MYKEL'S MAY 2021 BLOG or Glasses and Passes

 

 You’re STILL Wrong

or
Mykel's

May 2021 Blog/Column

Passes and Glasses

by Mykel Board

Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.
                    – Dorothy Parker

It is hard to let old beliefs go. They are familiar. We are comfortable with them and have spent years building systems and developing habits that depend on them. Like a man who has worn eyeglasses so long that he forgets he has them on, we forget that the world looks to us the way it does because we have become used to seeing it that way through a particular set of lenses. Today, however, we need new lenses. And we need to throw the old ones away.
                        – Kenichi Ohmae

Words are like eyeglasses they blur everything that they do not make clear.
                            – Joseph Joubert

I sit in front of my HP, typing these words. To my left, on a round night-table is a mini wall made of 35 pairs of eyeglasses… stacked neatly… 7 piles... 5 glasses each. A small tag hangs off the right hinge of each pair. Each one is special, and I need to know what it is.

For example, I wear my Blue Blocker glasses to use the computer before I go to sleep. Watching blueless porn takes a bit of getting used to, but after spending my load, and wiping down the mouse, I sleep even easier not exposed to the blue light from the screen.

FLASH TO THE MORNING: Most of my news comes from either Al Jazeera or the BBC… the only news sources I trust. There’s a story about a guy in Atlanta… he shot up a few massage parlors… ones he’d patronized… He tells the cops he did it because he was a sex addict and he needed to destroy the cause of his addiction. The police say he’s a nut. The press… the people on the street… my friends... say he’s a Hate Crime Killer.

“Great!” I think. Finally people learn that Sex Workers are humans too. Entitled to dignified lives, legal protection, freedom from harassment. It’s about fuckin’ time!

But wait! The crime of the guy with the gun is not an anti-sex worker crime. Three quarters of the victims were from China or Korea. Even though all were in sex-selling places, this wasn’t an anti-sex-worker crime. It was an ASIAN HATE CRIME.

What? 100% of the victims were in sex-selling places. But they were killed because they were (mostly) Asians??? The guy complains about his sex addiction, but he shoots holes in people because… because they have slanty eyes?

Hold on! I know how to understand this.

I turn to my wall of glasses and look for the ones marked RACE. Ah, here they are. I slip them on and reread the article. Now I get it. Yeah, there are white people, black people, yellow people, and some red people. Those colors don’t come out without the glasses. People on the street look just like… well… people on the street. It’s the race glasses that bring out the browns, blacks, yellows and whites. They make it all as clear and colorful as a Christmas card.

So when I initially (pre-race glasses) post on facebook that I don’t get this Asian stuff… I mean, it’s weird for find Asians in business run by Asians, right? This is one of the answers I get from facebook:

Asians are being predated (sic) upon by blacks (not whites) because many blacks are extremely racist against Asians and black criminals view Asians as being the weakest and easiest victims to predate upon. White people are not the problem here (or with anything else, excepting stupid white liberal women and white cuck males going along with the pro-criminal black/anti-white agenda of the globalist "elites.)"

Without my race glasses, I would have never understood this. I would have just seen the race-beaters as paranoid, ignorant, uneducated, propaganda victims. I wouldn’t have noticed race. But now, thanks to the glasses. I SEE!!!!

FLASH TO A FEW WEEKS AHEAD: Glassesless, I’m out for a stroll to the post office, then to K-Mart, the Korean grocery store... for kimchi dumplings and makkoli. For those of you unfortunate enough not to be acquainted with this nectar of the Oriental gods… Makkoli is a cheap drink, sold in plastic, soft-drink style bottles. It has the color and consistency of semen… and a taste like boozy Seven-Up. Heavenly.

Today, there are lots of cops… in pairs… just standing around. I wonder if they’re part of a new city program to put cops on the street instead of in cruisers. Maybe it’s part of a change to make cops like they are in old children’s books. You ask them for directions, wave them over if you need help getting a cat out of a tree, walk over to them for ask about a wandered-off toddler. Nice... a move in the right direction… I say.

When I get home, I get out a tin of sardines and the last of the matzo… to prepare my lunch. I pour myself a glass of hibiscus tea, sit in front of my Roku (a gift from a fb friend), and turn on the news.

