Mykel's Inauguration Speech ! or Mykel's November 2024 Blog: YOU'RE STILL WRONG
You’re STILL Wrong
Mykel's
November 2024 Blog/Column
Mykel's Inauguration Speech
[This blog was written between October 15 and October 21, 2024. BEFORE the presidential election]
My
fellow Americans:,
Thank
you from the bottom of my dark little heart. I proudly accept your
choice of me as the first official dictator of the United States of
America. [pause for applause]
Besides
to all of you, I’m giving credit for my victory to the new and
fairest of election systems: The Unpopularity Vote.
As you know, I ran for dictator as the unpopularity default
candidate. And this year, as most years, the majority of qualified
voters either voted for someone other than the “winning”
candidate or did not vote at all. That means the winner is a loser
and I have won the office. My first act will be to abolish it.
Presidents…
except for Jimmy Carter… suck. The presidential system sucks. It
cannot be reformed, so I have abolished it. As your new dictator,
there will, of course, be big changes. I want to talk about some of
them now.
My
first action as dictator will be to abolish that fuckin’ song
with bombs and rockets in it. All that flag waving and hand over
heart stuff. It will be
replaced by the great Clash classic: I’m
So
Bored
With
The
USA. Of
course, there will be a spelling change: I’m
So
BOARD With
The
USA.
But
that’s not the only change that I, as your new dictator will put
into place.
For
example, it’s clear that a large number of Americans oppose gay
marriage. And, as your dictator, I will do away with that. But I’m
not one to follow a good idea only halfway. I will also do away with
hetero marriage. No laws will be made requiring or legalizing
marriage. No extra government benefits will be given to married
people. Marriage certificates will not be issued by the government.
Divorce, like marriage, will be the province of religion. Should we
have legal documents for first catechisms or baptism? Let the church
(or synagogue or mosque) do its job. It’s no business of the
government.
Of
course, if couples… or groups… want to be married as the
religious act it is, they’re free to do so. I see no reason why any
gender shouldn’t be able to perform this act with any other gender.
Gay marriages will be like gay bar mitzvahs. If you’re interested,
find the right guy or gal to perform the ceremony. And POW you’re
married... for whatever that’s worth… to you. The government will
not be involved.
One
place where the government WILL be involved is in education. Everyone
has the right and the duty to attend public school. Church
schools, private schools, home schooling… POW! ALL GONE! At least
all gone as institutions REPLACING public education.
If
parents want to teach their kids about a giant purple cabbage they
call God, they can do it… but not on OUR time. Public schooling
allows kids to experience people different from themselves. Different
races, nationalities, colors, genders, ways of thinking… Parochial
schools only separate kids… by religion. Private (pay) schools
separate kids by family income. That will end.
Schooling
will mean meeting Sammy from Siam and checking out the goods on Maya
from Malaysia. If you want to send your kids to Sunday school… do
it on Sunday. If you want special tutoring on the weather changing
conspiracy… hire someone OUTSIDE OF SCHOOL. But, from now on, all
Americans will share a common history, a common knowledge, a common
understanding of the world and of each other. That’s what school
does-- or at least what it will do under the Board Reich. I don’t
get religious school, but if you want the vagaries of another system,
you can have it IN ADDITION TO public schools, not INSTEAD OF those
schools.
And
speaking of schools… of kids… of God… God has done some pretty
fucked up things. She has condemned all of us to a deadly ending. She
has strewn her favors unequally. She has created AIDS and Covid (if
you believe). But one of the few GOOD things she’s done is to
invent puberty. There is a reason 13-year old Jews say TODAY I AM A
MAN/WOMAN. God knows when it’s time to fill in the pubic hair and
sends biological messages when that time comes. We should respect
those messages.
We
should know too. Instead of completely arbitrary drinking/sex/voting
ages, why not listen to God? Childhood ends when girls ovulate and
boys can spill the seed. Kids can see movie super-heroes slaughter
dozens at 13… but they can’t drink a beer? That will end NOW.
Children will cease to be children on their 13th birthday.
Their full rights will be bestowed on them when nature says they
should be bestowed.
And
now, my fellow Americans, let me focus on the idiocy of this
election. History will decide if it was won or lost because of “the
border crisis,” with both sides “acting tough” on allowing
people to step over some line in the desert.
Just
as teachers learn from their students. Large countries should learn
from smaller ones. This election may have been won or lost because
of border crisis stupidity. How do you end a border crisis? Easy! End
borders.
