Friday, January 01, 2021

The Antidote for Depression (Mykel's Jan 2021 Blog)


It's The Economy Stupid!
 (Mykel Board's Jan 2021 Blog)



by Mykel Board

Do not write to be liked. Write to be remembered.

Chuck Palahniuk

People ask me to predict the future, when all I want to do is prevent it.

– Ray Bradbury

I sit at the desk against the side wall in my apartment. I stand up. I feel like I haven’t slept in days. I walk from one room to the other, forgetting why I’m walking… what I wanted… what I was doing before I came into this room. I walk into another room. The same thing happens. My apartment has 1 room.

I suffer itch attacks… as if there were an insect flying around, biting at random… my forehead, my ankle, my left testicle… places where an insect cannot bite… unless there’s a crew of them… invisible to my (cabin) fever-addled brain.

It’s December 19th. Yesterday was the last day of Chanukah. By the time this is posted, it’ll be 2021. A million virtual people will toast their virtual champagne in virtual Times Square. By the time you read this, Donald Trump will have unsuccessfully proved that the election was stolen and his waterbed illegally removed from the Whitehouse.

The side effects of the COVID vaccine will be obvious to everyone ordering extra masks for the second head now growing from their shoulders. That head, is not immune to the plague. It will need a vaccine of its own. It is not yet known if that head will grow yet another head needing another vaccine.

The anti-Trumpers, who, until now, refused to give the guy credit for his Operation Warp Speed logistic miracle, now do not refrain from giving him blame on moving too fast as the vaccine-created mutant numbers rise daily.

I chuckle at the developments.

FLASH TO NOW… WHAT PASSES FOR REALITY: I’ve got a wedding in South Carolina in January…. currently a hotbed of new cases. My genealogist tells me it’s my first cousin once removed who’s getting hitched. It’s not a real wedding. It’s a reenactment of a virtual wedding that took place over the internet. I expect they don’t want virtual gifts at this one.

In June, I’ve got another wedding… in Pennsylvania... this one a niece. It too, is a reenactment.

Then in the fall, go to Kenya… my first trip to East Africa. I need to get away soooo bad! Far away.

FLASHBACK TO THE FUTURE: Within the first few months of 2021, scientists will discover that the side effects of the COVID vaccines are contagious. That means we’ll have people masked and socially distant… fearing an extra head… And what if that head refuses a mask?

New York’s Governor will call for a massive lockdown. Apartment doors will be welded shut... Windows nailed. Anyone on the street will be shot with Lysol-coated bullets. Parks will be converted into crematoria. At night, the sky will glow red from the human bonfires. The air will smell like a gigantic pork roast.

As spring comes, the virus will lessen. President Biden, if he’s still alive, will credit the Operation Warp Speed vaccine with the health recovery. Who he will credit with Operation Warp Speed is yet to be determined.

As Bill Clinton famously said, I did not have sex with that young woman… whoops, wrong quote. How ‘bout, It’s the economy, stupid?

FLASH FORWARD A COUPLE YEARS: President Harris needs a way to get the national ass in gear. Get those factories making bullets or lasers or whatever else they make in 2021. Get those drones flying KABOOM! KABOOM! COVID may be over, but she has a depression on her hands.

Flash to her history lesson:

Sept 11, 2001. Two planes piloted by Saudis fly into a couple tall buildings in New York City... KABOOM! KABOOM! What happens? The US declares war on Iraq and televises the bombing patterns.
Don’t worry! It doesn’t have to make sense.

They’re jealous of our freedom!” That’s all you need to say.

Americans are the dumbest people on the planet... attack-revenge. That’s what counts. The nation is transfixed… the national ass is in gear.

So here’s the plan:

The CIA has discovered that the COVID Virus was not developed in China. Instead, it was عامل مخفی فوق العاده تند و زنندهThat’s right… assuming you can read Persian… IRAN did it. They engineered the virus and smuggled it into China for distribution. Iran is responsible for all those deaths worldwide. They caused the pain and will do it again unless we stop them. REGIME CHANGE! Plus, they’ve got some oil too and that doesn’t hurt.

President Harris says it’s time for the country to pull together. We must make the world safe for old people, health workers, and UPS drivers. We need to form an international coalition to end the viral terrorism. Guatemala, Belize and Burkina Faso sign up immediately. Lockheed and Boeing… exactly those companies most hit by the plague… start revving their engines.

An army marches on its belly. So said President Taft… or was it e e cummings? I forget. But the farms and the abattoirs get going. They’ve got an army, a navy and a space force to feed. And trucks and trains need to ship all that stuff. Take it to the army, navy and space force bases... now all named after famous transsexuals.

President Harris visits the troops. Her first appearance is at Cape Kaitlyn Jenner in Florida.

Today,” says Harris, “the future of the world is in our hands. It is our coalition that will decide if we survive or if we fade away like an elderly man who got the vaccine too early. If we allow Iran to go into the future unchecked, we will have no future. If we allow an Ayatollah today, we will have no tomorrow.”