FLASH TO THE DEREK CHAUVIN TRIAL: A guy wearing a suit sits behind a desk. Underneath his image is a sign… VERDICT IN CHAUVIN CASE EXPECTED MOMENTARILY.

I predict the jury will find the cop guilty of something relatively minor. Third degree whatchamacallit… or intent to commit gobbledygook in the second degree. They can’t let him go. The streets would explode. But, come on, would YOU vote to convict a cop in a city where you have to walk around and have other cops know what you did?

[NOTE: My proof-reader says “The jurors were anonymous.” I say, if you have a “justice” system, where the cops know the lawyers... know the judges... and the janitors... at the courthouse. There’s no way in hell the jurors can be anonymous… at least not for long.]

Okay… here it comes. The jury walks in… we can’t see them, but the judge handles the paper. One by one he reads the verdicts:

Second-degree murder: GUILTY
Third-degree murder: GUILTY
Manslaughter: GUILTY

BLURF! What a surprise! A Grand Slam! The jury finds the cop guilty of all three. There is cheering in the streets… a victory… the start of teaching the American police that black lives DO matter.. and that….

Whoa, I’m not getting it. In the last five years, nearly 500 unarmed people were killed by cops… about 60 more blacks than whites. That’s the order of the day. How will throwing one guy in jail for who-knows-how-many years change any of that?

Okay, it’s time for the race glasses. Let’s see what this is about.

Oh, I get it! This is about a WHITE cop and a BLACK victim. The world has to see that… for once… “the trial of the century” is NOT a black “criminal” driving a Ford Bronco away from a dead white white woman. Now, the minstrel show has to star someone in whiteface. No Ford Broncos in this one… just a knee and a neck.

Whoopeee! “We” won!

Yeah, right.

Race-colored glasses are available to anyone who wants them. And people of all political stripes wear them by the boatload. Order your pair today!

FLASH TO ANOTHER PROBLEM: In this millennium, the US military has been the most destructive force in the world. Estimates are that Americans killed more than a million people during the Iraqi war. The US invaded Iraq because Saudis flew a couple planes into a couple buildings in New York. Huh? I don’t get it.

I try the race glasses, but Arabs don’t change color. Libyan, Somalian, Iraqi, Syrian, Yemenite… they all look the same. The US military, a bunch of trained murderers, is an embarrassment. I know some people are tricked into joining the military. Others are forced into it by judges who say… join or get out of the country. I feel sorry for those people… but I wouldn’t want to be one of them. Why would anyone?

Then, I read that transgender people are pushing for the right to join the military. In 2015, liberals hail the decision to allow this. Conservatives condemn it. The Trump reversal of this is hailed by conservatives and condemned by liberals. I don’t get it.

Will transgender people demand entrance into the mafia? Will they demand the right to be switch-pullers on electric chairs? Jailers? Pharmaceutical lobbyists? I don’t get it. Wait… I need to switch glasses. Here we are… the Equality Glasses. I slip them on and suddenly I SEE.

What matters is that all people have equal rights. It doesn’t matter if its the right to do something good or the right to do something bad. If one group has it, another group demands it.

Now it all makes sense. Marriage, an oppressive institution that requires sexual fidelity, and legal bonding, gay people need that right to be equal. Corporate presidents, some of the scummiest people on earth... billionaires made rich on the labor of others… Men do it. There should be an equal amount of women doing the same. It’s EQUALITY between groups that counts. What it is that’s equal has nothing to do with it. Only equality counts.

Without the equality glasses, I might wonder why a woman who has worked in middle management for 2 years demands the same salary as a man who’s been there for 10 years. EQUALITY! I get it. Men… women… both work 8 hours. Equal pay for equal work. Nothing else matters.

But wait! If equality counts, why is there a violence against women act? Shouldn’t that be equal? Should there just be a violence against other people act?

You guessed it, time for the sex glasses. Everything is sex… or gender. Now I see the whorehouse murders even clearer. Who knew that having a type (long hair, Oriental, pale skin, lots of flesh, butch, fem) was fetishizing? I thought a fetish was some kind of carved object that casts a voodoo spell. On the porn sites, “fetish” usually involves leather and ball gags. But with the glasses, I see that EVERYTHING is a fetish.

