An Irregular Column
for MRR 303
by Mykel Board
There is a physical difference between the white and the black races which I believe will forever forbid the two races living together...while they do remain together there must be the position of superior and inferior, and I as much as any man am in favor of having the superior position assigned to the white race.-- Abraham Lincoln
There are few, I believe, in this enlightened age, who will not acknowledge that slavery as an institution is a moral and political evil." - Col. Robert E. Lee, General, Army of the Confederate States of America, December 27, 1856
Somewhere, there are people who can hold something in their hands, put it down on a desk or table, turn around... and when they turn back, that object is STILL on the desk or table. Right where they put it.
Somewhere there are people who, when something slips from their hands, that thing will drop onto the floor and make a sound. Those people will look down at the floor and the object dropped will actually be there. Right on the floor, waiting to be picked up. That somewhere is not here. Those people are not me.
I was madder than a paraplegic at a three-legged race. I put that stupid letter somewhere, and now I can't find it. I wanted to quote from it. From the Campaign to Save Tibet or something like that. To show the stupidity-- the illogical sappiness. Instead, the piles of paper on my desk shift and hide and apparently eat the offending document.
So, I sit here and scratch my ass... Ouch! Where did that come from? Everybody's got pimples on their ass, but this one really hurts. It's a little mound, with a sensitive spot right in the middle. Maybe a whitehead.
I pick at it. FUCK! Not only does it hurt, but it sends some kind of wave through my body. A trigger... letting loose a bullet somewhere else. On my side. Under my left arm. Like a nail driven into the skin. A pimple on my ass coming out under my arm. I don't get it.
I guess it comes from connections in the nervous system. My ass connected to under my arm. Who knew? Sometimes the connections surprise me. It's what doctors call sympathetic pain. I don't feel very sympathetic.
Oh yeah. Tibet. What is it with Americans? Right and left. Supporting Chechnya, Tibet, Kosovo, who-knows-wheresville. Independence? Yo Yanquis, look in your own back yard-- or at least at your own history. We didn't fight the Civil War over slavery. Lincoln didn't “free the slaves” until the war had already started. “Emancipation” was a cynical move to boost the union army and create chaos in the South. Only SOUTHERN slaves were freed. Get it? Lincoln fought to KEEP THE UNION TOGETHER. That's it.
Fuck the slaves.
Lincoln's proclamation promised to emancipate blacks in areas currently in rebellion (in which Lincoln had no jurisdiction), and did not emancipate slaves in the areas that had not seceded or were militarily re-occupied. (From an Amazon.com review, Forced Into Glory, Abraham Lincoln's White Dream by Lerone Bennett.)
But why not let Lincoln himself tell you what was most important:
If I could save the Union without freeing any slave, I would do it; and if I could save it by freeing all the slaves, I would do it; and if I could do it by freeing some and leaving others alone, I would also do that.
That he did it was one of the great tragedies of American-- and world-- history. For more than the last half-century, the U.S. has been on the wrong side of every war. If we were two countries, we wouldn't have half the world-dominating power we have now. We would never have entered-- or started those wars. Thanks(?) to Lincoln, we're not two countries.
Hu Jintao is the Abraham Lincoln of China. You cannot support independence for Tibet unless you support independence for the Confederate States of America. The wars are the same. The war is not for freedom, or against slavery. The war is not about human rights.
But why not let Hu Jintao himself tell you what's most important:
Our conflict with the Dalai clique is not an ethnic problem, not a religious problem, nor a human rights problem. It is a problem of either preserving national unity or splitting the motherland."
Tibet has been part of China since Genghis Khan brought them together in the 1200s. The Dalai Lama was NAMED Dalai Lama by Genghis Khan in the 13th century.
Even after the dissolution of that empire, Tibet was still a part of greater China rule. Since the founding of the Republic in 1911, it has NEVER been independent.
They tried issuing their own passports to a few people after World War II. According to Wikipedia:
In 1947-49, Lhasa sent a "Trade Mission" led by the Tsepon (Finance Minister) W.D. Shakabpa to India, Hong Kong, Nanjing (then the capital of China), the U.S., and Britain. The visited countries were careful not to express support for the claim that Tibet was independent of China and did not discuss political questions with the mission.
That's it. The only “Tibetan Passports” ever issued. Not much independence there.
Lincoln fought the U.S. Civil War for unity after 90 years of nationhood. Tibet has been part of China for more than 800 years.
Whoa, there Beastie Boy. Don't get uppity. I support independence for Tibet. I support independence for EVERYONE. The Confederate States, Kosovo, Brooklyn. I support it for Dalai Lamists and Texans who want three wives and 12-year-old brides. I support Farrakhanville and DavidDukedom. I give the green light to Puritania and Pervertistan.
But I don't want to hear complaints about Rednecks and Yahoos with Confederate Flags in the back of their pick-up trucks. That Tibetan flag you're waving is a confederate flag. It means INDEPENDENCE.
See? You look at a small part of the world, one far away. You tsk tsk and aww ain't it awful, but you don't see how the sympathetic pain leads from your ass directly to your armpit.
I say, live your life how you want to. Make your own laws. Have your own country. The only requirement should be that people can come and go as they please. No visas. No residency permits. No closed borders. If you don't like it, leave. Go someplace else and be welcomed. There is a country for everyone. It's only customs and immigration that keeps us out.
