So
this English teacher walks into a bar. “Give me an Anchor Christmas
ale,” he says to the bartender.
“We
don't got no Anchor Christmas,” says the bartender.
“Then
you have some,” corrects the teacher. “Two negatives make a
positive.”
“So
two positives make a negative?” asks the bartender.
“No,”
says the English teacher, “two positives do not make a negative.”
“Yeah
right,” says the bartender.
Mykel's
Post
MRR Column no 29
Feel-good
Racism
by
Mykel Board
My
prostate is killing me. It's like at the gym. You work a muscle too
much... the next day: You pay in pain. You know those machines where
you spread your legs against some weights to strengthen your outside
thigh muscles? Then, on another machine, you press your legs together
to strengthen your inside thigh muscles.
I
figured I'd be much better at spreading my legs than keeping them
together... like in real life. But in real GYM life, I can take more
weight on the inside. What a surprise! Post-exercize, though, the
inside hurts more.
My
recent prostate exercise... now causing me pain... resulted from
exactly the right combination of search terms in the xvideos
search box: “18” “ethnic” “orgy.” BOING! Bring on the
pain.
After
I mop up, I flip from the PRIVATE internet window to CNN. BANG! Yet
another cop-goes-free case... no charges. A 12-year old boy... just a
kid... shot to death... without warning... for playing with a toy
gun. #blacklivesmatter Yeah, right.
Predictably,
liberals are outraged. Conservatives say “It looks like a real gun
and anyway ALL LIVES MATTER.” Cleveland stays calm. Unlike in
Baltimore and Ferguson, there is no price to pay for killing someone
black... at least not in Cleveland.
In
Texas, however, conservatives are outraged that someone kills-- or
tries to kill-- a cop for “no reason” other than he's a cop. No
reason? He's a cop. That's reason enough. Cops don't go to jail in
America, so people use other methods. Eye-for-an-eye, ya know?
FLASH
TO THEORY: It is an American cliché that business
(aka
FREE ENTERPRISE) is
the way out of poverty. Take Steve Jobs... please. Hipsters blow an
internet bubble making themselves rich... THE AMERICAN WAY. Yeah,
right. These guys did not start out poor! They had money...
education... computers. They did not get rich. They got RICHER.
There
are only two ways for poor people... especially poor colored
people... to become rich in America: Entertainment-- and its
fuck-buddy, Sports: colored folks put on shows for white folks
and get paid for it... paid a lot. See a rich Negro and you can bet
s/he's in SHOW BIZ!
Liberals
and conservatives alike complain about how sportsmen and actors make
too much money! “They don't DO anything!” Unlike bankers who
shift numbers in computers and steal people's savings, entertainers
don't deserve what they get.
Get
it? The tip of the glans peeks through the foreskin... see it?
MORE
THEORY: A great debate foments among those few Americas smarter than
a pig rectum. In the land of the highest prison population in the
world-- the debate is about the purpose
of
prisons. There are three camps in the discussion:
 |
| a prison cell in Sweden |
It's
like a dorm room. A simple bed, bookcase, TV, some internet access.
No bars on the windows... open doors... You walk in and out as you
please. You could easily mistake a cell
in a Swedish prison, for a dorm room at most any college campus.
Some
Americans say prisons are to correct
criminal
behavior. People commit crimes for economic, (lack of) education,
psychological, emotional, or political reasons... or simply because
it's the only job they know. The purpose of prison is to eliminate
those reasons. Supporters of the correctional
idea
want prisoners to learn skills, socialize, learn how to become
integrated non-criminal members of society. In Sweden, where
prisoners live better than poor people in the US... former prisoners
rarely return to prison when they're released. In fact, the country
has been closing prisons because they don't need them.
Despite
the name correctional
facilities, the
U.S. prison system is a system of punishment.
Most
U.S. prisoners return to prison soon after being released. The
punishment system just doesn't work. Liberals (including me) believe
correction is the proper function of prisons.
FLASH
TO SAUDI ARABIA: A posse of cops brings a thief into the public
square. Crowds jostle each other to get a view. A large table is set
in the middle of the square. The cops drag the thief to the table and
press hard on his shoulders until he kneels. One cop grabs a hand and
stretches it along the wooden surface. Another cop takes a knife...
more like a saw. GUILTY OF THEFT IN THE FIRST DEGREE!
