REVENGE! or Mykel's Post MRR Column no 55

Mykel's

Post MRR Column no 55

or

Vengeance is Mine!

Don't get mad. Get even. --Old Saying

    Q. How many Israelis does it take to change a lightbulb?

    A. Three. One to change the bulb. Two to kill my entire family because I made the joke.

                           --New Saying

Ah… ah… ah… AAAARG! It’s 11:30 am!

The talking alarm clock e-crow crows its wake-up call. I want to kill it. It lies. All the clocks in my apartment are set 40 minutes ahead. Since traveling times in Manhattan rarely exceed 40 minutes, this system lets me teleport anyplace on the island. If I have to be someplace at noon, I leave at noon (my time). I arrive on time. So it’s NOT 11:30AM. It's 10:50. And I hate getting up in the morning no matter what time it is.

This morning, like many other mornings, I’m in a foul mood. Pissed off... hung over... full of shit that my morning coffee will soon cause to explode into the toilet like a Sunni explodes in a Shiite mosque. (Or is it the other way around?)

Without opening my eyes, I slap the clock off and roll out of bed… holding on to the night table to steady myself… knocking over a 2/3 empty bottle of Brooklyn Lager… spilling the remaining third on the bed. I pick up the bottle… and for a second am tempted to hurl it through a closed window… teaching it a lesson it’ll never forget. Amazingly, the hoarse voice of reason gets to me before I do it. I set it down.

I waddle through the beer puddle... around the two bends in my single room apartment... wondering if I’m going to make it to the toilet. I make it… and stand there weakly pissing-- dribbling out the already consumed 2/3s of that Brooklyn beer.

Then to the stove where I make Turkish Coffee^®… actually Cafe Bustelo... brewed in the Turkish style… coffee thrown into a pot, boiled with a couple cups of water… poured through a strainer. Oh yeah.

In less than ten minutes, the coffee does its work. Back to the toilet… to my explosive beer shit... a massive semi-liquid relief... a blast that refreshes… a wondershit that’s the best argument I know for the existence of a truly loving God. Why don’t those Jehovah’s Witnesses who wake me up on Saturday morning ever talk about that? Do you want proof God loves you? Look in the toilet?

After I wipe up, I leave for work.

Downstairs, the street is filled with tourists. If you live on Bleecker Street you expect that… but why do they all have to walk in front of me... stopping suddenly to look at the mannequins in store windows… or worse: looking down at their iPhones... following an i-map because they can’t figure out that the street that comes after Fourth Street is Fifth Street.

Right now, a family of pasty white Americans strolls in front of me: a fat man wearing a wool tuke and a blue Canadian Goose down-filled jacket. With him is a fat woman, dark hair, doughboy face, in a matching coat. With them are two kids: a fat boy and fat girl. The woman and the fat boy are looking down at cellphones. The man is speaking to the girl. Together they form a slow-moving phalanx across the sidewalk. I want to kill them… spray them with a high-school style AR-15. Shower the sidewalk with fat body parts. Smash the Canadian Goose that lays no eggs. I hate them. I want revenge for the pain their lassitude is causing me. They must PAY!

I step into the street to go around them. WZZZZZ. An asshole cyclist (a pleonasm?) going the wrong way down the one way street misses me by THIS MUCH!

“Fuck you!” I don’t yell… but I do hope some car hits... him mixing his pizza-- or whatever he’s delivering-- with the muscle tendons and blood in his torn flesh.

Generic Woman-spread Photo

FLASH TO THE SUBWAY: As I enter, some woman… fresh from a shopping spree… spreads her bags on the subway seats… Woman Spread^®. I stand over her, glaring down at her bags, picturing how her intestines would look stretched and battered beside those of the fat tourists and the cyclist on the sidewalk above. I wonder if the thirst for revenge (sometimes called avenge,

sometimes called justice) is a biological urge... or if it’s a Western relic from the old testament eye-for-an-eye command.

It sure seems an integral part of our culture from the death penalty to the Hollywood classics of Death Wish, Make Them Die Slowly, Kill Bill, and Fatal Attraction…. as American as a heart attack.