Like girls with turned up noses? It’s a nasal fetish. Think guys with a gap between their front teeth are cute? It’s a dental-notch fetish. Whatever and whoever is attractive to you is your fetish. You just happen to like a type… just the way they look…. can’t think of a reason? No problem. Someone ELSE will find you the reason. Like Chinese girls? It’s because you think they’re passive and submissive. Like black guys? It’s because you think you think you can show your liberalitude. Like fat people? It’s because you dream of being engulfed by your sex partner.

You only think you have a type. You really have a fetish. And it makes you a danger to society and a potential murderer. I can see it all through my sex glasses.

It’s late, I’m taking off my glasses. I need to rest my eyes… or maybe I’ll watch a movie and indulge my Miike fetish.

See you in hell,

Mykel Board

ENDNOTES: [You can contact me on facebook or by email at mykelboard@gmail.com. Through the post office: send those... er... private DVDs..or music or zines... or anything else (legal only!) to: Mykel Board, POB 137, New York, NY 10012-0003. If you like my writing, you can be notified when anything new is available. Send me an email with SUBSCRIBE in the subject line. Back blogs and columns are at https://mykelsblog.blogspot.com]

–>So what’s my excuse dept: Count Down, a recent book by Dr Shanna Swan, argues that world pollution is altering humans' reproductive development and threatening the future of our species.
    The book tells how pollution is leading to higher rates of erectile dysfunction and a growing numbers of babies born with small penises. I assume these are male babies. You can read about the book and its findings here.

–> I told you so dept: (redux): People who’ve been reading me since Truman’s election know that I’ve long been an opponent of recycling. My main objection is that it provides an excuse for consumption. “It’s okay for me to buy that crap… I’ll recycle it so everything will be fine.”
    Now, I read that recycling plants are poisoning the communities where they’re located. One of the (fortunately) few lead recycling plants is doing real harm to the works and those who live close to the plant. I’m sure there are more recycling polluters than that. Where are those poisonous rare earths and lithium culled from the recycled computer batteries? In your lunch, I’d say.

–> China virus redux: The MIT Technology Review writes that we shouldn’t be so quick to dismiss that Wuhan lab as the origin of the plague. The animal source just doesn’t make sense, as there are lots of “wet markets” in China, but few virus labs… and the location of one of them is the location of the virus outbreak.
    The report talks about the World Health Organization, and how it was closely monitored by Chinese authorities when its team concluded that a lab leak was so unlikely that further investigations of it were unnecessary.
    The WHO’s director general later walked that statement back, claiming that “all hypotheses remain open and require further analysis and studies.” A group of 26 scientists, social scientists, and science communicators have now signed their own letter arguing that WHO investigators lacked “the mandate, the independence, or the necessary accesses” to determine whether or not SARS-CoV-2 could have been the result of a laboratory incident.

Stay tuned for more.

See you in hell, redux,

MB

LINK TRADE DEPARTMENT:

I read that the search engines like lots of links... and it's also nice to support my friends and enemies in their blogs. So facebook me or email me if you have a blog, webpage or something else to connect to. I add you. You add me.

Here's a start:

Here’s Richard Goldberg: goldberg.wordpress.com

Poetry and humor fans will like Justin Martin in The Latency

And my friend Mike R has a nice site with recipe hits from the past! (He cooked for me once... great stuff.) Check out Yesterday's Recipes.

And here's one by a member of ANTI-SEEN... a tour diary of sorts.

Andy Shelton has an interesting blog here.

Savage Hippie is a guy who has been YouTubing for a long time. Our opinions largely overlap... but he complains that I'm a Communist. I'm not! I'm a communist.

Chris Stecher publishes a zine called PRECIS. You can see the back issue links there... and he promises a new issue soon.

George Fertakis has a very nice graphics-heavy blog... with music and books featured prominently. If there’s no link here (I can’t find it temporarily), then Google… er… Duckduckgo him for information.

And my long-term pal Sid Yiddish contributes with his Mishegas Master Blog.

And connect to TRUST Zine, a long-running German punk zine… that STILL PRINTS!!! Yeah, they have a website too… of course! It’s here.

Here are a couple video links.