AAAAIIIIIIEEEEEE!
The
knife has sawed through the skin... the muscle... the bones... from
one side to another. Viewers gasp. Off comes the hand. The man faints
from the pain and loss of blood. The public takes iPhone pictures.
Let people learn what will happen to them if they steal a loaf of
bread... or a diamond broach. Want to eliminate crime? Make it scary
to commit crime.
This
second group of Americans believes that prisons should be a
deterrent.
The consequences should be painful and ugly... like the
hands-chopped-off-for-stealing justice of Saudi Arabia. They believe
the more horrible the prison conditions, the more scared the public
and the fewer crimes committed. This may work in Saudi Arabia. It has
not worked in the U.S. where prisoners subject to torturous
conditions are released only to commit more crimes. They're caught
again, subject to more torturous conditions... released again to
commit more crimes... you know the story. Most conservatives,
however, believe DETERRENT is the proper function of prisons.
NOTE: The U.S. prison system has an added bonus for
conservatives. Prisoners convicted of a felony lose the right to
vote... forever. They can never have a say in their own political
lives. In relation to the population, a much higher percentage of
prisoners are Negroes... so prisons perform the additional function
of keeping colored people out of voting booths.
FLASH
TO AMERICA: Sammy wrote an internet message... said he was going to
move to Syria to fight with ISIS... get him! He deserves punishment
for talking to people who want to hurt Americans. Do something awful
to him. Cut his balls off. Rioters? Put 'em in jail! Colored thieves
and drug users? Lock 'em up! Conservatives love REVENGE
Bernie
Madoff! Why that bastard! He took the hard earned money from hundreds
of homeowners... and used it to buy a fuckin' Ferrari! Kill the guy!
Cut his balls off. He deserves punishment for hurting people. Do
something awful to him. Killer Cops? Put 'em in jail! Liberals love
REVENGE.
Everybody
believes
that prisons should be a form of revenge! A biblical eye-for-an-eye.
A person who commits a crime should PAY for that crime with some
horrible retribution in the form of prison. You hurt me, the
government (or society)
will hurt you. How angry are liberals when Citibankers get off with
NO JAIL TIME! No penalty... only Daddy Citibank paying their fines
for them? How angry are conservatives when “welfare cheats” get
no jail time... and continue to get enough money to (barely) live,
even after their cheating is exposed?
This
REVENGE prison is the special province of liberals when it comes to
Negroes. It is the only socially (liberal society) acceptable way to
be a racist.
FLASH
TO LATE LAST CENTURY: What was the
trial of the century?
Was it Bill Clinton's impeachment trial? Was it the trial of the
Chicago 7 after the 1968 Democratic Convention? Was it the Scopes
evolution trial? Yeah right.
It
was the Las Vegas trial of a Negro celebrity, OJ Simpson, for killing
a white lady. And more than that, even though the guy was found
INNOCENT... he was hounded and followed and driven until there was
SOMETHING he could be jailed for. All those nice liberals, who tsk
tsked the killing of an unarmed black guy in Ferguson,or a 12 year
old in Cleveland, cheered when the colored football player went to
jail.
The
battered sports star was only trying to retrieve stolen property. He
violated no one... didn't touch a soul... No violence... No one was
hurt! Yet he got NINE YEARS in jail!
This
is the way NBC news reported OJ's sentencing for armed robbery...
really a sentencing for murder... that the blood-thirsty public
didn't get earlier:
A
weary and beaten-looking O.J. Simpson was put away Friday for at
least nine years — and perhaps the rest of his life — for an
armed robbery in a hotel room, bringing a measure of satisfaction to
those who believed the football star got away with murder more than a
decade ago.
Yeah,
we had a colored guy... a rich colored guy... an uppity colored
guy... who was accused of killing a white... very white... very
pretty... girl. In the South a hundred years ago, there would have
been a lynching.
In
Las Vegas, the lynching was via Judge... but no less a lynching.
But
wait, there's more:
Take
Bill Cosby... another uppity rich colored guy. I don't know the race
of his 57 accusers... my guess is it's a mix... with a lot of white
girls. Of course, they smell money... that lawsuit... decades after
the “fact”... will pay for a lot of retirement vacations.