After the World Trade Center barrage, president Bush destroyed the country of Iraq-- even though they had nothing to do with the attack. What did he say?

"Ours is a nation that does not seek revenge, but we do seek justice." That line brought down the house. It also brought down Iraq… and brought us ISIS.

But revenge is NOT only Western… Christian-Jew. It is world-wide. Can you say Voodoo Doll? Can you say Hindu revenge killings?

An interesting article called The Case for Revenge claims revenge is biological… an evolutionary leap...like the orgasm. The author says it evolved as a way for humans to survive: Human survival depended greatly on convincing neighboring clans, tribes, and states that no attack or moral injury would go unanswered. Payback was nonnegotiable and self-regulating.

But is the threat of retaliation the same as revenge? I don't think so.

FLASH TO THE SUBWAY... THE F TRAIN: An attractive young woman, dark with white features... maybe Indian, maybe Caribbean... sits across from me-- right next to the door. She wears jeans so tight they could be danskins. I can make out the camel toe between her legs. And it's easy.. she sits with her knees apart... like manspread... but on her it looks good. She is, of course, engrossed in a cellphone.

Next to her, a white child bounces on its mothers knee. . . At 23^rd Street the doors open and an old colored guy... with a cane... enters the car. I motion to him... while standing up.

“Here,” I say, patting my seat, “you can sit over here.”

He looks at me, smiles, and says, “Much obliged, Mister.”

I smile back and nod to him as I move to let him sit down. Then, I position myself in front of the Caribbean girl, trying to get her attention... maybe she'll talk to me... tell me how nice I am for giving up my seat to the old cripple.

I walk across the aisle and stand in front of her. She doesn't look up as I station myself. I clear my throat.

FLASH TO THE SUBWAY IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE: An attractive young woman, dark with white features... maybe Indian, maybe Caribbean sits across from me-- right next to the door. She wears jeans so tight they could be danskins. I swear I can make out the camel toe between her legs. And it's easy.. she sits with her knees apart... like manspread... but on her it looks good. She is, of course, engrossed in a cellphone.

Next to her is a huge guy... same skin color as the girl, but with shoulders wider than my apartment. He wears a flashy jacket... and black jeans... perfectly pressed. He sits with one arm around the goddess-like girl... and he glares at me.

At 23^rd Street the doors open and an old colored guy with a cane... enters the car. I motion to him... while standing up.

“Here,” I say, “you can sit over here.”

Then I stand up, walk to the end of the car... and enter the next one.

Get it? That's not revenge, that's fear. And there is a difference. Revenge is PAYBACK for some wrong... real or imagined. Threat of retaliation discourages action by promising violence.

REALITY CHECK: Will some school kid killer be discouraged from a rampage by a threat of violence? Most of them kill themselves anyway. They LIVE (and die) for violence. They commit their crimes to avenge some real or perceived injustice in school…. In other words… for revenge. The ONLY reason to execute school killers-- or most anyone else-- is REVENGE. BUT, the motive for the original crime was also revenge. Like the Hatfields and McCoys… revenge is a never-ending cycle.

Israel is the current practitioner supreme of REVENGE ideology. Flash to: the early days of the intifada. Palestinian kids throw rocks at the Israeli occupying troops. What about that eye-for-an-eye thing? Do Israelis throw rocks back? You bet your Talmud they don't. They bulldoze the kids’ entire house. KERPOW! Throw a rock and become homeless... in a fell swoop. That is revenge.

FLASH TO THE GAZA WAR 2014. Here are the stats on that one:

• Palestinians killed: 2,139 Palestinian children killed: 490

• Israeli soldiers killed: 64 Israeli civilians killed: 6 Israeli children killed: 1

That's what revenge looks like when one side has all the fire power. But wait... let's get more recent:

Syria shoots down an Israeli jet that was invading that country. The pilots bailed. No one was injured. The revenge?

Israel attacks twelve bases in Syria. There are several deaths. Here again it's REVENGE in action. The Israelis are masters of the art.

It's tempting to say the revenge thing all started with the Jews. They're so good at it. We talked about Hindus. We talked about voodoo.