There is furious applause.

Next stop: The USS Holly Woodlawn. Cut to live stream, filmed from the deck. The helicopter hovers above. Then it slowly descends to land next to the new – completely invisible– Stealth 26 bomber. The only way we know it’s there is that the pilot sits in the pilot’s seat… looking like he’s sitting in mid-air, on a cloud.

The president wears a red mask with IRAN DID THIS embroidered on the front.

Today,” she says, “we will embark on a great mission. We will fight what needs to be fought. We will conquer what needs to be conquered. We will make the world a freer and better place with our efforts.”

There is furious applause.

And so it is President Kamala Harris
who makes America great again… or at least who restores it to the glory it was in the past.

- end -

ENDNOTES: [You can contact me on facebook or by email at Through the post office: send those... er... private DVDs..or music or zines... or anything else (legal only!) to: Mykel Board, POB 137, New York, NY 10012-0003. If you like my writing, you can be notified when anything new is available. Send me an email with SUBSCRIBE in the subject line. Back blogs and columns are at

> Giving the finger dept: NBC News reports that a 13-year old Kansas girl formed her fingers into a gun and pointed it at several of her classmates after another student asked her who would she would kill. The girl was arrested and charged with a felony.

The girl was asked if she could kill five people in the room, who would they be. She responded by making a finger gun and pointing it at four students and then pointing it at herself.

A spokesperson for the Johnson County District Attorney's Office said after reviewing the evidence, the girl was charged with criminal threat, which is a felony.

>Bravery in Action dept: As I write this the US government is taking action against internet porn, based on a NY Times “investigation” into Pornhub. The details are less important than the idea that this will be the first volley fired into internet porn sites… but not the last.

Writhing Naked Goddess bless the National Association for Rational Sex Offense Laws These are brave people who fight laws that equate someone with a naked teenage picture on their computer with someone who rapes toddlers. Since the average American also equates those things, they have quite a job ahead. Send ‘em a few bucks for me, okay?

>It’s about time dept: If you, like most others, wish there were one place you could go to get penis news… your quest has ended. Now there is one place to go to. It’s here. Your source for all the latest penis information. As of this writing the most recent stories include:

  • Belgian Mayor Accidentally Decorates Town with Penis-shaped Christmas Lights and Wants to Keep It

  • Chinese Boy Inserts 2-Foot Wire In His Genital to Find out Where Urine Comes From

  • In Zimbabwe, A Woman Bites Husband's Penis after He Fails to Scare Off a Rat

  • UK Man Gets New Penis on His Arm After His Old One Falls Off Due to Infection

See you in hell,



I read that the search engines like lots of links... and it's also nice to support my friends and enemies in their blogs. So facebook me or email me if you have a blog, webpage or something else to connect to. I add you. You add me.

Here's a start:

Here’s Richard Goldberg:

Poetry and humor fans will like Justin Martin in The Latency

And my friend Mike R has a nice site with recipe hits from the past! (He cooked for me once... great stuff.) Check out Yesterday's Recipes.

Rock-writer and historian extraordinaire, Jim Testa, has continued his great zine online. Jersey Beat is still going!

And here's one by a member of ANTI-SEEN... a
tour diary of sorts.

Andy Shelton has an interesting blog here.

Savage Hippie is a guy who has been YouTubing for a long time. Our opinions largely overlap... but he complains that I'm a Communist. I'm not! I'm a communist.

Chris Stecher publishes a zine called PRECIS. You can see the back issue links there... and he promises a new issue soon.

George Fertakis has a very nice graphics-heavy blog... with music and books featured prominently. If there’s no link here (I can’t find it temporarily), then Google… er… Duckduckgo him for information.

And my long-term pal Sid Yiddish contributes with his Mishegas Master Blog.

And connect to TRUST Zine, a long-running German punk zine… that STILL PRINTS!!! Yeah, they have a website too… of course! It’s here.

Here are a couple video links.

This from Jon Cox

And this one from my very long-time friend Roger Armstrong.

Jim Testa moved his long running zine, Jersey Beat, to the blogosphere awhile back. You can read it here. Jim also recommended a kind of unique album… in a style you don’t see to much of these days… or any days. Neo-Hassidic Rock Opera. You can stream the album here.

Kyle Nonneman is in prison in Portland. At least he can’t be kidnapped by the secret police… I think. I post his blog for him, he can’t do it from the klink. Lots of stuff about noise metal… and some very weird politics that will either fascinate or repulse you… or both.

Oh yeah, then there’s me. I have a blog of stuff I’ve written mostly from last century. You might enjoy it. Then again, you might not. It’s here.

I have a very occasional blog about how rich people are just like us… same needs, same desires, you know. You can read it here.

Let me know if you have a blog… or a print zine… or a YouTube and want to be added to the list. You show me yours… you’ve already seen mine.

Why You Can't Think or You're STILL Wrong

    Why You Can't Think Right or You're STILL Wrong, Mykel's July 2022 Blog by Mykel Board It’s okay to dislike worms because t...