In
most states, the rape statute of limitations is long over. Only in
Pennsylvania could they find a place for their revenge. So they went
to Pennsylvania.
And
how do my fellow liberals react?
“Go
get him! Put him behind bars. Give him the lynching he deserves.”
Bill
Clinton used power rather than Benadryl as his agent of
seduction. Otherwise it was the same “crime” as Cosby's. Liberals
love Clinton... think he got a raw deal in the impeachment. Get it?
Am
I saying that anyone who thinks Bill Cosby should go to jail is a
racist? Do I believe that those who get a not-so-secret joy from
seeing the old man appear before a judge are all racist? Do I really
think that O.J. Simpson was persecuted for his race rather than his
crimes?
Yes!
That's exactly what I think. I'll make it plainer. Bill Cosby and OJ
Simpson are the acceptable face of racism. They let liberals express
their inner racist without the reproach of fellow liberals.
The
“victims” were women. That makes it easy. Since Birth
of A Nation,
it's been okay to lynch colored people if their victims are women.
They're not being lynched for their race, but for their deeds, right?
Yeah right.
“We
can sympathize with you as long as you stay poor and helpless... just
don't get uppity. Don't earn more than you deserve. Don't get rich or
stick out. We gotta set some examples... like cutting hands off in
public squares.”
You
can see the whole crew of liberals... cheering the persecutions of
Cosby and Simpson. They'll tell you how much they care. How
#blacklivesmatter. Their prostates (if they have them) are as pure
and white and painless as freshly fallen snow. Yeah right.
-end-
ENDNOTES:
[You can contact me by email at god@mykelboard.com.
Through the post office: send those... er... private DVDs..or music
or zines... or anything else (legal only!) to: Mykel Board, POB 137,
New York, NY 10012-0003. If you like my writing, you can be notified
when anything new is available by subscribing to the MYKEL'S READERS
Yahoo group readmboard-subscribe@yahoogroups.com]
→ Taking
Baby from a Candie dept: The
Candie Foundation
“is a non-profit foundation whose mission is to prevent teenage
pregnancy through educational campaigns.” Their abstinence
ambassador has
been paid over $260,000. That ambassador is Bristol Palin, daughter
of Sarah Palin. And, oh yeah, Bristol, an unmarried mom since 2008,
just had her second child. And, no, she STILL isn't married.
→ Tax
cuts... well okay for rich people dept: The Week Magazine reports
that Republican lawmakers in Kansas have approved the largest tax
increase in the state's history to close a $400 million budget
deficit. The deficit was caused by the Republican's income tax
cutting. The new taxes raise cigarette, and sales taxes. The new
taxes will also cause the state's poorest 20% to pay 1.5% more taxes
than they did in 2012. The richest will pay 1.9% less.
-->Great
idea dept:
Business owners in
Gaspe Quebec
will accept 10 and 20 dollar bills cut in half. (As 5 and 10
dollars). Since no one else accepts these half bills, the locals can
ensure the money stays local and doesn't go into some nasty bank
coffers somewhere in New York. The Bank of Canada says the practice
is not illegal, but is, somehow, “unpatriotic.”
I
say, “Yeah! Right!”
→ Wet
pantslegs dept:
The city of San Francisco has begun using a special paint near bars
and areas “frequented by the homeless.” The paint is
piss-repellant.
It splashes the yellow stream back at the streamer, soaking his socks
and pants.
The
problem? The REAL reason people piss in public! There is no place
else to go! Instead of punishing the victim, why not build some
bathrooms? Or better still, change the law... make EVERY bar
bathroom, a public bathroom.
Naw,
people pissing on themselves is much more fun, right? Yeah, right.
→ Keeping
the Pressure on Dept:
I want to thank reader George Metesky for suggesting a continuing
Bring
Back Mykel effort
directed at Maximum
Rock'n'Roll for
censoring me.
As
their revolving editrixes move on to commercial ventures, each blames
her predecessors for my demise... as if they had no control over the
business... and couldn't simply invite me back.
Send
your comments to mrr@maximumrocknroll.com
(or post on their facebook
page)
with the subject line: BRING BACK MYKEL! Let me know how they answer.
-end-