This from Jon Cox https://squelchchamber1.bandcamp.com/album/down-so-low

And this one from my very long-time friend Roger Armstrong.

Jim Testa moved his long running zine, Jersey Beat, to the blogosphere awhile back. You can read it here. Jim also recommended a kind of unique album… in a style you don’t see to much of these days… or any days. Neo-Hassidic Rock Opera. You can stream the album here.

Kyle Nonneman is in prison in Portland. At least he can’t be kidnapped by the secret police… I think. I post his blog for him, he can’t do it from the klink. Lots of stuff about noise metal… and some very weird politics that will either fascinate or repulse you… or both.

Oh yeah, then there’s me. I have a blog of stuff I’ve written mostly from last century. You might enjoy it. Then again, you might not. It’s here.

Let me know if you have a blog… or a print zine… or a YouTube and want to be added to the list. You show me yours… you’ve already seen mine. god@mykelboard.com

MYKEL'S APRIL 2021 BLOG or Side Effects

 You’re STILL Wrong

or
Mykel's

April 2021 Blog/Column

Side Effects

by Mykel Board

With some things we are trying to solve some of the problems that are caused by some of the things with which we are trying to solve some of the problems that are caused by some things. -- Mokokoma Mokhonoana

April is when the world slowly opens up and I have to compromise. People will only come out of their cubby holes, masked, vaxxed, and rubber gloved. Really? I find it hard to believe that image of the typical New York wimp is a “tough New Yorker.” Like other images, I guess, it’s only an image. Few people match the image. Out of a hundred, maybe one. Or fewer. Lot’s of other places have people with balls-- here, you can’t even say that word without some feminist saying Yo! I have more balls than you’ll ever have... and being right about that.

I give up. New York is one of the most diverse cities in the world… yet it’s one of the most conformist. I’ve been to every US state, and 70 other countries. The MOST conformist city in the world is San Francisco. Next may be Stockholm, but Stockholm isn’t nearly as cowardly as New York.

The only way you can actually meet people here... have non-virtual social intercourse... go out to eat… to a bar… to a hotel lobby with Dorothy Parker to talk about the state of the world… is to show your Covid test results or your vaccine certificate… otherwise ewwwww cooties!

Bullied into getting shot, I’m on my way to Duane Reade by Walgreens to get the second poke of the government Pfizer-subsidy program. The first shot was free of side effects, but there are all kinds of reports about nasty reactions to the second. 

I’m inside a little white room next to the drugstore pharmacy section. (You’re too young to remember when drugstores WERE pharmacies.) There’s a chair, a tiny table, a sink, and a garbage pail that has a hand-written sign taped to the top of it.

NO FOOD IN GARBAGE. Thanks

This is clearly to discourage patients from rummaging for lunch. A slightly chubby woman, glasses, stern, smile-less... looking more like a security guard than a nurse... asks me to roll up my sleeve. I take my shirt off.

“I need to see your vaccine card to indicate your second dose,” she tells me. I pull it out of my wallet where it lies right next to my new food stamp card. The unfriendly needle-sticker writes some stuff on it. Then...

She wipes an alcohol swab on my arm and BLAM! ...jabs my shoulder with the pre-loaded needle.

“Have a seat outside for fifteen minutes,” she tells me. “If there are no side effects you can go home.” 

“What if there are side effects AFTER fifteen minutes?” I ask her.

“Then stay, home,” she says… in a serious cop voice, “take Tylenol and drink some tea with lemon.”

“You’re shittin’ me,” I don’t say as I put my shirt back on and go outside to wait for the rest of my hair to fall out. It never occurs to me that there could be side effects other than something horrible

The outside room brightens suddenly, as if someone turned a knob that had been only halfway up.

About 10 minutes into sitting out my 15 minutes, the nurse passes me to talk to another patient. It’s then that I notice her ankles… like a dancer’s… a sheet of muscle pounding between bone and skin… and her calves… like tight black eggplants… begging to be skinned and boiled. And the way they disappear under her white lab coat… begging to be followed… explored… lifted. Those legs will be the most beautiful thing in the world. I knew then that the smile missing from her face could be found between her legs. I feel a stirring between my own legs.

