Mykel's
Post MRR Column
no 57
or
This Blog Is About Sex
She
was just seventeen. You know what I mean… --The
Beatles
Thou
shalt not kill. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s ass. --The
Ten Commandments
Today
I am a man. --Recited by every
bar mitzvah boy at age 13
I
lay face down on the mattress. Looking over my shoulder, I watch her
slip her middle finger into her mouth. Now sloppily wet, she pressed
it into my puckering anus…. a digit at a time… twisting it right
and left as it goes deeper. Then comes the second finger… AAAAAAGH!
I yell in ecstatic pain. She
laughs through her nose as the second finger enters its full length.
With
her other hand she reaches under me. Grabbing my tightening Vienna
sausage. Rounded top… little flip in back… attached to a
sometimes less sometimes more flexible cylinder. And it rubs… rubs
inside clothes, rubs against others’ clothes… rubs against naked
flesh.. rubs against the palms and fingers of its owner. Now it rubs
against the palms and fingers of someone else. But wait… there’s
more. There's hers.
It
looks like an orchid…. a depression surrounded by hairy petals…
sometimes brown, hers is baby pajama pink… with the usual fragrance
that-- unless over-yeasted-- draws my nose closer… begging to be
sniffed… enjoyed visually… nasally… orally... tactilely.
Yeah,
this month I write about sex. It's spring and whose thoughts DON'T
turn to getting laid. Let’s get this straight. Anyone walking
around in short shorts… with legs exposed from hip to ankle… with
camel toe or flesh slug outlined in denim…. anyone exposing
themselves like that… begs to get laid. Maybe most people want to
get laid, but those who dress like this advertise it. If the cutie
with the legs complains about sexual harassment, it
means BY THE WRONG PERSON. S/he WANTS sex… just not from YOU. How
are you supposed to know?
Feminists-- the kind who say that short shorts are only to cool the
legs-- complain about sex. Christians-- the kind who say that short
shorts should be prohibited-- complain about sex... especially sex
for pay or... we'll talk about the OTHER complaint later.
In
our work-oriented society, you need a job. The average Joe-- and the
government-- frowns on people who get money without having
a job. Somehow it’s bad if the
government hands you a check for just living in the society and not
killing people. It’s good if you spend your time, body, and mind on
worthless shit that just makes the world a bad place to live. Donny
Trump wants to Make
America Great Again by
bringing back jobs-- like coal-mining-- that give the job holders
lung cancer. People are proud of the scummiest jobs… like taking
other people’s money and giving it to billionaires.
It’s called banking.
Anything
you do for money is good... EXCEPT sex. If sex is your profession,
there is something wrong. You are acting immorally-- probably
illegally. If you allow a banker to stick his hand in your pocket
when you have no money-- that’s a noble profession. If you allow a
horny guy to stick his penis in your vagina and then PAY you (usually
much more than $37 dollars)… that’s an EVIL … EXPLOITATIVE
profession.
It’s okay to be forced to work 12 hours a day, to trade your time--
and sometimes your health-- for a better work position. To require
long hours and illegal overtime as a condition of advancement… but
it’s NOT okay to require sex for the same.
Then
there are the scandals… take Bill Clinton…. Please! The worst
Democrat to occupy the oval office since Andrew Jackson. He signed
legislation making gay marriage illegal. He destroyed welfare,
throwing hundreds and thousands of mothers into the street. He
allowed brokerage companies to take over the banks… leading to
extreme consolidation and the prolonged financial crash. He
negotiated NAFTA… a job losing, corporate enhancing law that threw
American workers out of their jobs and on to the street-- already
crowded with mothers. Then, he bombed Serbia. His reason, like the
reasons of so many bomb-loving presidents before him… for
their own good.
There
was so much to hate Clinton for that even moderate
Democrats should have been calling for his head. But what did it?
What made him the first president since Andrew Johnson (1868) to be impeached?
Yep S-E-X. He was screwing around. He committed adultery.
(High up there… in the stone tablet top ten.) He got a blow job
from an intern and spewed onto her blue dress. Oh, the horror!
Donny Trump calls for the death penalty for drug dealers. He
champions a tax bill that will personally save him millions of
dollars. He answers clearly fake “Syrian chemical attacks” with
real people-killing missiles. He fills his cabinet with agency heads
designed to destroy the agencies they head. You probably have more to
hate him about than I do.