And the history of Goyitude is filled with non-Jew revenge seekers. (This from an article on Voodoo of all things:)

In A.D. 64, a great fire broke out in Rome for six days, and devastated much of the city. According to the writer Tacitus, “Nero fastened the guilt and inflicted the most exquisite tortures on a class hated for their abominations, called Christians by the populace.” The “abominations” committed by the early Christians were said to be cannibalism and incest, based on rumors circulating in Rome at that time which stemmed from a misunderstanding of the Eucharist.

REVENGE! And for fake news at that.

Behind revenge is a kind of karmic belief that things in the universe should balance. Yin and Yang. Aggression and payback. Compassion pays no part... neither does time nor forgiveness. When southerners complained about Judge Roy Moore's indiscretions 40 years ago, the answer was It's not WHEN it happened. It's THAT it happened. Forgiveness and revenge are the warring parties. Neither has a time limit. You have to choose your side.

Revenge is called Justice by those seeking it. But there’s a difference. If the city doesn’t repair a street pothole, and I break my ankle stepping in it… the two hundred grand I get for pain, lost work, hospital bills, is justice… but it’s not revenge.

My daily fantasies about what to do with people who annoy me are REVENGE fantasies. They have nothing to do with justice. The death penalty… the Iraqi war… the loss of jobs… loss of status… loss of face of Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacy… these are revenge… nothing to do with justice… no matter what it’s called.

As long as we can’t separate justice from revenge we’ll have never-ending revenge. As long as we have a criminal revenge system masquerading as a criminal justice system… we will have ever escalating crime and punishment.

So step back… take a breath… check your motives. If you don’t… I will kill you.

--end--

NOTE: If you're interested in my travel blog, you can read it at mykelsdiary.blogspot.com. I have another blog of short interesting things at: http://mykelsclippings.blogspot.com. And finally, my oldies from last century are slowly being scanned and uploaded to: http://mykelsoldies.blogspot.com/

==============

ENDNOTES: [You can contact me on facebook or by email at god@mykelboard.com. Through the post office: send those... er... private DVDs..or music or zines... or anything else (legal only!) to: Mykel Board, POB 137, New York, NY 10012-0003. If you like my writing, you can be notified when anything new is available. Subscribe to the MYKEL'S READERS Yahoo group readmboard-subscribe@yahoogroups.com]

-→Unintentional revenge dept: A hunter in Easton Maryland shot a flying Canada goose on Feb. 1 of this year. When it fell, it hit the hunter, Robert Meilhammer, landing on his head and knocking him out. It also dislodged two of his teeth. As of now, Meilhammer is in stable condition after being airlifted to a hospital.

-->Right again dept: A few blogs ago I wrote about how the only solution to the Harassment^® problem was gender apartheid. Now I read that one of Hillary Clinton's aide stands accused of harassing a co-worker, “he rubbed her shoulders inappropriately, kissed her on the forehead” Rubbed her shoulders?

I accuse the entire nation of France of harassment! Fire 'em all! Whenever I meet one, they hug MY WHOLE BODY!! And worse than that, they give me an inappropriate kiss... two of them... one on each cheek! Harassment if I've ever seen it! Fire the lot!

-->Speaking of shoulder rubs dept: I wonder if German Chancellor Angela Merkel is going to demand that GWB be fired... whoops, he already WAS fired.

-->Intentional Revenge Dept: I wrote about how those who planned the downfall of Alabama judge Roy Moore used accusations 30 years old to attack him. The revengers seem, in typical revenge fashion, to have gotten even more than they hoped for. The judge is broke and destitute... appealing for funds. I'll probably throw the guy ten bucks. 


LINK TRADE DEPARTMENT:

I read that the search engines like lots of links... and it's also nice to support my friends and enemies in their blogs. So facebook me or email me if you have a blog, webpage or something else to connect to. I add you. You add me.

Here's a start: 

• David Goldberg's Busy Microbes Blog

• And another Goldberg: goldberg.wordpress.com

• Poetry and humor fans will like Justin Martin in The Latency

• Sometimes I contribute to an interesting multi-talented blog called OgFomK Arts see me there!