Oh yeah, on a related front, people who complain about free trade don't get it. The problem is NOT that free trade allows too much corporate movement. It's that it doesn't allow enough human movement. General Motors can move its factories to Mexico, but those Mexicans can't move their families to the U.S. American Express can relocate its tech support to India. But Indians can't relocate themselves to America.
I say, let the corporations move factories to Mexico if the pay is lower there. But then let the Mexicans come here if the pay is higher here. Open the gates. Instead of an ocean-to-ocean wall, there should be an ocean-to-ocean welcome mat. If corporations are free, why not people?
If corporations are allowed to vote with their dollars, average citizens should be allowed to vote with their feet.
In fact, I've got a plane ticket to Trinidad on my desk, right now... At least it WAS on my desk. I know I had it here someplace.
PART TWO: Reaction to my last column was fun, though predictable.
“Mykel, if there's nothing we can do to help the world, we're doomed.”
Right now I say, “Yep.” Buy a fiddle and play it while
If it were legal, I'd say I was misinterpreted. I'd say that I didn't mean there was nothing you could do... only that recycling your soup cans or eating organic tofu is not going to do it. I'd say one person CAN make a difference... if that person blew up a Wal-Mart or took out a Supreme Court judge. But those things are illegal, and I'm not interested in advocating anything illegal. So I won't say any of that stuff.
I will repeat: every little bit DOESN'T count. One person (except in ways I would never advocate) CANNOT make a difference-- unless that person has tons of money and tons of power. As for you, me and the next guy: The best we can do is not make things too miserable for the gal next door.
-->Material for this column came from several books, either directly or indirectly. Among them: Jim Goad: Redneck Manifesto, Lerone Bennett: Forced Into Glory, Abraham Lincoln's White Dream, Robert William Fogel and Stanley L. Engerman: Time on The Cross and Wikipedia.
--Worse than famine war or disease dept: Jim Salinger works at New Zealand's National Institute of Water and Atmospheric Research. He recently wrote that droughts in Australia, New Zealand and the U.S. Pacific Northwest are causing shortages of hops and Barley. That means that beer prices could "skyrocket."
And I was gonna write a column on how I don't give a shit about global warming... THIS IS SERIOUS!
-->Maybe he had his head up his ass dept: The AP reports that the New York State Supreme Court ruled that Brian Persuad was not due reparations from Columbia Presbyterian Hospital.
Persuad, a construction worker, sued. The complaint was that doctors at the hospital tried "to examine the rectum of the construction worker.”
“The construction worker was hit on the head by a falling wooden beam."
Persuad's lawyers have not yet decided if they'll appeal the decision.
-->Can you say Duh? dept: Which place in the US has the highest percentage of people who "speak a language other than English at home?" Puerto Rico... at 95%, according to Databank USA. Not such a thrilling discovery.
BUT, California is number two. Then New Mexico, Texas, Arizona, and New York. Pretty conservative areas, except MAYBE New York. Weird huh?
The places where the FEWEST people speak another language at home include Kentucky, and West Virginia. THAT makes sense. Ok, Hillary, why don't you take them and make your own country?
-->A prize you can't live with dept: Kyle sent me this advert for PET IDOL. Like American Idol, you vote for the best pet. I'm not sure if you vote for their performance or just photos. But the kicker is the PRIZE for winning. Yeah, you get toys and treats, but you also get a GIFT CERTIFICATE... to an animal funeral home. Hubba hubba!
-->Maybe she was full of shit dept: In Ness City, Kansas, the sheriff is recommending charges when a woman sat on her boyfriend's toilet for so long that her body became stuck to the seat. Apparently, the woman was sitting there for 2 years. During that time, her skin grew around the seat.
The sheriff said the boyfriend was guilty of "mistreatment of a dependent adult." The boyfriend pleads not guilty saying his girlfriend "has a phobia about leaving the bathroom."
--> I thought glasses protected you dept: In Hammond Indiana, police charged a teacher with hitting his 11-year-old son with a wrench. The reason? The boy fell asleep while wearing his glasses.
Remember in all those old movies where the wimp gets out of being beat up by donning a pair of glasses. What's the world coming to?
-->Another reason to love Wal-Mart dept: It was sad enough that Debbie Shank was a Wal-Mart employee, though she was slightly lucky that laws and public opinion forced that monster to give her health care. She sure needed it when an accident damaged her brain and confined her to a wheelchair. Insurance benefits required the megastore set aside $417,000 for her care.
She and her hubby also sued the trucking company responsible for the accident. They were awarded a cool million, much of it going to the lawyers.
They wanted the $417,000 back! No shit. They said they had a contract that “allows the company to retrieve damages won by employees in lawsuits.” Holy fuck!
Good thing it's illegal to advocate arson. Otherwise, some folks might do it. Not me, of course.
-->What happened to the good stuff dept: Back in the old days of VCRs and videotapes, I used to get all kinds of homemade vids from my readers. Yeah, THOSE kind of homemade vids.
These days, that has, er... dried up. I'm forced to go to xtube.com where I can look at other people's homemade vids. Mostly headless guys jerking off.
It's okay, but it's not the same as watching someone pet themselves and say, “Ohh.... Mykel... this is for you... right now... I'm thinking of you... you make me so hot...”
So how 'bout it? Send me a homemade DVD or a CD-Rom with an .avi file or ten!! As usual the address is: Mykel Board, POB 137, Prince St. Station, NYC 10012.
return to Mykel's homepage