But what is most dangerous to his presidency? SEX! A violation of one
of the big ten. THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY. As though everybody
else hasn’t. And it was with a pornstar, for God’s sake. Who
WOULDN’T fuck a pornstar if they had the chance? But it was the sex
itself... and his attempt to pay for silence in this atmosphere. Who
WOULDN’T pay a pornstar to stay quiet about her relationship?
Especially someone whose every move is in the public eye.
Then
there’s Roy Moore. Moore
was kicked off the Alabama
State
Supreme Court in November 2003.
Why?
He refused to obey federal and state court orders to remove a
5,280-pound stone monument of the Ten Commandments-- THE BIG TEN.
Yeah, that same religious bunch of bogus rules. (I guess the
prohibitions against false witness, theft and murder are okay. That’s
3
out of 10.
The rest is shit.)
In
a speech at the Open Door Baptist Church, Moore said that the World
Trade Center attacks happened because the United States (aka you)
went against God’s word. “Because
you have despised His word and trust in perverseness and oppression,
and say thereon ... therefore this iniquity will be to you as a
breach ready to fall, swell out in a high wall, whose breaking cometh
suddenly at an instance,'" Moore said, quoting Isaiah... one of
them bible guys.
In 2006, Moore wrote that Rep.-elect Keith Ellison, a Minnesota
Democrat, and the first Muslim ever elected to Congress, shouldn't be
allowed to take office. And it was Moore who said that certain
communities in the United States are already operating under Sharia
law... either a lie of stupidity or a lie of malice.
But what got the guy in trouble? You guessed it SEX! And not even
real sex… less sex than Bill Clinton had with Monica Lewinsky. Sex
with the clothes on sex. 30 YEARS AGO sex…. As a thirty year old he
asked a highschool girl to touch him... THERE. Touch!!! Hand on
underpants! That’s it! And that’s what cost him the election.
Google
“Roy Moore” unconstitutional
and you’ll get 96,800 hits. Try “Roy Moore” pedophilia
and you get 253,000.
Why??? Does it matter more to the future of America if its senators
are touched by the constitution or are touched by a 14 year old? Does
anything anyone did 30 years ago matter at all?
Then
there’s Milo Yiannopoulos. He was a Breitbart boy, with sympathies
to some of, but not all, alt-right ideas. [Full disclosure: #Me too,
though I'm sympathetic to fewer of those ideas than Yiannopolis. He
was a supporter of Donald Trump in his bid for the presidency. He
opposes abortion and doesn't believe in climate change.
Interestingly enough, he is an out homosexual-- if you believe in
that sort of stuff. [Full disclosure: I don’t.] His most notorious
tour in America was called (by him) The Dangerous Faggot
Tour. The totalitarians from
AntiFa have stopped him speaking in several universities around the
country.
Simon and Shuster agreed to publish his book and he was invited to
speak before a Republican conservative group. Both those invitations
were rescinded. Why? You guessed it… SEX!
Someone
found a video of Yiannopoulos interviewed. In that interview, he says
that sexual relationships between 13-year-old (today I am a
man) teens and older men and
women can be "perfectly consensual" and positive
experiences for the boys Following the release of the video,
Yiannopoulos was forced out of his position at Breitbart, and he lost
a contract to publish his autobiography. Score: “Yiannopoulos
and global warming”
37,200 . “Yiannopoulos and pedophilia”
95,600.
Pedophilia?
Child sex? What the hell is a child in the first place? Anti-sex
feminists are up in arms (twats?) about Indian child brides. The U.S.
has among the highest sexual age of consent
laws in the world. The idiotic Judeo-Christian morality of the ten
commandments… that original legal list of God’s preferences… is
the same Judeo-Christian morality that lurks behind the bugaboo of
child sex.
Nature
provides an age of consent. Why
does a Bar Mitzvah boy (age 13) say, today I am a man?
Why is the age of consent 12 years old in Holland? PUBERTY! Girls
don’t menstruate. Women do. Boys don’t ejaculate, no matter how
much they like playing with it. Men do. There is no line more
naturally delineated than the line between child and adult. It’s as
plain as the red streaks in her panties.
A child bride is seven years old… not
seventeen. It is exploiting to make someone work 18 hours a day-- not
to give them a shortcut to movie stardom by opening their legs. It is
trafficking to bring a truckload of Central Americans to work 3 jobs
just to be able to pay the mafia truck driver-- not to allow someone
to make five times those wages with the scrape of a penis.