• And my friend Mike R has a nice site with recipe hits from the past! (He cooked for me once... great stuff.) Check out Yesterday's Recipes.

• And here's one by a member of ANTI-SEEN... a tour diary of sorts.

FEEL GOOD RACISM or Mykel's Post MRR Column no. 29

So this English teacher walks into a bar. “Give me an Anchor Christmas ale,” he says to the bartender.

“We don't got no Anchor Christmas,” says the bartender.

“Then you have some,” corrects the teacher. “Two negatives make a positive.”

“So two positives make a negative?” asks the bartender.

“No,” says the English teacher, “two positives do not make a negative.”

“Yeah right,” says the bartender.

Mykel's

Post MRR Column no 29

Feel-good Racism

by Mykel Board

My prostate is killing me. It's like at the gym. You work a muscle too much... the next day: You pay in pain. You know those machines where you spread your legs against some weights to strengthen your outside thigh muscles? Then, on another machine, you press your legs together to strengthen your inside thigh muscles.

I figured I'd be much better at spreading my legs than keeping them together... like in real life. But in real GYM life, I can take more weight on the inside. What a surprise! Post-exercize, though, the inside hurts more.

My recent prostate exercise... now causing me pain... resulted from exactly the right combination of search terms in the xvideos search box: “18” “ethnic” “orgy.” BOING! Bring on the pain.

After I mop up, I flip from the PRIVATE internet window to CNN. BANG! Yet another cop-goes-free case... no charges. A 12-year old boy... just a kid... shot to death... without warning... for playing with a toy gun. #blacklivesmatter Yeah, right.

Predictably, liberals are outraged. Conservatives say “It looks like a real gun and anyway ALL LIVES MATTER.” Cleveland stays calm. Unlike in Baltimore and Ferguson, there is no price to pay for killing someone black... at least not in Cleveland.

In Texas, however, conservatives are outraged that someone kills-- or tries to kill-- a cop for “no reason” other than he's a cop. No reason? He's a cop. That's reason enough. Cops don't go to jail in America, so people use other methods. Eye-for-an-eye, ya know?

FLASH TO THEORY: It is an American cliché that business (aka FREE ENTERPRISE) is the way out of poverty. Take Steve Jobs... please. Hipsters blow an internet bubble making themselves rich... THE AMERICAN WAY. Yeah, right. These guys did not start out poor! They had money... education... computers. They did not get rich. They got RICHER.

There are only two ways for poor people... especially poor colored people... to become rich in America: Entertainment-- and its fuck-buddy, Sports: colored folks put on shows for white folks and get paid for it... paid a lot. See a rich Negro and you can bet s/he's in SHOW BIZ!

Liberals and conservatives alike complain about how sportsmen and actors make too much money! “They don't DO anything!” Unlike bankers who shift numbers in computers and steal people's savings, entertainers don't deserve what they get.

Get it? The tip of the glans peeks through the foreskin... see it?

MORE THEORY: A great debate foments among those few Americas smarter than a pig rectum. In the land of the highest prison population in the world-- the debate is about the purpose of prisons. There are three camps in the discussion:

a prison cell in Sweden

It's like a dorm room. A simple bed, bookcase, TV, some internet access. No bars on the windows... open doors... You walk in and out as you please. You could easily mistake a cell in a Swedish prison, for a dorm room at most any college campus.

Some Americans say prisons are to correct criminal behavior. People commit crimes for economic, (lack of) education, psychological, emotional, or political reasons... or simply because it's the only job they know. The purpose of prison is to eliminate those reasons. Supporters of the correctional idea want prisoners to learn skills, socialize, learn how to become integrated non-criminal members of society. In Sweden, where prisoners live better than poor people in the US... former prisoners rarely return to prison when they're released. In fact, the country has been closing prisons because they don't need them.

Despite the name correctional facilities, the U.S. prison system is a system of punishment.

Most U.S. prisoners return to prison soon after being released. The punishment system just doesn't work. Liberals (including me) believe correction is the proper function of prisons.