The RN loudly clears her throat, and looks at her watch. “Your fifteen minutes are up,” she says. “You can leave now.”

“Did anyone every tell you,” I don’t say… but think… “that you’re the most beautiful woman in the world?”

Somehow I manage to get myself to the door. I glance back, but the goddess in white is gone. As I leave the store, I can still feel the blood pulsating between my legs.

Outside, a Mexican delivery boy dismounts his bicycle. On his back is a square backpack with the word CAVIAR in white against a red background. He wears a heavy jacket that does not conceal his Alfred Hitchcock profile. He also wears a black mask with more ridges than a Ruffles potato chip. Above his mask I can see his eyes. Deep brown… the kind that draw you in… the kind that hook your own eyes and pull you closer. The kind that you just want to look at for the rest of your life.

I stare into those wide brown eyes. The guy looks at me, clucks his tongue, then looks back at me. Then he looks skyward, heads to an old apartment building and rings the bell. I watch him move… sexy as a ballet dancer… one leg kicking out… then the next. I’ve never seen anything like it…I’m in love... more stirring between my legs.

I look at the sky. It is blue… a few wispy clouds form the ass of the Venus de Milo... callipygian… right there above my head. I imagine those cloud cheeks… settling themselves on either side of my face. A gluteal COVID mask… right overhead. I turn around to get a different perspective. I turn again… and again. Before long, I’m just spinning on the sidewalk... whirling... arms flung out… a manic ballet… a Dervish on Spring Street… images of those cheeks resting on my face.

I’m getting dizzy. I stop. The spinning doesn’t. The streets twist around me like chopsticks on a turntable. I feel something under my elbow… a hand… pressing to support me.

“Are you all right, sir?” comes a voice whose source I can’t quite locate. “Here, let me help you to someplace where you can sit down.”

We move to a stone porch. I sit on one of the lower steps. Slowly the spinning stops.

“Is that better, sir?” comes the same voice. I look up into his face… scruffy beard… impossible to tell where the nose hairs end and the mustache-beard begins. Bushy gray eyebrows… shooting off in all directions. A double… no triple,,, chin, pushed out by the downward look of the mysterious stranger. He’s one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever seen.

“You… you…” I start… “Thank you, you saved me,” I say.

“No problem sir,” says that melodious voice. “You think you can make it home by yourself? Should I call an ambulance?”

“I’m okay,” I answer. “Did anyone ever tell you how dazzling you are?”

A smile with a few missing teeth answers my question… I fear I’ve made the smiler uncomfortable.

“No problem, sir,” comes that voice. “Have a nice day.”

I watch as he walks away… what an ass on that guy!

Holy shit! You never think of side effects as anything but BAD side effects… but this must be a vaccine side affect. Shoot me again... and again. I’ve got to get home to take care of the pressure between my legs. I won’t need youngperps.com today. Just my memories and a glance out the window at a passing stranger. So much love… so much beauty!

See you in hell,

Mykel Board

ENDNOTES: [You can contact me on facebook or by email at mykelboard@gmail.com. Through the post office: send those... er... private DVDs..or music or zines... or anything else (legal only!) to: Mykel Board, POB 137, New York, NY 10012-0003. If you like my writing, you can be notified when anything new is available. Send me an email with SUBSCRIBE in the subject line. Back blogs and columns are at https://mykelsblog.blogspot.com]

--> Speaking of Cop-like dept: WDJT reports that a Wisconsin security guard wound up handcuffed and had to call the cops. Police were dispatched to a local Bath and Body Works around 2 a.m. after receiving a call from the shackled guard.

When asked what happened, the guard told them he was bored and put the handcuffs on himself to pass the time. He hadn’t realized, though, he left his keys at home. He added that it wasn’t the first time it had happened either.

One of the officers used a police handcuff key to free the victim.

Reports are that the guard has since put the cuffs where he can’t easily get to them. I wonder what he looks like.

--> A bird in the Wuhan dept: [This was taken from the CRACKED website.]
Even at-least-now-I-have-time-to-catch-up-on-Netflix thinking can become a curse as you enter the ninth day since you felt sunlight. When you're isolated you crave novelty, and over 40 million people found it in the form of Chinese construction vehicles.