Americans are too dumb and too Judeo-Christian to ever change. That's
why Moore was right to have those tables sculpted in the front yard
of his court. They are a monument to supreme stupidity.
--end
==============
ENDNOTES:
[You can contact me on facebook
or by email at god@mykelboard.com.
Through the post office: send those... er... private DVDs..or music
or zines... or anything else (legal only!) to: Mykel Board, POB 137,
New York, NY 10012-0003. If you like my writing, you can be notified
when anything new is available. Subscribe to the MYKEL'S READERS
Yahoo group readmboard-subscribe@yahoogroups.com]
→ Late
Note Dept: Just as I was preparing this for blogification, a
tsunami of gleeful facebook quotes let me know that thousands of
women were delighting in the gleeful revenge exacted from Bill Cosby.
His accusers sought payback for incidents more than 40 years old.
They got a lot before. In the modern world, just an accusation is
enough... when it comes to sex. Without a conviction, reruns of The
Cosby Show and other shows featuring Cosby have also been pulled from
syndication. Twenty-five colleges and universities have rescinded his
honorary degrees.
But the coup d'malace comes now. The beaten, humiliated and near-death 80-year old will spend the few short years he's got left... behind bars. Oh yeah... that's not revenge... it's justice. Yeah, right.
→Forgot
to mention dept: George Bush Sr. the Vlad Putin of America...
orchestrater of the original Iraqi war. The man who famously said
Read my lips... no tax increase before increasing taxes. For
what crime has he been condemned for, what did he apologize to the
American people? Yep... when he was 90 years old... Bordering on
senility 90! Confined to a wheelchair 90. He was accused of... you
guessed it: sexual harassment. What kind?
He didn't shake my hand. He touched me from behind from his wheelchair with his wife Barbara Bush by his side. He told me a dirty joke. And then, all the while being photographed, touched me again.
HE
TOUCHED HER!!!! TOUCHED! A 90 year old! Oh the horror!
→Speaking
of the Irish dept:
Most folks guessed that my Deport
the Irish column
of last month was an April Fools prank. Some of my best bars are
Irish! Still, the Irish are tempting targets because they come off
so… so… well. Take
this
surveillance
video
released by
the Irish
Independent
newspaper.
It shows
a burglar trying to break into a car at 1 a.m. in front of the
Pheasant Bar in Drogheda, Ireland. The weapon of entry is a brick.
The video star has plans of smashing a window to get into the car.
Surprise! The brick rebounds and knocks the man out, bloodying him.
Gerry
Brady, owner of the bar, found the burglar in the parking lot...
dazed. He called for an ambulance with the accompanying police.
Somehow, the would-be robber still managed to run away before police
arrived. Only when Brady later watched video did he realize what the
man had been trying to do. Duh!
→But
wait there’s more dept: The
Education Culture Shock blog
reports the adventures of an American teacher in Ireland. She had the
following discussion with her students:
"Why do Americans speak English?" the student asked.
"Why do Americans speak English?" the student asked.
I (the
teacher) couldn't help but let a little laugh squeak out with that
one. I was thinking a few other people in the room would join in on
the laugh, but instead I was faced with 14 expectant students waiting
for my answer and wondering what was so funny.
"Wait,
ya'll really have no idea why Americans speak English?" I asked.
"Christopher
Columbus!" a voice called out proudly.
I
say, “See? It’s just another way I’m SAFE! Try me!”
Now
let's hear it for the Washington Redskins!!
========================
LINK TRADE DEPARTMENT:
I
read that the search engines like lots of links... and it's also nice
to support my friends... and enemies... in their blogs. So facebook
me or email
me
if you have a blog, webpage or something else to connect to. I add
you. You add me.
Here's a start:
-
David Goldberg's Busy Microbes Blog
-
And another Goldberg: goldberg.wordpress.com
-
Poetry and humor fans will like Justin Martin in The Latency
-
And my friend Mike R has a nice site with recipe hits from the past! (He cooked for me once... great stuff.) Check out Yesterday's Recipes.
- Savage Hippie is a guy who has been YouTubing for a long time. Our opinions largely overlap... but he complains that I'm a Communist. I'm not! I'm a communist.
-
Chris Stecher publishes a zine called PRECIS. You can see the back issue links there... and he promises a new issue soon.
