

And the asterisk? *for EACH SERVICE... when bundled...

So you have to take ALL the services and it's $90 a month (plus taxes, fees, tips, equipment, extortion, etc.)

Now, tell me again how THE GOVERNMENT is dishonest, and should be run like a business?

--> Keeping the Pressure on Dept: I want to thank reader George Metesky for suggesting a continuing Bring Back Mykel effort directed at Maximum Rock'n'Roll for censoring me.
As their revolving editrixes move on to commercial ventures, each blames her predecessors for my demise... as if they had no control over the business... and couldn't simply invite me back.

Send your comments to (or post on their facebook page) with the subject line: BRING BACK MYKEL! Let me know how they answer.

See you in hell.


NOTE: If you're interested in my travel blog, you can read it at (It hasn't been updated in awhile, but you might enjoy the history.)

If you want something closer to the ENDNOTES-- bitesize tidbits-- try:



The emotion isn't the crime.
Action based on the emotion is the crime.
Just about all of us have emotions we don't act on all the time.
S'normal if you're intellectually and emotionally more mature and stable than a teen or entry-level 20something.

faustwriter said...

You place too much value on human life and too little value on the pleasures of love which counteract its burning acid qualities.

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