Take a look at this PowerPoint map. Check out the border between Germany, France, and Belgium. In the 1980s, I lived awhile near where all three countries come together… in a German town called Aachen. I could (and did) have breakfast in Germany, lunch in Holland and dinner in Belgium… and walked freely… no walls, no immigration officers, just a little road… from one country to the next.
That’s the way it should be
here. Ronald Reagan famously said to Gorbachev TEAR DOWN THAT WALL.
Well, I’m saying the same thing… no, not saying but doing.
NO WALLS! Boardian Rights of Passage®
makes people free to move wherever they like. Cross from Nogales
Arizona to Nogales Mexico as easily as I cross from Manhattan to
Hoboken. No passports, no ID, no visas… just do it. Get it? A
dictator can make the world a freer place than any so-called elected
official.
Thank
you for your attention and for your support. Enjoy the free booze
(over 13 years old only) and the free food. This election cycle has
been long and grueling. Luckily, it has been the last ever.
The next problem is debt. Joey Biden wanted to free students from university debt. BFD! What about credit card debt? Housing debt? Medical debt?… Fuck it. It’s all gone. As of today: NOBODY OWES ANYTHING. All debt is canceled… abolished. We start from zero… and move toward a GREATER society where we stay at zero for as long as we live.
If you have money now, you can keep it… but take it out of the bank… in cash. In the great move to FULL UNEMPLOYMENT, banks will be among the first to go. How many useless people just sit around all day shifting ones and zeros from screen A to screen B? Why not free those people to make art, music, sports, or babies? Old bank buildings will just provide that much more space to house the homeless.
Yes, first we stop credit cards and other instruments of debt. Then we enforce price controls… limiting what we need to pay. Think of how many jobs we can get rid of… no banks… no stock exchanges… no mutual funds… It’s just crazy that the presidential idiots before me wanted to create full employment, when the goal should have always been full UNemployment. Imagine spending more than half your waking hours doing something you hate… and preparing for that… and getting to it and coming from it. You don’t have to imagine it… you’re probably already living it. It’s crazy… and we’ll end it as soon as we can.
After we rid ourselves of banks, let’s get rid of guns, bombs, fighter planes, aircraft carriers. What a bunch of worthless shit! Joe Biden knew that when he gave it away. His plan was to let the government pay the factories to make stuff that kills people. We don’t have to use it. We’re over that. Let others do it. People who kill people are the luckiest people in the world. We give them the tools. And help pay for them to do it. That ends now.
Yeah, we have some cultural changes to make. We need to stop praising veterans. The US has been on the wrong side of every war since WWII. And even in WWII our veterans committed some extreme atrocities… can you say Hiroshima and Nagasaki? 140,000 people smoked.
Veterans who “died for their country” are worshipped with their own national holiday… and those who made it out alive appear at home plate for baseball tributes. I say no. Instead of worshiping veterans, we should pity them. They are state-hired killers, most of whom do it in order to earn enough money tos live. Movies and TV portray them as heroes. The real heroes are those who refuse to fight.
During the Vietnam war, the government found that citizens don’t like seeing their kids returning from war in body bags. Joe Biden was smart enough to figure out how to keep building tanks and bombs… and giving them away for OTHER PEOPLE to fight wars… passing the body bags on to other countries and other fighting people. When armyless people fight back in the only way they can, they’re labeled terrorists. Is death by a plane flown into a building any less death than death by bombs falling from a plane flown overhead? Under the Board dictatorship, planes will be used to carry people and goods from place to place… that’s all. Tanks will be converted to rural/roadless food delivery trucks.
The death industry will itself die. Machine guns will be changed into industrial bolt setters. NATO will become a free trade zone… and free will mean FREE. FREE means you don’t pay! The ultimate goal is a free society, where you don’t pay for anything.
We already spoke about an end to passports, borders and WALLS. But where do we put all those people who want to escape from the climate change or criminal culture the US created in their country in the first place. We need thousands of buildings to house these people. Yeah, we’ll already have the banks, but that won’t be enough. Where can win find houses for thousands of others?
Yo, buckaroos...We have them already. Imagine hundreds of buildings wasted on people who don’t want to be there. No, I’m not talking about factories and offices. Those will ALSO be eliminated under the Boardian doctrine. Now I’m talking about prisons. You know, someone steals a wallet from Mr. Richguy. What is the resulting revenge? He loses his home if he has one. His job if he has one. He is confined in some hellish place, fed bad food, and when he gets out has no place to go and no money to live on except what he can steal from the next Mr. Richguy.