FLASH TO SAUDI ARABIA: A posse of cops brings a thief into the public square. Crowds jostle each other to get a view. A large table is set in the middle of the square. The cops drag the thief to the table and press hard on his shoulders until he kneels. One cop grabs a hand and stretches it along the wooden surface. Another cop takes a knife... more like a saw. GUILTY OF THEFT IN THE FIRST DEGREE!

AAAAIIIIIIEEEEEE!

The knife has sawed through the skin... the muscle... the bones... from one side to another. Viewers gasp. Off comes the hand. The man faints from the pain and loss of blood. The public takes iPhone pictures. Let people learn what will happen to them if they steal a loaf of bread... or a diamond broach. Want to eliminate crime? Make it scary to commit crime.

This second group of Americans believes that prisons should be a deterrent. The consequences should be painful and ugly... like the hands-chopped-off-for-stealing justice of Saudi Arabia. They believe the more horrible the prison conditions, the more scared the public and the fewer crimes committed. This may work in Saudi Arabia. It has not worked in the U.S. where prisoners subject to torturous conditions are released only to commit more crimes. They're caught again, subject to more torturous conditions... released again to commit more crimes... you know the story. Most conservatives, however, believe DETERRENT is the proper function of prisons. 

NOTE: The U.S. prison system has an added bonus for conservatives. Prisoners convicted of a felony lose the right to vote... forever. They can never have a say in their own political lives. In relation to the population, a much higher percentage of prisoners are Negroes... so prisons perform the additional function of keeping colored people out of voting booths.

FLASH TO AMERICA: Sammy wrote an internet message... said he was going to move to Syria to fight with ISIS... get him! He deserves punishment for talking to people who want to hurt Americans. Do something awful to him. Cut his balls off. Rioters? Put 'em in jail! Colored thieves and drug users? Lock 'em up! Conservatives love REVENGE

Bernie Madoff! Why that bastard! He took the hard earned money from hundreds of homeowners... and used it to buy a fuckin' Ferrari! Kill the guy! Cut his balls off. He deserves punishment for hurting people. Do something awful to him. Killer Cops? Put 'em in jail! Liberals love REVENGE.

Everybody believes that prisons should be a form of revenge! A biblical eye-for-an-eye. A person who commits a crime should PAY for that crime with some horrible retribution in the form of prison. You hurt me, the government (or society) will hurt you. How angry are liberals when Citibankers get off with NO JAIL TIME! No penalty... only Daddy Citibank paying their fines for them? How angry are conservatives when “welfare cheats” get no jail time... and continue to get enough money to (barely) live, even after their cheating is exposed?

This REVENGE prison is the special province of liberals when it comes to Negroes. It is the only socially (liberal society) acceptable way to be a racist.

FLASH TO LATE LAST CENTURY: What was the trial of the century? Was it Bill Clinton's impeachment trial? Was it the trial of the Chicago 7 after the 1968 Democratic Convention? Was it the Scopes evolution trial? Yeah right.

It was the Las Vegas trial of a Negro celebrity, OJ Simpson, for killing a white lady. And more than that, even though the guy was found INNOCENT... he was hounded and followed and driven until there was SOMETHING he could be jailed for. All those nice liberals, who tsk tsked the killing of an unarmed black guy in Ferguson,or a 12 year old in Cleveland, cheered when the colored football player went to jail.

The battered sports star was only trying to retrieve stolen property. He violated no one... didn't touch a soul... No violence... No one was hurt! Yet he got NINE YEARS in jail!

This is the way NBC news reported OJ's sentencing for armed robbery... really a sentencing for murder... that the blood-thirsty public didn't get earlier:

A weary and beaten-looking O.J. Simpson was put away Friday for at least nine years — and perhaps the rest of his life — for an armed robbery in a hotel room, bringing a measure of satisfaction to those who believed the football star got away with murder more than a decade ago.

Yeah, we had a colored guy... a rich colored guy... an uppity colored guy... who was accused of killing a white... very white... very pretty... girl. In the South a hundred years ago, there would have been a lynching.

In Las Vegas, the lynching was via Judge... but no less a lynching.