Chinese state broadcasters hosted livestreams of two hospitals being built, and very bored people developed a fandom around the equipment. Cement mixers were dubbed Big White Rabbit and The Cement King. A flatbed truck was declared Brother Red Bull, and the biggest stars of the show were Folkchan, "the cutest and most hard working little forklifts." Fan art was created. Viewers could vote on their favorite vehicles, and little mythologies sprung up in live chats as the construction efforts were cheered on. So please enjoy this lighter side of the corona saga before someone inevitably makes hardcore forklift porn.

–> Howdy Partner Dept: The Washington Post tells us that more than 2,000 police and fire departments across the U.S. have “cooperative agreements” with the Amazon doorbell camera Ring system. This is up from 60 in 2018. The pace of new sign-ups is now two new “partnerships” a day.

Those partnerships allow officers to ask all camera owners within half a square mile of a crime scene to share video that could help with the case, and agencies have been seeking out video at a striking rate. Police in Milwaukee, for example, now send Ring video requests for every homicide and nonfatal shooting in the city. Last year officers there requested video more than 800 times.
Credit where it’s due though. This scary report was published in a newspaper owned by… (drumroll here) AMAZON!

–> More side-effects dept: The Week Magazine reports that there have been unintended side effect from the Zoom Culture that developed over the Covid year. Here’s what they said:

–> Something fishy Dept: CNN reports Taiwan’s government has pleaded with citizens to stop changing their names to “salmon” in order to get free sushi. Restaurant chain Sushiro launched a promotion that people whose names include the Chinese characters for salmon could get a free all-you-can-eat meal with five friends. Taiwan’s interior minister complained that the rush for official name changes created “unnecessary paperwork.” But one college student now named Explosive Good Looking Salmon said it was worth it because he’d already eaten 245 dollars worth of free sushi.

See you in hell… again,

MB

LINK TRADE DEPARTMENT:

I read that the search engines like lots of links... and it's also nice to support my friends and enemies in their blogs. So facebook me or email me if you have a blog, webpage or something else to connect to. I add you. You add me.

Here's a start:

Here’s Richard Goldberg: goldberg.wordpress.com

Poetry and humor fans will like Justin Martin in The Latency

And my friend Mike R has a nice site with recipe hits from the past! (He cooked for me once... great stuff.) Check out Yesterday's Recipes.

Rock-writer and historian extraordinaire, Jim Testa, has continued his great zine online. Jersey Beat is still going!

And here's one by a member of ANTI-SEEN... a tour diary of sorts.

Andy Shelton has an interesting blog here.

Savage Hippie is a guy who has been YouTubing for a long time. Our opinions largely overlap... but he complains that I'm a Communist. I'm not! I'm a communist.

Chris Stecher publishes a zine called PRECIS. You can see the back issue links there... and he promises a new issue soon.

George Fertakis has a very nice graphics-heavy blog... with music and books featured prominently. If there’s no link here (I can’t find it temporarily), then Google… er… Duckduckgo him for information.

And my long-term pal Sid Yiddish contributes with his Mishegas Master Blog.

And connect to TRUST Zine, a long-running German punk zine… that STILL PRINTS!!! Yeah, they have a website too… of course! It’s here.

Here are a couple video links.

This from Jon Cox https://squelchchamber1.bandcamp.com/album/down-so-low

And this one from my very long-time friend Roger Armstrong.

Jim Testa moved his long running zine, Jersey Beat, to the blogosphere awhile back. You can read it here. Jim also recommended a kind of unique album… in a style you don’t see to much of these days… or any days. Neo-Hassidic Rock Opera. You can stream the album here.

Kyle Nonneman is in prison in Portland. At least he can’t be kidnapped by the secret police… I think. I post his blog for him, he can’t do it from the klink. Lots of stuff about noise metal… and some very weird politics that will either fascinate or repulse you… or both.

Oh yeah, then there’s me. I have a blog of stuff I’ve written mostly from last century. You might enjoy it. Then again, you might not. It’s here.

I have a very occasional blog about how rich people are just like us… same needs, same desires, you know. You can read it here.

Let me know if you have a blog… or a print zine… or a YouTube and want to be added to the list. You show me yours… you’ve already seen mine. god@mykelboard.com