Jails must end… be turned into decent housing for anyone who needs housing. Right now the US has a higher percentage of incarcerated people than any other country in the world. Over a million and a quarter Americans are in prison. How do we end this? By ending prisons, obviously. How do we end cash robbery, internet scams, bank theft? By ending money, obviously.
I spoke about the need to create a society with full unemployment. How do we achieve that? First we cancel debt... that means stopping credit cards and other instruments of debt. Then we enforce price controls… limiting what we need to pay. But there’s more.
Right now the top 4 percent of Americans make as much money as the bottom 51%. And that’s just in wages. It doesn’t count investment income. If we want a country where equality counts, the fastest way to achieve it is to end the grossest inequality! That means ending money. How could we be the land of the free if we have to pay for everything? Again I’ll say it: Free means you don’t pay!
[applause]
See
you in hell,
MB
ENDNOTES: [You can contact me on facebook or by email at mykelboard@gmail.com. Through the post office: send those... er... private DVDs..or music or zines... or anything else (legal only!) to: Mykel Board, POB 137, New York, NY 10012-0003. If you like my writing, you can be notified when anything new is available. Send me an email with SUBSCRIBE in the subject line. Back blogs and columns are at https://mykelsblog.blogspot.com]
→ By The Time You Read This dept: The 2024 election will be over by the time you read this. Whoever won, we lost. I expect the wars to continue with our bombs and dollars. I expect the rich to get richer and the poor to go to jail. I expect a continuation of identity politics, created (successfully) to divide people instead of bringing them together in the fight against the rule of money. Sorry, I don’t have a Greenland address… yet.
→ I Never Support A Winner dept: This year, as I have in the past several elections, I will have cast my presidential vote for Sid Yiddish. Thanks to our great electoral system, in New York, the only time a Democrat loses is when it doesn’t make any difference to the final ballot. For most of you suckers, if the one you voted for loses… you’ll be angry. If the one you voted for wins… you’ll be disappointed. Me? I won’t have that problem.
→
In
case you didn’t get it dept:
“Anarchism is democracy taken
seriously.” is a great quote that I can’t find a source for. If
you see tendencies of Bob Black anarchism and Marshall Tito
dictatorship in my victory speech, you see right. You can read about
some good
dictators
right here and you can read Bob Black for yourself here.
LINK TRADE DEPARTMENT:
LINKS
I did a nice interview with The Aither zine. Interesting questions, complete, and questions I’ve never been asked before. You can read it here. It’s a good one.
I read that the search engines like lots of links... and it's also nice to support my friends and enemies in their blogs. So facebook me or email me if you have a blog, webpage or something else to connect to. I add you. You add me.
Here's a start:
Here’s Ricardo Wang with a “micro-label” in Seattle “specializing in 8-track tapes and CDs. WOW! Check out one of their label staples: The Dead Air Fresheners.
Also on bandcamp: My very long time faves in NYC, the BLACKOUT SHOPPERS. Featuring pals Seth and possibly the next vice-president of the US
Sid Yiddish has posted a video of
a show done for WZRD in Chicago. Great live performances, and if you
catch the video around the 20+ minute point you might see a familiar
face doing the lyrics to his songs (some unrecorded) as poetry.
You’ll find it here.
And this sounds right up Sid’s alley. The Bilderberg Jazz Arkestra on Bandcamp!
Eric Grayson has an online music review zine, Sobriquet. Full pictures of the sleeves too! Something missing from too many zines. Sometimes you CAN judge a… er… book… by its cover.
Steen Thomsen is a Dane I’ve known ever since Lincoln was shot. I put his band THE ZERO POINT on the great WORLD CLASS PUNK Cassette for ROIR. It must be worth a mint now. I don’t have any left, I’m afraid. You can (and should) connect to the Zero Point on facebook. Tell ‘em Mykel’s blog sent you.
Sorry Dorothy, we are STILL in Kansas. And it’s as weird as OZ. Check out Bob Cutler’s DISTOPEKA.
You already know Murder & Mayhem zine… those guys who did the Mykel Board centerfold. (No genitals shown… and probably for the better.) Their online version is here.
The Clean Boys from Denmark are also longtime friends of mine. In Denmark we recorded as The Bend-over Boys. Only one 10-inch available… but at least now I can say I have a 10-incher!
Finally, for this month, Margaret O’Brian asked me to include the site: anti-war.com They seem to be folks after my own heart.
Oh yeah, then there’s me. I have a blog of stuff I’ve written mostly from last century. You might enjoy it. Then again, you might not. It’s here.
Let
me know if you have a blog… or a print zine… or a YouTube and
want to be added to the list. You show me yours… you’ve already
seen mine. god@mykelboard.com