But wait, there's more:

Take Bill Cosby... another uppity rich colored guy. I don't know the race of his 57 accusers... my guess is it's a mix... with a lot of white girls. Of course, they smell money... that lawsuit... decades after the “fact”... will pay for a lot of retirement vacations.

In most states, the rape statute of limitations is long over. Only in Pennsylvania could they find a place for their revenge. So they went to Pennsylvania.

And how do my fellow liberals react?

“Go get him! Put him behind bars. Give him the lynching he deserves.”

Bill Clinton used power rather than Benadryl as his agent of seduction. Otherwise it was the same “crime” as Cosby's. Liberals love Clinton... think he got a raw deal in the impeachment. Get it?

Am I saying that anyone who thinks Bill Cosby should go to jail is a racist? Do I believe that those who get a not-so-secret joy from seeing the old man appear before a judge are all racist? Do I really think that O.J. Simpson was persecuted for his race rather than his crimes?

Yes! That's exactly what I think. I'll make it plainer. Bill Cosby and OJ Simpson are the acceptable face of racism. They let liberals express their inner racist without the reproach of fellow liberals.

The “victims” were women. That makes it easy. Since Birth of A Nation, it's been okay to lynch colored people if their victims are women. They're not being lynched for their race, but for their deeds, right? Yeah right.

“We can sympathize with you as long as you stay poor and helpless... just don't get uppity. Don't earn more than you deserve. Don't get rich or stick out. We gotta set some examples... like cutting hands off in public squares.”

You can see the whole crew of liberals... cheering the persecutions of Cosby and Simpson. They'll tell you how much they care. How #blacklivesmatter. Their prostates (if they have them) are as pure and white and painless as freshly fallen snow. Yeah right.

-end-

ENDNOTES: [You can contact me by email at god@mykelboard.com. Through the post office: send those... er... private DVDs..or music or zines... or anything else (legal only!) to: Mykel Board, POB 137, New York, NY 10012-0003. If you like my writing, you can be notified when anything new is available by subscribing to the MYKEL'S READERS Yahoo group readmboard-subscribe@yahoogroups.com]

→ Taking Baby from a Candie dept: The Candie Foundation “is a non-profit foundation whose mission is to prevent teenage pregnancy through educational campaigns.” Their abstinence ambassador has been paid over $260,000. That ambassador is Bristol Palin, daughter of Sarah Palin. And, oh yeah, Bristol, an unmarried mom since 2008, just had her second child. And, no, she STILL isn't married.

→ Tax cuts... well okay for rich people dept: The Week Magazine reports that Republican lawmakers in Kansas have approved the largest tax increase in the state's history to close a $400 million budget deficit. The deficit was caused by the Republican's income tax cutting. The new taxes raise cigarette, and sales taxes. The new taxes will also cause the state's poorest 20% to pay 1.5% more taxes than they did in 2012. The richest will pay 1.9% less.

-->Great idea dept: Business owners in Gaspe Quebec will accept 10 and 20 dollar bills cut in half. (As 5 and 10 dollars). Since no one else accepts these half bills, the locals can ensure the money stays local and doesn't go into some nasty bank coffers somewhere in New York. The Bank of Canada says the practice is not illegal, but is, somehow, “unpatriotic.”

        I say, “Yeah! Right!”

→ Wet pantslegs dept: The city of San Francisco has begun using a special paint near bars and areas “frequented by the homeless.” The paint is piss-repellant. It splashes the yellow stream back at the streamer, soaking his socks and pants.

The problem? The REAL reason people piss in public! There is no place else to go! Instead of punishing the victim, why not build some bathrooms? Or better still, change the law... make EVERY bar bathroom, a public bathroom.

       Naw, people pissing on themselves is much more fun, right? Yeah, right.

→ Keeping the Pressure on Dept: I want to thank reader George Metesky for suggesting a continuing Bring Back Mykel effort directed at Maximum Rock'n'Roll for censoring me.

      As their revolving editrixes move on to commercial ventures, each blames her predecessors for my demise... as if they had no control over the business... and couldn't simply invite me back.

     Send your comments to mrr@maximumrocknroll.com (or post on their facebook page) with the subject line: BRING BACK MYKEL! Let me know how they answer.

-end-